


Snowdrops

by wardenmages



Series: Inquisitor Elissa Cousland [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Character, Autistic Character, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-03-27 05:49:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 109,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wardenmages/pseuds/wardenmages
Summary: After the Blight, Elissa Cousland thought she was done with war. She passed the titles of Warden-Commander and arl to her second in command, and married the love of her life, Teagan Guerrin. A decade of relative peace passes, until the Circles dissolve, and Redcliffe becomes a refuge for escaped mages. Elissa goes to the Conclave to speak on their behalf, and deal with reports of Darkspawn in the area surrounding Haven.And so, the Hero of Ferelden becomes the Herald of Andraste by accident.Updates every Saturday!





	1. Safe Haven

**Author's Note:**

> My first try at uploading this ended up all messed up, and chapters weren't appearing, so I'm starting from scratch. The first 3 chapters will be re-posted today, 3/4, and normal uploading schedule of Tuesday/Saturday will pick up afterwards, starting on 3/6. Hopefully everything will work properly this time!
> 
> Note for the suicide tag: This is, up as far as chapter 28, only implied/mentioned, and the tag is up largely as a "just in case"! Any chapter involving it will be flagged appropriately in the notes before the chapter!!

“My lady, are you sure about this?”

“Yes. As I have been the last seventeen times you have asked since we broke camp this morning.”

“I know. Still...”

Elissa looked out over the valley, ignoring the knight at her side. Elena was an impressive warrior, and an incredible strategist, but she was also very paranoid. Not that Elissa wasn’t quite paranoid herself, but this, she felt good about.

She could see the Temple of Sacred Ashes in the distance. It had been ten years since she had seen it. The Chantry had opened it to pilgrims, and had clearly cleaned up the area since Elissa dispatched with the cultists. Haven was a thriving, lively village, and the temple looked as amazing as Elissa imagined it had at its creation.

“Better me than someone who can’t fight,” Elissa pointed out.

“Thought that was what I was here for.”

“No, you’re here to be very pretty, and so Teagan doesn’t worry himself to an early grave.”

Elena blushed. “Lady Elissa!”

“What? You _are_ very pretty. Lydia thinks so, too.”

“No offence, my lady, but Lady Lydia is a child.”

Elissa hummed. “My point stands.”

“Maker’s breath.”

“Come on, let’s get going before it gets dark again,” Elissa sighed.

Divine Justinia’s Conclave, called to solve the fighting between mages and Templars. At least, that was the official story; to call it _fighting_ implied both parties were in the wrong. Elissa had spoken to enough of the mages sheltered in Redcliffe Village to know that wasn’t true. But Leliana trusted Justinia, and Elissa trusted Leliana.

People in the village turned their heads as they passed through. She was in simple armor with minimal decoration, but still everyone seemed to know her by some title or another. The Hero of Ferelden, the former Warden Commander, the arlessa of Redcliffe, among others. It was unnerving having so many eyes on her at such a tense event. The Conclave was on thin ice; many major players had sent representatives out of fear the balance would tip out of their favor, mage or Templar or otherwise.

Teagan had tried convincing her to do the same after she volunteered to attend. It was no more dangerous than an archdemon, she assured him; she would be fine. Perhaps seeing the Hero advocating for the mages might change some minds. Alistair and Anora’s word could only do so much in the face of a literal witch hunt.

Elissa was as capable for the job as anyone else, and as unfair as it was, her status gave her words more weight with the Chantry. They would listen to her.

That was her hope, anyway.

She looked up at the Temple of Sacred Ashes again. What had once been a small hole in a hidden mountainside was a full pilgrimage, with everything that entailed. There was certainly no missing it.

“I’m going to go in ahead of everyone else,” she said. “I’m meeting with Justinia before the opening talks.”

“Oh, alright-”

“-and I’m going in alone.”

Elena gaped at her. “You can’t honestly think I’m letting you go _alone._ I mean, even if it wasn’t very obviously dangerous, the arl would have my _hide._ ”

“Well, then he just won’t find out,” Elissa replied cheerfully. At Elena’s reluctance, she huffed. “I’ll be _fine._ ”

“At least take your weapons-”

“Elena, I’m going to meet the Divine. They’re just going to take my weapons off me anyway.”

Elena frowned. “Alright. Just... be careful. I won’t be the one to tell your husband you got yourself killed.”

Elissa tried to smile, and hoped it was reassuring. “Nothing is going to happen. It’s just the first day. Once I’m done, I’ll come back to the village, and you can guard me all you like.”

“Fine. Just go, then.”

Elissa pulled her daggers off her belt and handed them to Elena carefully. She didn’t want to go in unarmed either, but it wasn’t likely she’d be attacked. No one had been stupid enough to take her on in years - the first few sets of failed assassins took care of that.

There was a weird feeling in the back of her head she couldn’t shake. It felt like the Taint, but also not. _Must be a ‘spawn pit nearby_ , she reasoned. She would look into it after the talks. If there had been no Darkspawn sightings yet - and Leliana would have warned her if there had been - it could wait at least another day.

“Everything will be fine.”

 

* * *

 

_Follow. Be bound to my will. Be bound to the will of_

Metal clanged against metal. Elissa startled awake, eyes wide open. She was in a cell, it was cold, and Maker, her hand _hurt._ She tested her arms and found them bound at the wrists. She had just been walking into the temple for the opening remarks of the Conclave...

So why was she in a cell?

“You are awake. Good.”

She turned to the door of the cell. There were several soldiers, swords ready at their sides. One woman was walking to the door as one of the soldiers opened it ahead of her.

“Where am I?” Elissa asked carefully. “The Conclave-”

“The Conclave was destroyed,” the woman snapped. “Everyone who attended is _dead_. Except for you.”

Her heart pounded. She was just walking in, there had barely been time for even minor fights, how could they all be dead? And how had she survived? She opened her mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out.

The woman took her silence as insolence, and reached down to grab her left hand. As she did, a sickly green light burst from her palm, and it felt like her hand was being split apart. “Explain _this!_ ”

“I-I don’t know what it is,” she choked out.

“Cassandra, let her go.”

The woman, Cassandra, dropped her hand. The light faded, and when the pain subsided Elissa looked up towards the door. Leliana walked in, past Cassandra and the other soldiers, and knelt down next to Elissa.

“What do you remember?” she asked, much more gentle.

“I don’t remember anything,” Elissa admitted. “I was walking into the temple, and then... I remember running away from something, and a woman reaching out to me.”

“A woman?”

“I don’t know who she was. I can’t remember,” she repeated.

Leliana reached back and pulled out a small blade, cutting the rope around Elissa’s wrists. “The explosion tore a massive hole in the Veil, as well as several smaller ones. We believe it is connected to the Mark on your hand.”

Elissa looked down at her hand. Even when it was calm, it sent a humming buzz up her arm.

“Could I use it to close the tear?” she asked, looking between Leliana and Cassandra.

“We believe so,” Cassandra said.

“Then I will do whatever I can to help.”

Leliana helped her stand. Her entire body felt slow and stiff; how long had she been unconscious? She was still in the dress armor she attended the Conclave in, silverite and blue for the Wardens with Redcliffe’s crest over her heart. It was worn, certainly like she had been through an explosion, but miraculously still intact. She would have to send a _thank you_ to Wade.

“Were you here alone?” Leliana asked.

“Yes, just with a few knights.”

“Your husband?”

“Back home with our daughter and nephew,” she said vaguely. She trusted Leliana, but she didn’t know Cassandra. She and Teagan had put themselves in the fire by helping the rebel mages; the less Cassandra knew about it, the less she could retaliate against Elissa’s family, the better for everyone.

Leliana seemed to understand as she said quietly, “Of course.”

“Leliana, go to the forward camp,” Cassandra said. “I will take her to the rift.”

Leliana nodded, touching Elissa’s shoulder as she walked out of the prison. Cassandra gestured to one of the soldiers, and he brought forward Elissa’s daggers. The blades were sharpened and spotless. Unless someone had the time to care for them while she was unconscious, they showed no signs of a fight. How could she have been in such a conflict without pulling her weapons?

“One of the soldiers accompanying you brought them to us when she heard you were alive,” Cassandra explained. Elissa slipped them into her belt.

“Thank you.”

“Come. We should get you to the rift as quickly as possible. Most have been calling it the _Breach._ The sooner it is closed, the better.”

Elissa followed her out of the prison, pulling her cloud of red hair from her face and braiding it at the back of her head to keep it from flying in her face until she could tie it away. When they hit daylight she cringed against the light. She opened her eyes, and her heart pounded as she realized the light wasn’t from the sun. The sky was hazy, tinted the same green as the Mark on her hand as far as she could see, with the Breach emanating an eerie glow in the distance.

The Mark sparked again, and the pain shot up her arm. It tore the breath from her lungs as she stumbled to a stop.

Cassandra turned back and put her hands on Elissa’s shoulders, holding her steady. “Your Mark grows alongside the Breach. If it is not closed soon, we think it might kill you,” she confessed.

The pain subsided again and Elissa took a deep breath. “We should get moving.”

Cassandra let go of her and nodded. “We will meet Leliana at the forward camp. It is close to the Breach.”

 

* * *

 

Every few minutes, the Breach would pulse, shock her through her hand, and another wave of demons would plummet to the ground nearby. Between her and Cassandra, they made quick work of any demons, but they just never stopped coming. Elissa was exhausted.

Everyone at the Conclave was dead, there was a hole to the Fade in her bloody _hand_ , and they had no idea if any of it could be rectified. All Elissa could be thankful for was that she had insisted on going alone while Teagan remained in Redcliffe.

They had not passed any soldiers or fighting aside from their own. It was like the valley had been abandoned to the demons. Finally, as they climbed a long staircase carved into the mountain, Elissa could hear the sound of steel and battle. A loud laugh followed the screech of a Shade and Cassandra growled.

“Who’s fighting?” Elissa asked, shifting her sword in her hand.

Cassandra shook her head. “You will see soon enough, we must help them!”

As they crested the hill, the battle came into view. A mage, an archer, and several foot soldiers fighting off a mass of Shades and Wraiths. Elissa jumped into the fray, lunging her longsword through the closest Shade as it advanced on the mage. The mage gave a curt nod and turned to another demon across the field.

When the last Wraith dissolved, Elissa let out a heavy breath and slipped her weapons back in their sheaths. “At least that’s over,” she grumbled.

“And here I thought we’d be ass-deep in demons forever.”

She looked down at the archer, a dwarf with a crossbow. He seemed familiar, but from where?

The dwarf grinned at her. “You’ve got great timing. Varric Tethras, at your service: rogue, storyteller, and occasionally,” he turned to Cassandra, “unwelcome tag-along.”

Cassandra made a face. “I appreciate your help, Varric, but-”

“Your soldiers aren’t in control anymore, if you haven’t noticed. You _need me_.”

She groaned and backed off.

The elf stepped forward next, smiling at Elissa. “My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I am pleased to see you still live.”

Well. That wasn’t something she heard very often. As she struggled to come up with a response, Varric cut in. “He means, _I’m the one that kept that thing from killing you while you slept._ ”

“Oh,” Elissa mumbled. She took a breath to collect her thoughts before continuing. “Thank you, then. You know about it?”

“Not as much as I’d like.”

“But you knew it would close the Rifts.”

Solas smiled. “I had a theory, and it seems I was correct.”

He turned to Cassandra. “You should know, the magic involved here is more powerful than any I have seen before. Our prisoner is not even a mage; indeed, I doubt any mage could amass this sort of energy.”

“I understand,” she grumbled. “Let us continue. We must make it to the forward camp.”

Cassandra started off down the path again without another word. Elissa hesitated, fidgeting with her blades until Solas and Varric passed her to follow Cassandra. Elissa let out a heavy breath and followed as well, climbing over debris.

“So, you’re from Ferelden, aren’t you?” Varric asked casually as they went.

“Oh?”

“From your accent I’d say north, near Highever? Sounds almost like a Kirkwall accent but just a little off.”

“Interesting.”

“So, how close am I?”

She smiled cautiously. “I grew up in Highever. Haven’t lived there in some time, though - that’s quite the ear you have.”

“I’m all kinds of impressive.”

Ahead of them, Cassandra snorted a laugh. Varric looked back at Elissa and rolled his eyes.

“So, Snowdrop, what brought you here?” he continued.

“Snowdrop?”

“I give everyone nicknames. And you, are avoiding my question.”

She pursed her lips. She was trying to keep her identity as hidden as possible for as long as possible. Until this mess was sorted out and her name was cleared, any charges would be attached to anyone close to her: her family, her people, even the mages sheltered in Redcliffe would take blame.

“I have known many mages, been friends with several,” she said vaguely. “I came on their behalf, for those that were not able to attend themselves.”

“I’m sensing a story there,” he pressed.

She smiled. “And perhaps one day you will hear it.”

He accepted it with a shrug. It wasn’t anything personal. She just could not risk trusting anyone until she was sure there would be no splash damage.

Easier said than done, but so was everything else she had done in the past decade. It would all resolve itself, one way or the other.

They reached the forward camp with little trouble. There was one Rift, a small one, but Solas guided her to close it, and the relief when it was gone was palpable. Closing Rifts seemed to calm the Mark on her hand, at least temporarily. They entered the camp, truly a cluster of tents on a guarded bridge, and Elissa stormed past all of the soldiers and scouts staring at her as she passed.

Leliana stood by a man in Chantry robes, arguing. When she sighed and looked up she spotted them, and smiled faintly at Elissa.

“Thank the Maker you made it,” she murmured.

Elissa smiled back, slipping her blades back into their sheaths. “I always do.”

“Chancellor Roderick, this is-”

“I know who she is,” the man snapped. He turned his glared on her. “Lady Cousland.”

Behind them, Varric chuckled. “Shit, Snowdrop.”

She straightened her posture and posed as though she was looking down at the chancellor, despite him being a fair amount taller than her. “I believe the Breach is the more pressing issue at present.”

“ _You_ are the one that caused it in the _first place!_ ”

“We need to get to the Temple,” Cassandra interrupted.

“Absolutely not! We have lost the valley, Seeker. We must retreat.”

“If we do not get Lady Cousland down there, we will lose _everything._ We are going, with or without your permission.”

“And how do you propose to even get down there? Did you not hear me - _the valley is lost._ ”

“We will charge with the soldiers, break a path through. We only need to get Lady Cousland through. It is the easiest way in,” Cassandra said firmly.

“But not the safest,” Leliana objected. “There is a path through the mountain that leads to the Temple, but will skirt around the fighting.”

“We lost an entire squad along that path, it isn’t-”

“Enough,” Elissa snapped. “We will charge. It is more dangerous, yes, but we do not have time to find another way around. _I_ may not have enough time.”

Leliana threw her a hard look but she stood her ground. After a long moment, Leliana sighed and turned away.

“Then let us go,” Cassandra said finally, marching off towards the other gate.

Elissa followed her, brushing her hand against Leliana’s as she passed. The chancellor sputtered for a minute before realizing he had been soundly defeated.

He finally recovered and Elissa could almost feel the anger radiating off of him.

“On your head be the consequences, Seeker.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Elissa Cousland
> 
> I am hoping to update every Saturday and Tuesday! In between updates, you can check my tumblr (connorguerrin) for updates or WIPs! Tags (characters, relationships, etc.) will be updated as they appear. (There's a lot, and some don't show up for quite a while. but I'm going to try and tag a bunch up-front!)


	2. The Herald

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa meets some of her new companions, and travels to the Hinterlands.

The first thing Elissa did after Cassandra declared the Inquisition reborn was run back to her cabin and write letters. One to Highever, one to Redcliffe, one to Denerim, another to a Warden outpost in Montsimmard. Each of them were entrusted to Elena to carry out; Elissa knew she would get it done. The only member of this new Inquisition she could trust was Leliana, and it was easier to keep her away from it. She could deny knowing the contents of the letters if she did not know there were letters.

It was nothing awful or incriminating. What could she confess to? There were simply things the Inquisition could not know, that she would not allow them to know, until she knew it was safe. How far she could go. How much Leliana could truly help her if the others forced her hand.

It was paranoia, and she knew it. Even still, it made her feel better having done it.

They may have barred her from leaving Haven, pleading for her own safety, but she would not be idle. She knew they were actually worried about her fleeing to the castle at the first opportunity, and leaving the Inquisition entirely. Leliana and Lady Montilyet defended her, leaving them at an impasse. Elissa was not even supposed to know; Leliana told her, of course, but the other leaders did not know that. That gave Elissa some level of power. The more she knew that they did not, the more leverage she could pull on if she needed to.

The first response came over a week later. The messenger was not identifiable, and wore no heraldry for their master. Elissa found the letter, unopened, inside of a book after the Inquisition’s servant finished caring for her cabin. The seal was purposely left unmarked. She snapped it open, her breath caught in her throat.

_Elissa,_

_Your boy is safe. Most of those Fade rifts are closer to the coast, and certainly none have appeared near the castle. The creatures largely stay near the rift they came out of and casualties have been relatively low here. So you can stop worrying. I can feel your frowning all the way from here._

_The Landsmeet is unsure of what to do with the Inquisition yet. You have their support should you ever ask for it, but I would warn the Inquisition that for now, its ties to Ferelden lie with you. It is unlikely they would gain much support without you at its helm. Hopefully that gives you an advantage with them._

_When you give the word, the best of Highever’s soldiers will be at your side. I would send them now if I didn’t already know you’d send them right back the moment they reached the gates._

_Please be careful. I’ll come to Haven myself to nag you if I hear you’re not. Or worse, I’ll send your husband._

_At least try. For me._

_-Fergus_

She took a deep breath and folded the letter, fidgeting with it some before setting it down on the table. Of course she was worrying - that was why she had sent the letter in the first place! Highever was isolated enough that the war had not reached it, but that would not stop the Breach from spreading. Hearing Fergus was alright, and that her son was safe, however, was a relief.

The Inquisition needed the support of the Landsmeet. Despite the marquis’ claim, Haven was still on the Fereldan side of the border. Alistair and Anora could offer their support, but it meant little without the Bannorn on their side. Perhaps she could speak to Lady Montilyet about sending an envoy to the capitol...

A knock on her door startled her. She slipped the letter under the pillows piled onto her bed, testing it would not make a crackling noise, and rushed to the front of the cabin. She took another breath before opening the door.

 _It’s only Leliana. Thank the Maker._ She could trust Leliana.

Leliana smiled. “May I come in?”

“Of course.” She stepped to the side to let Leliana enter, then shut the door. “Has something happened? We were not going to meet up until later, I thought.”

“A Chantry cleric named Mother Giselle wishes to speak to you, specifically. She is familiar with the clerics who denounced us, and could be invaluable to gaining their favor,” Leliana explained.

“Where is she?”

“Tending to refugees in the Hinterlands, not far from Redcliffe.”

“And why do we need the Chantry’s support? I have spoken many times with Grand Enchanter Fiona, I highly doubt she would say no if we asked for the mages’ help.”

“We are isolated without the Chantry,” Leliana pointed out. “And we have no opening to negotiate with the Templars, either.”

“And why would we want to?”

Leliana huffed. “The commander believes the Templars could also assist in closing the Breach. We have no idea if they actually could, but... even if they are not our ally, we must make sure they are not our enemy.”

“And talking to the Chantry will help with that.”

“Yes.”

Elissa pursed her lips and folded her arms over her chest. She spoke only when she was sure her voice would remain steady. “Have the others given me permission to go meet her?”

“Of course. You will travel with Cassandra, Solas, and Varric, and meet my scouts near the refugee camp.”

“They are not worried I will run off?”

Leliana laughed. “Could they truly keep you here if you decided to leave? You are more resourceful than they realize.”

Elissa kept her face carefully clear. “What can I possibly do from here?”

“The others may not have noticed,” Leliana started, “but I know you. And I know that the guard accompanying you from Redcliffe left Haven weeks ago and did not return.”

“She was not needed here. I told her to find her family and make sure they were safe.”

“Elissa, you can trust me,” she said softly. Elissa sighed and focused on the wall over Leliana’s shoulder.

“It isn’t that I don’t trust you. It’s the others I don’t trust,” Elissa confessed.

“So why did you keep it from me?”

“I could not allow you to be harmed by our friendship. Had those letters ended up in the wrong hands, many would be be in danger, including you if you knew of them.”

“Elissa...”

“I could not make you lie for me,” she mumbled.

Leliana reached out one hand to touch Elissa’s arm, and Elissa let her arms fall to her sides again.

“If I cared about that, I would not be here now,” Leliana argued. “You are my closest friend. If there is any way to help you, I will do it.”

She sighed. “Alright. I am sorry.”

Leliana smiled. “It is nothing. Now, who all did you send word to?”

“Fergus, Teagan, Alistair, and Surana.”

“Alet?”

Elissa took a deep breath. “All I remember from before the Conclave is feeling Darkspawn nearby, and an odd whisper in the back of my mind that I could not understand. I suppose I hoped another Warden might have an idea what it was.”

Leliana’s smile fell. Elissa felt her heart speed up. “What is it?”

“The Wardens in Fereldan have disappeared,” Leliana admitted. “I sent word to those in Orlais, but I have not heard back. I had hoped to make contact with them in case you wanted to ask for their support.”

“ _All_ of them?”

“I sent missives to Amaranthine, Soldier’s Peak, and Orzammar, but none have replied.”

“I can try to get in touch with them if I don’t hear from Alet,” Elissa offered quietly.

“There are rumors of a Warden not far from Redcliffe. It may be a good place to start, if you could find him while you are there.”

“Of course.”

“I won’t ask any more of you,” Leliana promised. “If you need to get letters out, my agents will be discrete. No one will notice a few more papers in their packs.”

Elissa forced out a thin smile. “Thank you.”

“Are you willing to go to the Hinterlands to find Mother Giselle?”

“Yes. Of course. When am I heading out?”

“Tomorrow morning, if all goes well.”

She nodded. “Alright. I am going to send word ahead to Teagan, though,” she warned.

“Good,” Leliana said. “I am sending scouts ahead tonight. One of them can take your message.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you, Elissa,” she added. Elissa nodded.

“For you, anything.”

 

* * *

 

Elissa didn’t leave her cabin again until later in the afternoon. Every time she thought to, she remembered all of the stares and whispers people thought she couldn’t hear. It was terrifying. The looks after the archdemon had been unnerving, but this was different. She wasn’t a war hero to these people, she was a _prophet._ Which she did not want, at all.

She pretended it wasn’t her own ridiculous fear, and simply practical. She had to examine the cabin, find its weaknesses, look at what they had left for her. It kept her mind off the clawing horror of the whole situation, at least.

It was fairly bare, compared to her room at the castle, but that was to be expected. There was only a bed, a closet, a table with a couple of chairs, and a lot of empty space. Not much space, but still far too much for just one person. She had never realized just how infrequently she slept alone, shared a space with just herself.

Even before the Blight she had her mabari, Baby, in her room at night. While she was at Vigil’s Keep Baby had stayed in Denerim, but she tended more often than not to share a room with at least one other Warden. It was rare for a Warden to be truly alone. At first, she had just shared with Alet, largely out of paranoia and horror at residing in Howe’s home, of all places. It branched out into most of the other Wardens, save Justice and Oghren.

Then, after their wedding, she was rarely apart from Teagan. The few times she could not join him on a trip, she ended up in Denerim instead, sharing a bed with Alistair, depending on guard rotations, and how likely a scandal was. They weren’t _doing_ anything worth scandal, but that had never stopped court gossip. He was Elissa’s closest friend, her partner in many ways. The only people who mattered already knew the truth, and Elissa never concerned herself with anyone else.

Sleeping alone felt daunting. It was one thing to fall unconscious and be thrown there until she woke up, but could she truly sleep there? She wanted to go home. She wanted to be with Teagan. She wanted her _damned mabari._ But they were both in Redcliffe, while she was stuck in Haven.

Someone knocked on the door and she startled, her heart pounding in her chest. She froze in the middle of the cabin, arms folded over her chest. Leliana had promised the townspeople would be kept away from the cabin. _Go away, go away..._

“Snowdrop, you in there?”

Varric. Alright, she could handle Varric. He had been kind to her up on the mountain, and like her, his initial involvement with the Inquisition had not be voluntary. She could... probably trust him, at least.

She forced herself to the door and opened it slowly. When he saw her, Varric held up two mugs of ale, one in each hand.

It was only once the door was open that she realized just how late it was. The sun was nearly setting over the mountains. How long had she been stewing in her own misery? “Oh. Hello,” she said awkwardly.

“Nightingale said you haven’t gone outside all day, so I offered to make sure you’re still alive in here,” he said casually.

“I just got caught up in everything.”

“Had a feeling. Mind if I join you?”

She shifted. As paranoid as she tended to be, she was even more afraid of being alone.

“Of course not,” she mumbled, stepping aside and opening the door all the way.

He stepped inside and she shut the door, blocking out the biting cold and wind. Varric set the mugs on the table and hopped up onto one of the chairs. After an awkward, unsure moment, Elissa sat across from him, hands folded in her lap.

“So, now that Cassandra’s out of earshot,” he started slowly. “How are you holding up?”

She shrugged. “It’s... a lot to adjust to, honestly. We expected a conflict, but all those people...”

He softened, gripping one of the mugs. “We had been staring up at the Breach for days, trying to figure out what in the Void to do about it. I still can’t believe _anyone_ stepped out of that thing and lived.”

“If it helps, I can’t believe it either.”

“You really don’t remember?”

“No. I was in the temple, and next thing I remember is waking up in the dungeon under the Chantry, and everyone staring at me.”

“And now you’re the Herald of Andraste.” She winced and he held up his hands. “That’s what they’re calling you, anyway.”

“But not you,” she pointed out.

“I like giving nicknames.”

“But why Snowdrop? You didn’t even know me when you first called me it.”

He shrugged. “I’m pretty good at first impressions.”

So, no explanation. Elissa would just have to look up the meaning herself, then. The closest she had ever had to a nickname before was father calling her _pup_ , or Oghren calling her _kid._ Those were both clear, self-explanatory. _Snowdrop_ was not. As though he could hear her puzzling over it, Varric laughed.

“Once word got out the Mark on your hand might be able to close the Rifts, even the Breach, it gave people a lot of hope, something which you may have noticed Haven is distinctly _lacking,_ ” he said. “And after you sort-of closed it? Shit, they might be looking at you like they did even if they didn’t think you were the Herald of Andraste.”

Elissa shifted uncomfortably. She had only done what was necessary, what she had been able to do. For the few things she had actually decided on rather than been forced into, most would have done the same. Just like with the Blight; she just did what was required of her and helped those who needed it. It certainly didn’t make her special.

“You’re a lot more rare than you think,” he finished softly.

She shrugged. He sighed and shoved one of the mugs towards her, reaching into the pocket of his coat.

“Well, I think so anyway. So, ever played Wicked Grace? No one in this Inquisition is any fun, and I’m pretty sure if I tried playing with the locals, the Seeker would stab me.”

“It’s been years since I played, but I’m a quick learner.”

Elissa smiled and pulled the mug towards her as he shuffled the cards and went down the list of rules. It helped a lot more than she had expected to be able to sit with someone who didn’t put her on a pedestal or talk down to her. Since leaving Redcliffe, besides the few knights she brought with her, she had not been able to speak with anyone like that. Even then, the knights were gone, and she was largely alone. But as they played, Elissa found herself slipping into comfortable conversation (it was incredible how many friends they shared, considering she still could not place where she recognized him from), and it was _nice._

Being stuck with the Inquisition wouldn’t have to be all misery and frustration, at least.

 

* * *

 

The Storm Coast was damp and cold and constantly covered in a thick fog, but it was the closest to _home_ she had felt since leaving Redcliffe. They weren’t close enough to Highever to justify going so far off their route, but she sent a note through one of Leliana’s agents to Fergus anyway. Make sure he knew she was still somehow alive, and tell him not to send any more of Highever’s soldiers. And she added in a note for Aedan; she had no idea when she would be able to see him again, and it was hardly fair to him.

They had been set to travel to the Hinterlands when they received the message about the Bull’s Chargers. As she was one of the few who knew the area, and was uniquely skilled at recruitment, they sent her to the Storm Coast first. Truthfully, it was to test her willingness to follow orders and work for the Inquisition’s benefit, though they would never say it.

Elissa thought it was ridiculous and had argued against it, because _anyone_ could have gone to meet The Iron Bull, but it was set. She could have left on her own, but she needed the Inquisition, at least until the Breach was closed. The organization had troops and scouts and allies, but on her own, Redcliffe had to keep the mages safe, and could spare little. Requesting help from Denerim would take too long, even with Alistair and Anora trying to rush it through.

It was frustrating, but she had to deal with it. So she went to the Storm Coast.

She focused on the mission instead. They were meeting Bull’s Chargers near the shore. She climbed down the steep hill near the camp, Solas and Varric following close behind. Just over the roar of the waves, she barely heard shouting, just around where they were supposed to be meeting. Of course it was not as simple as planned. It was too easy.

She slipped her daggers out from her belt silently, glancing around for an ambush. Bianca clicked into place behind her, and the Mark sparked in reaction to Solas’ magic. As they rounded the corner, she picked out the cultists easily; their armor was uniform, with Tevinter heraldry clear on their backs.

The Bull’s Chargers picked off the Tevinters easily, without any help from her. There were relatively few of them, with no reinforcements. They were likely camping along the coast searching for a permanent base. Elissa started down the hill, hearing her companions slide down behind her.

“Chargers! Stand down!”

As the other mercenaries put their weapons away and stood at attention. Elissa stepped around the dead bodies towards the large qunari man at the center of the group, clearly the leader. As he finished giving out orders, she slipped her blades back into their sheaths.

“You’re with the Inquisition, right?” he asked her. She nodded. “Glad you could make it.”

“The Iron Bull, I presume?”

He shrugged. “The horns usually give it away.”

It didn’t take long to negotiate out a deal. Josephine would deal with most of it back in Haven anyway, so it was more a formality than anything. Qunari were straight-forward when they wanted something. It was a nice change of pace from dealing with the Chantry and the Landsmeet.

“There’s one other thing,” The Iron Bull said slowly. “Might piss you off, but considering your history, you might find it more useful.”

Maker’s breath. She nodded, hands on the hilts of her daggers at her sides.

“Ever heard of the Ben Hassrath?”

It sounded familiar, like something Sten mentioned all those years ago. Like a city guard, or something? “Some, but not as much as I’m thinking I should,” she admitted.

He laughed. “They’re something close to spies. Or, well, us. I’ve been ordered to join the Inquisition, send reports about it and the Breach.”

She thought for a moment. “Just to report back?”

“Yup. I also get reports from other Ben Hassrath in Orlais that I could pass along.”

It couldn’t hurt. As good as Leliana was, she had few agents, and they could only reach out so far. The Inquisition desperately needed an edge to hold onto what little power it _did_ have. And the Qun would be reasonable, if what experience she had with it held true. She could always write to Sten - or, rather, the Arishok - if things got out of hand.

It also certainly couldn’t hurt to have a bodyguard like The Iron Bull.

“Very well, The Iron Bull,” she said. “Welcome to the Inquisition.”

 

* * *

 

The trip to the Hinterlands had not been nearly as difficult as Elissa had expected. Traveling _through_ the Hinterlands had proved less easy with the Templars hunting for apostates, who were desperately trying to survive, and bandits taking advantage of the chaos by attacking people on the roads. She had known it was bad, but this?

Maker help them.

The crossroads were full of refugees. She did her best to assist them, but she felt like it wasn’t enough. Mother Giselle left for Haven, and Elissa tried taking up some of the business of caring for the refugees in her absence.

While hunting down rams to help restock the food supply for the refugees, Solas walked beside her.

“You feel obligated to help these people,” he said simply.

“It is partially my fault that the situation is so bad here,” she said shortly.

“Your fault?”

“You can’t be oblivious to who I am at this point. Maker knows the Inquisition has been practically shouting it to anyone who can hear.”

“I still do not see how the war could be your fault.”

She knelt down next to a fallen ram and pulled her gloves off, setting them in the grass. She sliced into it with one of the daggers from her belt as she spoke. “The war isn’t. My husband and I offering up the village as a safe place for the rebel mages is.”

“Would you have helped them if you knew what would happen?”

“We knew that this was a possibility,” she admitted. “Still, I... There was no way either of us were going to turn them away.”

He leaned on his staff casually. The Iron Bull stood guard some distance away while Varric chatted at him; with so many rogue Templars wandering the hills, it was good to be a little paranoid.

“Surely none of them would have blamed you for saying no,” he pressed.

“Well, I know enough of the conditions of the Circles to know how awful it was there. I would never purposely subject anyone to that if I could spare them.”

She hesitated before continuing. She was reluctant to trust anyone, but Solas had proven at least honest and decent. “Otherwise, I’m selfish. My daughter and nephew are with the rebel mages, and we couldn’t turn them away. My nephew has had enough people do that to him. I imagine many of the other mages have similar stories in that regard.”

“You have surprised me again.”

“I live to please,” she said under her breath. She wiped her hands off on a chunk of cloth bought from the merchant at the crossroads. It wasn’t clean, but it would do until she could find one of the bodies of water in the woods. “That’s all the hunter asked for then, right? We should get this back to them before it gets dark.”

As they walked back to the crossroads, she could feel Solas’ eyes on her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit slow so Elissa could get more established, but it will start moving again now that she's in Redcliffe!
> 
> Follow me over on connorguerrin on tumblr for updates and WIPs! Or just to talk, because I could go on forever if someone lets me!


	3. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa arrives in Redcliffe, intending to just work out the details of an alliance with Fiona, and spend time with her family. There's just a minor obstacle.

_Warden Blackwall_ was not a Warden at all. The Mark dulled Elissa's Warden senses, but she still felt _something_ around the Taint. And she felt absolutely nothing from Blackwall.

She pulled him aside to talk privately once the refugees he had been helping were gone. With the others all out of earshot, she folded her arms over her chest.

“Who are you, really?”

He stared at her incredulously. “What do you mean?”

“I am a Grey Warden, and I can say for certain that you are not. Who are you?” she repeated.

He sighed. “I was... meant to be a Warden. I was recruited, but on the way to the closest fort, the man who recruited me was killed by darkspawn.”

“So you took up his identity.”

“I...” He frowned. “Yes. I was afraid the Wardens wouldn't believe me. This way, they wouldn't lose a good man, either.”

“What is your real name then?”

“I have gone by Blackwall for so long, it will still suffice, if it matters.”

She stared at him. “It will, eventually, but for now it is not important. Would you still join the Inquisition?”

He was shocked again. “Of course.”

“Good. But I must request that you truly join the Wardens. Blackwall meant for you to become one of us, and I will see his wishes through.”

He nodded almost instantly. “Yes. Of course. I would be honored, my lady.”

“Good.”

“You truly do not wish to know my name?”

“The Wardens take recruits from all backgrounds,” she explained. “I joined alongside two other men: a knight, and a thief conscripted from prison. Who you are matters, but I will trust the real Warden Blackwall’s judgement.”

“I... Then thank you, my lady.”

“Go back to Haven, find Sister Leliana and tell her who you are, and that I sent you. She should be expecting you.”

“Expecting me?” he asked cautiously.

“We knew you were somewhere in the area. I am not here by accident.”

“Ah. Had a feeling.”

She pursed her lips. For the Joining, they would have to find Darkspawn blood, send for supplies from Denerim or Amaranthine, and a mage who knew how to create the ritual. It would take time, time they might not have. They could possibly manage it before the Breach, but it could not be a priority, as much as she may wish it to be.

“Your Joining may have to wait a short time, but it will be done. Thank you for accepting so readily,” she decided.

“It is nothing, my lady. I will go to Haven.”

If the Wardens were missing, they would need all the help they could get. Something was scratching at the Taint in her mind, and it needed to be dealt with. Whatever the cost.

* * *

They left straight for the village afterwards, Blackwall on his way to Haven. There was little resistance the closer they came to the village, which was strange until she saw the Rift.

Elissa knew something was wrong the moment they stepped into the village. It wasn’t the Rift; she was surprised none had appeared close to their gates sooner. It was a strange Rift, leaving her with an uncomfortable feeling, but she put that down to the Mark being unpredictable. And Teagan would have told her if there were any issues with the mages, or Templars. Something just felt _wrong_.

An Inquisition scout ran up to her as they passed through the gate. “We sent word ahead as you asked, but you should know no one was expecting us,” the man warned.

That was... _odd._ Leliana had sent a message out to the Grand Enchanter nearly a week before, and they did not leave for Redcliffe until they received a response. Fiona had asked to meet in Redcliffe due to the danger of the roads for mages, and Elissa had agreed.

“What did the arl say?” she asked, resting her hand on the hilt of the dagger on her belt to steady herself.

She had also sent a letter two days before leaving Haven to tell him she was coming, and almost exactly when she would be arriving. Teagan could be disorganized at the best of times, but he would not have forgotten _her_. If neither letter made it to the village, was Leliana’s agent caught up in a fight, or taken captive on the way?

“We were not able to reach him at all.”

“What do you _mean_ -”

“-Agents of the Inquisition!”

She whipped around to face the young man running up to them. He seemed confident at first, but withered under her gaze. She took a deep breath and pushed her fear back as she met his eyes. The boy couldn’t be any older than Connor. He was just a messenger.

“My apologies,” he rambled. “Magister Alexius is in charge now, but hasn’t yet arrived. He’s expected shortly!”

“A _magister?_ ”

“You can speak to the Grand Enchanter in the meantime,” he stammered.

“We arranged the tavern for the negotiations,” the scout added.

There was a magister in the village, _in charge_ , and the scouts had not been able to get any message to Teagan. Her chest hurt as she tried to push down the panic pressing in on her.

“We will,” The Iron Bull cut in.

The boy ran off again towards the village, and The Iron Bull turned to the scout. “Go back to Haven. Pass on what you heard to Sister Leliana.”

“Yes, ser!”

A heavy hand came down on Elissa's shoulder and she startled, her entire body tensing up.

“Relax, boss,” The Iron Bull said quietly. “We’ll figure out what’s going on.”

“Right.” She took a deep breath. “We should find my husband.”

“We will.”

He nudged her forward and she led the way into the village. Solas fell into step beside her.

“The Veil is weaker here than in Haven,” he said quietly. “And not just weak, but _altered._ ”

“The Veil has always been strange in Redcliffe. How is this different?”

“I have never seen anything like it before,” he admitted.

“Maybe the Grand Enchanter will know something,” Varric suggested.

She nodded. She kept her head down as they passed through the crowds; until they knew for sure what was happening, it was best that this _magister_ did not know who she was. No one paid them any attention and they made it into the tavern without incident. She felt sick from anxiety.

As they were told, the Grand Enchanter was waiting for them. “Lady Elissa,” she greeted. “We heard you were with the Inquisition in Haven, what brings you here?”

That wasn’t right. “The Inquisition requested assistance with the Breach, and you suggested meeting here to discuss the matter,” Elissa said slowly.

“That is impossible, I have not heard from you since you left for the Conclave, and I have had no contact with the Inquisition.”

“I know it was you,” Elissa insisted. They had written many times, from written requests to exchanged letters over the time the mages had been sheltered in the village. She knew Fiona’s handwriting, and how she wrote.

“That is strange,” Fiona murmured. “Whatever brought you here, the situation has changed. The free mages have... _pledged_ themselves to the service of the Tevinter Imperium.”

“Excuse me?” Her temper rose along with the panic. Lydia and Connor were still with the mages; what would happen to them?

“As one indentured to a magister, I no longer have the authority to negotiate with you.”

Elissa felt The Iron Bull’s hand on her shoulder again, trying to ground her, but it didn’t work. “Where...”

The door to the tavern burst open, and two men entered: one was clearly the magister, from his Tevinter styled robes, followed by a much younger one who stared at her for a long moment before averting his eyes. There was a low buzz at the back of her head and had to tear her eyes away from him.

“Welcome, my friends!” the older man called. “I apologize for not greeting you earlier!”

Fiona stepped back, frowning the moment the men turned away from her. “Allow me to introduce Magister Gereon Alexius,” she ground out.

“I am told you seek assistance with the Breach,” Alexius said.

“Where is the arl?” Elissa snapped. “I have not seen any of Redcliffe’s men since we arrived, and Inquisition scouts were not able to contact him.”

“The arl left the village. There were... _tensions,_ growing. I did not want an incident.”

Her heart pounded in her chest. “Left? Why would he leave?”

He smiled. “The details are not important. That is not why you came here, no? You are here for mages, and I have them.”

She kept her face clear and neutral, despite how afraid she truly was. If the magister did not know who she was, she needed to keep it that way. There was no way he would allow her to remain in the village if he found out. Fortunately, Fiona seemed to realize this herself and did not give anything away, not even letting Elissa’s name slip.

As they were beginning _negotiations,_ the younger man, Alexius’ son, collapsed in her arms. She jumped up to catch him before he hit the floor. While his father was distracted by his fall, he slipped a note into her hand and gave her another long look as she helped him to stand again.

The magister rushed him out, taking Fiona with them. To the castle. The castle they had taken from her husband, who was _Maker_ knew where, and she could do nothing about it.

Memories flashed through her mind, mixed up and blurred together. Finding Oriana and Oren’s bodies, Rory kissing her cheek before he ran to his death, watching her father bleed out in the kitchens as Duncan dragged her away...

As soon as the door shut behind the magister, Varric walked up beside Elissa and looked up to read the note in her hand. “ _Come to the Chantry, you are in danger._ Oo, mysterious.”

“Unsigned,” Solas added. “He feared his father would retrieve it.”

“I can’t do this,” she mumbled.

“Herald...”

Frantic, she rushed out of the tavern through the back door. All that lie behind were hills and forest. No one would see her. As soon as she hit the sun, the panic boiled over, and she pulled at her hair as she tried desperately to draw in breath. The sick feeling was back and she had to close her eyes to keep the world from tilting around her.

“Boss.”

Tears burst forward. It was happening again, and she was just as helpless.

“ _Boss._ Hey, look at me.”

She tried to open her eyes again. The Iron Bull stood in front of her, hands firm on her shoulders.

“I need you to do what I say, when I say it. Breathe in with me, like this-” he exaggerated a breath “-and out again. On my count.”

She shook her head and he tightened his grip, just enough not to hurt her. “Just try it. In, one, two...”

She tried to match his counting. The anxiety receded just enough, replaced with dizziness, and she lowered her hands to her sides. Her breath caught and it bubbled up again. She tried to focus on his voice. Just focus on him.

“You good?” he asked softly. She shook her head.

“M-my husband, he’s-”

“-Probably fine, and looking for you.” He loosened his grip. “What happened back there?”

“I joined the Wardens after my father’s castle was attacked, and I was the only one who escaped. It’s like watching it happen all over again,” she said, swallowing down another sob.

“The faces are different, but it still feels just as real,” he added.

“Yes. Does... Does the same thing happen to you?”

“Yeah.” He let go of her and she rubbed at her cheeks to dry them. “Want to walk it off?”

“Yes. Please. There are people I need to find.”

He put his hand on her back and led her back into the tavern. Bella, Maker bless her, was waiting inside for them with a tight hug for Elissa.

“I _knew_ you would come,” Bella declared. “Lloyd said I was mad, but here you are! The bastard owes me a silver.”

Elissa could not help but smile. “You took bets on me?”

“Oh, he didn’t bet against you. He’s not that stupid. Oh, look at you!” She smoothed Elissa’s hair down as she rambled. “I see you’ve met the _Tevinters._ ”

“What happened here?”

“Got here not long after the explosion at the Conclave, I think,” Bella said. “Told the arl they were hoping for shelter, and sweet man he is, he gave it to them. Wasn't a week before they chased him out.”

“Do you know where he went?”

“Not far. He didn't want to leave. Said he was going to ask the king and queen for help. I didn't ask where; better I not know.”

“Something strange is happening,” Elissa said quietly.

“Something strange is _always_ happening here. Oh! And don't worry, I made sure Connor’s safe. And I think Lyddie was with the arl.”

“Thank the Maker,” she breathed. “I promise I will fix this.”

“Of course you will! I doubted you once, and you set me right fast. Never again.”

Bella hugged her once more. “Now, off with you, before the Tevinters hear you asking questions. And _be careful_.”

“Thank you,” Elissa said softly.

* * *

They had to go to the Chantry to meet Alexius’ son. Elissa just couldn’t focus herself again. She decided to walk a track around the village to gather information; the more they knew about Alexius, the better. Especially if she was going to walk into what was very likely a trap. The others trailed behind her to give her space, like she was a frightened animal they had to watch in case she exploded again.

She walked alongside the water, procrastinating the Chantry meeting as long as her anxiety would allow. She was getting close to the end of the docks, meaning she was running out of reasons not to go.

She rounded a corner, and found Connor with another mage. _Thank the Maker._

“You should talk to the magister! You _are_ the rightful heir to Redcliffe.”

“ _No_. I’m not even sure I should be here.”

“It’s not _your_ fault. It could have happened to any of us!”

“That doesn’t help! It’s why people hate us!”

She made sure her steps were loud enough to catch their attention. “Is something wrong?” she asked, hands resting on top of the hilts of her daggers.

The other man scowled at her interruption. “And who are you?”

“I could ask you the same,” she snapped. “Go back to Alexius while you still have the option.”

He sputtered, trying to deny it. Once he recovered, he huffed and stomped off. Elissa sighed and turned her attention to Connor. He had been quiet since she jumped in, arms folded over his chest defensively. He didn’t meet her eyes as he spoke.

“You heard all of that then?” he finally asked after a long moment.

“How long have they been doing that?”

“Since they got here a couple days after the Conclave.”

She touched his shoulder, trying to be gentle. The tension fell away and he let out a shaky breath. Her heart ached; he had been alone that entire time...

“I thought you were dead,” he burst out. “We were waiting to hear from you, but nothing came, and they forced Uncle Teagan to leave, and I don’t even know where Lydia _is_ , and they won’t _leave me alone_ , and...”

She pulled him into a tight hug, shushing him. “I know, love. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. But I’m here now, and I’m going to fix this,” she promised.

He went quiet again, save more shaky breaths as he hugged back.

“Do you know where your uncle is now?” she asked softly.

He nodded slowly. “I think he's in one of the refugee camps. That’s what the people working in the castle said.”

She reluctantly pulled back and glanced back at her companions, who had remained a respectful distance away.

“Do you want to come back to Haven with us when we leave?” she offered.

“The magister would notice if I left,” he mumbled. “I want to, though. I don’t know.”

She tried to smile, though she was still anxious. She didn’t want to leave him, especially if Alexius was paying such special attention to him. He did have a point, and was more than capable of taking care of himself, but she felt no better knowing that.

“Are you sure?” she asked again.

He hesitated. “No. I... I can’t be here anymore. I’ll go.”

“Alright. We have to meet with someone in the Chantry before we can leave, hopefully someone that can help us, but you don’t have to come.”

“I will. I want to. I want to help.”

As worried as she was, she was relieved he had agreed. She trusted the others at her back well enough, but family was different.

She was just glad she didn’t have to leave him behind.

* * *

Elissa felt the Rift before even opening the Chantry doors. She ran in, praying it was empty, and heard The Iron Bull shove the door shut and lock it behind them, just in case. She looked around quickly: the Rift was up near the ceiling, but still close enough to reach with the Mark, and the only person in the room was one man, beating off Shades with the end of his staff.

The man turned to them with a tired grin. “Ah, there you are! Now, help me close this, would you?”

It was a weak Rift, well-contained in the small space of the Chantry. She held her hand up to it and gritted her teeth through the sharp pain from the Mark as the Rift slammed shut. She shook her hand out and took a deep breath to center herself.

“What in the _Void_ was that?”

She smiled sheepishly back at Connor. “I will explain later. I promise.”

“Elissa!”

“Nicely done,” the other man interrupted. “How does that work exactly? You don’t even know, do you? You just hold out your hand, and _boom!_ Rift closes.”

She turned back to the stranger, and could practically feel Connor glaring at her.

“I was expecting Felix to be here,” she said, hoping to change the subject.

The man nodded. “He was to give you the note, then ditch his father and meet us here. My name is Dorian Pavus, most recently of Minrathous.”

“Watch it, the pretty ones are always dangerous,” The Iron Bull grumbled behind her.

“Such suspicious friends you have here!”

Elissa let out a heavy breath. “You brought us here, what did you want?”

“I am here to help. Alexius was my mentor, you see.”

“And why would you betray your mentor?” Connor asked skeptically.

“Alexius _was_ my mentor. So my insight should be valuable.” He shrugged his shoulders. “You’ve seen how these Rifts are acting strangely, practically twisting time around themselves, yes?”

“Yes,” Elissa said slowly.

“And how strange it is that Alexius seemed to pull the rebel mages right out from under you, like magic, yes? Exactly like magic. He used a new form of magic to alter time.”

It hit her like a ton of bricks. “And arrive here right after the Conclave, before I could get here.”

“Precisely.”

It made sense, although it was still strange. _Time_ magic? She had never even heard of it; she wasn’t exactly well-read on magic by any means, but that sort of thing seemed the type most would have at least _heard_ of.

“You’re asking me to take a lot on faith,” she said slowly.

“I _know_ what I’m talking about - I helped develop this magic! When I was working with him, it was all theory, but now...”

“He’s using the Breach and the Rifts to alter the Veil enough to punch through,” Connor finished. Dorian nodded to him.

“Exactly. And it’s unraveling the world,” he said gravely.

“Shit,” Varric mumbled.

“Though I have no idea why he’s doing this,” Dorian added with a sigh. “All of this - just to gain a few hundred lackeys?”

“He didn’t do it for them.”

Elissa tensed as Felix walked in. Dorian smiled at him.

“Took you long enough,” he teased. He suddenly turned serious. “Does he suspect anything?”

“No, but I shouldn’t have played the illness card. I thought he’d be fussing over me all day.”

“So if he didn’t do it to take the mages, why did he?” Elissa prompted.

Felix turned to her. “My father has joined a cult, Tevinter supremacists, and for some reason they’re obsessed with you.”

“Me?”

“I’m not sure why. Maybe because of the Mark on your hand?”

She huffed. “Of course. Alright, so what should I do about it?”

“I will try to find out more, and pass it along to the Inquisition if I can,” Felix offered.

“I would appreciate it.”

“And I will do whatever I can,” Dorian added. “But I have to leave Redcliffe. Alexius doesn’t know that I’m here, and I’d like it to stay that way. I’ll be in touch.”

He started to walk away, but turned back. “Oh, and Felix? Try not to get yourself killed.”

“There are worse things than dying, Dorian.”

Dorian left out the back door of the Chantry and Felix sighed. Elissa turned to him.

“What did he mean by that?”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing. I have to go, before my father realizes I’m gone. There are still some workers in the castle loyal to you and the arl - I’ll have one of them go to Haven if I find anything.”

She nodded, and he walked out the same door that Dorian had. Varric chuckled behind her.

“Weird shit like this happen to you often, Snowdrop?”

She grimaced. “More often than I’d like.”

“So, we’re supposed to believe both Alexius’s son and student are betraying him?”

“It’s all we have, for the moment. We need to find my husband, he might know more.”

“I think I know where he’s camped,” Connor said quietly.

“Then let’s go, before Alexius realizes what’s happening.” She looked at Connor and tried to smile. “And I promise I’ll explain everything on the way.”

He sighed. “Fine. Let’s just... go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, obviously, Elissa doesn't go to Val Royeaux, at least not yet. She's already in Redcliffe, so it wouldn't really make sense for her to go all the way back to Haven, then to Orlais, just to go right back to Redcliffe, lol.
> 
> Next update on Tuesday! I start back up at work again this week, and I have an event I have to prepare for this week, so if something comes up and it isn't posted on Tuesday, I'll post it first thing Wednesday morning!


	4. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa goes to find Teagan, and everyone goes back to Haven to plan how they're going to deal with Alexius.

Teagan had left the castle with a small group of Redcliffe knights barely a two days before, and taken refuge in the village at the crossroads. They had not been there before, but if Pavus wasn’t lying about the time magic, Elissa would not have passed Teagan along the road in. There was a chance they were still there, and she had to take it.

It didn’t take long to find Teagan once they reached the crossroads. He was at the very center of the cluster of homes, surrounded by castle guards and Inquisition officers at a table fashioned from crates. Elissa’s mabari Baby sat dutifully at his side, growling at anyone besides said castle guards who stepped too close to Teagan.

An Inquisition soldier called out to her as the  _ Herald _ and Teagan looked up at her. Their eyes met and he rounded the table as she broke into a run down the rest of the hill. When they met, she jumped into his arms and he held her tightly, as though she would disappear. Baby barked and circled around them, bumping into Elissa’s legs wildly.

“Maker’s breath Lissa, I thought you were... We heard about the Conclave and when you didn’t come back... Thank the Maker you’re safe,” he stammered.

“I came as soon as I could,” she offered weakly. “I tried sending letters, but none of them made it to you, and then we got to the village...”

He pulled back to look at her as he spoke. “You were there?”

She nodded. “Something strange is happening. It’s... hard to believe, honestly.”

He moved his hands to either side of her face and leaned in to kiss her, slow and tender. Elissa put her hands over his with a shaky exhale.

“I was so scared when you weren’t there,” she whispered. He quickly kissed her again.

“I am fine,” he said slowly. “I was with Lydia when it all happened, so she’s fine as well. She’s with Kaitlyn right now.”

She looked back over her shoulder as the others approached and smiled at Connor. “And I found someone as well.”

She stepped back, planting her hand on Baby’s head and digging her fingers into his fur. Connor stepped forward anxiously, fidgeting with his sleeves. Teagan rushed forward to hug him and he finally relaxed.

“Maker’s breath, I was terrified when we couldn’t find you,” Teagan sighed.

“I’m okay.” 

He pulled back, keeping his hands on Connor’s shoulders. “Truly?”

“Yes. I’m fine.”

“We have a lot to discuss,” Elissa said softly. Teagan nodded and stepped back again.

“I set up here as best I could. The Inquisition’s soldiers have been a great help.”

“We have more at Haven, if you’ll come back with us,” she offered slowly.

“Haven?”

“After what happened at the Conclave, the Inquisition set up in Haven under written orders from the Divine. It’s close to the Breach, but it should not cause any issues.”

He still looked confused, so she held up her free hand with the Mark. Despite her best efforts to cover it with a glove, the sickly green glow still emanated through the heavy material. There was no hiding who she was.

“I got this during the explosion,” she said quietly. “I fell out of a rift in the Veil with this on my hand, and the ability to close said rifts. And the Breach.”

He was quiet for a moment and then gave her a strained smile. “You were gone for  _ two days _ .”

“I  _ know. _ I can explain more later.”

“So, Haven?”

She nodded. “It is farther away, but there are more resources. If... you would want to join me.”

She couldn't expect him to do that, no matter how desperately she wanted him there. He pulled her back into a hug, one hand on the back of her head to hold her close. 

“Of course I do,” he said softly. “You are right either way. We should leave some soldiers here to hold the area, and I will go with you so we can make a plan.”

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too. Always.”

“Mama!” a small voice shrieked.

Elissa looked over his shoulder as Lydia dashed out of one of the houses. Teagan stepped back again with a smile, and Baby jumped up with a huff and circled back to plant himself beside Teagan. Elissa laughed and knelt down as Lydia got close, catching the girl. Lydia buried her face in a softer part of Elissa’s armor, hugging as tightly as she could.

“I have missed you, my darling girl,” Elissa cooed. Lydia sniffled and her hands felt cold on the back of Elissa’s neck. 

“You said you were coming back,” she mumbled.

Elissa’s heart ached. She had to close her eyes to keep from crying again. “I know,” she said. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

Lydia wiggled back out of her grasp, shaking the ice off of her hands as it melted again. Elissa reached out and tucked her hair away from her face.

“Okay,” Lydia mumbled.

“We’re going to Haven, where it’s safer, is that alright with you?” she asked gently. Lydia rubbed her eyes.

“Yes.”

Elissa gave the girl one last hug and then rocked back to push herself back up. Lydia immediately moved to grab Connor’s hand, frowning up at him.

“You didn’t come with us,” she accused. He forced a thin smile and ruffled her hair with his free hand.

“I’m here now,” he said. “Told you I’d be fine, didn’t I?”

Lydia swatted his hand away and pouted. “Good. You’re coming with us this time,” she ordered.

“I am.”

Elissa sighed and smiled, genuine for the first time in a while. At least her family was safe.

 

* * *

 

An invitation from Alexius was waiting for them in Haven. He wanted to open negotiations for an alliance, offering to lend the mages to the Inquisition. It was so incredibly transparent, Elissa wondered why he bothered with the deception at all. 

It was still not something she expected to have to argue with the Inquisition about. Regardless of their opinions on mages or otherwise, it seemed obvious that they had to do  _ something. _

“We have to go,” Elissa said simply, looking around the war room. 

“The letter was not addressed to the Inquisition, but asks for the Herald of Andraste alone,” Josephine pointed out. “It’s an obvious trap.”

Leliana sighed. “A Tevinter magister controls Redcliffe and the rebel mages, invites us to the castle to talk, and some of us want to do nothing.”

“Not this again.”

Elissa crossed her arms over her chest. “We  _ know _ he’s after me specifically, this doesn’t change anything. If I go, he won’t realize  _ we’re _ tricking  _ him _ until it’s too late.”

Cullen stepped forward, hand on the hilt of his sword. “Absolutely not.  If you go in there, you'll die, and we'll lose the only means we have of closing these rifts. I won't allow it!”

Elissa was struck speechless as she dropped her arms to her sides again. She wasn’t a child, he couldn’t  _ keep her _ from doing anything! It was _ her _ husband’s home, _ her _ family, people under  _ her  _ care. She couldn’t let them be hurt because of her own inaction. Behind the table, Teagan reached out to hold her hand, fingers intertwined. She glanced at him and he gave her a brief encouraging smile before turning to Cullen.

“I was not aware you had the authority to detain her, as I was under the impression she was here voluntarily,” he said calmly. Anyone who knew him would hear the edge to his voice, but Cullen either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

“ We don't have the manpower to take the castle, it has repelled thousands of assaults! Either we find another way in, or give up this nonsense and go get the Templars.”

“Even with the danger, we cannot let this stand,” Cassandra conceded quietly. “There must be something we can do.”

“We can have Inquisition people sneak in and disarm the traps, or turn them on Alexius before he can spring them,” Elissa suggested.

“How would we get them in?”

Elissa looked at Teagan again as she continued. “There is a... tunnel under the lake leading to the castle. The entrance is right outside the village. I highly doubt the Tevinters have found it, so it wouldn’t be guarded, and I...”

“You would distract Alexius while they got in place,” he finished for her quietly, not meeting her eyes. She squeezed his hand and he stared down at the map.

“I can lead them through, I remember the way well enough,” Leliana offered.

“We still do not know what he has planned in there,” Josephine reasoned.

The door slammed open and Elissa nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Fortunately, you’ll have help,” Dorian said as he sauntered in.

An Inquisition scout entered behind him, looking around the room anxiously. “This man says he has information about the magister and his methods, Commander.”

“Your spies will never get past Alexius' magic without my help,” Dorian pointed out. “So if you're going after him, I'm coming along.”

Elissa frowned thoughtfully. “If it’s just me and maybe one or two others, Alexius will think he has the upper hand and let his guard down.”

“Exactly.”

The plan was far from perfect and Elissa was almost certain it wasn't going to work, but there were few other options. Teagan clearly liked the plan even less than she did.

“It won’t be long before the crown gets word of what happened, we should wait for reinforcements from Denerim,” he suggested.

“We do not know if your messenger will even reach them,” Leliana interrupted. 

He looked to Elissa instead, visibly panicked. “Then I’m going with you. I can’t let you go in there by yourself.”

“It's not safe,” Elissa argued. “He asked for me, alone. Who knows what he'll do to you if you return with me?”

“Lissa-”

“- No. I'll be fine.”

“The only advantage we have is that Alexius does not seem to know who the Herald is,” Josephine added cautiously. “If you return with her, that surprise is lost.”

Cullen sighed. “This is barely a solid plan as it is. If we’re going to do it, we have to be careful.”

“The route from the windmill entrance to the castle courtyard isn't very long, especially if they know where they’re going. I just need to keep him talking,” Elissa finished.

After a long moment Teagan sighed and stared down at the map.

“You are right,” he said quietly.

“We will leave tomorrow, that should get us there by nightfall,” she ordered to the group. “If we time it right, we will only need to hold them off for a few minutes.”

With the plan in place, the others left, leaving her and Teagan alone in the room. She twisted around to lean back against the table beside him, turning to look at him.

“I'll be alright,” she repeated. He kept his eyes on the map.

“Do you truly trust Pavus?” 

“No,” she admitted. “But I want to. He went to great lengths to warn me about Alexius with no hope of reward.”

“I wish I could be as optimistic as you are. There is something he isn't telling us. I can’t send you in there alone.”

She smiled faintly and folded her arms over her chest. “This all feels very familiar.”

He looked up to her, confusion melting into sadness as he averted his gaze.

“This is different,” he murmured.

“How? Because this time  _ I’m _ the one throwing myself into danger?”

“I  _ knew _ what I was getting into back then. We have  _ no idea _ what Alexius wants from you!”

“Did you? At the time it seemed like a lot of guessing and hoping for the best, along with you nearly  _ dying _ .”

He glared down at the map, leaning forward on the table. “And how is this any different?”

“If I didn’t think I could handle it, I wouldn’t be going,” she argued. “I quite like being alive, and would like to remain so.”

“Do you?”

She froze, mouth open with an unvoiced excuse that she couldn’t get out. He glanced at her and sighed heavily, straightening back up.

“I am sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

“No, you... you’re right.” She took a deep breath. “I haven’t always, wanted to be alive. But now... I have every intention of surviving this.”

“Lissa...”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then trust that I can get myself out of that room,” she said softly.

She reached out to hold his hand again and he sighed. He leaned in to kiss her, soft and light, and she moved her other hand to his cheek. 

“I love you,” she said when she pulled back.

“I love you,” he replied. “Always. Just come back to me.”

 

* * *

 

After the Blight, Elissa had returned to Highever with Fergus. Since Howe had spent his time in Denerim as Loghain’s attack dog, he had mostly left Highever alone, and his men had left everything where it had fallen. All of the bodies had been burned, or taken away, a blessing as well as a curse; there was no one to mourn. 

A thick layer of dust covered all of the furniture, and there were stains where the blood would not be scrubbed away. The inside of the main gate had scratches and dents from where the guard had made their final stand.

It felt cold and empty and lifeless and she could not bear the ghosts in every hallway, how she could feel every single absence.

That was what returning to Redcliffe felt like. She stood in the main hall of her own home like a stranger, a passing traveler, and clenched her shaking hands into fists at her side.

Elissa entered the castle with The Iron Bull at her back. The magister’s men tried to separate them, but Elissa held firm; she would either enter with her bodyguard, or not at all. They ran the risk of tipping the Tevinters off, but there was no turning back. Fiona was there as well, standing a determined distance away from Alexius.

“Herald, it is good to see you again,” Alexius greeted them.

He was sitting in the throne,  _ her husband's throne,  _ as though it were already his. Felix was standing beside him, glancing between her and the door anxiously. Elissa took a deep breath.

“I was told you wish to discuss an arrangement?”

“All business, I see,” he laughed. “Very well. What would you have of the mages?”

“Are we to have no voice in discussions of our own lives?” Fiona spoke up. 

“You would not have turned the mages into my care if you did not trust me with their lives,” he said smoothly.

“I would appreciate hearing the Grand Enchanter's input, as a guest of the Inquisition,” Elissa snapped.

Alexius looked at her and she locked eyes with him. “Very well. If you wish to have aid, what are you willing to offer in exchange?”

She heard a creak behind her, hoping it was the side door. “What are you asking for?”

“I want for nothing, but I also could not sell these mages for nothing.”

There was a click, and tapping she would not have heard were she not trained to do so. She waited until it stopped before she spoke. She had to trust Leliana and her agents. 

“I don't believe you are in any position to make demands after you enslaved the mages and stole this castle,” she said flatly.

“Ah, yes, the missing arlessa,” he laughed. “You walk in here with your stolen Mark, and think you're in control?”

Her heart pounded. How long had he known who she was? “If you know so much, then tell me what the Mark is for,” she demanded, keeping her voice steady. 

“It was to be the Elder One's great triumph,” he snarled, rising from the throne. “He would have brought Tevinter into a new age!”

“Father, do you know what you sound like?” Felix called out desperately.

“Exactly like the villainous cliche everyone expects us to be.”

Dorian stepped out from behind a pillar, standing beside her, staff in hand. She looked at him and he nodded.

“I offered you a chance to be part of this, and you turned me down,” Alexius said, his tone softening towards Dorian. Elissa held the hilts of her daggers on her belt, keeping her eyes on Alexius.

“Your trap has failed,” she spat.

“I hardly see any sign of your brilliance!”

As though on cue, the Venatori soldiers yelped and cried out before collapsing on all sides of the room. Leliana and her agents stepped out of the shadows, weapons still at the ready.

“Give up all claim to Redcliffe, and the Southern mages, and you might leave here alive,” she commanded.

“ _ No! _ ” 

He pulled something up from around his neck, and as it started glowing Dorian tensed.

“I will not allow you to undo all of my work,” Alexius shouted. 

The air filled with static.  _ He was casting something.  _ Dorian swung his staff out, sending a burst of energy at Alexius, and as the magister stumbled back something tore through the veil-

And then it was silent.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back on my planned schedule again! I seem to have fixed all of the problems I was having with uploading, so everything should be all set and ready to go for Friday! 
> 
> Next time, Elissa and Dorian have to deal with the future and the consequences of Alexius' actions. It'll be so much fun! And has some of my favorite scenes, and I'm trying very hard not to update early.


	5. Tombs Within the Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa and Dorian are sent into the future. Elissa handles it very, very badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor warnings for this chapter, as it is "In Hushed Whispers", and follows... most of the game (except Connor's bit, which no longer involves suicide). Warnings include death, minor body horror, and description of a panic attack.

Being thrown through time was absolutely not even on the list of things Elissa expected to happen. The spell dropped them into the dungeons, of all places, having also  _ physically _ displaced them somehow. They had to fight their way through red lyrium-lined halls with the, perhaps desperate, hope that the castle was still standing above ground. 

Elissa’s Warden sense was going mad, giving her a headache and making it difficult to concentrate. The Mark was burning and it felt like her hand would burst open. Thankfully, Dorian seemed to know what he was doing; with his knowledge of the magic Alexius had used and Elissa’s of the castle, they were making it through the underground passageways quickly. Even more so when they found The Iron Bull, who happily tore through the Venatori the moment a weapon was placed in his hands.

Everyone in Thedas thought Elissa and Dorian had died. As far as anyone knew, Alexius had vaporized them where they stood, so thoroughly that there was nothing left. It was much more likely than  _ time travel, _ Elissa had to admit. 

Fiona told them that Leliana was being held nearby, and Elissa all but ran away. The implications of red lyrium spreading like that, consuming people, was too much. She would have to ask Varric about it if...  _ when _ , they returned to Haven.

It was not difficult to find where Leliana was imprisoned; the Venatori were, clearly, not interested in remaining hidden as the castle crumbled around them.

“There’s not use to this defiance,  _ little bird. _ There’s no one left for you to protect. Just  _ give up. _ ”

“I will die first!”

Elissa kicked the door open and the Venatori swung around to face her. Leliana locked eyes with her for just a moment before looking down at the Venatori.

“Or you will,” she growled.

Before any of them could move to help, Leliana wrapped her legs around the cultist’s throat. The man was nearly an inch off the ground as she choked him. He finally stopped struggling and crumpled to the ground as Leliana released him.

Elissa ran in and rummaged through the Venatori’s pockets before nudging him aside. Once the shackles were unlocked, Leliana safe with her feet on the floor, Elissa hugged her tightly. Leliana just dropped her head to Elissa's shoulder.

“You're alive,” she murmured.

Elissa nodded, trying to find her voice. “I am. I’m here.”

“How...?”

“Alexius sent us through time,” Dorian explained from the doorway.

“Then we must get you back.”

Leliana pulled away and moved to grab a bow and set of arrows from a trunk across the room. For the first time, Elissa was able to actually look at her, and saw how skinny she was, her greying skin, the collection of scars and wounds on every surface not covered by clothing. She had to bite her lip to keep the tears back.

“What were they doing to you?” Elissa asked in a whisper. Leliana stopped beside her, not meeting her eyes.

“Trying to find a cure for the Blight,” she murmured. “I was resistant to the Taint. They wanted to know why.”

There was nothing else to say. She touched Leliana’s shoulder and Leliana put her hand over Elissa's.

“We should keep moving,” Elissa said softly.

Leliana left the room first, nearly running, and Elissa fell into line behind her. If anyone would know what they could expect to run into, it would be Leliana. She would have been observing guard rotations and taking account of any others in the area around her, even without hope of escape. They rounded the next corner and Leliana held out an arm to stop her, quieting all of them with a glance. Another group of voices echoed through the hall from one of the chambers.

“How did Cousland know of the sacrifice at the Temple?” A pause, then a slam and jostling of chains. “Answer me!”

“There is nothing left for you to take!” Teagan yelled back.

_ Teagan was still alive. _

Elissa rushed forward as she pulled her longsword from its sheath, slamming the door open so hard it banged loudly against the wall beside it. The Venatori agent jumped and only had time to turn towards her before she slid the sword all the way through their body. Elissa ripped her sword back and kicked the agent aside, breathing hard. 

“Lissa?” Teagan asked quietly.

She nodded, suddenly unable to speak as she knelt down beside him. If she hadn’t been there... Her hands shook as she pulled out a lockpick and fumbled with the chains around his wrists.

“I thought... I thought I'd lost you,” he said, his voice thick.

“I am so sorry,” she finally choked out.

The shackles fell away and he raised his shaking hands to her cheeks, to make sure that she was truly there. Her breath caught in her throat and he wiped away a tear as it fell. He was alive, he was safe, he was  _ there. _

“Are you hurt?” she stuttered.

“I am better now than I have been in a long time,” he murmured.

She kissed him, as soft as she could, careful of the bruises on his face and neck. When she pulled away, he lowered his hands into his lap. 

“I love you,” she whispered. 

“I love you too.”

“Boss, we need to keep going,” The Iron Bull called from the hallway.

She sniffled and took a long breath to compose herself before speaking again. 

“Alexius sent Dorian and I through time, which is why we disappeared. We're going to find Alexius, to get him to reverse whatever spell he did and send us back.”

“I am coming with you then,” Teagan said firmly.

“No, I can't-”

“When they brought us to the castle, the first thing they did was show me the scorch marks on the floor where you had stood,” he interrupted, his voice flat. “They took Lydia after that. I don’t... I still don’t know where Aedan is.”

She reached out and held one of his hands. “Teagan...”

“I will not lose you again. I can't.”

She choked back another sob and nodded. “Alright. I... Alright.”

She stood, shakily, and held her hands out to help him up. 

“Connor is still somewhere in the castle as well,” he added.

“Then we will find him. And then we will fix all of this.”

 

* * *

 

The castle was dark and eerie, the only light coming from cracks in the walls and ceiling where the Breach broke through. There were piles of debris everywhere, as though it was partially demolished and no one had bothered to finish fixing it. Dread washed over her at just how  _ silent _ the castle was. There weren’t any  _ people _ left.

Except Connor.

“I am not a child! I can resist you!”

“I  _ am _ you.”

The voices were coming from the family wing, she realized with dread. They... both sounded like Connor. Teagan had noticed it too, and rushed forward to one of the bedrooms. He pushed against the door but it wouldn’t open. Leliana pushed past him to kneel in front of the lock, picking it silently until the door swung open.

Connor was sitting in the middle of the room, hands over his ears. A fear demon hovered over him, crouching to avoid hitting the ceiling with its long green limbs.

“Get away from him!” Elissa yelled, pulling her sword from her back.

The demon turned to her and morphed down into a Darkspawn as it screamed. Her heart skipped a beat, but no longer. If the demon wanted to form into something she feared, it would have to try harder than that. She lunged forward, plunging her sword through the demon without blinking. It screeched again as it collapsed and faded into the floor.

“Go away!”

She took a deep breath and slid her sword back in its sheath, turning to him. Teagan knelt on the floor beside Connor, speaking softly to him.

“It’s alright now, you’re safe. No more demons.”

“H-how did you find me?”

“I promised I would, didn’t I?”

He looked up at Elissa next, looking absolutely terrified. “I thought you were...”

“Alexius sent me a year into the future,” she explained calmly. “I know it... sounds impossible. But I promise it’s really me.”

He looked back at Teagan, who nodded. 

“So...” Connor hesitated. “If he could send you forward, could he reverse it to send you back? Or use an entirely different spell?”

“Once we find Alexius, I will find a way to reverse it,” Dorian called from the doorway. Connor looked back at him for a long moment.

“Then I’m coming too,” he said, standing shakily.

She took a tentative step towards him. “Connor, you don’t...”

“I don’t know time magic, obviously, but I studied the Fade in the Circle, and... before. Maybe... maybe I can help.” He locked eyes with Dorian again. “If you think I could.”

“I don’t see why not,” Dorian said. He nodded.

“Then I’m coming.”

She pursed her lips. If he had made up his mind, there would be no dissuading him. She held out her hands to help Teagan stand again. 

“You two are remarkably similar sometimes,” he whispered to her. “Incredibly stubborn.”

After a long moment of silence, he squeezed her hands gently. “Lissa, everything will be alright.”

“I know,” she murmured. 

“We’ll get you home. I promise.”

She let out a shaky breath. “Right.”

He let go of her hands and she bit her lip to hold back the tears building up behind her eyes. She had to fix this, make sure none of it ever happened. Even if it did eventually kill her.

“The magister locked himself in the main hall, the door has multiple locks to keep people out,” Connor said, grabbing a staff from behind the bed. “I think he has them spread out among the guards. When they were trying to convince me to help them, they showed me some of it.”

The Venatori were  _ still _ trying to manipulate him into joining them? When he looked at her and took in her concerned look, he flinched away. 

“I thought maybe if I lied and said I’d help them, I could get them to let Lyddie and Uncle Teagan go, but...” 

He cut himself off, gripping the staff tightly with both hands. 

“That’s when they separated all of us,” Teagan finished for him. 

Elissa closed her eyes for a moment to breathe. She couldn’t wonder about what had happened while she was gone. What they had been through, where her children were, if they were safe... If she lingered on it for too long, she was afraid she would break.

_ Bryce Cousland’s little spitfire, all grown up and still trying to fit into daddy’s armor. _

“I will fix this,” she promised. “I’ll make sure none of this ever happens.”

“I know,” Connor replied quietly. 

He gave her a tight smile and walked out of the room. Dorian, thankfully, took the chance to launch into his theories on the counter-spell to distract Connor. Teagan took Elissa’s hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing tightly.

“He’ll be alright,” he whispered.

Elissa nodded. “Right. We should go.”

They left the room, with him tugging on her hand to keep her moving behind him, and Elissa spared one last look at the room before they moved on.

She had to save them. Failure wasn’t an option.

 

* * *

 

Alexius lie dead in the middle of the hall, his staff broken and smoking beside him. Elissa gave Dorian a moment to grieve as he knelt beside his former mentor.

“Once, he was a man to whom I compared all others,” he said in a small voice. “Sad, isn’t it?”

“This Alexius was too far gone, but the one in our time can still be stopped before it’s too late,” Elissa comforted. Dorian shrugged as he reached over to gingerly pull the amulet off of Alexius.

“Connor and I can use this for the counter-spell,” he announced loud enough for the rest of their group to hear. “Just give us an hour to sort it out.”

Leliana ripped another set of arrows from her quiver, scowling. “An  _ hour _ ?”

“Possibly less, between the two of us.”

The room shook again, and a dragon screeched overhead. “You don’t  _ have _ an hour!”

Elissa fidgeted with her daggers. “We have to try! Start working on it - anything is better than nothing.”

Dorian strode quickly to the back of the room, where Alexius had cast the original spell, waving for Connor to follow him.

“It will take time for any force to break in here, between that door and the demons still outside,” Elissa continued. “We just have to hold out until the spell is ready.”

“As long as the dragon doesn’t drop down on us,” The Iron Bull grumbled.

“It’s the only plan we’ve got.”

Elissa paced anxiously as they worked. The dragon’s cries grew louder and louder, along with a loud rumbling from outside the castle.

Then there was a crash outside. The sound of an explosion. They were breaking down the gate by any means necessary.

“We are running out of time,” Leliana snapped.

Elissa stopped her pacing, biting her lip. “We just need a little longer...”

Leliana frowned and turned away from her. Teagan and The Iron Bull shared a look. After a moment, The Iron Bull nodded and Teagan walked up to Elissa, hands heavy on her shoulders.

“We will go out and slow them down, buy you the time you need,” he said quickly.

Her heart pounded. “No!”

“Lissa, you  _ have _ to go back.”

“I won’t let you kill yourselves for me!” 

Connor walked up beside them. “You have to go. It’s almost ready, but you have to be up there when Dorian finishes it.”

“The only way to save us is to ensure that none of this ever happens,” Leliana added. Softer, she said, “You can do this.”

This couldn’t be happening. Elissa looked between them, trying to find the words, tell them to stop, but she couldn’t. Teagan leaned in and kissed her, and she held onto his armor desperately. But then he was moving away, so quickly she couldn’t stop him even as she tried grabbing his arm. 

“Teagan, please,” she begged. “You can’t-”

He seemed to hesitate, but didn’t look back as he left. The door closed behind him and The Iron Bull with a final  _ slam _ and Elissa’s heart stopped.

“You need to go,” Connor repeated.

Her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard to stop herself from crying. Before he could leave as well, Elissa hurried forward to hug him, pressing her hand to the back of his head.

“I’m proud of you,” she murmured.

He hugged back tightly with a shaky exhale. “Thank you. For everything.”

He stepped back slowly, throwing a sad smile back at her as he turned to the door. 

_ Maker, if you ever existed, please don’t make me watch them die.  _

Stopping herself from going after them, Elissa spun around and ran across the room to Dorian, who met her with a silent nod.

“How much longer?” she asked stiffly.

“Should be just a moment. Just don’t move from this spot - it has to be here.”

She nodded and put her blades back in their sheaths. “Good.”

There was another crash outside the room, and the dragon screeched one last time, shaking the entire room. She tensed, one hand on the hilt of her blade just in case. The door finally broke, crashing open to reveal a mixed charge of Venatori and demons. A giant fear demon, towering over the rest, tossed a body down in the doorway as it stalked in. She couldn’t tear her eyes away, trying to see in the dark room.

“ _ Uncle! _ ”

Her heart stopped.  _ It was Teagan. _

_ No. No no no no no- _

She had to get to him. She couldn’t just watch them all - her  _ family _ \- die. Not again.  _ Not again. _

She took a step forward and Dorian grabbed her arm, yanking her back. “You move, and we all die!”

“Please-”

There was a flash of light and she closed her eyes tight against it. When the light faded, she opened them again as the castle came back into view. The real castle, in one piece, with everyone alive and not Tainted or coated in red lyrium. 

As though none of it had ever happened. The quick change knocked her off balance and she stumbled back. Dorian kept his hand on her arm and she clenched her hand into a fist.

It hadn’t happened. Not really. Not to anyone but her and Dorian. 

“No! How did you-”

She faced Alexius and all of the anger and grief came to the surface all over again. He dropped to his knees in front of her in shock.

“It didn’t work,” he murmured.

“I will give you one last chance,” she hissed coldly. “Surrender all claim to Redcliffe, and the mages. This time, I will not hesitate.”

He looked up at her, and the shock turned to resignation. “You’ve won. There is no point in extending this... charade.”

She turned away as Felix spoke quietly with his father. At Leliana’s order, Inquisition soldiers escorted both of them out of the castle, likely headed back to Haven. Dorian watched them leave and sighed. 

“Well, now that that's over with,” he said, feigning calm.

The anger fell away in a rush, and she had to fold her arms over her chest to hide how badly she was shaking. For a long moment, she was sure she would be sick. All she could see was the destruction, all of the bodies, Teagan...

Dorian moved his hand hand to her shoulder and leaned in closer to whisper. “It’s over now. Everything is back to normal.”

She shook her head. It wasn’t normal, she had just... She didn’t know. It was all fuzzy and blurring around the edges.

“It was real,” she mumbled back.

“Yes. It was.” He squeezed her shoulder before pulling back again. “And now we can make sure it never happens again.”

The main doors to the hall burst open and a group of soldiers from the royal guard rushed into formation just ahead of Alistair. When he saw her, he ran across the room and caught her up in his arms.

“Thank the Maker you're alright,” he breathed. “Are you hurt? Where is the magister?”

She bit her lip to hold back a sob and held onto him, afraid of her own voice. She was drowning and she couldn’t pull herself back up.

“He is in Inquisition custody, as well as any cultists discovered in the castle,” Dorian answered for her quietly.

Alistair pulled away, just keeping his hands on her upper arms, and she desperately kept hold of his armor. She couldn’t hide the shaking anymore and it  _ hurt _ .

He turned to Fiona and sighed. ”I understand this whole mess was not your intention, but it may be best for the mages to leave the village all the same.”

“Where will we go?” she cried desperately. “Your majesties were the only ones who agreed to help us!”

Elissa swallowed hard. Her jaw hurt from forcing back tears. She couldn’t leave them behind though, it couldn’t have all been for nothing.

“You can all come back to Haven and join under the Inquisition’s protection, as full allies. I said I would keep you all safe, and I will,” she promised.

“Thank you, my lady,” Fiona murmured. “I will gather everyone at once.”

The panic rose in her throat and the room tilted around her. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t...

_ I will bring the teyrna and your daughter to safety, but I must ask for something in return. I came for a Warden, and necessity requires that I leave with one.  _

**_I... understand._ **

_ Please, no, don’t send me away, come with me,  _ **_please!_ **

“Elissa?”

“I have to go,” she mumbled.

Elissa turned and stormed out of the room, ignoring all of the calls after her. She didn’t know where she was going, just out of the castle, even just to the courtyard. She just needed to get out, couldn’t be in there, couldn’t...

“Elissa!” 

Something grabbed her arm and her heart stopped. She tried to yank her arm back but it grabbed her other arm as well, holding her in place.

“Let go,” she cried.

“Lissa,  _ stop _ !”

She looked up, breathing hard. Alistair had set his hands on her shoulders and was holding her in place. Everything snapped back into sharp focus, too much all at once. She hadn’t even made it out of the castle. The door to the main hall closed and she startled, just barely holding back a scream as it all flashed through her mind and she couldn’t breathe-

“What happened in there?” he asked slowly. She shook her head.

“I can’t- p-please, stop,” she stuttered.

The sob she had been holding back finally broke and she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He softened, loosening his grip.

“Hey,” he murmured. “It’s alright. No more questions, I promise.”

“Alistair...”

He wrapped his arms around her. “Teagan is waiting back at Haven, so we’ll go there, and then we’ll get everything fixed up. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

When she didn't respond, he began slowly rubbing her back and rocking from side to side with her. Panic faded into a calm numbness as she focused on him, only him, and tried to block out everything else. It was dizzying, sinking from feeling so much to nothing. The anxiety left her still shaking with a cold pit in her stomach.

“I want to go home,” she said, her voice trembling.

He was quiet for a long moment. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have edited this chapter so many times. I'm so glad I can finally post it so I don't have to edit it anymore. I was very fussy with this whole section, considering it's one of the more important ones for Elissa specifically. But! It's done!
> 
> Now Elissa has to go back to Haven and deal with the aftermath of what happened in Redcliffe. Next chapter has one of my favorite scenes I've written so far so I'm really pumped for it.
> 
> Until then, come visit my tumblr (connorguerrin) where I post WIPs and graphic edits for Snowdrops, and also I like talking to people!


	6. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition returns to Haven and deals with the outcomes of their new alliance with the mages.

The trip back to Haven was miserable. They stayed in the castle that night to give the mages time to prepare for travel, and left the next morning. No one said anything as Elissa and Alistair went to the same room, far from the family wing. Not that it was anything untoward - Alistair was her best friend, one of the few she truly trusted without question, and besides all of that, she was married to his uncle. She just couldn’t stand being alone, especially not  _ there _ , and she always felt safe with him.

(When Elissa wondered out loud why there hadn’t been a single comment, Alistair suggested, only half-joking, that they were all too afraid of Leliana to dare. Elissa had to muffle her laugh into her pillow.)

In the morning, he tried convincing her to ride with him rather than on her own horse. She refused; no matter how much she wanted to, she could not show her weakness in front of the Inquisition. He looked at her like he wanted to argue but thankfully dropped it. For the most part, everyone else left her alone, and she saw all of the scouts and soldiers reporting to Leliana rather than her.   

Dorian was the only other person who spoke to her. Whether it was because of their shared experience or simply because she was the only one who would talk to him at all, she couldn't be sure, but she appreciated it all the same. He complained about the cold, the dog smell, bland food, ridiculous Inquisition uniforms, anything and everything. Elissa almost felt normal again. She wondered how much it was on purpose when he'd make a particularly overdramatic comment and she'd catch him watching for her smile.

“I think you would like my nephew,” she commented after one such joke. “I know you met, sort of, but...”

When she realized what she had said, she flinched. He gave her a sad smile.

“I'd like that,” he said softly.

Once they reached Haven, she gave out orders, said she needed time to prepare her report, and rushed off to her cabin before anyone could stop her. Alistair tried to, but she slipped away before he had a chance to say anything.

She tore her armor off, dropping it to the floor along with the rest of her clothes. She could not stand being in them again. They were soaked in sweat, dirt, and blood, and stank of death. 

There was a small bucket of water with a note a serving man had left saying it was for her upon her return, and she immediately dipped into it. She had to get it all off, even if it meant tearing her skin away to do it.

When she looked down, her skin was red and raw and burning, even bleeding a little in some places. She rinsed them carefully and picked out new clothes with long sleeves and a high collar to hide her injuries, self-inflicted and otherwise.

She could fall apart later, after the Breach was closed. Until then, she just had to survive. Keep attention away from herself, isolate herself. She was good at that.

The Breach was more important. Once it was closed, she could go back home and block the whole thing out of her mind entirely.  _ If you can go home at all _ , a terrified voice in the back of her mind reminded her.  _ If you can stand being there. _

She wasn’t sure if they would all still be in the Chantry. Their small group had arrived with the mages less than an hour ago, but was that enough time for Leliana and Dorian to give their report? Dorian had offered to buy her time to calm down, but how long could he possibly stall them? She walked over anyway, trying not to make any eye contact. If they were there, she would talk, and if not, she could write it to pass along.

Elissa pushed the large door to the Chantry open just as Josephine said brusquely, “If we rescind the offer of an alliance, it makes the Inquisition appear incompetent at best, tyrannical at worst!”

“What’s going on?” Elissa called out to announce herself.

They all turned to look at Elissa as she let the door swing shut behind her. Dorian started to greet her, but Cullen interrupted him. 

“What were you thinking, turning mages loose with no oversight? The Veil is torn open!” he shouted.

She stopped a few feet from the group and folded her arms over her chest. If he wanted a fight, she was in no mood to stop him. “They’re people, and they deserve the same respect as anyone else. Not to be harassed by the very people they left the Circles to get away from.”

“This is not about respect! Any mage can be overcome by demons, even children. You should know that better than most,” he snapped.

All of the other advisors tensed. Elissa kept her eyes locked with his as she stepped forward until she was nearly touching him. He was at least a full head taller than her, but still he shrank back under her glare.

“Let me make one thing clear,” she snarled. “I tolerate your presence because I do not have a choice. But don’t you  _ ever _ speak of my nephew like that again, you disgusting-”

“Herald-”

“And  _ stop  _ calling me the  _ Herald! _ ”

“I will not let you endanger our people out of misguided sentimentality!” he shouted back. “If you cannot do what needs to be done to keep people safe,  _ I will. _ ”

She shoved him and his back hit the pillar behind him. He winced and Elissa distantly heard a gasp from behind them. She held him against the wall with one arm; even with all his armor, he underestimated a Warden’s strength. Elissa would not - could not - allow him to harm her family. He would not even get  _ near _ Connor.

She pressed harder when he tried pushing back, growling. “Do not think that I will hesitate to take you out if you threaten my family again!”

Elissa reached behind her to get the knife hanging from her belt, and a hand darted out and grabbed her arm, yanking her back. She glared back at Leliana, who was holding her in a vice grip. Cullen pushed her the rest of the way off and moved on her in turn. Elissa tried pulling out of Leliana’s grasp, and Leliana just pulled her back even more. Before Cullen could advance any further, Cassandra stepped between them with a hand on his chest.

“Enough,” she ordered firmly. “The sole point of Lady Elissa’s mission was to gain the mages’ aid, and that was accomplished.”

Leliana finally loosened her grip on Elissa’s arm, taking a step forward to further the gap between her and Cullen. Elissa took another step back and averted her eyes entirely. They would take it for embarrassment, but she was not ashamed. If she looked at Cullen for one more second, she certainly would have lashed out, and none of them could have stopped her.

After a long pause, Leliana smoothly shifted the focus from Elissa. “Fiona says it will take some time to prepare. With everything that has happened, they are all disorganized, and she has requested time for them to settle.”

Elissa took a deep breath. “Granted. I will begin planning once I finish writing up my official report. Is my husband still in Haven?”

“Yes, my lady,” Josephine said carefully. “I believe he went to speak to King Alistair, when he could not find you.”

“Thank you. Dismissed until tomorrow morning, eight bells.”

She did not have the authority to do that, but they obeyed all the same. Leliana hesitated and mouthed the word “later”, and Elissa nodded. As though she would have a choice, if Leliana decided she wanted to talk. The others looked reluctant to go, as tense as she still was and that Cullen was not leaving with them, but they soon left.

Only Dorian and Cullen remained.

“I’d like to get a closer look at the Breach, if possible,” Dorian said casually, as though the fight had never happened.

“You’re staying?”

“Oh, didn’t I mention? The South is so rustic and charming, I adore it to little pieces. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for the time being.”

That got a real smile out of her. She laughed softly. “I don’t know how I shall manage. Go ask Leliana, tell her I sent you. She’ll find someone to bring you to the temple.”

He dipped into a low, sarcastic bow and left. The door to the Chantry echoed loudly in the remaining silence.

“Herald, may I speak to you for a moment?”

She locked gazes with Cullen again. She had no intention of going back on her word, and she was not going to argue with him again. If he pushed, she would not hesitate to push back.

“What is it, commander?” she said, holding her voice steady and cool.

“I will not apologize for being careful, and I still believe that the mages should be watched in case of any incidents.” She broke eye contact to stare at the wall behind him. “But I will apologize for my comment about your nephew. It was unworthy of me.”

“I also meant what  _ I _ said, Commander. If I discover any Templars following mages or making them uncomfortable, there will be consequences, for them and for you as well. I will not tolerate any harassment in our ranks, for any cause.”

“As you wish,” he ground out.

She nodded to him and stormed out of the room before he could say anymore. She could not get away from him fast enough.

On the way to Haven, Alistair had said he was residing in one of the cabins close to the Chantry, at the Inquisition’s insistence. As she walked down the road, it became obvious which one he meant, as it was  _ surrounded _ by the royal guard. 

The guard parted when she approached, allowing her through without a word. She would be concerned if she wasn’t so well known in the palace in Denerim. One of the guards jumped forward to knock on the door for her.

“Yes?” Alistair called from inside.

“Lady Elissa is here, Your Majesty!”

“Oh! Let her in!”

The guard opened the door, and after she slipped in shut it behind her again. Alistair sat on the edge of the bed, giving her a tight smile but avoiding meeting her eyes. Teagan looked up at her and immediately rushed forward as though to hold her. But he stopped himself a short distance away hesitantly.

They knew.

“Did Dorian tell you what happened?” she asked quietly. 

“Just the basics,” Alistair murmured.

She nodded stiffly. “But not all of it.”

“No, he... said you should be the one to say it.”

“I have to write my report, on all of it. I don’t think... I don’t think I can say any of it out loud.” She bit her lip to push down the anxiety threatening to take over again. “Not yet.”

“You don’t have to,” Teagan said softly. She smiled and her breath caught.

“Can I, ah... Write it in here? I don’t want to be alone.”

“You know I can’t say no to you,” Alistair teased. 

She huffed a laugh that sounded more like a sob. Gingerly, she sat at the small table in the room. Teagan settled into the chair beside hers and she hesitated.

“I can go, if you wish,” he said quietly. 

She shook her head. “No, please. It’s... not you.”

He nodded and slipped his arm around her shoulder, resting his hand on her back. As she started writing, she realized just how difficult to was to put what had happened into words. How could she word it that anyone would understand, let alone believe her? By the end, she was shaking again, barely able to hold the pen. Unable to look at it after scribbling out the last words, she threw the pen onto the table and covered her face with her hands. The feeling of drowning came back and it was becoming harder to breathe through the cold spreading out from her chest. Teagan moved closer and rubbed her back.

“If you need to stop, then stop,” he said more firmly.

“Read it,” she mumbled. “I can’t... I can’t say it. But I want to.”

“Alright.” 

She leaned against him, head on his shoulder, while he picked up the papers and read them silently. She heard Alistair stand and move behind them to read over Teagan’s shoulder, touching Elissa’s arm gently so she knew he was there.

Teagan tensed and she knew he had finished. “Oh, Lissa...”

Her eyes filled with tears and she closed them against the blur. He turned in his chair and held her tightly. Her chest hurt, and she was so tired, and  _ Maker _ she wanted to just stay in his arms forever.

“We’re all safe,” he whispered roughly. “None of that is  _ ever _ going to happen.”

“I can’t do this,” she sobbed.

“Yes, you can.”

“Teagan...”

He kissed her forehead gently. “You can. You made it out of that room. And you’ll make it through this, too.”

“You’re not alone,” Alistair added.

She took a deep breath and tried to stay above the surface. “Okay. I... Okay.”

Alistair touched her arm again, squeezing gently. She reached one shaking hand back to hold his and gave a thin smile.

“When I leave tomorrow, I’ll bring all of this back with me,” he promised. “We can at least prepare, now that we know what to look for. It’s something.”

“No one else will believe it, it sounds  _ ridiculous. _ ”

“Both of us do. Anora will. You know Fergus will. To the Void with anyone else, honestly - between us, we can do whatever needs to be done.”

She nodded and murmured, “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

The next day, Alistair had to leave again. Saying goodbye was always difficult, especially having to do so in a public space. She could feel the entire Inquisition’s eyes on her as she approached him, but she didn’t care. Not saying goodbye properly was not an option.

He waited for her to make the first move, fully aware of their audience. Elissa wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head with her ear to his chest. He held her, one hand on the side of her head, the other rubbing small circles across her shoulders.

“I’ll miss you,” he said softly. She closed her eyes against the tears climbing her throat.

“I always miss you,” she said back. 

“This won’t be forever. I plan on writing to you every day until you’re home again.”

She giggled. “Your messengers will hate you.”

He hummed in thought. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe not  _ every _ day. But most of them.”

“Are you  _ trying  _ to start up old rumors, Your Majesty?” she teased. It had taken  _ years _ for the rumors to die down that she and Alistair were secret lovers, and that their respective marriages were just covers. Eamon certainly believed it, only  _ he  _ had directly confronted her about it, and Elissa had laughed in his face.

Alistair  _ did _ have a mistress, but it certainly wasn’t Elissa. Surana would have been very put out if she was. 

She laughed as his face went bright red. “Maker’s  _ breath _ , Lissa!” 

“You  _ love _ me.”

“I do,” he said softly. “I love you, Lissa. And I will miss you.”

She bit her lip, her breath hitching on a sob. He was her partner, her best friend, who she trusted more than most others. He was  _ family _ . They were apart most of the time, and she did always miss him, but it felt so much worse after everything that had happened. The thought of him leaving was like a knife in her gut.

“I love you too,” she murmured.

“Will you be alright?” he asked softly.

She shrugged. “I have to be. I’ll be okay.”

“Well. You know where to find me.”

Elissa pushed against him, stepping back. She had to put distance between them, or she would never let him leave. He smiled sadly and dropped his hands to her shoulders.

“You should get going before it gets dark,” she said quietly. He nodded.

“I will. Take care of yourself, please,” he begged.

“I will.”

And with that, he was gone. She wanted to go back to hiding in her cabin, but Teagan knew her well enough to stop her. He could not stay with her all the time, but he always made her promise she wouldn’t lock herself away. She tried at least, for his sake. Baby followed her around Haven, pushing her back when she strayed too close to the cabin, and Elissa rolled her eyes more than once. He couldn’t keep an eye on her, so he had her dog do it instead, and Baby was more than happy to do it. Weren’t mabari only supposed to take orders from their master?

The items she had asked for from the Warden storehouse in Denerim arrived a day later, sent by Anora, since Alistair had not returned to the capital and no other Wardens were answering her. Even her own Wardens in Amaranthine were silent, and it was worrying. All the more reason to put Blackwall through the ritual as quickly as possible.

And someone else, as well.

The day the items arrived, she sought out Felix. The Inquisition had wanted to imprison him alongside his father, but Elissa refused. She had argued that he was their ally, and deserved to be treated as such. It was true, but not the entire story. No, none of them could know the rest of it. 

She remembered what he had looked like, even one year in the future. She could not allow him to suffer from that fate, regardless of his father’s crimes. Just as she had recruited Nathaniel, she would recruit him as well, even if he decided to leave the Wardens after. Elissa knew what it was like to be forced into the Order. She could not force it on anyone else

She found him outside of Adan’s hut, sat on a bench and looking entirely miserable. She stopped in front of him and folded her hands behind her back.

“Felix?”

He startled and looked up at her, and her heart broke. She had no idea what the Taint did to those who had not undergone the Joining, especially not after living with it as long as he had. He recovered quickly, giving her a small smile.

“Hello, my lady,” he said quietly.

“I would like to speak privately with you about something, if you are willing,” she asked.

He nodded. “Of course. Where would you...?”

“My cabin? It is a matter of utmost secrecy - though I do not mean to alarm you with that - and it is the only place I trust to be truly private.”

He fidgeted on the bench for a moment before standing shakily. “Of course, my lady.”

She walked slowly through the village, making sure not to lose him in the crowds of pilgrims and workers. The area around her cabin was empty, save a few guards, who parted at her insistence. They seemed reluctant to do so, likely hand-picked by Leliana to ensure her safety, but it wasn’t necessary.

“If Sister Leliana asks, tell her I ordered you to,” she said gently. “She can be as angry with me as she wants. You’re just following orders.”

“Y-yes, my lady!”

The cabin was, for once, empty. Baby was asleep on one of the beds, and wouldn’t wake unless Elissa physically moved him. Teagan had gone with Lydia and Connor to the mages’ camp, to check in with the Grand Enchanter and ensure they had everything they needed. She trusted Teagan, Maker knew that between her and Alistair telling him he already knew most of the Wardens’ secrets, but this wasn’t just a Warden issue.

“May I ask what this is about, my lady?” Felix asked once the door was shut and locked. “I told Sister Leliana everything I know about the Venatori.”

“Did Dorian tell you exactly what happened to us?” she asked quietly. 

He nodded, shifting uncomfortably. She gestured to one of the chairs and for a moment relief washed over his face as he sank into it. She stayed standing, arms folded over her chest.

“You were sent forward in time.”

“Yes.”

“I’m guessing this is about what you saw of me?”

“Did he also tell you about that?”

“No,” he sighed. “He thinks he’s protecting me. I just have a good imagination.”

There was nothing she could say to refute that. She wasn’t the only one who had suffered that night.

“So you know that I’m dying from the Blight,” he finished.

She let her hands fall to her sides. “I do. And I know that there is a way to save you, if you would be willing.”

“There... is?” 

He was skeptical. With good reason, of course, she thought. His father had gone to a cult to do it, how much better could her option be? She was determined to be honest, Warden secrets be damned, even if he said no.

“Joining the Grey Wardens is a cure, of a sort,” she said slowly. “Not permanently, of course, but it could give you another thirty years.”

His eyes went wide and he seemed at a loss for words. She continued when he said nothing. “There are still some side effects, such as nightmares, but I have a feeling you have already been dealing with those.”

“I would have to join the Wardens, though?”

“No,” she said firmly. “Even if you take the Joining, I will not force you to do anything. It would be appreciated, but unnecessary.”

“But why?”

“I was forced into the Wardens myself, during the last Blight. I would not put anyone through what I went through, but I would also not deny you a chance at life.”

“I... see.”

She softened, taking a step closer. “You do not have to decide now. Tonight, I have another recruit who will undertake the Joining, shortly after the sun sets. If you decide yes, meet us at the cabin near the lake, outside the village gates. If you do not show, I will take that as your answer, and I will not pressure you.”

He took a deep breath. “Thank you. I will think about it.”

After he left, she sat on the edge of the bed, covering her face with her hands. She was sinking, the guilt pulling her down even as she denied it. It wasn’t much of a chance, it wouldn’t save him for good, but she was offering extra time. But that just meant decades more of suffering and waiting to die, just like she was. How could she justify doing that to someone?

The door creaked open and she sat up straight, bracing herself with her hand on the dagger on her leg. Lydia walked in quietly and Elissa relaxed, putting on her best smile.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with your father?”

Lydia shrugged. “Yeah. I wanted to come back.”

“He’ll be worried about you, you know,” she scolded.

“I told Connor where I was going!”

“Did you?”

“Sort of. I think he heard me? It was very noisy down there, I didn’t like it.”

Elissa sighed and stood up, crossing the room to her. “I know. I didn’t like it either at first. But you need to make sure they know where you are, alright?”

“Yes, momma.”

She held out her hand, and Lydia took it in her smaller one. Lydia had only been away in the Circle for a few short years, but it felt like a lifetime since Elissa had truly been able to be with her. She shook away the sinking feeling again and focused on smiling.

“Let’s go find your father, before he tears down all of Haven looking for you,” she joked. Lydia giggled and rushed forward, dragging Elissa after her.

“Let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day, I will upload this during the _day_ rather than at night. Woops.
> 
> Next chapter up on 3/17! The Joining, and Elissa making some new friends!


	7. In War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa oversees a Joining, and then goes to recruit more help for the Inquisition.

Fiona helped finish the Joining preparations. Elissa knew most of the ritual, but she saw quickly why there were always at least two Wardens attending. The thought of doing it alone was daunting. Fiona had been happy to help when Elissa asked.

“The Joining is not something any Warden should go through alone,” she said simply.

Elissa took the part of the junior member. She was hardly a new Warden, and Fiona had left the order years ago, but Elissa felt wrong taking the lead. Blackwall arrived first, and to Elissa’s great relief, Felix arrived shortly after. She gave him a reassuring smile as he entered the cabin, and he tried to return it.

Fiona explained the tenets of the order, the true purpose of the Joining, everything that it entailed. Elissa kept her eyes on the floor with her hands folded behind her back. It had been years since she had attended a Joining.

Her own Joining was still so clear, like it happened a month ago, rather than a decade. Watching Daveth bravely take the cup and then fall. Duncan running Ser Jory through. Holding the cup in her hands as she gave up the last of her life as a teyrn’s pretty daughter.

She remembered giving the Joining in Amaranthine, how guilty she had felt as Mhairi died at her feet.

Elissa never forgot the finality of the Joining. There could be no turning back.

“Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant,” she said softly. “Join us, as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten, and that one day we shall join you.”

Blackwall’s face was hard when she turned to him and help out the cup. He stepped forward to meet her and took it from her hands. If he survived, perhaps he would begin to understand the true nature of the order, and the weight of the lies he had told. He drank deeply and immediately slumped forward with a gasp. Elissa took the cup from his hands, watching cautiously as he rasped for air. He fell backwards and Elissa’s heart stopped.

His chest still rose and fell. Elissa let out a heavy breath. At least one would survive.

She turned to Felix next. None of the nerves or anxiety she had anticipated showed in him. The Joining was a risk, one not everyone was willing to take. It made a disturbing kind of sense that he was not afraid - if one was to die either way, what was the point in worrying about the details?

Elissa stepped up to him, holding out the cup.

“This is your last chance to turn back,” she said softly.

He straightened up and nodded. “I’m ready.”

He took the cup from her hands and she stepped back next to Fiona. Fiona placed a hand on her arm to steady her. It was one thing to put someone through the Joining who you were sure would survive. There was no telling if Felix would be able to handle it. He had survived the Taint for so long, but how long could he do it? Would the Joining even help, or just quicken his decline?

He drank from the cup, took in a few ragged breaths, and collapsed backwards, just as Blackwall had. The cup clattered to the floor beside him. Elissa waited until she could see his breaths. Both of them would live. She hadn’t killed either of them.

Fiona stayed by her side, speaking softly to her. “They will wake soon. You have done well. I know Duncan would be proud of you.”

Elissa rubbed her eyes harshly. “Thank you,” she murmured.

The two would need to be outfitted with new gear. She had promised Felix he did not have to stay, but she had a feeling he would not take that offer.

Felix woke first, pale but looking healthier than he had since Elissa had met him.

“What was that?” he mumbled as he sat up.

Elissa helped him to stand, keeping her hands on his shoulders to keep him that way. “The nightmare, you mean?”

“Y-yes. Those were Darkspawn.”

“Yes. You will have those dreams for some time, I’m afraid,” she said gently. “They fade over time, and I can help you practice blocking out the Taint. There are other things both of you must know, but they can be explained in the days to come. For now, you should get some rest.”

“Yes, my lady.”

She held one hand up in front of her. “No. Now, we are equals. Just Elissa.”

He nodded with a quick smile. “Elissa.”

It was longer before Blackwall woke. Elissa encouraged Fiona to retire, insisting she had the situation well in hand. She led Felix off to explain more of the order while Elissa remained in the cabin. She rose from her seat when Blackwall finally stirred.

“Maker’s balls, what in the Void was that?” he groaned.

She went through the same explanation that she had with Felix, handing Blackwall his oath pendant. Being a Warden and pretending to be one were very different, and she needed to be sure he was aware of that. To her surprise he took to it easily.

“It truly is an honor,” he explained when she asked. “It was an honor to even uphold the few ideals I knew of, but to fight for all of them? It is the worthiest thing I have ever done.”

“I would like you to remain with the Inquisition, at least until the matter of the missing Wardens is resolved,” she said. He nodded.

“Of course. On your order, ah...” He drifted off, unsure of her rank. His uncertainty was understandable, considering how fluid and nebulous ranks within the Wardens could be at times, and his experience in a much more organized military.

“Senior Warden,” she supplied. “I surrendered the rank of commander to Alet Surana when I married my husband. Aside from my seniority within the order, you and I are equals. Elissa will do just fine.”

“Alright then. On your order, Elissa,” he said firmly.

“I am meeting with Felix tomorrow, before we head to the Breach, to discuss other Warden matters you both must be aware of.”

“I will be there.”

“Good. Dismissed, Warden.”

She returned to her own cabin that night feeling more exhausted than she had any right to. It had gone well. Despite her fears, Felix had survived, and was better for it. Blackwall was truly a Warden rather than a pretender, and she knew he would be a good one.

Lydia and Connor were asleep in one shared bed, with Lydia taking up most of the bed and squishing her cousin against the wall. Elissa removed her boots and leathers as quietly as she could in the dark.

When she settled into her own bed, she found Teagan still awake and waiting for her. She lied down with her back to him, and he immediately wrapped one arm around her and pressed against her, kissing where her neck met her shoulder.

“How was it?” he asked in a whisper.

She held his hand where it rested beside her chest. “Both survived.”

“Good.”

He squeezed her shaking hand, sighing into her shirt. She should not have been sad. It was a good thing. There could be no downside to growing the order, especially with so many missing. Recruiting and training Wardens had been her job for years. Why could she not calm down?

She _had_ killed them, she admitted to herself. She put a time limit on Blackwall that he had not had before, and for Felix, she had just extended his time, not saved him. Her breath caught and Teagan shushed her.

“You did the right thing, Lissa,” he said. “There was nothing else you could do.”

She nodded and bit her lip to hold back her tears. She wished she could believe him.

 

* * *

 

“Lady Cousland, arlessa of Redcliffe, representing the Inquisition.”

Elissa entered the main hall of the manor awkwardly, sweeping the bulk of her skirts out of her way. It had been some time since she had been required to wear a gown, but it was a formal party, in Orlais. There was nothing to be done about it. Of course, it was her own gown, meaning it had been fitted to hold hidden weapons, be flexible, and was lined with furs.

The gathered nobles all made small talk, asking after the Inquisition’s accomplishments, and oh the things they had heard! Half of them couldn’t _possibly_ be true! And likely weren’t, Elissa groused to herself, considering the few she _had_ heard.

“And how is your husband, my lady? It has been _ages_ since he has been to court!”

“He is well, my lord. I know he has missed Orlais dearly.” No, he didn’t. Teagan _hated_ going to Orlais. He had been _thrilled to death_ about pushing the responsibility onto someone else after the incident with Gaspard. “I will pass along your regards, absolutely.”

“The Inquisition should attend more of these gatherings!”

“We would be glad to, I shall make the suggestion to Ambassador Montilyet the moment I return to Haven.” No, she wouldn’t.

“The Inquisition? Ha! What a load of _pig shit._ ”

That was a new one, and decidedly more honest than the others. Elissa watched a man descend the steps from the upper level as he glared and postured, strolling up to her with _far_ too much self-importance. Elissa held her head high and folded her hands in front of her to keep them steady.

“Just a bunch of washed out sisters and crazed Seekers, led by a _dog lord_ of all things!, grasping at power,” he spat. Elissa rolled her eyes.

“How charming,” she said drily. “Is there a point in this act, or do you simply hope this show will get you attention?”

“Were you a lady of honor, you would step outside and answer the charges!”

Elissa was half-ready to indulge him. Unfortunately for him, it was not her first time at court. He was trying to provoke her into a fight to prove his point, that she was a stupid barbarian. For all she knew, he was working for Gaspard, hoping for a second attempt at discrediting Ferelden after his plot against Teagan failed.

Before she could answer him properly, ice climbed across his chest, freezing him with his hand halfway to the blade on his back. Hard heels clicked down the marble steps, deafening in the silence of the hall.

“My dear marquis, how unkind of you to use such language in _my house,_ to _my guests._ ” The woman sauntered down the steps, holding the spell in place. “You know such rudeness is intolerable.”

The man sputtered. “Madame Vivienne, I-I humbly beg your pardon!”

“You should.”

She stepped around him, glancing at him for only a moment before turning to Elissa. “My lady, you are the wounded party in this unfortunate affair. What would you have me do with this foolish, _foolish_ man?”

Elissa held herself straight, nodding slightly to Madame Vivienne. “I believe the marquis has learned the error of his ways.”

Madame Vivienne nodded back. She turned back to the marquis, and with a flourish and a snap, released the spell. The marquis stumbled and stared at Elissa in shock.

“By the grace of Andraste, you have your life, my dear,” Madame Vivienne said smoothly. “Do be more _careful_ with it.”

The marquis scrambled away, and the rest of the attendants went back to pretending they hadn’t been watching the whole time. Elissa tried to keep her face neutral. She had been expecting an attack such as that since the Conclave, but she still was not prepared for it to actually happen. It hurt more than it should have.

Madame Vivienne walked back to her, speaking softly.

“I am delighted you could attend this little gathering. I’ve so wanted to speak with you. Follow me, so we might speak privately.”

“Of course.”

Madame Vivienne led her down the hall, away from prying eyes and listening ears. She stopped by a large window, providing a view of the entire garden. It must have looked lovely in the daylight, Elissa thought absently.

“It is a pleasure to see you again, my dear,” Madame Vivienne said kindly. Elissa gave a small bow.

“You as well, Madame Vivienne. It has been some time since the arl and I have been able to visit the imperial court, as you can imagine.”

“Ah, yes, I heard you were sheltering the rebels. They have joined the Inquisition in Haven now, yes?”

“Yes,” Elissa sighed. “I had hoped to meet with you sooner, until the trouble with Tevinter.”

Madame Vivienne laughed. “No matter. To the point, then. As the leader of the last loyal mages of Thedas, I feel it only right that I lend my assistance to your cause, if you will have it.”

Elissa nodded to her. “Of course. I would be honored, and the Inquisition would be happy to have you.”

“There will be no issue with the rebels, I presume?”

“None.”

“Then I thank you, Lady Elissa. I must settle things here before I can leave.”

“Of course,” Elissa said politely. “How long do you believe it will be before you are ready to travel to Haven?”

Vivienne shrugged the question off. “It will be nothing. Two days time, and I will travel with you.”

“Perfect. Thank you.”

Elissa ended up assisting her with some of the duties as head of the household. Duke Bastien would normally have handled the matters himself, but he was indisposed for reasons Vivienne would not say. Elissa offered her assistance willingly, in any case.

The trip to Haven was not a difficult one, fortunately. The Orlesian civil war caused some skirmishes in the distance, but they purposely kept from the smaller roads not used for trade. The few that tried to attack their party were quickly disposed of, or surrendered the moment they saw the Mark on Elissa’s palm. It had to be useful for something, at least.

It left plenty of time for conversation. Vivienne was a brilliant woman, one of the most skilled players in the Game. Elissa had only met her once or twice while in Orlais, but she stood out among her peers. They discussed everything from court intrigues to the Chantry, and even magical theory. Elissa was woefully unprepared for that last topic, but she could, at the very least, offer her experiences and questions for Vivienne to dissect.

“Are there different levels of possession?” she asked carefully. It was something she had wondered about for years, but had never received a straight answer on.

“I suppose that depends on what you mean by levels, my dear.”

“Like, you know what an abomination looks like,” she said cautiously. “Monstrous. Barely looks like a person anymore. But I have seen instances of the mage retaining their body entirely, even maintaining partial or full control of themselves.”

“You speak of your nephew, of course,” Vivienne suggested smoothly.

Elissa flinched. “You know of him?”

“Of course I do, my dear. I would be a poor First Enchanter if I did not know of such a monumental achievement in magic.”

“I suppose it is uncommon?”

“It was theorized one could enter the Fade in such a manner,” Vivienne allowed, “but never done outside of Tevinter. Even then, it was unclear how much blood or lyrium would be required to actually _do_ it.”

“The blood mage who told us about the ritual said it would take sacrificing a person to have enough blood to fuel it. We were fortunate he had stumbled upon it.”

“One is not typically fortunate when blood magic is involved.”

“No, this was a unique case.”

Vivienne considered what she had said for a moment. “To your original question, I suppose there could be different degrees of control. I have never heard of maintaining full control, but of course most who become possessed in any case are executed in the Circles if they do not escape, and they do not escape for long.”

“Did you know Senior Enchanter Wynne?” Elissa asked.

“Of course, my dear.”

“She was joined with a spirit of Faith,” she explained. “In fact, she is the one who led me to my question. Once she asked me if I believed a mage could become an abomination, and still maintain their humanity.”

“And your answer?”

“If one maintains their humanity, they are not an abomination.”

“That is quite different from Chantry teachings,” Vivienne said, her tone carefully neutral. Elissa shrugged.

“I had just spoken to a terrified young boy, who cried and begged me to do whatever I had to do to ensure the demon would not use him to harm his family,” she said softly. “Regardless of what the Chantry teaches, killing him would have been wrong. What was done to him was _wrong._ ”

Vivienne said nothing to that. Elissa focused on stroking her horse’s back, digging her fingers into its fur. She would never regret saving Connor. If the Chantry decided it was better she have innocent blood on her hands than accept mages as people, she didn’t give a damn what they thought of her. Family and duty came first, before any obligation to a god who encouraged the deaths of children and called it a mercy.

When Vivienne finally spoke, her voice was low. “I may be loyal to the Chantry, but that does not mean I agree with all of its doctrine.”

Elissa stared down the road ahead of them. “I trust this will remain between you and I?”

“Of course. I did not rise to my station by publicly decrying Chantry law, Lady Elissa.”

“I am glad we are of one mind in that, at least. I am happy to work beside you, Madame Vivienne.”

 

* * *

 

“Why d’you even bother with the knives when you can shoot like that?”

Elissa glanced at Sera, who was perched on the fence, and lowered her bow. She usually didn’t like using a bow, but it couldn’t hurt to at least be able to if she had to. The target was full of holes, but targets didn’t _move_.

“There’s a lot of guesswork with a bow I don’t have to deal with when I’m directly in front of someone,” she said dryly.

“Not if you know what you’re doing. Bet they only taught you how to hit it when it’s right in the open,” Sera snorted.

“In my defense, I wasn’t really interested in learning to begin with,” Elissa admitted. “Who taught you?”

“No one.”

It had taken _years_ for Elissa to be half as good as Sera, and she’d been trained by her mother, one of the greatest fighters in Ferelden and otherwise. To have learned all of that herself was beyond impressive.

“Self taught?” she clarified.

“Yeah.” Sera shrugged. “What? I picked it up here and there. Mostly it just makes sense. It’s not like that for you?”

Elissa laughed. “Only when I’m bragging. I’ve always been better with knives. Hard to miss someone close enough to kick in the gut.”

Sera snickered. “Or lower places.”

Elissa walked to the target, ripping out the arrows she’d fired into it. “That too. It’s a harder target at fifty paces, especially with Darkspawn. Don’t really want to know what’s down there anyway.”

“Pfft! Most people get special, they lose their snerk. Can’t see how stupid it all is.”

Sera hopped down from the fence as Elissa stretched her arms above her head. She’d need to practice more if she was going to be any use with the bow like she wanted.

“I think I’ll like you, Lady Herald,” Sera said with a singsong voice. “Maybe you _are_ a little touched, yeah?”

Elissa couldn’t help the stupid smile and blush on her face. “I think I’ll enjoy having you around, Sera. I hope you’ll feel the same,” she said lightly.

Sera grinned back. “Lady Cousland is cheeky.”

The Chantry bell rang in the distance and Elissa counted the tones. One, two... She sighed. Three. Meaning she had to go and meet with the others to talk about the Templars at Therinfal Redoubt. Elissa had to stand as far from Cullen as possible during meetings because they were all certain that if Elissa was anywhere near him she would try to kill him again.

Like she would have actually killed him. Probably.

“That’s my cue,” she huffed. “I should get there before the commander tries kicking me out of the Inquisition. Or I kick him out.”

Sera snorted. “I suppose if you want a jackboot, you get a big one so you can grow into it.”

“Fair. I’ll see you later?”

“See ‘ya, Herald,” she teased. “Herald... Have to do something about that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost everyone from the inner circle is here now! I am the worst at summaries, omg.
> 
> Next update on 3/20. Elissa discusses whether or not to ask the Templars for help, which she very much doesn't want to do.


	8. Peacekeepers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition makes the decision to ask the Templars for assistance as well, against the protests of their Herald. Elissa goes to Therinfal Redoubt to talk to what remains of the Order about the Breach, and finds an even larger mess than she expected.

To say Elissa did not want the Inquisition to ally with the Templars was an understatement. She had no interest, considering their harassment of the rebel mages and attempts to break into the village to attack them. Their presence would endanger the mages in Haven as well. Trust was very thin, despite her efforts to smooth everything over. Some of the mages believed the Inquisition no better than the Chantry, and Elissa could not honestly refute them. Bringing the Templars in would just prove all of their fears.

But they needed help. The mages could help close the Breach, but very few could truly fight in a battle. Whoever opened the Breach in the first place, the Elder One that Alexius had mentioned,  would not remain hidden forever. The Inquisition needed a true army to protect itself and the people under its care, and the Templars were certainly a well-trained army.

It grated on her that she had to ask. She couldn’t ask Alistair and Anora to risk the support of the Landsmeet for her. She wouldn’t ask Fergus, though he would have the moment she sent the letter. They had new recruits signing up every day, but it was never enough, and most of them had no combat experience. Cullen did not have time to train every single one of them.

Elissa was sure that if she had been allowed in the same room as Cullen after their fight, he would have looked so smug about it all. 

And so, once enough Orlesian noble houses sent their agreements and flowery letters declaring their support for the Inquisition, Elissa had to go to Therinfal Redoubt and hope any of the Templars actually cared what the Orlesians thought. Elissa herself certainly didn’t. Josephine was certain it would work, though. Hopefully.

She decided to bring Varric, Vivienne, and The Iron Bull. Cassandra was extremely unhappy at being left in Haven. Elissa just couldn’t bring herself to trust Cassandra’s judgement on the matter; regardless of all that had happened, she still defended the Lord Seeker, and the Order, even more vehemently than Cullen at times. If they were going to make her do this, Elissa was going to do it her own way.

Lydia would not let her leave. On the morning Elissa was set to leave for Therinfal, Lydia blocked the door to the cabin. They were alone; Connor was with Dorian, and Teagan was in the chantry with Josephine. The plan had been to bring Lydia to the chantry as well before leaving, but Lydia wouldn’t allow it.

“Please don’t go,” she begged.

Elissa forced a thin smile. “I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

“You said that last time!” 

She folded her arms over her chest, sniffling and rubbing her eyes on her sleeve. Elissa sighed quietly and held her arms out. Lydia shook her head.

“No!” Another sniffle. “You’re just going to leave and you might not come back again!”

“Come here,” Elissa said softly.

She finally took a step forward and held her arms up in return, allowing Elissa to bend down and lift her up. Slowly, Lydia wrapped her arms around Elissa’s neck and rested her cheek against the leather armor on her mother’s shoulder.

“I know what happened with the magister was very scary,” Elissa murmured. “And I am sorry I wasn’t there. But I came back, didn’t I? It just took me a little longer.”

“Yeah...”

She ran her hand across Lydia’s back. “I will always come back. I can promise you that: no matter what happens, I will always come back to you.”

Lydia nodded and sniffled again. “Okay.”

Elissa stood with her for a few moments more, rocking from side to side. The past months had been chaotic, and Elissa could imagine how terrifying it could be for a child. Lydia was still young enough to remember the time before she went to the Circle. Elissa wished she could truly bring her daughter home, with no threats or upheaval, and go back to how things were before the war.

She couldn’t, but she wanted it so badly it ached in her chest.

She leaned her head against Lydia’s for a moment. She had to return to her duties and leave, as much as she did not want to.

“Let’s go find your father, alright?” she suggested gently. 

Lydia nodded again. Elissa set her down on the floor and crouched down in front of her. She tucked Lydia’s hair behind her ears with a smile. Lydia tried to smile back.

“I love you, my darling girl,” Elissa said, holding out her hand.

Lydia took her hand. “I love you too.”

Lydia latched onto Teagan the moment they found him in the main hall of the chantry, one small fist wrapped around a portion of his shirt. He set his hand on her head, smoothing her hair back.

“Is everything all set then?” he asked cheerfully. 

Lydia shrugged and shifted closer to him. He smiled sadly to Elissa.

“If all goes well, I should be back within two weeks,” she promised. “If it doesn’t, I’ll be back in less.”

He laughed softly. “I’m sure.”

Careful of Lydia, Elissa stepped in to hug him tightly. He held her, one arm around her waist and the other hand on the back of her head.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he whispered so Lydia would not hear.

Elissa turned her head to kiss his shoulder. “I’ll be fine.”

“After... everything?”

“Yes. I’m alright.” She pulled back to kiss him properly. “I won’t be alone, and I am absolutely positive the Templars have not figured out time travel.”

He still looked unsure, but let her go anyway. “You will come back to me,” he ordered, his voice rough. 

She nodded. “I will. Always.”

She kissed him one last time, bent down to hug Lydia, and off she went. Leaving never grew easier, but she could bear it. She had to.

 

* * *

 

“Lady Cousland!” 

A man with a fairly plain mask approached her, with all of the condescending and ostentatious drama Elissa expected. She dipped her head in a shallow bow. The Inquisition might be able to twist her arm into allying with the Templars and a handful of unimportant Orlesian nobles, but they couldn’t make her respect any of them.

“Lord Abernache,” she greeted coolly. “I am honored by your presence here.”

“And I am honored to participate! It is not unlike the second dispersal reclaimed Dales!”

He turned to her companions. “Ah, Lady Vivienne! We met at last summer’s ball, the duke introduced us?”

Vivienne passed by him without sparing a glance, her tone dry and uninterested. “Indeed. I could not possibly forget the occasion.” 

He turned back to Elissa, as though Vivienne had not spoken at all. He was stepping on all of Elissa’s nerves but he just  _ kept talking. _

“The Lord Seeker is willing to hear our petition. A credit to our alliance with the Inquisition! Ten Orlesian houses walk with you, my lady,” he declared grandly. Elissa smiled politely.

“The Inquisition values this alliance, Lord Abernache,” she said, following her script.

“I don't suppose you would divulge what finally got the Lord Seeker's attention? Rumor will if you won't.”

She pursed her lips. Nasty little man. Josephine had said his gossip was reliable, but that meant he was good at digging it up as well. Fantastic.

“I am not sure what you mean, my lord.”

“The Lord Seeker will not meet us without you. Quite a surprise after your scuffle with him in Val Royeaux.”

There had been no mention of that. Lucius had not even deigned to reply to Cassandra’s requests, let alone any from the Inquisition as a whole. After Redcliffe, Elissa was wary of such figures wishing to meet with her personally.

“The Inquisition simply asks the Templars to assist in closing the Breach,” she said carefully.

“Then it has been arranged by your ambassador? Ah, well. Let the diplomats work their magic, if you trust them.”

He walked off down the path, waving for her to follow. She rolled her eyes the moment his back was turned but walked after him.

“Between you and I, the Chantry never took advantage of their Templars. Wiser heads should steer them,” he declared pompously.

She could not help the suspicion bleeding into her tone. “And who would you suggest, my lord?”

“Oh, I did not mean to offend, Lady Elissa! I meant nothing by it at all,” he covered quickly.

“Lead on, then, my lord.”

As they approached the fortress, Varric scoffed behind her. “It screams, I hate fun and kick puppies, doesn’t it?”

“Present well,” Abernache commanded rudely. “Everyone is a little tense for my liking.”

Elissa was just happy he hadn’t called her a dog lord yet.

A Templar greeted them at the front gate, hands folded behind his back. An Orlesian man introduced him as they approached.

“I present Knight-Templar Ser Delrin Barris, second son of Bann Jevrin Barris of Ferelden. Ser Barris, may I be so honored as to present Lord Es-”

Ser Barris passed right by Abernache to Elissa, not even sparing the Orlesians a second glance.

“I’m the one who sent word to Cullen,” he said quickly. “We were not expecting to see the Inquisition after it allied with the rebel mages. Nor did I think you would bring such... lofty company.”

Abernache sputtered, and Elissa staunchly ignored him. She dipped into a bow to Ser Barris, much deeper than the one she gave to Abernache, hoping the Orlesian would notice the slight.

“I apologize for all of the ceremony,” she said with a sigh. “I am glad the Order is willing to talk, at the very least.”

Abernache finally cut in, sneering. “Barris? Moderate holds, your family. In Ferelden. And the second son? Pah!”

Elissa leveled a glare at him to quiet him. He turned away like a petulant child. Barris stepped closer to Elissa, talking quietly. 

“The Lord Seeker’s actions make no sense. He promised to restore the Order’s honor, then marched us here to wait. Templars should know their duty, even when held from it.”

“And what is their duty?” she asked cautiously.

“Dispelling dangerous magic, for one,” he muttered. “A Templar’s duty is to protect the people, mage and non-mage alike. Sitting around here accomplishes none of that.”

“Don’t keep your betters waiting, Barris!” Abernache interrupted, again, as the man seemed incapable of keeping his mouth shut. “There is important work for those born to it!”

Elissa rolled her eyes again. “Careful what you say, Esmeral, lest I mistake your unprecedented insults towards Ser Barris as directed at myself. I understand allying with a second-born child grates on your delicate sensibilities, but I would ask that you keep it to yourself for the duration of our alliance.”

He blanched behind his mask, as though he had forgotten who Elissa was. Ass.

Barris nodded to her gratefully, then turned to pass through the gates into the fortress. Elissa followed him, brushing past Abernache without a second glance. The faster she could get this alliance or determine there was not one to be made, the faster she could go home.

 

* * *

 

The rite with the standards was mildly unnerving. It wasn’t the question itself, but the given answers. The people, the Order, and the Maker. Elissa could not imagine that the Lord Seeker did not already know her opinions on all matters, especially if he was as fixated on her as Ser Barris said. She never hid her disdain for the Order, certainly. But if that was what he wanted, she would do it. 

The people. The Maker. The Order.

Abernache argued about it of course, swearing up and down that the exercise was pointless and a waste of time. It was, but Elissa wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of agreeing with him. Lucius wanted to play games and yank her around, and she needed his support.

The office Barris brought them to was very large and nearly bare. The desk in the center was covered in papers and maps, but the rest of the space was filled with crates and Templars with helms covering their faces.

Elissa was growing more nervous with each passing moment.

“You don’t run a battlefield by committee!” Abernache shouted, bringing her back to the present.

Barris folded his arms behind his back again. “Without faith, you have no knights! You’ve-”

The far door slammed open, and three more Templars strode in. The one at the head was clearly of higher rank, and the others fell into step behind him.

“Knight-Captain?” Barris asked.

The Knight-Captain stopped just a few feet from Elissa. “You were expecting the Lord Seeker. He has sent me to die for you,” he said calmly.

Elissa spared a glance at Barris. He seemed as unsure as she was. He had whispered to her of trouble within the Order, superiors hiding their plans and reasons from their subordinates, and he was worried. Elissa bit the inside of her cheek. Even if the Templars could not be allies, something was clearly awry, and she could not leave it like that. In Redcliffe, she had seen the bodies of Templars lining the halls and encased in red lyrium. At the time, she had been too distracted to wonder at it, but now?

Something was very, very wrong.

And Abernache just could not shut up.

“Knight-Captain!” he greeted amicably. “Lord Esmeral Abernache, honored. It is not unlike the second dispersal reclaimed Dales.”

It was just the same greeting he had given Elissa outside. How was it possible that he was so oblivious to the tension?

He just kept going. “No doubt rank puts you above such things. A pity more people don’t understand that,” he finished, sneering at Barris again.

The Knight-Captain chuckled darkly and looked to Elissa. “This is the grand alliance the Inquisition offers?”

“I simply wish to meet with the Lord Seeker, and this seemed to be the best way to grab his attention,” she said carefully.

“The Lord Seeker had a plan, but the Herald ruined it by arriving with such purpose. It sowed too much dissent.”

Screams came from the direction he had entered from. Elissa slid her hands down to the hilts of her blades on her hip, and heard her companions reaching for their weapons behind her.

“I seem to have a talent for that,” she mumbled.

Barris stepped up to his Knight-Captain. “Knight-Captain, I must know what it is going on!”

They had not even told Barris. How deep did this corruption of the Order go?

“You were all supposed to be changed! Now we must purge the questioning knights!”

The screams grew louder and louder, followed by the sound of steel striking steel. Elissa slipped her sword and dagger up and shifted them in her hands. The Templars around the room encroached on them, trying to block them in. She took a step back towards The Iron Bull as he pulled the massive axe from his back.

“Plan, boss?” he asked in a whisper.

She shook her head. They would not make the first blow. If they could de-escalate the situation, make the Knight-Captain see reason, she needed to try.

Abernache made one last fatal mistake and ran his mouth.

“For once, I agree with the-”

He cried out and dropped to the floor, unmoving, an arrow sticking out of the side of his head. A Templar knocked another arrow onto his bow, aiming it right at Elissa. On cue, the other knights who had escorted Elissa into the fortress fell from blades or arrow, save Barris, who spun out of the way just in time to avoid the longsword plunging towards his back.

“Maker’s breath,” he gasped.

“The Elder One is coming!” The Knight-Captain shouted. “No one will leave Therinfal who is not stained red!”

Elissa swung one dagger around at the knight approaching on her left, striking him in the gap between his breastplate and helm. Blood spurted from his neck as she ripped it back out.

“Head further into the fortress,” she called out to the others. “Fight your way through! If they glow red, they die, but try to spare the rest!”

Vivienne cast out a barrier spell over them, draping it over Ser Barris as well. Elissa let it wash through her, took a deep breath, and struck out into the fray.

 

* * *

 

At the top of the long staircase leading to the inner keep, Lucius stood with his back to them, arms dangling at his sides without a weapon. Elissa slid her blades back into their sheaths cautiously as she approached. He didn’t seem armed, and she would prefer not to kill him, if she could. Not because he didn’t deserve it, but because he deserved worse.

“Lord Seeker?” she said. He didn’t even move to acknowledge her. “Lord Seeker!”

She kept one hand on her dagger, just in case. His head bowed down and she pulled the dagger out. If he moved, she would be ready. She let her guard down, sure she wouldn’t need it.

Just in time for him to spin around, grab the edge of her breastplate, and yank her forward. Elissa’s dagger clattered to the ground as she grabbed his arms to free herself.

“Boss!”

Lucius grinned as he dragged her back towards the door, which exploded into green light. Like a Rift. Panic rose in her throat and she struggled to get away from him, away from the Fade, away-

“At last,” Lucius growled.

The world flashed white.

Elissa blinked, twice to clear her vision, and her heart stopped. Instead of the keep, she was trapped in what looked like dungeons. It was dark and foggy, with towers of smoke barely resembling people floating about watching her. Flares of green light burst up every few seconds, highlighting burning bodies, just like those at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. A door lie in the far distance, blocked by pillars of flames.

She was in the Fade. There were only two instances that she could remember being awake in the Fade, and they had both been nearly a decade ago, but it wasn’t something one forgot. 

The Fade twisted to mimic one’s thoughts. If she just thought hard enough, imagined an exit...

The door was suddenly just a few feet in front of her, the flames at her back, leaving her untouched. Justice had told her that all those years ago in Amaranthine. At the time, she had found it interesting, but ultimately not worth noting - one didn’t plan on taking multiple trips to the Fade consciously, after all.

She honestly should have known better.

There was a loud gasp, and two figures appeared between her and the door. They were modeled after Josephine and Cullen, only just slightly off. Another figure, Leliana, walked out from the darkest corner of the room to stand between the other two.

“Is this shape useful? Will it let me know you?” Not-Leliana said stiffly. “Everything tells me about you. So will this.”

It walked up beside the apparition of Cullen with a knife pressed to his throat. Elissa kept her face carefully neutral.

“You are not the first demon to try this trick,” she said brusquely. “You don’t fool me.”

All of the apparitions stared at her with dead eyes. Not-Leliana dragged the blade across, spurting blood out on the fake dirt, and Not-Cullen collapsed into the ground.

“You don’t fool me,” the demon laughed in her voice as it backed into the darkness.

Not-Josephine stepped forward and circled around her, laughing. “Being you will be so much more interesting than being the Lord Seeker.”

Elissa kept her eyes trained on the demon. It disappeared right before her eyes into nothing, and she tensed, hands reaching for weapons that weren’t there.

“Do you know what the Inquisition can become?” the voice said gleefully from right over her shoulder.

Elissa startled and spun around, but the demon was already gone again. Maker’s breath. How could she fight something she couldn’t even see?

“When I’m done, the Elder One will kill you, and ascend! And then I will be you!”

“I will not fall to you, demon,” she yelled at the darkness.

The demon appeared again as Cullen in front of her. “I am not your toy! I am Envy, and I will know you!”

It stabbed a shadow that looked like her, right in the back, and she struggled not to flinch. It wasn’t real. She knew it wasn’t real. Leliana, Josephine, and Cullen were all back in Haven. It wasn’t real. 

“Tell me what you think.”

The figure in her image appeared in front of her, doubling over from a violent wound in its stomach. Elissa looked down as it collapsed, only to see the dagger in her own hand. Her throat closed up and she threw the knife down, stumbling back.

“Tell me what you feel!”

She looked around the room, and finally, she was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've played through CotJ twice ever, and Abernache just got on my nerves the whole time both times. I just could not imagine my incredibly stereotypically Fereldan, second-born Cousland who married a bann for love rather than politics, possibly tolerating him for more than 3.2 seconds.
> 
> I'm going to be honest, while I proof-read this last week I haven't looked it since then, so if there are errors/missing bits it is entirely my fault and I'm only partially sorry about it.
> 
> So! The next update is on 3/24! It _may_ be up later in the evening because I have plans that day, but I will try my best to get it up earlier! Next chapter, Elissa goes through the Fade and deals with Envy, and tries really hard not to just start screaming because she only likes 1 of the Templars (Barris) and she just really wants to go home.


	9. Therinfal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa fights her way through the Fade and back to Therinfal Redoubt, where she has to deal with the Templars, and what to do with them once Envy is defeated.

Elissa walked through scenes acting out her nightmares, a worst version of herself. Being interrogated by Cassandra. Giving out orders of conquest to the Inquisition’s soldiers in a bid for power.

“Our reach begins to match my ambition - but we will strive for more!” 

Elissa scoffed. “Is imitating me in place of your own life all you can do, demon?”

The demon hissed. “Accusing... trying to find my weakness. Is that the woman you are?”

“If you keep looking you’ll find I have quite a history of finding weaknesses in demons.”

The demon just laughed. It was a loud, obnoxious sound, and even attempting to will it away would not make it quiet. It grated on what was left of her nerves.

“Were you in earnest when you chose the people’s flag for the Standards? For when I am you, the people will never forget what you do to them!”

She clenched and unclenched her fists. “You had me play with flags to get a read on me? I thought you were an all-seeing demon who didn’t need to be helped along.”

“Silence! Do you see how glorious my Inquisition will be after you die at the hands of the Elder One?!”

Another voice joined the noise, softer and steady. “You’re hurting, helpless, hasty. What happens to the hammer when there are no more nails?”

The demon growled with its much scratchier voice. “What are you? Get out! This is my place!”

Elissa paused and looked around. The only door she could see was blocked by statues shooting out green flames. She needed to find her way out of the Fade. Maybe she needed to get to a place that looked like where she had entered it? But how would she even get there?

Another door suddenly appeared to the right. She steeled herself and walked through it, hoping if it came to a fight she could find something to use as a weapon.

It looked like a bedroom, with furniture on all four walls and the ceiling. A bed on the ground, a table and chairs on one wall, another set above, and a fireplace at the correct angle surrounded by chairs at the wrong one. Elissa hated the Fade. She groaned and turned back to the door. What a waste of time. Who knew how long it had been in the real world while she wandered?

“Wait.”

She whipped her head back around. That was the voice that had argued with Envy - another spirit? She turned fully back to the room, leaving the door open in case she needed to escape.

“Envy is hurting you,” the voice said right behind her.

She startled but didn’t look back. A boy appeared on the backboard of the bed, most of his face obscured by a large hat.

“Mirrors on mirrors on memories, a face it can feel but not fake. I want to help. You, not Envy!”

She frowned. “I’ve seen you before, haven’t I?” she asked cautiously.

“I’ve been watching,” he said simply. “I’m Cole. We’re inside you - or, I am. You’re always inside you.”

“You were in Therinfal. I saw you, as I was walking in.”

“Envy hurt you, is hurting you. I tried to help, and then I was here, in the hearing. It’s... It’s not usually like this,” he mumbled.

“And you want to help me?” she clarified.

“Yes. I was watching. I watch. Every Templar knew when you arrived. They were impressed, but not like the Lord Seeker,” he said, fidgeting with his sleeves.

“The Envy demon.”

“Yes. It twisted their commanders, forced their fury, their fight. They’re red inside.”

Envy had manipulated the Templars at Therinfal, and they had fallen into line easily. How deep did the corruption go? Was there any salvaging the Order?

He stood, and she could finally see his face. Pale blond hair, and bright blue eyes.

“Anyway, you’re frozen,” he said. “Envy is trying to take your face. I heard it, and reached out. And then in. And then... I was here.”

“So you’re a  _ spirit _ who  _ enters other people’s minds _ ?” 

“I can make you forget. That helps. Or... no. You need all of you to fight. Maybe later.”

“What manner of spirit are you?”

He shrugged. 

She sighed and folded her arms over her chest. “Alright, Cole. How do I get out of here?”

“It’s your head. I hoped you’d know how to stop it.”

“Well, the Fade works differently than the last few times I was stuck in it,” she said shortly. “Likely to do with the Envy demon I’m trying to kill.”

He jumped down from the bed and walked over to the fireplace. Standing straight, he was much taller than her, but he was bent over to seem smaller. He was a spirit, but he looked like a young man, no older than Connor. She shouldn’t have snapped at him - he really did seem like he was trying to help.

“I’m sorry, Cole, that was unfair of me,” she said softly.

“It’s alright.”

She walked up beside him, looking at him from the corner of her eye. “So, how can we take down Envy?”

“Being one person is hard. Being many, too many, more and more, and Envy breaks down,” he explained quietly. 

“If I keep moving through, it has to create more things in front of me, and I tire it out,” she finished.

“Yes. This way.”

He passed her to walk out of the room. Elissa took a deep breath and followed him. It wouldn't be the first time she'd followed a spirit around.

 

* * *

 

“What do you say to your crimes, heretic?”

“This is a farce! I demand justice!”

“Have it. Take her to the Gallows.”

The ghostly forms of Elissa and who she could only assume was Mother Giselle disappeared in puffs of smoke. Elissa frowned.

“No one will think you’re me, demon,” she called out.

Envy laughed. “Do your friends know you so well? Not as well as I’ll know you!”

“Considering your work so far, I highly doubt that,” she said dryly.

“Shut up!”

Smaller rooms lined the long hallway. Elissa took a deep breath as she walked towards the first one to her right. If Envy had to make the rooms and fill them with people and things, she could weaken it by simply playing its games. Even if it made her miserable to hear all of it.

“Baron, do you confess to conspiring against the Herald of Andraste?”

Elissa grit her teeth. She hated being called the Herald. There was no world in which she would punish people for  _ not _ doing it.

“I confess nothing. The Inquisition took my land and turned out my family!”

“Then your sons will be executed in the absence of a declaration of guilt.”

“What? They’re just children!”

Elissa flinched, but tried to keep the pain out of her voice. “You honestly think Teagan won’t notice something is wrong? You truly are bad at this.”

There was no witty response from Envy to that. Interesting.

Elissa moved from room to room, waiting out each scene. She would never torture someone. And killing children? How bad was Envy at reading people that it thought she would ever do that? That anyone who knew her would  _ let her _ ? Teagan and Alistair would notice right away that something was wrong.

“The Herald has questions, Commander.”

“Is it my turn to be branded a traitor for questioning what we’ve become?”

Elissa turned into one room and paled when she saw what Envy had set up for her. Cullen was behind bars, looking miserable, with bitter anger across his face.

“I deserve it,” he said, “for letting her turn the Inquisition into a butcher’s pit.”

It’s trying to get to you, she told herself. Cullen didn’t like her, and Maker knew he disagreed with her methods, but he would never say that. He would never  _ let  _ her do that. He thought her irresponsible and selfish. He even thought she was a danger to the Inquisition. But he would never let her actually hurt innocents - if she even wanted to.

It still hurt. Maker, it hurt.

She passed the other rooms without listening, rushing outside the prison into what should have been fresh air. Instead, it was filled with fog and smoke as Therinfal lie charred around her.

“They say the Herald summoned these demons after Celene was murdered!”

“An abomination? Why did no one realize?!”

“You’re going to have to try a lot harder if you honestly want people to think you’re me,” Elissa shouted. “Summoning a demon army is the  _ complete opposite _ to what I’ve spent the past decade doing!”

“Quiet!”

She could not possibly get out of the Fade quickly enough.

Elissa looked down the path. Like Cole had said, all she had to do was think about it, and... There! The stairs leading up to the door she had come in from appeared right in front of her. No more listening to annoying visions and insults. She ran up the stairs, only slowing at the top when another shadow flashed in front of her.

It was her, but with glowing green eyes the same color as the Breach. Before she could think, it clamped an icy hand around her neck and lifted her by her throat, slamming her back against the door. Panicked, she kicked out, but the shadow didn’t budge.  _ It’s just the Fade. I can still breathe. This isn’t real- _

“Unfair, unfair!” The demon screamed in her voice. “That thing kept you whole, kept you from giving me your shape!”

Elissa clawed at the demon’s hand. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real. She could still breathe. She would never summon a demon army. She would never slaughter innocents for her own power. She would never hurt anyone she loved.

“What could you gain from being me?” she choked out.

The demon grinned up at her and she flinched as it spoke in a mix of her voice and its. “What could you gain- ah!”

Envy was losing control. It gave itself up to be her, but lost itself in the trying. She just had to wait it out a little bit longer...

It growled and held a fake Anchor, sparking and stinging at her face. The other hand closed tighter around her neck, pressing in angrily. 

“We’ll start again - more pain this time! The Elder One still comes!”

Cole’s voice broke through the fog in her head. “It’s afraid of you.”

“Get out of here!” the demon screeched, flailing around to find him.

Elissa took the chance and kicked it in the chest as hard as she could, and it dropped her with a scream. She dropped to the floor, bumped back against the door, and everything went white again.

 

* * *

 

She opened her eyes, and the heavy weight on her shoulders lifted. The green smoke of the Fade was gone, replaced by rain and the sounds of battle in the distance.

Envy lie on the ground in its true form as the door to the fortress exploded open. It was revolting: six legs, twisting and bending at unnatural angles as it twitched and writhed. No eyes, just gore and muscle leading to a mouth that stretched across its entire face. It let out a deafening screech when it caught her staring, and Elissa covered her ears reflexively. A cloud of smoke masked Envy and it leapt away, flying across the hall and behind a barrier.

Wonderful. As if it wasn’t annoying enough the first time.

Barris rushed past her, watching with his mouth hanging open. “The Lord Seeker!”

Elissa rubbed her neck and flinched. “No, it was an imposter. Envy.”

“That monster ensured we weren’t prepared,” he said distantly. “I still don’t know what we’re up against...”

Elissa walked up to stand beside him, looking around the hall. Templars were scattered about in different degrees of armor and weaponry, injured and not. The barrier protected Envy, keeping all of them from it as long as it stood.

“The demon replaced the Lord Seeker. It intended to do the same with me, had I not escaped,” she explained quietly to him.

He sighed. “Envy? Maker. Then the real Lord Seeker is caged, or dead.”

“I believe so, yes.”

“And my captain knew,” he said thickly. “It’s the red lyrium, isn’t it? I knew that wretched stuff was risky!”

At her curious look, he frowned and looked around the room. “They often give us new kinds of lyrium. Some of our commanders used the red stuff first, to prove it was harmless. The knights... would have been next. That demon turned our leaders so we couldn’t question when this started.”

“Red lyrium is poisonous, it spreads like a disease,” she snapped. “It drove the Knight-Commander in Kirkwall mad, did no one think it unwise to ingest it?!”

“The demon-”

She folded her arms over her chest. “Forget it. Will you help me?”

Barris looked at her for a long moment and nodded. “Just give us a moment to prepare. We will be ready to fight, Herald.”

He walked off towards the cluster of Templars. Elissa turned to her own companions stiffly.

“What just  _ happened _ ?” Varric asked incredulously. “It grabbed you, you disappeared for  _ less than a minute _ , and all of a sudden there was a  _ demon _ .”

Elissa rolled her shoulders awkwardly. “It pulled me into the Fade. I got out.”

“Everything that happens to you is weird.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Vivienne looked her up and down. “How did you escape, exactly?”

Elissa hesitated. She knew how the story would sound. Anyone who didn’t believe her would think she was mad, and anyone who  _ did _ would think she was possessed. She had specifically not taken any offers from the spirit other than his help in escaping, which she made sure came without any strings.

It wasn’t ridiculously abnormal for  _ her _ , but it was for others, and she could understand the skepticism.

“There was a spirit, he’s been hiding in Therinfal for some time,” she explained carefully. “He showed me how to tire Envy out and led me to an exit.”

“And you trusted it?”

She bristled. “Yes, I did. I have been in the Fade before, I know not to make any deals.”

Apparently satisfied with that, Vivienne stepped back impassively. Elissa let out the breath she had been holding. After their conversation on the way to Haven, Vivienne  _ knew _ that Elissa was well aware of what she was doing. Elissa didn’t know the theory behind it, but she knew what she saw.

“Everything that happens to you is weird,” Varric repeated.

The Iron Bull rested his axe over his shoulder. “So what  _ exactly _ is the plan here?”

“Follow the Order’s lead for now. They know the keep and what they’ll need.”

“And if they’re as dumb as they look?” he asked flatly. Elissa snorted. 

“Doesn’t matter as long as they get that barrier down.”

“And when their plans fails, like in inevitably will?” Varric added.

Elissa shrugged. “Then we leave. If it was my choice, we would already be half-way back to Haven.”

“The Order does still have its uses,” Vivienne pointed out.

“If this many Templars can’t defeat  _ one demon _ , I don’t want their help.”

When Barris returned, the plan he put forward was simple: find the missing lieutenants who might still be loyal, and gather uncorrupted lyrium. Once they were all gathered in the hall, the Templars could work on dispelling the barrier, fighting through the handful of knights who had already ingested the red stuff, and finding Envy.

Elissa adjusted her grip on the hilts of her blades. “We’ll go. Hold the hall as much as you can, but fall back if they push too hard.”

“Maker go with you, Herald.”

 

* * *

 

The Fade had been horrifying. Waking up to see no time had passed for anyone else, again, had nearly stopped her heart. Fighting Envy in its true disgusting form was even worse. Elissa's hands shook at her side even as Envy lie dead on the ground.

In that dream, Envy portrayed her as a tyrant. She was a monster, abandoning her kingdom, her duty, her family. She was cold and unfeeling, caring nothing for others. It was a reflection of herself; was that really who she was?

The boy from before was suddenly beside her, close but not touching. “You will not become that - that is not you. The fires burned but you still stand. They cannot take you.”

“Thank you,” she murmured.

When she turned to look at him, he was gone again. The Templars were filing out of the keep, led by Ser Barris. She met them at the foot of the yard as she slipped her daggers into their sheaths.

“Andraste be praised, for she must have shielded you,” he commented with a touch of awe.

“How many did we lose?” she asked to shift the attention away from herself.

“Some, but not as many as we would have had you not intervened. We are grateful, my lady. The Order stands ready to assist the Inquisition in any way you require, but... All of our officers are either dead or were complicit in this nightmare.”

She folded her arms and gestured behind her where the Breach was visible in the distance, even so far away. “A Templar’s duty is to defend against dangerous magic, yes? I don’t think you need your officers to tell you that the Breach is dangerous, and that it must be closed.”

“But-” She held up her hand to interrupt him.

“Ten years ago, two Grey Wardens gathered up all of the military force in Ferelden across all boundaries to fight the Blight, and neither had been Wardens for half a year.” 

A nervous murmur spread throughout the crowd and she sighed. It was not easy, and she wished it could have been any other way, but sacrifice was not meant to be easy. If the Templars would claim to be the only ones who could protect the people, they needed to back it up.

“With respect, my lady, we aren’t bloody Wardens,” another Templar called out. Barris turned and glared at him until he backed down.

“You’re right,” Elissa said, dropping her arms to her sides. “It won’t be easy. There is no guarantee we will succeed. I would not lie to you and give you false certainty that the Order as it stands will survive.”

The murmur grew and she shouted over them. “I was told the Templars were honorable and brave warriors who are oath-bound to protect the people! I have seen little of this so far! In Redcliffe, Templars attacked mages and non-mages alike for the simple crime of existing in their way. Here, the Order tore itself apart as it debated who to slaughter next and how many innocents needed to die for its higher purpose!”

“That- That isn’t true!” The Templar balked.

“The Envy demon said the Templars left the Chantry to purge the mages, and none of the Templars with it questioned or disagreed!”

“We were just following orders!” Another woman yelled over the noise.

Elissa stood tall, turning to point at the Breach while keeping her eyes right on them. “Then prove it. You don’t have officers to give you orders anymore. If the Templars exist for more than just the kidnapping and torture of innocents, if your duty truly is to protect people from dangerous magic, then do it!”

Barris stepped forward. 

“The Herald is right! I stand with the Inquisition.” He turned to his fellows. “Who will join me in doing what is right?”

Slowly, the murmur quieted, and there was an tense silence. Even Barris looked nervous, obviously expecting to be the only one. One by one, the Templars went down on one knee, one arm crossed over their chest in salute. Barris looked back at her with a thin smile.

“Thank you, my lady, for remembering our duty when we could not,” he said quietly.

She nodded. “I appreciate the sacrifice you are all making. Report to Haven as soon as you can. I will travel ahead to ensure you will be accommodated.”

“Yes, my lady. On your order.”

“There will be restrictions on you while you are in Haven,” she added. “These will be given to you upon your arrival, to ensure the safety of the pilgrims sheltered there as well as the Inquisition’s allies. What happened in Kirkwall, or at the White Spire, or at Therinfal, will not happen again.”

Another murmur of dissent rose in the crowd, but Elissa did not acknowledge it. They would either follow her terms, or they would be turned away at the gates. Cullen wouldn’t be happy about it, but Elissa didn’t particularly care what he thought of her.

_ I deserve it, for letting her turn the Inquisition into a butcher’s pit. _

Elissa was  _ not _ that. She would protect the people as best she could. If there ever truly came a time where she lost sight of herself, Leliana would displace her.

That didn’t make it easier to swallow.

Elissa was  _ not _ looking forward to returning to Haven.

“It will take time for us to move out and travel to Haven, considering how many are injured and the chaos left by our superiors,” Barris said.

Elissa nodded. “How long?”

“We can begin sending those without injury at first light tomorrow.”

“Good.” She held onto the hilts of her daggers to keep from fidgeting. “I will return to Haven with them to ensure we are prepared for your arrival.”

Barris took charge of the Order immediately, falling into leadership like he was meant to be there. For someone who worried at a loss of command, he had no issue rising to where he was needed the moment he was needed.

He gestured for her to follow.

“I’ll be back,” she said to her companions. “You can help if they ask. The sooner we leave the better.”

She fell into line beside him with a nod. He walked at a brisk pace towards the keep, occasionally throwing out orders to passing knights. 

“The nobles that weren’t killed in the first push will be housed in the keep for the time being,” he rattled off quickly. “I admit I don’t know what to do with them once we leave.”

She nodded, looking around. “Had I known the outcome I would have just walked up to the door by myself. How many were lost, estimate?”

“Preliminary count says three from the nobles. We don’t quite know how many Templars were lost. It is...” He trailed off.

“Difficult to pick out who was on which side,” she finished. He nodded with a grim look.

“We will take a tally tonight, and another when the first group leaves with you.”

“I appreciate it. I know this will not be easy.”

“Nothing in this war has been easy,” he said quietly.

“I apologize for my harshness before. I do not take back what I said, but I might have said it differently.”

“You were right,” he sighed. “Your words came from experience, not malice. Some of the other knights may not understand it now, but they will come around.”

“I understand.”

Once in the keep proper, the crossed the main room to a long hallway lined with doors. He hesitated at the first one. He tried the handle but the door wouldn’t budge, locked shut from the outside.

“This was the Lord Seeker’s office,” he said stiffly. “I doubt he kept a paper trail, but perhaps there is something about this Elder One’s plans.”

Elissa bent down on one knee, fishing out her lockpicks and starting on the door as she talked. “The Inquisition already knows some of it. The Venatori - a Tevinter cult following the Elder One - tried taking over Redcliffe and enslaving the rebel mages.”

“Maker’s breath!”

“The rest is a bit complicated, but we found out much of their plans. Not how or when, but we know what they intend.”

“Which is?”

The lock clicked and Elissa pushed the door open as she stood.

“They’re amassing a demon army, and plan to assassinate the empress of Orlais.”

He entered the office and Elissa followed, looking down the halls. She shut the door behind them quickly to deter eavesdropping, or worse, spies.

“I do not think it a coincidence that the Venatori targeted the rebel mages while someone working for the Elder One attempted to gain control of the Templars,” she pointed out.

He shook his head, his mouth set in a grim line. “Nor do I. Someone already inside the Order must be responsible, for it to be so deeply ingrained.”

“And for them to have access to red lyrium, of all things.”

“That, too,” he sighed. “We heard rumors out of Kirkwall but nothing solid. When our officers began distributing the red stuff, we had no idea just what it did to people.”

Elissa crossed the room to a large, grandiose desk, covered in scattered papers. She tried sorting them as she realized there were only two groups: reports from knights and lower officers that had clearly been ignored, and frantic ramblings and scribbles written by Envy itself. Some sounded almost coherent, quite like how it portrayed the Lord Seeker, but they quickly devolved back into nonsense.

“Envy was having trouble keeping up its disguise,” she said, handing a stack of reports to Barris. “If it had not attacked today, it would not have lasted much longer.”

“Why would it do this? Or... this Elder One?” he wondered aloud, taking the reports and flipping through them.

She steadied herself on the desk. It was difficult to think about what happened in Redcliffe, but... it was important. If Barris was to lead the Templars, he needed to know.

“They are building an disposable army,” she said, trying to keep her tone even. “They don’t care about the mages, or the Templars. But the mages have few who could, or would defend them, and the Templars will always have the lyrium hanging over them. The Venatori could easily throw them away and not much would be lost for them.”

“Maker...”

He set the reports down on the desk, his eyes stuck to them. “Half of these are things  _ I _ reported. I told my superiors when I began noticing things going bad, and they ignored all of it.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“But someone needs to take responsibility for this mess,” he said firmly. “If the others will not, then I will.”

“That’s very noble of you.”

He sighed heavily and rolled his shoulders. “No it isn’t. Someone should have done it a long time ago.”

“I appreciate it all the same.”

“Thank you, Herald.”

She nodded. “And thank you, for all of your efforts. Is there anything the Inquisition can help with to help the transition?”

“No,” he answered, shaking his head. “We will make do. I will let you know if anything comes up.”

“Then I will see you at Haven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like Barris. I literally wrote an entire section of Elissa having to go ally with the Templars as well as the mages because I wanted Barris to show up. oops
> 
> So! Next chapter on 3/27! Elissa gets back to Haven to discuss the restrictions she wants placed on the Templars, and forgets to mention her new spirit friend to someone very important.


	10. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Templars begin arriving at Haven, and the Inquisition has to decide what rules to place around a group that left the Chantry to get away from rules. And, Elissa entirely forgets to tell anyone about Cole, including someone very important.

Elissa felt her recommendations were quite reasonable. Far more than the Templars deserved after the display they put on at Therinfal. Cullen thought them too strict, but then, he did not want  _ any _ restrictions on the Order. He argued with each point she made, refuted every argument, and squashed any attempts at writing a single rule.

“The remaining Templars had nothing to do with the Elder One,” he ground out. “You are being unreasonable!”

Elissa laughed. “Commander, after everything that has happened, just be happy I didn’t  _ disband them _ on the spot.”

“You have no authority to do that!”

“And you have no authority to put the residents of Haven in danger by refusing to even tell the Templars that they can’t be armed inside the village gates!”

“Enough,” Cassandra groaned. “The Herald is right. We cannot risk ruining the alliances we have already made, especially not after how the Templars have acted thus far.”

His cheeks went red and Elissa tried not to roll her eyes. The first group of Templars to arrive ahead of the Inquisition had almost immediately begun harassing one of the mages near the gates to the village, accusing him of blood magic and possession.

Unfortunately for them, and for Cullen, that mage had been Connor.

Teagan had punched one of them in the face so hard the others had to catch them when they fell. Cassandra stepped in before it went any further, and the moment Elissa stepped into Haven, they went to  _ her  _ to demand retribution instead.

“You do realize you are asking me to punish against my husband for defending our nephew, yes?” she laughed in their faces.

“This is unacceptable!” the one with the fresh bruise on his cheek shrieked.

“Perhaps you misunderstand,” she said, moving in inches from them. They were all easily a foot taller than her, but they still shrank back. “You arrived as a guest of the Inquisition, and almost immediately began harassing one of our allies of good standing. Not only that, you threatened my nephew, and are now threatening my husband for the crime of protecting him.”

“He interfered in a Templar’s duties!”

She glared and shoved him back. They scrambled away as she advanced again.

“Then where is your warrant?”

“W-warrant?”

“Yes. The one you are supposed to have when taking someone into custody, to prove the person actually did something wrong? The one I  _ know _ you don’t have, because any charges against Connor Guerrin were cleared and erased ten years ago. I know this for a fact, as I am the one who went to Knight Commander Greagoir and First Enchanter Irving of the damned Fereldan Circle of Magi, ten  _ bloody _ years ago to personally ask for their assistance in his case. It was determined, again,  _ a decade ago _ , that he was not at fault. The two people  _ actually _ responsible were punished, and a senior enchanter from Kinloch Hold killed the  _ damned demon _ herself  _ while I watched _ .”

She took a deep breath to steady her voice. “Am I  _ clear _ , Templar?”

“Y-yes, Your Worship, ma’am, uh-”

“Report back to Seeker Pentaghast so you can be  _ her _ headache again.”

“Yes ma’am!”

As far as Elissa was concerned, the Order was lucky they were allowed within  _ miles  _ of Haven. 

“You’ve made your point,” Cullen conceded stiffly. “Do as you will.”

“When will the others arrive?” Leliana asked, hiding her amusement very poorly.

A cloud of smoke burst out from the table and plumed across the room, blinding everyone. When the dust cleared, Elissa clapped her hand over her mouth to muffle a curse.

Cole had followed her from Therinfal.

There was a spirit in the middle of the war room housed in the back of a Chantry, surrounded by a Seeker and Templar, both of whom were very much the ask questions later type of people.

“They’re almost here. Templars don’t like to be late,” Cole said calmly, picking up one of the pieces on the map.

Swords were drawn before Elissa could even take a breath. She rushed to stand between Cassandra, Cullen and Cole, holding up her hands in an attempt to keep them away.

“Wait!” she ordered. They reluctantly stepped back, but did not lower their blades.

“I came with you to help, I meant to tell you before but you were busy,” Cole explained nervously.

Elissa turned to him, glaring at Cullen as she did.

“It’s alright Cole, you just startled us.”

“I was here, you didn’t see me. Most people don’t until I let them.”

Cassandra began backing away towards the door. “Call the guards, this creature is not what you-”

“A moment please, Cassandra,” Leliana interrupted sharply. “I would like to hear why he came.”

Cole hopped off the war table and stood in front of Elissa, fidgeting with his sleeves. “You help people. You made them safe when they would have died - I want to do that. I can help.”

“Then you can stay, and I appreciate your help,” she said gently.

She turned to the others. “Cole saved my life at Therinfal. Everyone there would likely be dead if not for him.”

“But what does he want now?” Cassandra asked suspiciously.

“He genuinely wants to help.”

Cullen balked at that. “You’re not honestly suggesting we give him run of the camp!”

“Perhaps not freely, but-” Josephine stopped herself, looking around as Cole vanished. “Hold on, where did he go?”

Elissa ran her hand through her hair. “He does that. You get used to it.”

“Herald-”

She rolled her eyes and turned to Cullen.

“Commander, if you’re worried about an unpredictable force with a history of violence roaming the camp looking for people to attack, you should just turn the Templars away at the gate and leave the  _ spirit of Compassion _ alone.”

Leliana, in an attempt to de-escalate the situation before it ended in someone getting slammed against a wall again, cut in quickly. “I will have someone watch the boy. For now, we must remain focused on the Breach.”

“How long should the Templars take to prepare once they arrive?” Josephine asked smoothly.

“A day,” Cullen answered shortly.

“Good. The mages should be ready by then as well.”

“Alright,” Elissa sighed. “Let me know when they arrive, I want to speak with them myself.”

At Cullen’s pointed look, Elissa turned towards the door to leave. “I’m the one who told them we were laying the restrictions on them. It would be unfair to push their ire onto someone else when I’m the one at fault. But now, I’m going to go find my family.”

Before anyone could argue she was already out of the room, walking purposefully out of the Chantry. The Templars had one last chance. They weren’t refugees, or non-combatants trying desperately to survive when their options were taken away. They had walked into the Elder One’s control willingly, and those who had not had ignored the growing turmoil for months. There could be no more excuses, no more complaints about the unfairness of being held accountable for their actions.

If they wanted to be treated as the great honorable Order they said they were, they would have to earn it.

 

* * *

 

Elissa opened the door to the cabin quietly, conscious of how late it was. Their return had been delayed from the mess on the roads, leaving them hours behind schedule, returning as the sun was setting. By the time she was done in the Chantry, it was well into the night, and she fully expected Lydia to be asleep.

She wasn't, of course. Lydia and Connor were sitting at the table, Lydia writing very slowly and carefully. When the latch on the door clicked, her head shot up and an enormous grin crossed her face.

“Momma!”

She scrambled out of her chair and rushed into Elissa's arms. Elissa smiled and ruffled her hair lightly.

“You're up late,” she commented. Lydia looked away shyly.

“She wanted to wait for you,” Connor answered for her.

“It's not that late,” Lydia whined.

Elissa smoothed her hair down again, tucking it behind her ear. “How about we make a deal. You go to sleep now, and tomorrow you can come with me around Haven and we'll spend the day together,” she offered.

Lydia hummed in thought. “Okay. You promise?”

“On my honor.”

“Okay,” she conceded.

As usual, it took only a few minutes for Lydia to fall asleep. Elissa pulled her armor off as quietly as she could, down to just a linen shirt and pants. Connor picked up the paper Lydia had been writing on, holding it out to Elissa.

“She wants to write to Alistair,” he said quietly. “She wouldn't tell me why.”

Elissa took it, reading it over quickly. She sighed when she reached the end, setting it back down.

“She wants him to make me stay here, because she thinks I'll listen to him since he's the king,” she whispered. He shook his head.

“She missed you.”

“I know.” She took Lydia's seat, careful not to move the chair. “Where's your uncle?”

“I think he went to find you when you didn't come back.”

She sighed. “Alright.”

He fidgeted nervously with the ends of his sleeves. Elissa touched his shoulder lightly and he tried to smile.

“Are you alright?” She asked gently.

“You mean about the Templars.”

“Yes.”

He shrugged. “Nothing I don't deserve.”

“That's not true,” she argued.

“You know what I did.”

She frowned. “I also remember you telling me at the time that you had no control over what happened.”

“I still did it,” he mumbled.

“Come here.”

He sighed and shuffled his chair closer as quietly as he could. She reached out and hugged him from the side, resting her head against his.

“You didn't deserve it,” she said. “I can say that for certain. It wasn't your fault.”

He didn’t say anything to that. Elissa knew she couldn’t convince him - she had spent the better part of the past decade trying - but she still needed to say it. He needed to hear it. Maker knew there weren’t many others to say it to him.

After the Blight, she always found excuses to go to the Circle to check on him. She had seen enough of the Templar’s negligence and disregard for their charges to be worried even without his... unique circumstances. She made sure the Templars were unaware of why she was there, making up excuses about research or meeting with the First Enchanter. Irving knew, she was sure, but thankfully said nothing of it. 

She could never visit for long, but she needed to make sure Connor was alright. Someone needed to, and Elissa was one of the few people who could walk in and out of the Circle without questioning.

It had to end when Lydia’s magic showed. It was the unspoken compromise for keeping Lydia in Ferelden; Elissa and Teagan had to stay away. 

“One day maybe you’ll even believe me,” she said, trying to keep her tone light.

“Maybe.”

She sat back, keeping one hand on his shoulder, and he rubbed his eyes with his sleeves. It was darker outside, even some of the torches put out as the village went to sleep.

“I’m going to go find your uncle,” she sighed. “Do you mind staying with her a bit longer?”

“I don’t mind. She’ll probably wake up the moment you close the door anyway.”

Elissa squeezed his shoulder with a smile. “Thank you. And you get some sleep too - I know it’s hard so just try, for me, please?”

“Fine.”

She went to the Chantry first, where Teagan was waiting like he knew she would show up there if he just waited. He greeted her with a warm smile and a kiss, and Elissa melted into his touch.

“How long have you been here? I didn’t see you when I left the war room and Connor said you were looking for me.”

“I likely just missed you. I could feel the commander’s anger from across the camp, so I assumed you couldn’t be far behind.”

She grinned. “He took issue with my handling of the Templars. And yours, for that matter.”

“But not the Templars themselves,” he grumbled.

“No, but there was enough pressure from the rest of us to make him fold. I’m handing out the restrictions myself tomorrow.”

He rested his hands on her waist, frowning. “And you’ll be alright?”

“I will be  _ fine _ ,” she said firmly. 

“I saw your report-”

“-you  _ saw _ it?”

He sighed. “Yes. Leliana gave it to me because we both know you would not have told me about it if she hadn’t.”

“There would have been good reason if I hadn’t.”

He kissed her again. “I know.”

She shrugged. He moved his arms out to hug her, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“I’m fine,” she repeated. “It... It was frightening, at the time, being in the Fade, but I’m alright now. It wasn’t as bad as...”

Her throat closed up and she cut herself off. In the Fade, she knew it wasn’t real. It was all created by Envy to get to her. In Redcliffe though it had all been real. It still  _ could _ be real. Everyone she loved had truly suffered in that dark future, and the only thing standing in its way was Elissa.

“None of that is going to happen,” he murmured. “It’ll be over soon, and we know exactly what we have to do to stop this Elder One.”

She closed her eyes. “I know.”

He pulled back, brushing her hair from her face. “Are you alright with going back to the cabin?”

“Yes. I’ll be fine. Lydia should be asleep anyway.”

He kissed her one more time and she smiled again. No matter anything else, he would always be at her side. She just had to remember that - she was loved, and safe, and she was never alone.

“I love you,” she said softly. He smiled back at her.

“I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

Elissa had been worried that Lydia would be bored following her around all day, but it was actually difficult to stop her from asking questions and wandering about. The only thing she insisted Lydia stay with her father or cousin for was while Elissa spoke to the Templars. There was no mistaking the nervous ice building up on Lydia’s hands when Elissa mentioned it. Bringing her would have been a mistake, as unhappy as Lydia was about being left behind.

“These rules will also be kept in writing, so there can be no dispute or argument,” she shouted out over the crowd. “I understand there are few if any officers among you, so the list shall be distributed to those of any rank above Knight-Templar.”

“One, no Templar is to have a weapon on their person within Haven’s walls. If there is any sudden need for weapons, they may be distributed according to that need, as with any Inquisition soldier.

“Two, no Templar has authority to arrest or interrogate any ally of the Inquisition, including the mages. If there is anyone who presents a genuine danger to the people, the Order must report it to the Inquisition and receive permission to pursue their warrant.

“Three, harassment of any citizen of Haven, member of the Inquisition, or ally of the Inquisition is expressly prohibited. This includes the aforementioned rules, following them around the camp, verbal aggression, sexual aggression, and others along those lines. Any cases of harassment will be reported, after which the situation will be evaluated and punishments dealt out accordingly to the party at fault.

“Four, with this alliance, the Inquisition has taken on responsibility for the Order’s actions. Any misrepresentation, attack, or harmful act reflects upon both parties. The Order will be held responsible for transgressions made by its Templars,” she finished.

There were more, along with more details and descriptions lasting multiple pages, but it got the point across. The rest would be distributed after to ensure there could be no confusion or argument.

Voices rose from the crowd, complaints both whispered and shouted.

“That’s unreasonable!”

“You can’t do that!”

“That’s not fair!”

“Enough!” Elissa shouted. “You have been given your orders! If you will not follow them, you will leave!”

Ser Barris stepped forward, one of the few willing to work with the Inquisition without being forced into it. 

“We will follow, Your Worship,” he said firmly, looking back at his fellows sternly. “The Order has much to atone for. If this is the price we pay, we must accept it.”

She nodded to him. “Thank you. If there are any actual questions, we will be more than happy to answer them. And now I apologize, I have other duties to attend to before the day is over.”

“Of course, Your Worship.”

Elissa rushed away before anything else could be said, returning the Inquisition soldiers’ salutes as she passed through the village gates. Barris was a good man; she trusted he could convince the others to follow. She walked straight to her cabin, trying not to even make eye contact with anyone she passed. Everyone looked at her all the time and it was incredibly unnerving. 

Lydia was on the bed with a book in her lap that she was very obviously not really reading, and her head shot up at the sound of the door. That she was alone was odd enough, but...

“Is everything alright?” Elissa asked carefully.

Lydia looked down at the book again. “Yes. Or maybe not. I don’t know.”

Elissa crossed the room and sat on the bed beside her. “What’s going on, darling?”

“Um. A while ago, Connor came in looking for you, and left again when I said you were with the Templars. He looked mad, but he didn’t say why, so I don’t know,” Lydia said quietly.

_ Shit. _

Elissa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew exactly what had happened. There had been little time to talk to him, and even fewer appropriate times, because when was the right time to even approach such a subject?

She hadn’t told him about Cole. Cole, who wandered around helping people by reading their minds, who was very much not shy about being a spirit. Who didn’t always know when not to help someone, or if he was actually doing more harm than good. And Elissa had completely forgotten to tell Connor.

_ He’s going to kill me and I’m going to deserve it. _

“I’ll find him,” she said stiffly. 

Lydia closed the book. “Okay.”

“Hey,” Elissa murmured, rustling Lydia’s hair gently. “I’m sorry today is not working out like we planned. It’s not fair for me to do this.”

“It’s alright,” Lydia said with a shrug. “It’s not your fault.”

“Tonight, I’m all yours. I’m slamming the door on anyone who tries stopping me,” Elissa said very seriously. Lydia giggled.

“You’d hit them with it!”

“Well, they shouldn’t stand so close to it then.”

Lydia grinned and pushed her off. “Okay!”

“Good.” Elissa stood from the bed. “Are you alright to stay here? I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, and your father will be meeting with Lady Montilyet for a while still.”

“I’m alright. I know Sister Leliana has people watching the door.”

Clever girl. Too clever, sometimes. Elissa leaned down to plant one more kiss on the top of Lydia’s head.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

It didn’t take long to find Connor. Considering she knew just how angry he was at her, she wasn’t sure if she was lucky or unlucky to find him by Leliana’s tent.

He walked up to her the moment he spotted her with a sharp glare. “We need to talk,” he snapped.

“I know,” she murmured. “There’s an empty house not far outside the village. No one is ever over there.”

“Fine.”

The walk was only a few minutes, but it felt like ages in the tense silence. Elissa knew she completely deserved it. That didn’t make it any easier. He didn’t look at her once or say anything the entire time. As expected, the small house was empty, and Elissa locked it behind them. They absolutely didn’t need anyone walking in on that conversation.

“Before you start yelling at me, which I admit I absolutely deserve,” she said, holding her hands up, “I do want to apologize for not telling you about Cole.”

He tensed. “You know how I found out about it? I was just walking around and it just suddenly appeared next to me and starting talking about...”

His voice broke and he cut himself off, looking down at the floor. “About  _ her. _ And then it tried to wipe my memory, and...”

Elissa took a step closer, lowering her hands. He flinched and she stopped, completely still.

“I didn’t know he had followed us back to Haven until last night,” she said quietly.

“You’re letting it stay here.”

“Yes.”

She wanted to hug him, as unwelcome as it would be. Cole wasn’t dangerous - to them, at least - but he still was what he was. Elissa hadn’t considered the possibility of him using his less harmful abilities on others. She should have, but she hadn’t.

“I am sorry,” she said again. “But Cole saved my life at Therinfal, and he does seem serious on his offer to help. I would not have allowed him anywhere near Haven if I thought he would hurt anyone - especially you.”

“I know,” he mumbled.

“I understand if you’re still angry, though. I should have at least talked to you, or told him not to bother you.”

“I am still mad,” he said slowly. “And I don’t trust it. But... I trust you. I’m overreacting.”

“You’re not overreacting. It’s not like you don’t have cause.”

He shrugged and tugged at his sleeves. “Maybe.”

She held her hands up again, a silent request to touch him. From the moment her parents had learned that Elissa hated being touched unexpectedly, especially when she was upset, everyone in the castle started asking first. It avoided a lot of screaming and crying from a young Elissa, who was much louder than anyone suspected. After a while, Fergus just started holding his hands in front of him instead of asking, because it was easier and faster. Elissa couldn’t always talk anyway, certainly not when something was wrong, so it helped. Elissa had picked up the habit without even noticing.

She didn’t always remember it. She always remembered with Connor, though. Better to ask and be told no than not to ask at all, all things considered.

He finally nodded. Elissa reached up to wrap her arms around his shoulders - when had he grown so much taller than her? - and he hugged back tightly.

“I’ll ask him to keep some distance from you,” she offered quietly. “If he does it again or it gets too much, just come tell me and I’ll handle it.”

He nodded with a shaky breath. “Alright.”

She promised to take care of him, and she would. It had been years, and said he remembered very little, but she remembered. They had been on the banks of Lake Calenhad, overlooking the Circle. She had insisted on traveling with the Templars ordered to bring him in to make sure they did not mistreat him.

_ “What’s going to happen once I’m in there?” he asked once the Templars were far enough away. _

_ “I don’t know much - they keep their secrets well.” _

_ “Oh.” _

_ “I’ll be with you as long as I can though, alright?” _

_ “I’m scared,” he admitted quietly. “Mother was scared of me going here. Is something going to happen to me?” _

_ She lowered herself onto one knee beside him. “You’re going to be fine. And if something does happen, I’ll be right there to stop it.” _

_ “But when you’re gone...” _

_ “You met the First Enchanter, remember? He can help, as well. And I’m going to come visit to make sure everything is going well.” _

_ “Alright...” _

_ “Everything is going to be alright. I promise.” _

He was family, and Elissa took care of her family. Even when he was a man, and did not need her as he had. His parents had all but abandoned him; the letters from them had slowed to a halt years before. His father stood in front of all of Ferelden and preached about returning the mages to the Chantry, regardless of the cost, of the dangers of magic and necessity of the Templars. Despite the lengths she had gone to all those years ago, his mother said nothing in his defense.

Elissa had no issue taking him in and protecting him like his parents should have, just as she did for Lydia, and she knew Teagan felt the same.

“Everything is going to be okay, I promise,” she repeated softly.

He hugged her just a little bit tighter. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sick so while I tried editing this today it probably still has 900 typos and missed words, I'm trying my best
> 
> This chapter is like 85% Connor and I'm not sorry. Next chapter will be up on 3/31, when the Inquisition can finally turn its attention back to the Breach!


	11. Haven Burned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa finally closes the Breach as another threat approaches.

The second attempt at closing the Breach did not hurt nearly as much as the first. Elissa’s arm was numb nearly up to her shoulder, but she hadn’t passed out. Yet. Closing the Breach drained her, like a dam had been shut, and water from both sides was trying desperately to get out. Magic in, magic out.

Back in Haven, the celebrations had already begun after the sun disappeared behind the mountains. Even walking through it gave her a headache, it was just  _ so loud _ . Elissa found a relatively quiet spot by Leliana’s tent, overlooking the rest of the festivities. It didn’t take long for Teagan to find her there.

“Lydia wanted to stay up with all the celebrations, but she was falling asleep on her feet,” he said. “Connor is with her. He said it was too loud out here.”

“It _ is _ loud.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and wrapped his arm over her shoulders. “I know. Are you alright?”

“Yes. It hurts, but not as much as I thought it might,” she admitted.

“How much did you think it would?”

She shrugged. “The first time, before the Inquisition was even formally opened, was awful. I don’t remember much of what happened until I woke up in Haven.”

“I wish I had been here,” he murmured.

“I don’t,” Elissa said as she looked up at him. “If you had been up there with me... I am glad you weren’t here. It was no easier at home, I know, but... you’re alive.”

He smiled lightly. “And I am not going anywhere,” he promised.

“And neither am I.”

“Herald?”

Elissa looked around Teagan. Cassandra stood a short distance away, trying to give them privacy at least. Elissa looked away again and rolled her eyes where Cassandra couldn’t see.

“One moment,” she sighed.

Teagan kissed her again and took a step back. “I will go back to the cabin, make sure Lydia has not driven him mad.”

Elissa laughed softly and brushed her hand across his sleeve. “I will be there soon.”

She did not meet Cassandra’s eyes as Teagan swept past her, keeping her gaze trained on the party below. Cassandra stopped beside her, keeping a distance between them still. Elissa glanced at her.

“What is it?” she asked bluntly.

“Solas confirms the heavens are scarred, but calm,” Cassandra said slowly. “The Breach is sealed, thanks to you.”

Elissa shrugged. “It wasn’t me, it was the Mark. And so many others were involved.”

“But those others were not you. Perhaps you are too close to judge. We needed you - we still do.”

Elissa reflexively rubbed at the center of her palm, as though she could push the ache out from around the Mark by force. Cassandra, thankfully, said nothing about it.

“But you are right,” Cassandra continued softly. “This was a victory of alliance. One of few in recent memory. And now that the Breach is closed, that alliance will need new focus.”

“We have to find who did it, the Elder One,” Elissa agreed.

“Yes. Leliana has not found anything yet, but she is certa-”

The alarm bell at the entrance to the village rang out over the noise. Elissa finally met Cassandra’s eyes and they both nodded and rushed forward towards the gate. Either there was an emergency, or someone was playing a very cruel prank. Elissa hoped against hope it was the latter.

They had to weave through people, some running, some gathering supplies, and some too drunk to fully realize what was happening.

“What’s the alarm for? What’s happening?”

“We’re being attacked!”

“By who?!”

“Just go!”

Elissa pushed through the last of the crowds to the front gate. Cullen, Josephine, and some of the others were gathered near the door. But not Teagan. She hadn’t seen him, or Connor and Lydia, in the crowds. They would likely have gone to the Chantry already - it was the sturdiest building in the village - but not knowing for certain was terrifying.

“Commander, what is going on?” Elissa yelled out to Cullen.

“A massive force, the bulk coming over the mountain,” he replied quickly.

“Under what banner?” Josephine asked.

“None.”

“None?”

“The Red Templars come to kill you,” Cole said quietly.

“The ones corrupted before we arrived in Therinfal?”

Cole pointed up the mountain, where the mass of Templars poured down, parting around a particular outcropping, where two figures stood still. A red glow emanated from them, pulsing from the cliff. Elissa could only barely see them: a human, and...

She didn’t know what the other thing was, but she knew  _ who _ it was. Her heart pounded in her ears as she looked at it. None of the Templars or Venatori they had captured revealed anything of their master, not even a name, but Elissa knew.

“The Elder One,” she whispered. Cole nodded and tugged at his sleeves.

“I think I know that man,” Cullen said stiffly. “The one next to the Elder One.”

“Cullen?”

“He was a Templar in Kirkwall,” he explained vaguely. “We need a plan.”

She nodded. “How prepared are our forces?”

“Not enough, but it will have to suffice.”

“The mages?”

“Not many of them can fight,” he admitted.

“Gather up those that can, and are willing. Everyone who can’t fight, mage or not, goes to the Chantry - it’s the only defensible building we have. I’ll make sure the trebuchets are set up, buy them some time.”

Cullen nodded, turning back up the hill, throwing out orders as he went. Elissa turned around to the rest of the group still gathered at the gate.

“I’m going down to help the soldiers outside,” she told them. “I need some people at my back. The rest will help non-combatants to the Chantry.”

“I am with you,” Cassandra called back.

Dorian and Varric stepped forward as well. Elissa flicked her blades from their sheaths and nodded to them. “We only have one shot at this!”

They just had to make sure they didn’t waste it.

Slicing through Red Templars was not, by itself, difficult. They just kept on coming in wave after wave. Elissa took a brief reprieve to stretch out her hands as they cramped from her tight grip on her daggers. They were all exhausted, though her companions looked worse off than she felt. She was grateful for the Grey Warden stamina that had kept her alive through so many battles. Cutting through the corruption felt like nothing.

The moment the trebuchet was ready to fire, she ordered it done, and an Inquisition soldier launched it into the side of the mountain. An avalanche roared down, blocking off the path the rest of the Templars seemed to be taking. A cheer went up across the village and Elissa let some of the tension slide off of her shoulders.

A horrifying screech rose above the din. Before Elissa could process it, the trebuchet exploded, knocking them all back into the snow.

“Dragon!”

Elissa scrambled for her weapons, helping Varric up as the dragon soared overhead. There was no way it could get worse. A dragon. Her heart pounded and her chest felt ice cold.

“Back to the Chantry!” she ordered. “Help any villagers along the way!”

“Yes, Herald!” An Inquisition scout called back.

“Now move!”

 

* * *

 

The Chantry was chaotic, stuffed with as many people as they could possibly fit inside. The dragon roared overhead outside and she flinched. It was too much like the archdemon. 

The noise and confusion pressed against her skull and it took all she had to keep herself steady. She could barely think, let alone strategize or deal with the mass of people depending on her. She stepped into an empty corner of the main room, covering her ears and dragging in breaths. It was too much. She needed to be  _ anywhere else _ .

Cullen pushed through the villagers to her. She cringed away and he slowed to a stop a short distance away. One more deep breath, enough to drive away the dizzy feeling, and she turned to face him. There was no time to have a meltdown. She couldn’t hold it off forever, but she had no choice.

“What is the situation?” she asked shortly.  

“We need a plan, Haven is overrun,” he said in a low voice.

“Is there no where we can go?” she hissed back.

“Lissa!” Teagan yelled over the crowd.

She turned and her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. He wasn’t even wearing any armor over his plain clothes, and the shield on his back looked like nothing more than a thin sheet of wood. She rushed forward and kissed him, and he set his hands on her waist.

“I saw you come in, you looked hurt, what happened?” he asked quickly when she stepped back.

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “Just overwhelmed.”

“Was it...?”

“Yes. But I’ll be fine. And no injuries, nothing a healer can’t handle.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “Thank the Maker you’re alright.”

“I don’t know about that, but I’m alive,” she tried to joke. He smiled sadly. “Where are Lydia and Connor? I couldn’t find you when the alarm first sounded.”

“They are with the younger mages, Connor is watching them all while the other mages fight off the Templars.”

Good. That meant they were safe. “With the path blocked off, the Templar numbers should dwindle down. The avalanche gave us time at least.”

“Herald, we need a plan,” Cullen repeated behind her. “There is no tactic to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide-”

She gaped at him. “It would bury Haven!”

“Do we have a choice?” he snapped. She sighed and shook her head. 

“Chancellor Roderick can help. He wants to say it before he dies,” Cole called out from near the door. He seemed familiar, but she couldn’t place where. He was crouched next to Roderick, who was practically on death’s door.

Elissa walked back over to them, folding her arms over her chest. “What is it?”

“There is a hidden path, leading out of the Chantry, I can show you,” Roderick rasped. “You would only know it if you had taken the Summer Pilgrimage, as I have.”

“And you can lead the Inquisition there? Get everyone out?”

“Yes. To be the only one left who knows of it... Herald, if this simply memory can save us, this could be more than mere accident. You could be more.”

Her eyes softened. “Thank you, Roderick,” she said quietly. 

She turned to look up at Cullen. “What about it? Think it will work?”

“Possibly, if he shows us the path,” he said, trailing off. “But that still leaves the issue of the dragon, and this Elder One.”

“If that thing is here for me, we’ll make him fight for it. I’ll bring a few people with me, and we’ll keep the Templars and the dragon off your back,” she ordered. “I will fire the trebuchet once you send up a signal that everyone is far enough away.”

“And when the mountain falls, what about you?”

She pursed her lips. “I will buy you as much time as I can.”

The realization dawned on him and his eyes widened. There would likely be no return for her. Cullen gave her a hard look and nodded. He knew his duty. He would get their people out of Haven, at any cost, even her.

She turned back to the door and Teagan grabbed onto her hand to stop her.

“Elissa, no,” he begged.

“Someone has to,” she insisted.

“Then I’m coming with you.”

She shook her head. “I need you to get these people out of here, get to safety.”

“No-”

“Teagan, please.”

He held her hand tighter. “I can’t lose you!”

“And I can’t lose you either,” she argued. “And our children cannot lose both of us.” 

He hesitated. She kissed him again, lingering this time, raising her free hand to the side of his face. His breath caught and he squeezed her other hand. It wasn’t enough, it never could be, but it was all they had. From the start, there was always a chance that she would die in some battle. She was a Warden, for Andraste’s sake. 

But she also knew there was only so much you could prepare for.

“Please. Go find Lydia and Connor and get everyone out of Haven. I’ll be right behind you,” she promised.

“I love you,” he said quietly. She smiled.

“I love you too. Now go.”

He stepped back slowly, and then he was gone into the crowd. She went to the door, meeting Dorian, Cassandra, and Varric.

“We’re playing the bait, then?” Varric asked casually. She nodded. 

“We need to be noticed, hm? Happens to be a specialty of mine,” Dorian said.

“I think I knew that about you,” Elissa mumbled as she moved past them. He laughed.

“So,” she continued. “We’re distracting the Templars and the dragon until they send the flare up, then hitting a trebuchet to cause an avalanche. When you see that flare, you run back to the Chantry and follow the trail.”

Cassandra stopped beside her. “You are not coming back with us, are you?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted.

Cassandra was quiet for a moment. Elissa pushed the door open, pulling her sword out with her free hand.

“It has been an honor,” Cassandra finally murmured.

Elissa smiled at her and nodded. “You as well, Seeker.”

 

* * *

 

As she aimed the trebuchet, the dragon roared above them. “Head back to the Chantry, I’ll finish this!”

“And you?” Varric shouted back.

“I’ll figure something out.” She looked over her shoulder at the three of them as she slid the weapon into position and tried to smile. She hoped it looked confident. “I always do.”

There were so many things she wanted to say but would never have time for. There was no later this time. There was comfort in that at least, watching her companions disappear around the corner into the village.

For once, Elissa wasn’t afraid.

The dragon swung down with an explosive breath. The impact of the blast knocked her down as it settled on the ground, blocking the one escape route. She checked herself for injuries as she sat up. As she twisted to check her aching shoulder, she saw the Elder One swagger through the flames left by the dragon. It towered over her and she scrambled back from it. It seemed familiar, but from where?

The Taint scratched at the back of her head, like a song just out of reach. The song grew louder as the creature advanced on her and it hit her like a punch to the gut - it looked like the Architect.

A Darkspawn.

“Pretender,” it spat, “you toy with forces beyond your ken. No more.”

She snapped to her senses and rolled onto her stomach, pushing herself up onto her knees. Chancing a quick glance over the village to the mountains, she swallowed hard. She just needed to keep its attention until Cullen sent up the flare. She looked back at the Darkspawn, her heart beating so hard she could almost hear it. Just a little bit longer.

“You’ll have to throw more than some lousy Templars and an archdemon at me to make me flinch,” she yelled. “I’m not afraid of you!”

“Words mortals often hurl at the darkness. Once they were mine; they are always lies.”

The dragon screeched behind her and she slammed her hands over her ears as the world went fuzzy around her. The Taint clawed at the back of her mind, screaming at her both to get away and come closer. No, she had to stay focused, just for a little bit longer; she couldn’t break now.

“Know me, know what you have pretend to be,” it hissed. “Exalt the Elder one; the will that is Corypheus. I have come for the Anchor; the process of removing it begins now.”

It lifted an orb in the air and thrusted its other hand towards her, and as it lit up, the Mark did as well. It was like her hand was being torn open, and she gasped and cried out. 

Its mouth split open in a twisted grin. “It is your fault, Herald. You interrupted a ritual years in the planning, and instead of dying, you stole its purpose.”

The pain stopped as abruptly as it started and she dropped to her knees, breathing hard. Closing Rifts had never hurt so much. Even closing the Breach itself hadn’t. What had he done to her? 

The Darkspawn advanced on her, reaching down to wrap its claws around her wrist and yank her up, glaring right into her eyes. She couldn’t even scream past the pain and the Taint. There was a painful click in her shoulder that spread through her chest and ripped the air from her lungs. The creature blurred in front of her, and she could feel herself starting to lose consciousness. The Taint was just so loud, so much worse than any normal Darkspawn, and it rolled off of the creature in waves. 

“I once breached the Fade in the name of another, to serve the Old Gods of the empire in person. I found only chaos and corruption, dead whispers. For a thousand years I was confused. No more.”

She glared back, refusing to look away, to show how scared and hurt she truly was. It just sneered at her.

“I have gathered the will to return under no name but my own, to champion withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world.”

“You are nothing but a monster,” she ground out. 

Its claws tightened around her wrist, slicing through her gauntlet, and she cried out again. There was a loud snap in her wrist and her vision went dark for a long moment as pain radiated down her entire arm and her fingers spasmed.

“Beg that I succeed,” it bellowed, “for I have seen the throne of the Gods, and it was empty.”

Effortlessly, as though she was only a doll, it turned and flung her at the trebuchet. She cried out when her back hit the wheel mechanism and collapsed to her knees. Everything hurt so badly she could barely think. When she looked up at the mountain, her heart sank into her stomach. Still no flare.

Just a little longer.

“The Anchor is permanent; you have spoilt it with your stumbling,” it growled.

She fumbled to pull a blade from her armor with her good hand. It was only a dagger, not even her main weapon, but she needed something. Anything to keep it away from her. She just had to last long enough to set off the trebuchet. After that, it wouldn’t matter.

“So be it,” the creature called out. He sauntered towards her and the dragon crept behind him. “I will begin again, find another way to give this world the nation, and God, that it requires.”

Behind him, she finally saw a flaming arrow fly into the air above the mountains. They made it. Even if she failed, they would all be safe. Her heart pounded in her chest as she turned to the wheel. All she had to do was hit it, and the trebuchet would fling the last boulder into the hill behind the village, covering everything in snow. She only had one shot at it. 

She steadied herself on her uninjured arm, pushing herself to stand. Her vision blurred again as she forced her body to work. He began advancing again, slowly - where could she even run to? - with the dragon pacing behind him.

“I will not suffer even an unknowing rival. You must die,” he said.

“If you were expecting a fight, you’ll be disappointed. That’s not why I kept you talking,” she spat. “In war, victory!”

She swung around to kick the lever, the trebuchet fired and smashed into the mountain, and Elissa broke into a sprint away from Corypheus. The roar of the avalanche rang in her ears as the force threw her down into a pit.

And all she knew was pain.

 

* * *

 

She stumbled through the caves beneath Haven for - for who knew how long. Her body burned as though on fire, but she couldn’t stop moving. As much as she wanted to just lie in the snow and sleep, she had to go. Had to find the Inquisition. A heavy fog had settled over her mind, making it difficult to think, but she repeated that to herself over and over: she had to find the Inquisition.

The wind and snow bit at her bare skin, no matter how she tried to block it from her face. Her armor was warm enough for Haven on a normal day, or the Hinterlands, but not in a blizzard. Not when it was sliced open with her blood frozen on the leather. She couldn’t even tell where all of her injuries were; everything that didn’t ache was uncomfortably numb. Her left arm dangled uselessly at her side. She’d tried moving it, once, and nearly blacked out from the pain. The Mark pulsed along with her blood, slower and slower as time dragged on. 

Elissa didn’t want to die.

The snow hit its peak and then slowed, but the damage was already done. It was a struggle to just keep dragging her legs through the knee-deep snow. Everything just felt so heavy.

She stumbled around a large boulder and tripped, slamming her leg on a rock as she collapsed to her knees. Her injured arm flared up with pain and she had to bite back a scream. She moved her weight to her right arm, and it slowly dulled back down to a harsh ache, only to be replaced by the new wound on her leg.

She chanced a glance back, trying to ignore the blood amongst the snow. It was a campfire; she had tripped over the stones set up around it. The Inquisition had traveled through that path, and stopped for at least some time...

Her neck cramped and she looked forward again with a whimper. That was when she saw it - light. There was a flickering light reflecting onto the hills in front of her. There were people. She had either found the Inquisition, or she was dead, and either way, at least the pain would stop.

“There! It’s her!”

“Thank the Maker!”

She tried sitting up, but her body had hit its breaking point. The mountain blurred around her as her arm gave out from under her. Instead of the snow, she fell into something - someone? - keeping her from falling further. Her shoulder flared up and she shuddered.

“Elissa! Stay with me!”

She struggled to keep her eyes open, staring at the silver armor and red coat. “Cullen?” she murmured weakly.

“It’s me,” he assured her. “You’re safe now.”

It felt like his voice was far away. The moment she had stopped moving, everything flooded back down her muscles. She clenched her jaw to try and stop the shivers racking her body.

“Can you move?” he asked firmly. “I will carry you to the camp.”

“I can’t,” she ground out. “I th-think my arm’s broken. The left one.”

The pressure lifted from her injured arm. “I will try not to move it. Sit back and I will lift you, alright?”

Slowly and clumsily, as though underwater, she moved her legs out from under her body. He moved out of her view and wrapped one arm around her back, slipping the other under her knees. Even the slight movement sent another shock down her limbs and she whimpered. He lifted her out of the snow gently, shushing her.

“You are safe now,” he repeated.

She couldn’t hold her eyes open anymore. As they slipped closed he scolded her. “I need you to stay awake, Elissa. Just a little longer.”

“Is... i-is ev-v-ryone oka... kay?” she stuttered.

“Everyone is safe.”

She rested her head against the fur of his coat. “Hurts...”

“I know. We are almost there.”

She tried to force her eyes back open, but her lids were too heavy. Everything was too heavy. She felt almost warm, like she was overheating, despite the biting wind and chill. 

“It’s the Herald!”

He set her down on something hard and she squirmed as it dug into where her back had struck the wheel on the trebuchet.

“We need to get her armor off, it’s soaked!”

“If we move her, we might hurt her, or send her into shock.”

“That’s a risk we have to take, now move!”

“Just watch her shoulder!”

Something warm brushed against her cheek and she turned her head into it.

“Are you still with me?” Cullen asked softly. She opened her mouth to speak but no noise came out. “Elissa.”

She swallowed hard. “Cullen?” she finally mumbled.

He let out a heavy sigh. “Thank the Maker.”

Something tugged at the glove on her left hand and the Anchor pulsed violently. Electricity spread up her arm and she wrenched it back, causing her shoulder to scream with pain. A wave of nausea crept up her throat and she cried out.

“Elissa!”

“We have to put her to sleep. She’s hurting herself even more.”

“I will send for her husband.”

Another warm hand pressed down on her forehead and she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've edited this chapter so many times I don't even know if there are mistakes anymore. I feel like every time I looked through it Elissa comes out with more injuries. She already has PTSD I don't need to make things worse
> 
> So! Elissa is safe, kind of. Next chapter on 4/3, Elissa wakes up to deal with a whole new layer of trauma, for herself and everyone else, and they try to move forward.


	12. From the Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition finds its footing after the attack on Haven, and Elissa tries to figure out where she fits into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... So this is up a day late and I'm sorry. It's a bit longer than usual though, so I hope that makes up for my forgetfulness!

The silence of the camp was oppressive. At first, Teagan had been glad of the quiet following the complete chaos of the Templar’s attack. Until they heard the avalanche behind them, and Elissa’s companions appeared without her, and she never followed.

He would have given anything just to hear her voice again.

The Inquisition had given him a tent, meant to show his status as an arl and husband of the Herald of Andraste, but he didn’t need it. He sat on the ground on one of the few dry spots on one side of the tent, while the rest was filled with younger mages, sleeping in a pile. Lydia was curled up in his lap, asleep the moment she rested there, and Connor was sat next to him. He should have been sleeping - Teagan himself should have been - but he insisted on staying awake.

“I don’t usually sleep much anyway,” he had mumbled. “I have... I don’t know what’ll happen when I wake up, and I don’t want to wake anyone else up.”

Despite his protests, he was leaning on Teagan, the only sign that he was awake that he kept fussing with his sleeves. Teagan said nothing, just gave a smile he hoped was reassuring.

They were lost in the Frostbacks with no supplies, no idea where they were or where they could even go, with no way of contacting anyone who could help. Leliana sent a few of her agents out, some with letters and some just to map out the area, but there was no way of knowing if any of them would succeed. From the tired look on her face after they left, she didn’t seem to think they would.

She had looked at him with sad eyes, and then walked away without a word. He didn’t go after her.

Elissa might be dead. There was nothing either of them could say.

“My lord?” a quiet voice from outside the tent called.

He sighed. He wasn’t sleeping anyway. Connor sat up and looked at him.

“I’ll watch Lyddie,” he offered.

Teagan nodded and nudged Lydia awake. She groaned and curled up to hide her face in her dress.

“Sweetheart, I have to go talk to someone,” he said softly. “I’ll be right back, just stay with Connor, alright?”

She nodded groggily and climbed out of his lap, rubbing her eyes. He stood shakily and watched as she took his place, curling up like a mabari against her cousin and almost immediately falling back to sleep.

He exited the tent quickly, closing the entrance behind him to muffle the noise. The Inquisition soldier startled and bounced back.

“What is it?” he asked. 

“One of the scouts returned, says they found Lady Elissa!”

His heart lurched and he tried to keep his voice steady. “Found her?”

“Alive, my lord! She is hurt, but alive. Sister Leliana said to find you first!”

He barely mumbled out a “thank you” before he was rushing through the camp. A large crowd had amassed outside one of the tents, fortunately making it clear where Elissa had been taken.

Leliana met him at the edge of the crowd. “Come with me,” she whispered.

The crowded parted when they saw her, allowing them to pass through easily. The tent itself was small, filled with a couple of cots for those injured, and one surrounded by people. He recognized Pavus immediately, at least. 

“Is she...” He couldn’t force the words out. Knowing she was alive was one thing, knowing that she would continue to live... It was like there was a hole in his chest.

“She will survive,” Leliana answered quietly. “We found her in the snow. She had been severely injured when escaping Haven, and walked through that blizzard we barely outran. We are lucky we found her when we did - who knows how long she would have survived in that cold?”

“How... how injured?”

“Dislocated shoulder. Broken wrist, covered in... claw marks. Severe bruising across her back. Delirious from pain and the cold.”

He nodded numbly. Leliana stepped forward to address the group.

“Is she stable?” she asked.

Pavus nodded. “Yes, but we won’t know for sure until she wakes up.” He paused, then mumbled, “We have done all we can for her - the rest is up to her.”

The rest of the group, mages he didn’t recognize, all filed out of the tent. Only Pavus hesitated.

“She survived Redcliffe, she will survive this,” he said simply.

He turned and left as well, leaving just Leliana and Teagan with Elissa. 

She was so pale and almost completely still. Her discarded armor lie at the end of the cot, covered in blood and snow. If he hadn’t seen her breathing, however shallow, and how hard she was shaking, he would have thought she was dead.

“Maker...”

“I have sent a note to Fergus about what happened,” Leliana said. He startled at her voice, broken out of his trance. “Who knows if he will actually receive it, but... He needs to know.”

He tried to breathe slowly. “Once we get out of the mountains, and find... anywhere for these people to stay, I will send word to Alistair and Anora. They can find a permanent station for the Inquisition, or at least placements for the families.”

“Thank you.”

“And thank you for helping Elissa,” he whispered.

She nodded stiffly. “She is my closest friend. I would do anything for her.”

“Thank you all the same.”

Leliana turned and walked out of the tent without another word. Teagan sank onto the cot beside Elissa’s, again watching her chest rise and fall. He would not lose her again. Never.

 

 

When Elissa woke, she was warm, and for a long moment she thought she was dead. It had been so cold before, the snow and winds tearing through her armor. Now, she still felt the chill and her limbs were stiff and aching, but it didn’t burn as it had. She opened her eyes slowly, testing her fingers and joints. It was day time, but she could hear little outside of the tent. Pain jolted through the back of her head, like something was squeezing her skull, and she swallowed hard.

“This isn’t what we asked them to do!”

“Please, we must use reason! Without the Inquisition’s infrastructure, we’re hobbled!”

“That can’t come from nowhere.”

“She didn’t say it could!” 

“Enough. This is getting us nowhere!”

“Well, we’re agreed on that much.”

They were fighting. If she could just get up, she could step in. Her head felt heavy as she tried to think. There was something important that she needed to remember, but it was just out of reach past the fog in her mind. She barely pushed herself up on her good arm before tiring, her breaths coming in short bursts. Everything ached, especially the hand with the Anchor.

A soft voice shushed her. “Lie down. You need rest.”

She looked up at Mother Giselle, who sat on a small seat beside her. Glancing around, Elissa could see a few other empty cots. She stopped and lowered herself back down before rolling onto her uninjured side to face her, and propped herself up on the one arm instead. The blankets fell away from her and the chill returned, snapping at her skin.

“I should be out there,” she murmured.

“Another shouting voice will not help this time, I am afraid.”

“Where is...” she drifted off anxiously.

“Your husband is in a tent of his own, taking care of your daughter and nephew,” Mother Giselle assured her. “He wished to remain with you, but I convinced him to rest instead. He was by your side for quite some time.”

She let out a heavy breath. Despite knowing they were all with the rest of the Inquisition, she had been so worried about them. “Thank you.”

“I will send for him soon. I am sure he will be relieved you are awake.”

“Where is Corypheus?”

Mother Giselle frowned. “We are not sure. We are not even sure where we are, which may be why he has not pursued us. We have been camped here for nearly two days now, hoping the scouts will find anything.”

“Then I truly need to be out there. All fighting does is give us a headache.” Elissa huffed. “Another headache.”

“Our leaders struggle because of what we survivors witnessed. We saw our hero fall and then return from death.”

“I didn’t die.”

“Of course not. The dead cannot return through the Veil. But that is not how they all see it - for them, you are blessed by the Maker, sent in our time of need.”

“I wasn’t sent by the Maker,” Elissa snapped. “I know... I know that isn’t what they want to hear. But I wasn’t.”

“The people need hope, and you have given it to them. Is that not enough?”

She bit her lip to hold back tears. “I want to believe, more than anything. But if all of this is the Maker’s blessing, I don’t want it.”

Mother Giselle sighed. “I know. But they need to put their faith in something - and they have placed it in you. Regardless of your belief in the Maker’s input, that is real. And I beg you to remember that in the days to come.”

Elissa said nothing. She couldn’t be their chosen one, and she didn’t want to. Why would no one else see that?

“I will go inform your family that you are awake,” Mother Giselle said softly. “And leave you with your thoughts.”

By the time they returned to the tent, Elissa was at least able to sit upright. Someone had come to bind her arm up, wrapping it in a sling to keep it close to her chest and hold her shoulder in place. Sitting up was difficult without putting weight on her bad arm, but she was determined to do it. The binding helped more than she would ever admit, and even the nausea caused by the pain had settled.

Lydia ran into the tent, slowing to a stop next to the cot and sniffling. Elissa desperately wanted to reach out to her, but twisting to reach across with her right arm only made her back twinge. She flinched, and when she looked up saw Lydia’s eyes fill with tears. Elissa forced a smile.

“I’m alright, sweetheart,” she said softly.

Lydia shook her head. “N-no you’re not! You did-didn’t come back, and then they found you and everyone kept talking about how you were h-hurt, and papa wouldn’t tell me anything!”

Elissa could feel her heart breaking again. Lydia had gone through so much upheaval in her life, between being brought to the Circle, having to leave it again, having to leave Redcliffe, and now Haven. She was only a child.

“Climb on up,” she offered. “You can sit up here with me.”

Lydia did as she was told, clambering up onto the cot and settling across Elissa’s lap with her head resting on her mother’s chest. Elissa was finally able to use her good hand to pet Lydia’s hair, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

“Everything will be alright now,” she murmured. Lydia finally broke into tears, curling up and holding onto the loose shirt someone had moved Elissa into while she was asleep.

“Oh, thank the Maker, you are awake!”

Elissa looked up as Teagan entered the tent. Tears sprang to her eyes and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying. He sat on the bed beside her and leaned in to kiss her slowly, lifting one hand to her cheek. Elissa covered his hand with hers, careful not to bump Lydia.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“No,” he said in a quavering voice. “I...”

She lowered her hand and he pulled back reluctantly. “We can talk later,” he whispered.

It was difficult to convince Lydia to leave her mother, but after an hour she finally agreed to go with Connor. It was just for a little while so they could talk without worrying about her. She clambored out of the cot, rubbing her eyes with her sleeve as she slowly walked out of the tent with Connor.

“How have they been doing?” Elissa asked in a whisper when Teagan sat back down.

He let out a heavy breath and pushed his hair back from his face. “How do you think?”

She flinched. “I know. I’m sorry.”

He stared down at the blankets, one hand clenched into a fist. Elissa couldn’t imagine what those long hours had been like for them. She had been fortunate enough to be mostly unconscious for most of it. She wanted to reach out to him, and it was so frustrating that she couldn’t even comfort her husband. She rested her head against his shoulder instead, and he turned to press a kiss into her hair.

“I was terrified when I realized you weren’t behind us,” he admitted quietly. “The commander sent up the signal, and we could hear the avalanche...”

She held out her hand as far as she could across her body and he took it in his with a watery smile. 

“I know there has always been a chance, but... This was different. I thought I had lost you.”

“For a while, I thought that as well,” she confessed.

He let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Maker, I can’t... I don’t have the words for how relieved I am that you are safe.”

She squeezed his hand gently. “And I’m not going anywhere. I am not leaving you again, not if I can help it.”

They sat in silence for a long while after that. There was nothing either of them could say. Despite all of the danger Elissa had put herself in over the past decade, she was never alone. They could both trust that she would return home. He always argued against her leaving, and she always went anyway, and he forgave her as long as she came home.

This was the first time she nearly hadn’t kept her end of the deal.

She wouldn’t break her promise again. She wasn’t done, and she wouldn’t leave him. Not until the Calling forced her. Nothing else was going to come between her and the man she loved again.

Thankfully - for everyone else’s sanity, but especially Elissa’s - she was only bedbound for two days. She was still injured, and the pain never really went away, but she could walk, and they could start moving towards the fortress Solas promised.

She held no formal rank or title within the Inquisition and certainly not one with any power, but she still felt obligated towards it. She would help them find a home, and then return to Redcliffe with her family.

That meant, of course, working together with the Inquisition’s actual leaders. Including Cullen.

He had not been anywhere near as aggressive as usual, even though she could see their situation wearing on him. Elissa assumed it was just due to Lydia’s constant presence at her side. Even he wouldn’t shout at a child. 

“Hera- ah. Lady Elissa?”

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye to where he stood beside her, curious. At least he was remembering not to call her the Herald of anything. “Yes, Commander?”

“I need to speak with you about something.” He looked down at Lydia nervously. “Alone, if possible.”

Nothing good, then. Their soldiers had run into trouble, or been attacked, or worse, they had found nothing and the fortress Solas spoke of didn’t exist anymore. None of which were things Elissa wanted Lydia to know about.

She reached out to rest her uninjured hand on the back of Lydia’s head. “Sweetheart, can you give us a moment to talk?”

Lydia frowned. “Alright.”

“Thank you. Sister Leliana is right over there, alright? I’ll come get you when I’m done,” Elissa promised.

Reluctantly, Lydia wandered off. Once Elissa was sure she was actually heading to Leliana and not getting herself lost in the chaos of the camp, she turned back to Cullen.

“What is it?” she prompted wearily, shifting the sling holding her arm.

He almost flinched and looked down at the table before them. “With everything that has happened, I... Never apologized for how I have acted.”

She scoffed. “Which time?”

He truly did flinch that time, and Elissa felt a pang of guilt. Regardless of anything, he hadn’t deserved what happened with Corypheus either. While she had been drifting through the mountains or unconscious in a tent, he had been leading the Inquisition.

“For what I said about your nephew,” he said, his voice low. “And for not being more proactive in keeping the Templars from Therinfal from harming the mages. It was... It was unfair and unkind of me.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to them. I was angry, but I am not the one you wronged.”

“I am- I will. I was still wrong in saying what I said to you. I’d like meetings to be less antagonistic, if possible.”

They thought she was staying with the Inquisition. She had not mentioned leaving to many, but she had also not pledged to stay. At the beginning, she told them she was only interested in working with the Inquisition to close the Breach. With the war over and the remaining Templars leashed back, she and Teagan could return home and work on rebuilding. They would have actual resources again.

She didn’t plan on leaving Corypheus unopposed. She just didn’t need the Inquisition to fight him. It would be more difficult without the Wardens, but she hadn’t had any Wardens besides Alistair during the Blight. Corypheus was just another Darkspawn, only more dangerous for the minions he had amassed. 

Elissa planned to get the Inquisition to Skyhold and find places for the families caught up in the violence, and then give her formal resignation. They needed morale high to get them through the mountains to safety, and their Herald of Andraste jumping ship would do nothing but dampen what little spirit the people had.

She looked away from him. “Of course,” she said awkwardly. “And... thank you, for saving me.”

“I could hardly let you die,” he snapped quietly.

“I am still grateful. I will find some way to repay you.”

“It isn’t a matter of-”

She took a step away from the table. “Thank you, commander. I should go find my daughter before she runs off again.”

She couldn’t even meet his eyes as she turned away. He reached his hand out as if to grab her and stop her, but stopped at her still heavily bandaged injuries. It was for the best - if he had actually touched her, she just would have hurt herself further trying to get away.

He fell silent again as she walked away.

 

* * *

 

Skyhold was massive. Elissa spent the first few days there simply wandering around, trying to find every room and closet. It must have been as large as the palace in Denerim, easily. She wondered how they had managed to build such an amazing place in such a remote area.

Just short of a week after their arrival, Cassandra asked to speak with her outside. When Elissa approached from the stables, she saw Cassandra, Josephine, Cullen, and Leliana all smiling together. They all parted ways, leaving Cassandra, who met Elissa part-way. She turned to head up the stairs to the main courtyard and Elissa followed gingerly, careful of her still-injured back.

“Is something going on?” Elissa asked nervously.

“Skyhold’s reconstruction is underway, and we believe it will be sturdy enough to deter any attack. And now we know why Corypheus was drawn to you.”

Elissa pursed her lips. “He wanted me because I have the Mark, and now it’s useless to him, so he wants me dead. That’s it.”

“You give yourself too little credit,” Cassandra said, smiling. “He went after you because of who you were, what you mean to the people. And we all know it.”

Elissa realized as they reached the top of the stairs why they had led her there. 

She looked down at a crowd of every member of the Inquisition and the world tilted around her.

“The Inquisition needs a leader. You.”

Her heart pounded and she suddenly couldn’t breathe. No, they couldn’t do this to her, not like this. She wanted to go home, she wanted to just travel around closing Rifts and return home with Teagan, Lydia and Aedan, and just be. 

Leliana walked up to them, holding a ceremonial sword, and Elissa couldn’t meet her eyes. They had spoken many times since Elissa’s rescue after Haven, and Leliana had said nothing. No warning, no preparation, nothing.

“And what if I don’t want it?” Elissa hissed quietly, keeping the smile on her face to hide from the crowd just how scared she was. “I have done everything you have asked, and more.”

“And just how far do you think you will get without the Inquisition?” Cassandra threatened. “You would face Corypheus alone.”

So there was no choice. That was why they had cornered her without warning. They knew she would say no, and planned to take the ability away from her.

Even Leliana had agreed to it.

She took the sword, hands shaking, and tried to find her voice. It was stuck in her throat, and nothing would come out when she tried. She looked through the crowd, but her family was nowhere to be found. The Inquisition had kept them away, so they would not - could not - stop what was happening.

Elissa fully turned to the crowd and raised the blade in the air to the cheers of the crowd and felt like she would be sick. She stayed there for a minute, heart pounding as Cullen rallied the people into a screaming mass, and then dropped the sword back into Leliana’s arms with a sharp glare.

“Elissa-”

She ignored Leliana, storming inside and to her assigned chambers without a second glance at anyone. Her throat closed up as she realized why they had given her the rooms they had. She had been staying in a smaller room until the hall could be made safe, but they told her where she would be moved to. It was the rooms of the leader, the owner of the castle. 

The soldiers guarding the door stepped aside at her furious look.

“No one comes inside, is that clear?” she snapped. The guards nodded nervously. “Thank you.” 

She walked in and slammed the door shut behind her. The stairs looked so long and daunting and she barely made it halfway up before she had to stop. She sank down onto the landing and bent over, hiding her face behind her hands in her lap.

They had lied to her, hidden everything from her, taken away what freedom she still had. And they had ensured she could not say no, that no one could stop them from doing it: not her husband, not her brother, and not her king.

It wasn’t long before the door at the bottom of the stairs opened with the sound of a sputtering guard. Elissa cringed, keeping her face hidden as boots clicked on the steps.

“Elissa?” Leliana called softly.

“Go away.”

“No. We are going to talk about this.”

Elissa sat up, glaring right at Leliana. “Why? What’s the point? You all got what you wanted,” she spat.

“We needed a leader. Who else could besides you?”

“Why would you even want a leader you had to threaten into taking the job?” She laughed despite herself. “I don’t even believe in the Maker, let alone the bloody Chantry!”

“That is not why we chose you,” Leliana snapped.

“No. You did it because everyone thinks I’m some... prophet, or whatever, and you needed a figurehead.”

“Elissa-”

“Do you know how many panic attacks I’ve had in the past month?” she asked wildly. “I had not had one in years before this. I can’t... sleep, I can barely think straight-”

“We would not have done it if we did not think you could handle it,” Leliana interrupted. Elissa shook her head, resting her head down in her hands again.

“I’m broken,” she admitted.

“That isn’t true.”

“It is. Please. I can’t do this.”

“You can,” Leliana insisted. “I am sorry we did not tell you. We should have. We should not have taken your freedom away like that. But we do need you.”

Elissa shrugged silently. Leliana sighed and started back down the stairs. Elissa’s heart sped up again.

“Wait,” Elissa blurted out.

Leliana stopped. Elissa lowered her hands and looked down to her. “I can’t... I can’t lose you to this, too.”

“You haven’t lost me,” Leliana said softly.

She walked up the steps, sitting beside Elissa cautiously. Elissa leaned into her, head on her shoulder.

“You aren’t broken,” Leliana repeated.

“I feel like I am.”

Leliana shifted, linked their arms together and held Elissa’s hand. “Perhaps, but I remember the girl I met in Lothering. She was so scared, cried every night, and recruited her own assassin in the hopes he would finish his contract on her life.”

“And I remember the one I met,” Elissa murmured. “The Chantry sister who dodged every question about her, and could not believe anyone wanted to help her without demanding something in return.”

“We have both come so far. After all of the darkness we have endured, we are still standing. I believe it is time for both of us to step into the light.”

Elissa nodded. “Alright. Together?”

“Together.”

 

* * *

 

It was a long time before Leliana was able to coax her down to the main hall again. 

“The others wanted to meet in what will be the new war room, before the day is up,” she said cautiously. “I understand if you do not wish to see them, however.”

Elissa shrugged. “I’m going to have to eventually if I’m staying, right? Just... I want to get this over with. Where is Teagan?”

Leliana frowned. “I thought he would be at the ceremony. The others must have kept him away somehow, but I do not know.”

“I thought you knew everything,” Elissa murmured. Leliana smiled thinly.

“Which means they were purposely hiding it from me, so I would not tell him, or you, the truth.”

Elissa nodded with a sigh. “Of course. Couldn’t just ask me.”

The war room was at the end of a long hallway, full of holes and debris. It would take months for the castle to be fit for distinguished visitors, let alone able to stand up in a fight. The closer they came to the enormous set of doors, Elissa could hear voices from within. The door and walls were thick enough to obscure much of it, but not all. She would know Teagan’s voice anywhere.

She was also very, very painfully aware of what he sounded like when he was angry.

_ “This is absolutely unacceptable!” _

_ “My lord-” _

_ “And where is she now? If I am even allowed to see her!” _

_ “This isn’t about her! You can’t honestly think she can take on Corypheus, his Venatori and the Red Templars all at once alone!” _

_ “She wouldn’t be alone! Unless that is a threat-” _

_ “-And if it was?” _

_ “Gentlemen!” _

Elissa shouldered the door open with her right side. She absolutely did not want to walk in on the fight. She had promised she would return home, and she wanted to more than anything, but it would have to wait. She just had to convince Teagan.

He whipped around as she opened the door, and she only saw the raw anger on his face for a split second before it disappeared behind his worry. He quickly crossed the room to her with a hug.

“Are you alright?” he asked in a whisper.

She pushed back on his chest so she could look at him. “I’m fine. What happened?”

“I was talking to the Grand Enchanter when I heard the noise outside,” he said, with a quick, sharp look to Leliana. “By the time I realized what was happening, you had already run in.”

“I’m so sorry, I...”

“It’s not your fault. I was just worried, and...”

“I’m staying.”

He stared at her in shock. “Lissa?”

She swallowed hard and shook her head. “I don’t want to. I meant it when I said I want to go home. But... I need to stay here. Just until this is all over.”

“You don’t have to do this,” he said softly.

“Don’t I?” She mumbled bitterly. “I’m their Inquisitor. I’d be surprised if they haven’t already sent word out about it.”

The room was blanketed in a tense silence outside of their whispered argument. The others, her advisors, all stood stiffly across the room behind a massive table. Elissa wanted to leave, to run out of the room and be anywhere else. The panic that had never truly left rose up her throat again and she had to close her eyes against the dizziness that crashed into her.

“You deserve better than this,” she murmured. “Than me.”

He held her tightly again, one hand pressed to the back of her head. “I knew what I was signing up for.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shushed her. “Stop that. It... It will be hard, as it always is, but you will come home to me.”

“You don’t have to...” she trailed off.

“Yes. I do.”

She shifted back to move her arms out to wrap around his waist. He let out a shaky breath and held her just a little bit tighter. 

They had always fought over her leaving for the Wardens. She never wanted to leave, but she could not abandon her duties. It was always difficult, but now, it felt impossible.

“I am coming home,” she murmured. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's entirely my own fault this is up late. I usually edit new chapters during down time at work, but I spent all of yesterday typing up survey responses for a data project, and the few moments I had to myself I spent reading someone else's story because editing my own writing was too stressful. (I was reading "Disgrace of Redcliffe" by Sunruner, for the 3rd time, go read it!!)
> 
> I swear the next update will actually be up on time. The next couple of chapters are a bit slow, probably, but it'll pick up again once Elissa becomes something resembling a functioning person again. Next chapter on 4/7, a bunch of surprise guests arrive at Skyhold, some good and some... not so good.


	13. Surprise Visitors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some guests arrive at Skyhold, to varying reactions.

Skyhold was lovely, but it needed so many repairs to be livable, and it was driving Elissa absolutely mad. She couldn’t go out into the field until they were at least underway, but every time progress was made, they discovered another problem. For the first three weeks, every time she turned a corner, there was someone else with a report. 

Teagan was helping, which was probably the only reason she hadn’t actually gone mad yet. Lydia was occupied with her lessons with Vivienne, who was more than happy to take over what little training the Circle had given her before it dissolved. Perhaps most surprisingly, Connor was spending much of his time in the library with Dorian, and became flustered when Teagan asked him about it.

She took one step out of the undercroft and a scout ran up to her. If things didn’t slow down, she was going to have to sneak out just to get away from them all.

“Inquisitor! Message for you!” 

“Yes?” she sighed. The scout handed her a note.

“From Sister Leliana. She said it was very urgent.”

Which probably meant nothing good. She nodded to the scout and they ran off again, probably to find more things for her to worry about. The seal had already been snapped - Leliana’s people always went through letters to make sure none from any... unpleasant senders made it through - so she unfurled it and straightened it out. She recognized Fergus’ script immediately and felt her chest tighten.

_ Elissa, and whoever else reads this before her, _

_ Since I know how much you just love surprises, I’m sending this so you get it the day I will be arriving at Skyhold. I would have sent it sooner, but we both know what you’re like, so I thought it best to give you as little time as possible to panic over it. _

_ I have your boy with me as well, of course. Not that I’m looking to get rid of him because watching him is so awful, but I got the impression from the letter Teagan sent that you both want to see him. _

_ There are things I want to say, but they can wait until I’m there. _

_ Fergus _

Elissa couldn’t help smiling. He could be such an ass sometimes, but Maker she had missed him. After their past letters right after the Inquisition’s formation, they had not exchanged any more. Elissa was terrified of the letters ending up in the wrong hands, outsiders as well as within the Inquisition itself. His and Aedan’s safety took priority.

The thought of seeing Aedan again after so long made her heart leap into her throat. Since his birth they had never been far apart, and to be separated for so many months was painful. It was better he was not with her, but it still hurt.

She walked out into the gardens where she was to meet Teagan, folding the letter back up. He was sat on one of the benches, watching Lydia running around with a group of other children, some mages and some children of soldiers or scouts. Elissa sat next to him.

“You will never guess who I heard from,” she said casually.

He smiled, glancing at her. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

“He already sold you out, love.”

“Who did?”

She pouted and swatted him with the letter. “My brother! Why didn’t you tell me he was coming?”

His smile turned into a grin and he snatched the letter from her hands. She reached over to take it back, and he held it out of her reach.

“You are impossible,” she grumbled.

“I love you too,” he laughed. 

She sighed. “I love you.”

“So, when will they be arriving?”

“He didn’t say, just said he was sending it so it would get here the day he arrived.”

“In my defense, I didn’t think he would actually surprise you with it.”

“I’m sure.”

“Inquisitor!”

She groaned as  _ another _ messenger ran up. Teagan held her hand with a sympathetic smile.

“Yes?” she said shortly.

The messenger looked incredibly nervous. “Lady Montilyet asked for you, said it was important that you come right away! She asked for you as well, my lord, and Lady Lydia.”

There was no chance that wasn’t Fergus.

“I will be right there. Thank you.”

The scout ran off again. Teagan laughed.

“I am surprised he would risk his health like this,” he said quietly. 

“Oh, he knows I won’t do anything.” Elissa rolled her eyes. “That’s why he does it. I suppose we should go, then.”

He nodded and gave her one last brief kiss before turning out to the gardens. “Lydia?”

Lydia stopped in her game and ran over, apologizing to her new friends as she left. She stopped in front of them, rocking back onto her heels in her new boots.

“Yes?” she said sweetly.

“Lady Montilyet needs to meet with us, right away,” Elissa explained. “It’s nothing bad. Promise.”

“Alright!”

She shuffled in the dirt as they stood from the bench. It was fortunate they were only going to see Fergus, who wouldn’t care that Lydia’s clothing was streaked with dirt and grass stains. She took one of each of their hands as she pulled them inside. Had she always been so full of energy before her magic showed?

Lydia ran forward to open the door to Josephine’s office, and immediately squealed and sprinted inside. “Uncle Fergus!”

Elissa walked in as Fergus lifted Lydia into the air, swinging her around into his arms. Aedan was at his side, bouncing up and down and flapping his hands. Josephine sat smiling at her desk.

“Have you been behaving yourself, young lady?” Fergus asked, sounding so very serious. “Not driving your mother and father mad?”

Lydia giggled and shook her head. “No!”

He smiled and glanced over at Elissa. “Good. Now, speaking of your mother, I need to see her too, alright?”

Lydia nodded and wiggled in his arms until he set her down. Almost immediately, she and Aedan began quickly signing back and forth.

Elissa’s vision blurred with tears and she ran across the room, throwing her arms around Fergus’ neck. He held her tight as she rested her head on a softer part of his armor.

“I’ve missed you,” she murmured. He chuckled softly.

“I missed you too.”

She sniffled and stepped back, rubbing her eyes dry. He kept his hands on her shoulders with a smile.

“So, how are you, truly?”

She shrugged. “Best I can be.”

“Is that good?”

She stared at him pleadingly, averting her eyes to Lydia and Aedan for a moment. He mouthed an “ah” and nodded.

“We can talk later,” he said more quietly. She smiled and nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Go on!” Lydia whispered, rather loudly, below.

Elissa looked down at them; Aedan was gone, and Lydia had a giant grin on her face. Elissa twisted around as Teagan lifted Aedan up. Aedan hugged him with a big smile, burying his face in his father’s shoulder.

“Go,” Fergus said softly to her. She smiled back at him and he released her.

She walked up to them, gently laying her hand on Teagan’s shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled, tears in his eyes. They had both missed their son desperately. 

“Aedan,” he said. “Look.”

Aedan turned his head and his eyes lit up. Elissa’s heart swelled as he reached out to her.

‘I missed you,’ she signed to him. 

He smiled and put his head back down on Teagan’s shoulder. “Me too,” he signed back clumsily.

“Have you been good for your uncle?” she asked out loud. Aedan nodded with a giggle.

“Takes after his mother, I’m afraid,” Fergus teased.

She snorted. “Oh, he doesn’t get that from me. That is entirely his father.”

“ _ Me? _ ”

“How did your cousin describe it? Your terrible twos lasted about seven years?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m sure.” She looked back over her shoulder to Josephine. “Are any of the guest rooms actually fit for people to stay in?”

“Of course, Inquisitor,” she replied smoothly. “I will have them prepared at once.”

“Thank you. Now, Aedan, do you want to see Skyhold? I think I know someone who will absolutely adore you,” Elissa said slowly.

Aedan twisted around until Teagan set him on the floor again, and then reached up to hold Elissa’s hand. She squeezed his hand back.

“We need to talk, later,” Fergus said. Elissa nodded.

“We will. I promise. If I don’t get swarmed by contractors or messengers or any other number of people on my way.”

He grinned. “Good luck.”

She rolled her eyes. “Come on Aedan, we’re going to go find my friend, The Iron Bull.”

 

* * *

 

As expected, Aedan loved The Iron Bull, and the rest of the Chargers. They all understood the hand signs, even if not all of them could respond in kind. Having people outside of the family understand him without an interpreter did wonders for him. Where he was usually irritable and overflowing with nervous energy around other people, he was content to watch them practice quietly, asking Krem questions about anything and everything.

“You know, you can leave him here for a while if you want,” The Iron Bull offered. Elissa shrugged.

“He’ll have tired himself out within the hour,” she said. 

“And I can take him back to our rooms when he does,” Teagan added.

“Fair enough. Any other time, then. The boys would be more than happy to take him off your hands for a while.”

The bells rung ten times and Elissa sighed. “That’s my cue. I have to go meet Varric’s friend.”

“Good luck with that. I’ll send a warning if Cassandra walks by,” The Iron Bull said flatly.

“I’m not sure a warning would even help.” She gave Teagan a quick kiss. “I’ll find you later.”

“Of course,” he said softly.

She reluctantly started off towards the battlements. Most of the stairs leading to them were still in pieces, but she could hop over the holes and crumbled areas. Varric was standing on one of the landings, looking around and shuffling his feet. He startled when he saw Elissa.

“Hey, Snowdrop,” he called out nervously.

She snorted. “Varric, I know Hawke is here. Cassandra isn’t even close, I promise.”

“I’m pretty sure she can hear across the fort if I breathe wrong.”

“I won’t tell her if you don’t.”

He took a deep breath and looked up the stairs. “Come on out, Hawke.”

The door to the nearby tower opened slowly and a woman stepped out cautiously. Her armor was made to look like the standard kit Inquisition soldiers all wore, only standing out due to how clean and new it looked. Her hair was braided behind her head and twisted into a bun, save a section falling over one eye. When she moved, her bangs shifted away to show a very distinctive tattoo, stark white against her deep skin. 

She was absolutely beautiful, Elissa thought shyly. She blushed when she realized she was staring and looked away back at Varric. Varric was smiling in a way Elissa hadn’t seen the entire time she had known him.

“Snowdrop, meet Arianna Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall,” he said proudly.

“Though I don’t use that title much anymore,” Hawke sighed. “So, how can I help you, Inquisitor?”

“Please, just Elissa,” she stammered like a teenager.

Hawke smiled. “Elissa, then.”

“You said you learned more about Corypheus?” Varric prompted. Hawke nodded.

“We were pretty sure we’d killed him,” she started. “He was trapped in a Grey Warden prison, using Wardens and Carta to track my brother and I down. The Wardens had... asked my father to re-bind him before I was born, in exchange for helping him escape from the Circle.”

“There was talk of something strange in the Free Marches about six years ago, but it was hushed up quickly and any inquiries the Fereldan Wardens made was ignored,” Elissa said carefully. “Was that when you fought him?”

The guilt on Hawke’s face was evidence enough. Elissa sighed. “I see.”

“We were with another Warden, he said he would warn the others. If we had any idea Corypheus was still alive, we would have done more,” Hawke said firmly.

Elissa frowned. “I understand.”

“I asked a friend in the Wardens to help investigate this whole mess. I think you know them as well - Alet Surana.”

“I was wondering why they weren’t replying to my letters,” Elissa murmured.

“Last time we spoke, they were worried about corruption in the Warden ranks. They said they were going to hide out in an old smuggler’s cave near Crestwood.”

Elissa nodded, folding her arms over her chest. “Right. We should go meet with them, see what they know. If you would be willing to come?”

“Of course.”

“I appreciate your help. I know it was a risk coming here.”

“Speaking of,” Varric grumbled. Elissa looked at him and then followed his eyes to the courtyard, which Cassandra was storming across, right to them.

“If you’re fast enough, you can get to the tavern before she sees you,” Elissa said quietly.

“Right. I’ll find you later, Hawke.”

Hawke nodded. He started off down the stairs, eyes on the courtyard the whole time. Hawke leaned back against the wall surrounding the landing, looking at Elissa cautiously.

“You are welcome to stay here as long as you need,” Elissa offered. 

“And your advisors will be alright with that?” Hawke asked slowly.

“Leliana will, and Lady Montilyet.”

“And the others? I know the Knight-Captain... or, former Knight Captain, of Kirkwall is here.”

“Cullen will deal with it. I do not suffer harassment among anyone under my command,” Elissa said firmly.

Hawke smiled, genuinely, and Elissa felt heat rise in her cheeks again. She had a very pretty smile. Maker’s breath. 

“Thank you, Elissa. I see I had no reason to worry about coming here.”

“O-of course,” she stumbled. “May I... ask a possibly personal question?”

Hawke hesitated. “That depends.”

“About Anders.”

“Ah.”

“He was a very good friend, a long time ago. I just... want to know that he’s alright,” she murmured.

“You’re the Warden who conscripted him.”

“Yes.”

“He’s alright,” Hawke said quietly. “He likely would have followed me here if he could. He’s with my brother, far away from all this. I’ve seen Corypheus affect his mind before, and I... I couldn’t risk it happening again.”

Elissa gave her a thin smile. “I understand. It’s best he didn’t come here. I can protect you, but... I don’t know if I could protect him.”

“Right.”

They were both silent for a moment. Elissa bit her lip and took a breath.

“Well,” she started, “I should stop using up your time. If you are able to get into the castle proper, at the front entrance there’s a door leading to a tower. Leliana is at the top - she will find a place for you to stay.”

“Thank you again.”

“And if you write to Anders, tell him his cat is still waiting for him, whenever he needs it,” she finished softly. 

He would always have a place in Amaranthine. She could not protect him as Inquisitor, but she could as a Warden, and she would. After everything, he was still her friend.

Hawke paused before nodding.

“I will,” she murmured. 

“Then I will meet you in Crestwood.”

 

* * *

 

Elissa barely made it to the bottom of the steps leading from the battlements before she heard the fighting. She rushed into the armory and found it empty until there was a loud crash upstairs.

“You knew where Hawke was all along!”

“You’re damned right I did!”

“You conniving little shit!”

Elissa ran up the stairs as Cassandra swung her fist at Varric, just barely missing as he ducked out of the way. He scrambled to put a table between him and Cassandra.

“You kidnapped me, you interrogated me! What did you expect?”

“That’s enough!” Elissa shouted. Cassandra rounded on her.

“Inquisitor-”

“I said enough!”

Cassandra stopped, clenching and unclenching her fists and glaring at Varric. 

“We needed someone to lead this Inquisition. First we looked for you, Inquisitor, but were never able to make contact,” she growled. “When we could not find Hawke, we thought the matters connected. But no. It was just Varric, all along. You kept her from us.”

Elissa folded her arms over her chest. “I dodged you for years. What is the difference?”

She turned her scowl on Elissa, but Elissa stood her ground. She had avoided any questioning from the Chantry or Seekers after what happened to the Grand Cleric in Kirkwall. They just wanted to interrogate her about Anders, and she had refused. When she and Teagan had agreed to shelter the mages, they had doubled down on that policy, allowing no Chantry member from outside the arling anywhere near the village. And Hawke had far more reason than her to avoid the Chantry.

“It is not the same!”

“Isn’t it?” Elissa took a step towards her with a laugh. “Do you honestly think Leliana had no idea where I was? How I always happened to be away from the castle when the Seekers came to my door?”

Her eyes widened in anger and her mouth hung open. Elissa moved back next to Varric, her eyes never leaving Cassandra. 

“The Inquisition has a leader,” Varric snapped, waving towards Elissa.

“Hawke would have been at the Conclave, if anyone could have saved Most Holy-”

“Varric is no more responsible for what happened at the Conclave than I am!”

“Varric is a liar, Inquisitor. A snake. He could have told us where Hawke was, but he hid her when we needed her most,” Cassandra snarled.

“She’s with us now, we’re on the same side!”

“We all know whose side you’re on, Varric. It will never be the Inquisition’s.”

Elissa glared at her. “That’s unworthy of you.”

The fight drained out of Cassandra at once, and she turned away, leaning on the balcony hanging over the first floor. Varric tensed and Elissa put her hand on his shoulder.

“I must not think on what could have been. Just go, Varric,” Cassandra said quietly. 

He looked up at Elissa, and she shook her head. He turned back to the stairs, stopping at the top.

“You know what I think? If Hawke had been at the Temple, she’d be dead too,” he said coldly. “You people have done enough to her.”

With that, he was gone. Elissa sighed and turned back to Cassandra.

“I believed him,” Cassandra said softly. “He spun his story for me, and I swallowed it. If I’d just explained what was at stake...”

“And what would you have done if you had found Hawke? Or if you had known I was at the Conclave?”

“Honestly, she might not have even agreed to become Inquisitor, either. She supported the mage rebellion, ran off with the man who started it all and I...”

She looked at Elissa, looking so lost, and for a small moment, Elissa felt guilty. Only for a moment. There was still too much anger. She could not allow discord within her ranks if they were ever going to survive.

“I just keep looking for someone to blame,” Cassandra continued. “A reason for all of this madness. I should have been more careful.”

“Don’t. Just do better.”

“Inquisitor-”

“-Exactly,” Elissa interrupted. “You made me Inquisitor, forced me into it, and now you will deal with it. I do not know how the Chantry was run and how much they allowed you to do in their name, but the Inquisition is not the Chantry, and it will be run my way.”

She clenched her jaw. “And what exactly does that mean?”

“This? Cannot happen again. I did not suffer harassment with my Wardens, I did not suffer it in my home, and I will not suffer it here. If there is a problem, you will bring it to me, or you will leave.”

Cassandra said nothing. Elissa let her arms fall to her sides. “Am I clear?”

“Yes, Inquisitor,” she ground out.

“Good.”

She did not have to like it, she just had to follow it, just as Cullen did. If they were going to put Elissa in charge, they would deal with the consequences of it. She knew who she was -  and they would not change her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look! More OCs!
> 
>   
> Arianna Hawke
> 
>   
> Alet Surana
> 
> Arianna romanced Anders; Alet romanced Alistair, and is currently both Alistair and Anora's mistress. Alet is also non-binary, hence the they/them pronouns. Alet shows up more in the next chapters, but I figured I'd post their picture now. I have more about them up on my tumblr!
> 
> So! Next chapter on 4/10, some cute family moments before Elissa goes off to Crestwood to meet with Alet.


	14. Friends and Zombies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa spends more time with her family, and then heads off to Crestwood.

It was nightfall when she was finally free from paperwork and contractors, and she slipped back up to her rooms before anyone else could stop her. She locked the door to the main bedroom behind her, hoping it would deter at least some of the Inquisition. Fergus was sat at the desk set up for her (as though she would ever have time to use it), and he smiled when she walked in.

“It’s nice to see you doing something besides running around,” he said in greeting. She snorted.

“It’s not likely to happen again. Where’s Teagan?”

He waved his hand at the door leading to the side bedroom, just off the main one. “Making sure Lydia and Aedan actually stay in bed.”

She crossed the room to him, unpinning her hair from the bun she always pulled it into as she went. It fluffed out over her shoulders like a cloud.

“You know, for a while, I thought your hair was stuck up that way.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re hilarious.”

He grinned. “I know.”

The door to the side room opened and shut just as fast. She turned and smiled as Teagan walked over, kissing her quickly and pushing her hair behind her ear.

“Are they asleep?” she asked softly. He sighed.

“As close as they’re going to get. Lydia is, as usual, impossible.”

“That’s because she’s your daughter,” she teased. 

Before he could respond, she turned back to Fergus. “So, what did we need to talk about?”

“I don’t know if you’ve heard any of it,” he started. “The Landsmeet decided what to do with the Inquisition, but they’re holding back on making it public until they get an official response from you.”

She tensed. “What did they decide?”

“Not as much as we hoped, unfortunately. They’ll support you, but they have some requests in return.”

“Such as?”

“First of all, they want a signed document saying that if you are no longer Inquisitor, the Inquisition is still bound by any treaty with Ferelden, unless otherwise negotiated with the Crown.”

“That’s not too awful,” she said nervously. “What’s the rest of it?”

He sighed. “Some of them are pushing for a promise that the mages will return to the Chantry.”

“Absolutely not! Even if that was my decision to make, I would say no!”

He held his hands up. “I don’t agree either. In fact, most don’t. But enough do that Alistair and Anora were forced to ask for it.”

“Who all argued for it?” Teagan asked.

“Your brother, for one.”

He let out a heavy breath. “I had a feeling he would try to interfere.”

Elissa folded her arms over her chest. She had hoped Eamon would drop the matter once he lost his fight to not shelter the mages at all. They had never been on particularly friendly terms in the first place, but she had still hoped against reason that he would support the Inquisition, even just for his son’s sake.

“Did he give a reason why?” she asked cautiously. Fergus shrugged.

“I wasn’t there. I sent in my input, but I’m not sure how much of it was actually heard.”

“And we were caught here and could not speak for ourselves,” Teagan sighed.

She frowned. “Anything else?”

“That’s the bulk of it. Your ambassador is getting the full package soon.”

“Maker’s breath,” she huffed. “Thank you. Really.”

“Happy to help.” He stood from the desk with a worried smile. “You’ll be alright?”

She shrugged. “I’ll have to be.”

“Well. I’m here for a few days, at least, before I have to go to Denerim.”

He stepped around the table and held up his hands in front of him. She smiled and hugged him, letting him wrap his arms around her.

“Just promise me you’ll be careful,” he said softly. 

“I’ll try.”

“That’s as good as I’m ever going to get from you, isn’t it?”

She laughed quietly. “I can take care of myself, you know.”

“I know, I know.”

“But thank you for worrying.”

He held her a little tighter. “I always will.”

\---------------------

Saying goodbye had been hard. Elissa knew it would be, but there was no preparing for it. Fergus returned to Highever (and Elissa had cried, as much as she was trying so hard not to in front of everyone, and he teased her mercilessly for it), and Teagan left with Aedan for Redcliffe. 

“Be good for your father, alright?” she said softly to Aedan, kneeling beside him.

He nodded, fussing with his shirt. She smoothed down his hair with a smile. “Go on, then.”

He rushed past her to Lydia, who pulled him into a tight hug that he returned awkwardly. She let go of him reluctantly to free up his hands again.

“I’ll visit soon,” Lydia promised.

“Good!” he signed back, followed by flapping his hands with a grin.

Elissa smiled. She had been worried that the few years they had been apart would harm their relationship, but Lydia was the same as she had always been, and Aedan had missed his sister greatly while she was in the Circle. Elissa pushed herself up off the dirt and stepped forward to face Teagan.

“I’ll miss you,” she said quietly. He wrapped his arms around her with a sigh.

“I’ll miss you too. You will be alright?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yes. I am... much better, now. I will be fine.”

“And you will tell me if you are not?”

“Of course.”

“Good. And if they push too much, I’ll just have to come back and make them stop.”

“How?” she mumbled.

He started swaying from side to side with her, humming thoughtfully. 

“I’ll duel them with a feather,” he said very seriously. Elissa muffled her giggle into his shirt.

“Josephine would never forgive me,” she laughed.

“She’d have to.” He kissed the top of her head again. “Who can say no to the most beautiful woman in all of Thedas?”

She snorted. “Oh, stop!”

“Or I could pin their underclothes to a Chantry board.”

“ _ Teagan. _ ”

“Elissa. What did I do to deserve such a lovely woman as my wife?”

Elissa raised her hands to either side of his face.

“Well, I can think of many reasons,” she drawled.

He leaned in and kissed her. “I will write to you as soon as we return home.”

“Good.”

He stepped back entirely, smiling as he called over her shoulder. “Aedan, it’s time to leave! I promise we will come back and visit soon, alright?”

Aedan ran up, dragging Lydia behind him, and grabbed onto Elissa’s shirt with his other hand. Lydia pulled her hand away and kept walking up to Teagan.

“Do you have to leave?” she whined. 

He smiled and held his hands out. She moved closer and he bent down to pick her up, settling her on his hip with an exaggerated groan.

“You’re almost too big for this,” he teased.

“No I’m not!” she squeaked.

She leaned over to hug him tightly. He rubbed her back with a quiet sigh.

“I will come see you as soon as I can, I promise,” he said softly. 

Lydia shook her head. “I want both of you here!”

“I know.” She sniffled and he shushed her. “It’s just for a little while, alright? Then all of you can come home.”

“Okay.”

She wiggled out of his arms and he set her down again. Elissa held out her hand and Lydia took it, pouting.

“I leave for Crestwood in a few days, so I might not see your letter for some time,” Elissa said. “It should not take very long, but... Who knows what might happen.”

“With you, likely another apocalypse.”

Aedan made an annoyed noise and tugged at her shirt. She pushed him gently towards Teagan and he let go, only to latch onto his father instead. Teagan smiled at him.

“I suppose we should get going, then.”

“Stay safe.”

As she watched them leave through the gates and down the bridge, until they disappeared into the mountains, it felt like something was missing.

\------------

Crestwood was supposed to be a small, peaceful area, a small village in the hills beside a lake. There had been few reports of Rifts, and they were comparatively harmless and far from any people that the Inquisition had ranked them low in the priority list. Were it not for Alet, they would have overlooked the area entirely until everything else was in hand. Elissa should have known going there would be a nightmare. 

Two Wardens stood in the road, defending a young woman from a pair of walking corpses. With the demons dead, Elissa stormed around the bodies and folded her arms over her chest. Both Wardens were a good head taller than her at least, but they were still intimidated by her.

“Wardens, what are your orders?” she snapped. They looked at each other nervously, unsure of how to respond.

“Inquisitor-”

“-That would be Senior Warden Cousland to you, unless joining the Inquisition somehow removed the Taint from my blood.”

They both paled. Varric snickered behind her.

One of them scrambled to respond. “S-ser, we had no idea you were, that you... We apologize!”

“I will only repeat my question once more. What are your orders?”

When they did not jump to respond, she narrowed her gaze at them until they began twitching and shuffling uncomfortably. The one that had spoken up stepped forward, trying to stand tall.

“We are under orders from Commander Clarel to track down Commander Surana, ser. We believe they are in the area around Crestwood, or taking shelter in the village.”

“Commander Surana is a dear friend of mine,” she said coldly. “I find it hard to believe they would do anything requiring arrest by a fellow commander.”

“I can say no more than that, ser,” he stuttered. She sighed. 

“Of course not. What do you know about these corpses, then?”

“Nothing, ser,” he continued honestly. “Crestwood’s being attacked by them, said they’re coming from the lake, but none of them know why!”

“Will you stay and help the village fight the undead? The Inquisition would be grateful.”

“We have our orders, ser. We cannot stop for anything.”

She glared at him and he shrank back. “Will you stay and help the village fight the undead?” she repeated slowly.

“Y-yes, ser!”

She left them at the village as she returned to the road. They could remain there until the Rift in the lake could be closed, after she spoke with Alet. The fort with the dam controls was on the road on the way back to the village from the cave Alet was hidden in, anyway. And it could never hurt to have another mage, especially a spirit healer.

“They’re chasing down their own commander?” Blackwall wondered aloud.

Elissa glanced at him as she replied. “I told you Warden ranks are complicated. Clarel ordered them to - if they are assigned to her, they have no obligation to follow Surana’s orders over hers if they don’t want to.”

“Still seems odd. And they listened to  _ you. _ ”

Varric laughed. “Because she made them shit themselves.”

“Even though I’m not an officer, I have been in the order longer than they have, and I fought a Blight. That can mean more than any rank.”

“Sounds chaotic,” the Iron Bull added.

Elissa shrugged. “It took a while to get used to. It allows for more flexibility. When there were just two of us in Ferelden, Alistair had technically been in the order for longer than me, but only by half a year. I was the one with more leadership experience and tactical training, so I led our group.”

“And everyone was fine with that.”

“Well,” she said with a smile, “Sten - or, um, the Arishok - wasn’t, for a long time.”

“What a surprise.”

They met Arianna Hawke at a crossroads outside the village, not far from an abandoned outpost.

“I don’t think we were followed,” Elissa greeted.

Arianna nodded. “Good. Let’s go.”

Hawke led the way, down winding roads and through dark caves, just in case the Wardens followed. Finally she stopped at the mouth of a particular cave hidden in the hills, gesturing to Elissa.

“You go first,” she said. “Surana’s less likely to shock you.”

Elissa nodded with a thin smile and walked into the cave, waving them all back. Hawke was right; Alet would have probably attacked first and asked questions later, after being chased all this way. They were  _ very _ paranoid much like Elissa was, possibly more, with good reason. There was a door at the end of the tunnel, marked with the insignia of a bandit crew. She cautiously opened the door and stepped inside.

Empty. There were some maps spread about, and evidence of a camp, but no sign of Alet themself. She couldn’t even see sign of the bandits. It was like someone had kicked them out, dropped their belongs, and left the cave for scavengers to find. Had they moved on already?

A blade pressed into her back and a bowstring tightened behind her. Elissa froze in place, hands twitching towards her daggers instinctively.

“It’s just us!” Hawke called as she ran inside. “I told you I would bring the Inquisitor back!”

“Lissa?” a small voice whispered.

The blade dropped and Elissa let out a breath. She slowly turned around, a staff clattered to the ground, and suddenly Alet Surana was hugging her, nearly toppling her over. She looked over their shoulder as Nathaniel stepped out from the shadows, with as close to a smile as he got.

“Andraste’s ass, just call out that it’s you next time!” Alet scolded. “We almost ran you through!”

“I couldn’t even see you were here,” she protested. They pulled back with a full pout.

“Well, if you’re here, you probably know we’re being chased by the Wardens,” they groused. “They’ve been trying to track us down for ages. Not sure how they haven’t caught  _ me _ , not like I can run fast or anything.”

Varric laughed from the doorway. “Nice to see you haven’t changed, Spiky.”

Alet rolled their eyes. “Hello, Varric. How incredibly not surprising to see you here.”

“Aw, I missed you too.”

Elissa looked at Varric. “You two know each other?”

“I know everyone.”

“He was the one that helped us find Maric,” Alet explained. “When Alistair and I disappeared for a few months and Anora almost killed both of us? That time.”

“Oh.”

That mess had been a complete disaster. And, she realized, that was why Varric had seemed so familiar when they first met in Haven. They had not spoken at the time, but she was waiting at the dock in Amaranthine when their ship had returned, and saw the two of them saying goodbye to Varric.

Alet tossed their hair over their shoulder. “Anyway. So, about the Wardens.”

“I haven’t heard from anyone in  _ months _ , I sent letters to Amaranthine and got  _ nothing _ ,” Elissa said.

“A few months ago, all of the Wardens started hearing the Calling at once,” Nathaniel explained. “We think Corypheus is faking it, somehow.”

Elissa’s heart skipped a beat. “Everyone?”

Alet nodded, folding their arms over their chest. 

“Every single one, new or veteran. Even Alistair and me, and we were all the way in Denerim, I got a letter from the Orlesian Wardens like a day after he left for Redcliffe, Anora is alone at the palace right now,” Alet finished sadly. They paused and then snapped their eyes up at her. “Wait. You don’t hear it?”

She shook her head. “No. I’ve been able to hear some signs of the Taint, around Darkspawn or people with the Blight, but... no Calling.”

They frowned and started pacing again and mumbling to themself. Hawke stepped forward and stopped them with a hand on their shoulder.

“You didn’t tell me about the Calling,” she said sharply.

“No. It was supposed to be a secret. I didn’t want anyone to know until I knew what was going on, even Alistair doesn’t know all of it.”

“I left Anders and Carver behind, we didn’t know-”

“-They’re fine,” Alet sighed. “I wrote to your brother when I figured it out, and after you had already left. They both know exactly what’s going on. Well... that it’s fake, anyway. Don’t know much else other than that.”

Alistair had never mentioned hearing the Calling when he was in Haven. He had hidden it from her. They had shared everything, tents, weapons, secrets, but not this. And she had been so caught up in her own nightmare that she had not noticed.

“Every Warden thinks they’re going to die,” Alet continued. “Clarel suggested some... drastic measures. Blood magic and demons. To prevent future Blights as much as we could. I tried telling them to stop because it was stupid, but they didn’t listen.”

“And that’s when they tried arresting you,” Elissa finished. They nodded.

“I got away, and got word to Amaranthine. Only a few joined the Orlesian Wardens.”

Elissa frowned at them. “Where are the others?”

“Oghren is holding down Amaranthine with Brosca,” Nathaniel listed off. “Everyone else is out protecting the farms or the city from demons. No one else knows we are here.”

“There were some Wardens near Crestwood,” Arianna said. “I saw them on my way here, near the village.”

Varric grinned. “They won’t be a problem, will they Snowdrop?”

“They are currently helping the village nearby fight the undead,” Elissa explained shortly. “All I had to do was stare at them and they jumped to follow.”

“Intimidating as always,” Nathaniel said dryly.

“I didn’t even have to shoot lightning out of my eyes.”

He gave her a quick smile. “Pity.”

Arianna folded her arms over her chest, shifting impatiently. “So where are the other Wardens with Clarel?”

Alet tensed, turning their face away from her and tucking their hair behind their ear.

“They’re gathering in the Western Approach, at an old Tevinter ritual tower. We could use some help,” they admitted.

Elissa smiled and took their hand in hers. “Of course we’ll help. Come back to Skyhold with us, we can keep all you safe while we plan.”

“Fine. But you’re telling me everything when we get there.”

“I will. Promise. We just have to fix the Rift in the lake, and then we’ll head there.”

They frowned up at her. “Rift in the lake? Is that what’s causing all of the corpses to wander around?”

“I think so. Yes.”

“Maker’s tits, I’ve been trying to figure out how to stop them since I got here! Let’s go.”

Alet stalked back to the small table in the cave, stuffing maps and papers into a bag, and Varric followed them to “help”, and just chat at them. Elissa finally let go of the tension in her shoulders and hugged Nathaniel.

“You scared me, you jackass.”

He huffed petulantly. “I believe I’m the one who should be saying that.”

“You didn’t respond to any of my letters, and neither did Alet or Oghren or Velanna-” she cut herself off, stepping back again and taking a deep breath to steady her voice. “No one.”

“I am sorry,” he said softly. “We did not know if it was safe, between the Inquisition and everything with the Wardens, but we should have sent something.”

She shrugged. “Yes, you should have. But... there are larger things to worry about. Can you hear the Calling too?”

He nodded gravely. “We all woke up with it the same night. It did not take long to realize what was happening.”

“I was wondering what I was hearing,” Blackwall said. “That... song. That’s the Calling?”

Elissa sighed. “Yes. I am sorry I did not say more about it sooner. As I said, you are not supposed to hear it for at least twenty years.”

“Not like you could have predicted it.”

“I’ll have to send word ahead back to Skyhold, make sure Felix knows too,” she murmured. 

“He’ll be fine. The boy’s made it this far.”

Nathaniel looked down at her. “Felix?”

“A new Warden I recruited. It’s... a long story.”

“Everything that happens to you is a  _ long story. _ ”

She shrugged again, averting her eyes. She desperately  _ did not _ want to talk about what had happened in Redcliffe. None of it was Felix’s fault, but telling the story of his recruitment meant telling Nathaniel about everything else, and she couldn’t. Not in a cave in the middle of half-Blighted farmland, filled with corpses. 

It was better to wait until Skyhold, when they could be alone. And Elissa could be sufficiently drunk that she wouldn’t just burst into tears when she tried talking about it.

“You alright, boss?” The Iron Bull asked. She nodded.

“Yeah. I’m good. It’s... a bit overwhelming, I’ll admit, but I’m good.”

“Just say something if you’re not.”

“Will do. Hitting bandits should help,” she joked. He laughed loudly.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.” 

She shrugged. “I do my best.”

Alet walked back up to them, gripping their staff so tight their knuckles went pale. “Let’s go. Get this over with.”

Arianna walked up beside them, carrying their pack along with hers.

“I’ll head back to Skyhold,” she offered. “I can pass on what we know to your advisors and start making plans.”

“Alright.”

She turned to Alet. “You have all you need?”

“Yeah. Everything else is in the bag. I... thank you,” they murmured. Hawke smiled.

“Of course. I’ll see you back at Skyhold.”

Elissa nodded to her as she left. “Is everything okay?” she asked Alet.

They shrugged. “My knee just hurts a bit, Arianna said she’d take what I don’t need to make it easier to travel. I’m still good to fight though.”

“If you’re sure...”

Alet rolled their eyes and walked past her back down the tunnel out of the cave. “I’m fine. Let’s go. The Rift won’t just wait around for us to stop worrying, will it?”

“No,” Elissa sighed, following after them. “I suppose it won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad Alet is here now because I really love them and want to talk about them! My bratty disabled spirit healer child. Also, the scene with Elissa and Teagan in this chapter was honestly one of my favorites to write ok, they're so gross
> 
> Next chapter will be on 4/14, which will be different, because it's from Alet's point of view, flashing back to when the Breach first opened. (Arianna Hawke is getting her own chapter later, too, it's just not ready yet...)


	15. Alet Surana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scenes from the POV of Alet Surana, Warden Commander, Magical Advisor to the Fereldan Crown, and mistress to King Alistair and Queen Anora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the summary says, this is from Alet's point of view. Alet is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, and suffers from chronic pain in their legs. The first scene starts about a week after the explosion at the Conclave. (And, since I honestly can't remember if she's been mentioned before, Maeve is Alistair and Anora's daughter. She's the same age as Lydia, give or take a few months.)
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTE: I've decided to slow down to one chapter per week. I have had a busy past few weeks with work at other things, so I haven't had as much time as I want to dedicate to writing, and I don't want to run out chapters all of a sudden. So from now on, updates will only be posted on Saturdays.

“Your Majesties, I advise you to rethink this proclamation of support. We know nothing about this Inquisition, or what it stands for,” Eamon protested.

Alet glared at him from across the table. Some of his papers mysteriously moved a few inches to the side, like a gust of wind. He glared back for a quick second, like he knew they had done it.

They had, but he’d never been able to prove it no matter how many times they did it. After all, _Alet_ was the magical advisor to the throne. They were a good mage who excelled in their lessons and passed their Harrowing in record time. If they said it wasn’t possible to use force magic to move shit around and annoy people, then how could he argue? Alet was the expert on magic, not Eamon.

That was how Alet got out of trouble when Alistair noticed, anyway.

“Isn’t your sister-in-law with the Inquisition?” Alet said casually, absolutely not irritated in the least. “Certainly we can trust Lady Elissa.”

Eamon looked back to Alistair and Anora like Alet hadn’t spoken at all. “They have sent no envoys or letters or anything. They simply exist within our borders, for who knows what purpose!”

To close the Breach? It was like he purposely ignored everything that didn’t already suit his whim. Alet rolled their eyes and folded their arms over their chest. This meeting was never going to end if he didn’t just _drop it_.

“I did receive word from Elissa,” Alistair pointed out.

“One private letter, meant for you and not the Crown. If she truly had any power to change things, we would have heard from the Inquisition officially by now.”

If the Inquisition was dealing with the Breach while sitting on the edge of it, why would they waste time sending notice out to all neighboring monarchs? Maybe Orlais, but it was _Elissa._ She had been friends with Anora since they were children. She was Alistair’s closest friend, as well as, by law, his _aunt._ They trusted her not to do anything stupid, which she _hadn’t._

Eamon was just wasting everyone’s time, and testing Alet’s already paper thin patience.

“Don’t you have anything better to do than argue with every decision Their Majesties make, Eamon?” Alet finally snapped.

He was far too experienced a courtier to show that he was angry, but after a decade of arguing, Alet knew his tells. Clenched jaw, not making anything resembling eye contact, straightening his papers out. There was not much he could actually do about it. Alet, despite being a mage and an elf, held just as much political power as he did. Alet was still an arl, and still an advisor to the throne. More than that, Alet was the king and queen’s mistress, the Princess Maeve’s godparent.

And, as it turned out, abusing and neglecting someone for their entire life did not endear you to them. A significant portion of Eamon’s influence at court was gained because Alistair felt guilty for being alive, not because he deserved it. Alet had _no_ qualms about turning that on him.

“If you are finished, Warden,” Eamon said calmly.

They snorted. He wouldn’t even use any of their other titles. “Of course, _my lord_.”

“We will support the Inquisition as it stands,” Anora interrupted firmly. “Lady Elissa is a loyal friend to the Crown, as well as a member of the royal family. We will trust in her judgement on this matter.”

“Of course, Your Majesty,” he ground out.

“Anything else that requires our attention?”

“No. That is all for today.”

“Very good. Dismissed.”

He swept out without another word, just a quick glare at Alet, which they met with a grin. The banns filed out after him nervously. When the door shut behind the last one, Alistair let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Can you go a single meeting without antagonizing him?” he complained. Alet shrugged.

“I am not antagonizing him. We were having a disagreement. It is hardly my fault if he takes offense to that,” they shot back. “After the things he said about the mages, about his son, I couldn't care less about what he thinks of me.”

“Alet...”

Alistair stood from his chair at the end of the table and walked down towards Alet, brushing his hand along Anora’s shoulder as he passed. Alet kept their eyes on the table, arms still crossed over their chest. Alistair stood behind their chair and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin on their shoulder.

“I don’t want them having ammunition against you,” he said softly. “Just for me, at least?”

They let out a heavy breath and reached up a hand to his cheek, turning their head to kiss his other one. “For you,” they conceded.

“I suppose I'll accept that.”

They grinned and he stood up straight so they could push their chair back and stand. As soon as they were on their feet, their ankle gave out from under them and they stumbled, grabbing the back of the chair to keep from falling. Alistair lunged forward and caught them.

“Are you alright?” he asked quickly, panic clear in his voice.

Alet leaned back against the table and tried to breathe past the pain. Their joints had been improving recently, and they hadn’t fallen in a while. It was just a surprise. When they looked up, Alistair was still holding them. Anora had jumped up and rushed over to stand beside them, hand frozen halfway to their shoulder. Alet faked a smile.

“I think I just need to lie down for a while,” they admitted quietly. “It will pass.”

“I’ll go with you,” Alistair offered.

“I have a couple of meetings, with the seneschal of Vigil’s Keep and some of the banns, but I can meet you two after I finish them,” Anora murmured.

Alet lifted a hand to her cheek and leaned in to kiss her. She pressed her hand over theirs and smiled faintly. Alistair stepped back to grab Alet’s staff, handing it to them to take some of the weight off of their leg.

“We’ll try not to get into any trouble,” he said with a grin. He kissed Anora on the cheek. “Well, too much trouble, anyhow.”

She rolled her eyes, but the smile never left her lips. “I don’t believe that for a second. Remember, you promised to train with Maeve later.”

“As Her Majesty commands,” he teased.

He dipped into a mock bow and she waved him off. As he rose, he offered his hand to Alet, and they took it, standing up from the table.

Their rooms were the only private place in the castle. At the start, Alet’s rooms were nearly across the palace, and Alistair had to sneak away at night through the palace to get to them. When Anora joined in, Alet would go to them, suffering the stares of the knowing guards, grinning at the king’s elven whore. They lived like that in secret for years. Beyond that door, when they were alone, it was their own separate world. They loved each other openly. They raised their daughter together, Maeve. When they were in their rooms, Maeve called Alet _papa_. Sometimes Alet would grow insecure or tired of the secrecy, but it was necessary, and they loved their family enough to work past it.

It all may have worked out, had a guard not seen Alet along with Anora one night.

They had been sitting in the outer chambers while Alet recovered from a nightmare. When a new guard came in for his shift, she heard their whispering and panicked, entering the chambers just in time to see them kiss.

It was not long before all of Ferelden knew. They hid their relationship for so long for the sake of Anora’s reputation; a queen needed to be perfect, spotless. Alistair having a lover was expected, but not Anora. It was months before the scandal died down.

After that, Alet moved into the rooms connected to the royal chambers. No sense sneaking around when everyone already knew. It wasn’t like they were doing anything wrong. Maeve was happy to finally tell her friends about her papa.

Alet settled down on the bed carefully, removing their boots and loosening their overshirt. Alistair locked the door behind him and flopped down on the other side of the bed with an exasperated sigh.

“I could happily live without a single more meeting,” he whined.

They laughed and curled up beside him, tucking their head into the crook of his neck, one hand splayed across his chest.

“They’re not so bad.”

“Is it too late to run away, live in sin in Orlais?”

They snorted. “Eamon would have a heart attack if you left.”

“If he didn’t chain me to the throne first.”

They hummed and closed their eyes. He rested his hand over theirs and ran his thumb across their knuckles. The sun filtered in through the thin curtains, tinting the room a soft yellow. His breathing slowed as he drifted to sleep quickly. They weren’t tired, just drained, so they just relaxed in their lover’s arms.

In the quiet, a song drifted through the room. Alet could barely hear it, like it was far away, just out of their grasp. There weren’t any musicians in the palace, were there? Some were arriving later in the afternoon to entertain the gathered banns, but that was still hours away.

Follow... bound... Coryph-

Alistair woke suddenly with a strangled gasp, and the song scattered. Alet pushed themself up on their elbow, looking down at his face. As the nightmare faded from his eyes he blinked and looked at them as though for the first time.

“Alet?” he asked a small voice.

“I’m here, love,” they murmured.

He started shaking, breathing erratically. “It-it... it was...”

They shushed him, cupping his cheek. “You’re alright, love. It was just a dream.”

He shook his head, looking away to hide tears in his eyes. Alet bit their lip and lowered themself as pain shot through their shoulder.

“It was Darkspawn,” he finally whispered. “N... no archdemon but... I could hear the song.”

Their heart pounded in their chest. “Song?”

“It’s just... there, just out of reach, like it’s scratching at my brain. The Calling.”

Just like the one Alet heard. They felt their throat close up as they tried to speak.

“You can’t,” they argued. “You... You’ve only been a Warden for ten years, same as me, it’s too early.”

“I know that’s what it is. I don’t.... Don’t know how I know it, but I do!”

They blinked away their own tears silently. He rolled onto his side to face them, curling up. They moved closer to stop him from closing himself off entirely, pressing their forehead against his.

“I hear it too,” they finally admitted.

“You... you do?”

They nodded. His shaking worsened and his face went ashen. “B... both of us.”

It was their worst fear. Both of them going on their Calling at the same time, being together but leaving Anora and their daughter alone. No amount of planning and edict would ensure their safety, that Anora would keep the throne, that Maeve would be able to inherit it from her.

Alet kissed him softly, holding his hand and squeezing tightly.

“It’ll be okay,” they told him. “We’ll get through this.”

“I know,” he mumbled.

“We should write to Lissa, see if she knows anything.”

“R-right. I just... need a minute.”

They kissed him again. “Of course. What do you need?”

“Just st-stay, please.”

“I will. Always. Just match your breathing to mine as best you can, alright?”

He nodded and swallowed hard. They took a slow breath, resting their other hand on his waist, waiting to feel the rise and fall. His breath hitched, but he slowly calmed.

A knock rapped on the door and he startled. Alet shushed him.

“I’ll go see who it is,” they said quietly.

He nodded. They slipped out of the bed, testing their limbs on the cold floors. Their cane was across the room by the window, and their staff in the other room. _Maker’s breath._

They closed the door to the bedroom behind them and limped to the main door as the knocking grew more frantic. They opened the door a crack, revealing a haggard messenger breathing heavily. Alet frowned.

“What is it?” they asked nervously.

“Is His Majesty here? He is needed - urgently!”

“Why? What happened?”

The man looked nervous and Alet rolled their eyes. “I am one of Their Majesties’ advisors, I promise you won’t be in trouble with your master for speaking with me.”

“Redcliffe was taken, by a Tevinter magister,” the man blurted out. “Everyone was forced to leave the castle, we think the village was left alone but we can’t contact them. The arl sent me here to tell His Majesty.”

Their throat closed up as the panic spread through their chest. How could anyone have taken Redcliffe?

“Is the arl safe? And his family?” they asked frantically.

“Y-yes, ser! When I left, the arl and Lady Lydia had taken shelter with the refugees so that he could remain close to the village!”

“And his nephew? Or the arlessa?”

“Lady Elissa was in Haven, ser. I don’t know anything else.”

They took a long breath. “Thank you. Did you tell anyone else yet?”

“N-no, my lord, I said I had urgent news for Their Majesties and they said I could find the king here. I came running right away!”

“Go to the seneschal, ask for the lord chancellor, and tell him everything you just told me,” they ordered. The messenger nodded quickly. “His Majesty will be there right away.”

“Yes, ser!”

The messenger ran back down the hall. At least Eamon could be useful for something; he would know what to do. Alet pushed their hair back from their face and stormed back into the room. Alistair sat up, frowning.

“Is something wrong?” he asked nervously.

They wanted nothing more than to lie with him the rest of the day. Breaking the moment felt wrong, and it ached in their chest. But they were not just Wardens on the road. He was the king, and he had to go to work.

“Redcliffe was taken by Tevinter.”

 

* * *

 

A letter from the Warden commander in Orlais, Clarel, came a day later. Every Warden could hear the Calling, and had been for some time, spreading out like a sickness across Thedas. She requested that Alet join them all in Orlais, as their Wardens in Amaranthine had already done, and they grit their teeth. Alet’s Wardens had left without them, without orders? Commander or no, Clarel was not in charge of the Fereldan Wardens. They made sure to send a letter out to Vigil’s Keep, demanding someone explain what in the Void had gotten into their heads, and another for Nathaniel. Alet would need back-up if things went bad in Orlais, and it was unlikely  _he_ would go along with Clarel's request. He had some sense, at least.

Alet  _actually_  wanted to go with Alistair to Redcliffe, or stay in Denerim with Anora, but they had to know what was happening to the Wardens. For it to hit so many, all of them, it had to be fake. There was no chance of it being anything else. Alet just didn’t know how it happened, who could even fake such a thing when so few outside the Wardens knew of it.

Alet sent word to Warden Hawke, traveling through the Free Marches with his sister. They had to know what was happening. Alet had been working with Arianna on learning more about red lyrium, but she and Anders had gone into hiding again with the growing tensions of the war with the Templars. Alet still knew where they were, though, and they had to ask. Carver had mentioned a creature once, a Darkspawn who could send messages to any living being with the Blight - Cory... Corypheus, that was the name. Maybe the two were connected somehow.

No harm finding out, and possibly keeping the Wardens from a suicide mission.

“Are you sure about this?” Anora fretted as they packed up their horse. They frowned.

“No. It’s way too strange to be an accident. Which is why I have to go.”

“Alet...”

They stepped back from the horse and turned to her. “I’ll be back before you know it, I promise. I’m sorry to leave you and Maeve here all alone like this.”

She shrugged, pulling her shawl tighter around her.  In a rare occasion, her hair lay unbound across her shoulders as it had when they first woke. Alet liked when her hair was down. On any other morning, they would have taken turns with each other’s hair as the three of them readied for the day, one of the few moments of intimacy allotted to them. Alistair tried to help, sometimes, but he was truly terrible at it.

“We will be fine,” she sighed.

“Hopefully Alistair won’t be gone long-”

She huffed. “We are _fine,_ Alet.”

They pulled their gloves on, fidgeting with them to stall. A decade ago, they would never have imagined this would be their life. Mistress of two monarchs, a child raised between them who was the spitting image of her mother’s father, a place at a royal court that was not compromised by their magic or ears. They were desperate not to leave it behind, but...

 _In peace, vigilance._ Alet could not stand by and ignore all of the warning signs, no matter how much they would prefer to throw their armor back down and jump back into bed with their lover.

Anora folded her arms over her chest, averting her eyes away at their horse. It wasn’t the first time she had been left alone. Alet wanted to tell her it was the last, that the two of them would never leave without her again. They wanted it to be _true._ She stepped closer, looking down at them again with her bright, beautiful blue eyes.

“Just be safe,” she said softly.

They kissed her deeply, running one hand through her hair, still wavy from the tight knots she kept it twisted in at court. She held their hand tightly between her own.

“And come back to me.”

They gave her a thin smile. “I always will.”

 

* * *

 

Skyhold was even more difficult to maneuver than the palace. There were long, winding staircases to every area, all crumbling from age and disrepair. Alet was set up in the first floor of the gardens, but to leave the castle meant even more stairs. Elissa helped them up the bulk of said stairs into the castle proper with a sheepish smile.

“I apologize we cannot better accommodate you,” she said. They huffed.

“Not your fault. You just found this place, right? Not like you planned for all of the bloody stairs.”

She giggled. “I suppose not. The war room is just up ahead.”

The merchants and visiting nobility gathered in the hall whispered behind their hands about Alet. They could hear every word of it, because they apparently didn’t notice the big pointy ears poking out from their mess of hair.

“Shouldn’t she be in the capital where she can’t cause trouble?” One of them hissed.

Alet turned their brightest smile on them. “The capital is lovely this time of year, but I am afraid you shall have to tolerate me for some time, my lord.”

The man in question both paled and turned red, and his companion turned her face away to avoid being seen. Elissa snickered behind her hand.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“Not to worry. It’s expected.”

They only had to stop once in the long hall leading to the war room. Alet’s knees nearly gave out, and they had to lean on Elissa, taking deep breaths until it passed.

“Almost there,” Elissa said, trying to sound cheerful. “There are chairs in there.”

They waved her off. “I’m fine. Let’s just get this over with.”

The war room was enormous, with a gigantic table in the center covered in maps and markers and papers. Leliana smiled as they entered, nodding to Alet.

“It is good to see you alive, Alet,” she said sweetly.

“I missed you too,” they teased. She laughed lightly and they grinned.

Elissa touched their shoulder and they turned to where she gestured. “And this is Lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador, as well as the only reason Skyhold hasn’t completely fallen around us.”

The woman laughed. “She exaggerates. It is good to finally meet you, my lord.”

“A pleasure,” they said back with a quick bow. “It is good to finally put a face to the name Queen Anora speaks with such respect. She is very grateful for the letters you have sent.”

“The pleasure is mine, of course.”

Elissa frowned. “Where’s Cullen? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him late for anything.”

“I have not heard from him all day,” Leliana said slowly. “He turned away the messengers I sent. It is odd.”

Alet looked up at Elissa. “Hiding from me, maybe?”

Elissa frowned. “I’ll go find him. Alet, you can start telling them everything. I’ll be back soon, hopefully with a commander in tow.”

When the door shut behind her, Leliana rolled her eyes.

“She keeps saying she dislikes him, but it hardly shows.”

“She doesn’t like Cullen?” Alet asked.

It was not common for Elissa to be so open in disliking someone that others would notice. Besides, well. Rendon Howe. Or Eamon. But that was different. Most people didn't like either of _them_ . But she usually tried to hide it - she even pretended to be civil with Eamon for Alistair’s sake. What did Cullen _do_ to bring it out of her?

“He made a nasty comment about Connor to her face and then threatened him. She has not quite forgiven him for it.”

“What did he _say?_ ”

“Oh, what was it?” She looked to Josephine with a smirk. “Something about Elissa knowing more than most about children becoming overcome by demons?”

Alet laughed loudly. “And he’s still _alive?_ ”

“In one piece and everything. I only had to confiscate one weapon before she backed down."

“Only one?”

“We are just as surprised as you are.”

“Lady Elissa is very forgiving,” Josephine sighed.

Alet snorted. “Yeah. So, shall we get started? The story’s a bit long.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! There's my bratty Surana who I love deeply! These scenes were fun to write; I basically always write for Elissa, so it was nice to step out of her character and into one of my other Wardens.
> 
> As I said, updates are slowing down to 1 per week, so the next chapter will be up on April 21st! Elissa goes to find Cullen, all of the Wardens in Skyhold meet up, and two characters finally admit they like each other!


	16. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa has some Quality Time with her companions.

The door to Cullen’s office was locked, and no one answered at first when she knocked. Elissa went down a list in her head of places he could be. It was a short list. She tried not to see him outside of the war room, and had no idea where he spent the rest of his time. Suddenly the door to the office flew open and one of his soldiers jumped back when she saw Elissa.

“Oh! Inquisitor!”

“Do you know where the commander is?” Elissa asked.

“I think he went to speak with Seeker Pentaghast not too long ago?”

She frowned. “Do you know where?”

“The armory building I believe, my lady!”

“Thank you,” she said quickly, already rushing back out the other door onto the battlements. There were few reasons for him to act so strangely and then go talk to Cassandra, and none of them good.

She opened the door to the armory softly. Cassandra was stood by a table full of blades, arms folded over her chest with a telling frown. Cullen was pacing back and forth across the room.

He rounded on Cassandra suddenly. “Would you rather save face than admit-”

The door shut behind her, catching both of their attention. Cullen pushed past her back out of it with a muttered, “We’ll talk about this later.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes. “And people say I’m stubborn. This is ridiculous.”

“Is everything alright?” Elissa asked cautiously, crossing the room to her.

“Cullen told you he stopped taking lyrium?”

She nodded. “Yes, he said you were to watch him.”

“He just asked me to find him a replacement. It isn’t necessary. Besides, it would destroy him to lose the Inquisition now.”

“I can speak with him,” Elissa said softly. Cassandra sighed, her arms dropping to her sides.

“Perhaps he will listen to you. Please try.”

Her heart pounded as she crossed the battlements, again, back to his office. What could she even say? She knew little of lyrium, and what she did know was learned from Alistair, who had left the Templars before his first dose.

And it wasn’t like she and Cullen were _friends_ \- quite the opposite, really. He hadn’t agreed with almost a single word she’d said since she stumbled out of the Rift back in Haven. The only reason he had let up on the mages was because she forced him to.

Why would he listen to her over Cassandra, who he trusted with the task of watching over him?

She hesitated at the door before pushing it open. “Commander-”

A shout was her only warning as glass and wood smashed against the door right in front of her, and a box fell to the ground at her feet. She jumped back, heart leaping into her throat. As she forced the instinctive panic back (breathe, pup, slowly) she looked down at the box. At closer inspection, she could see the clear blue of lyrium. When she looked up at Cullen, he was leaning heavily on his desk, eyes wide.

“Maker’s breath! I-I didn’t hear you enter, I’m...” He paused, letting out a shaky breath. “Forgive me.”

She closed the door, careful of the broken glass. “Cullen...”

“You don’t have to-”

He tried to take a step towards her and his knees buckled beneath him. Elissa jumped forward as he braced himself on his desk again, waving her back.

“I never meant for this to interfere,” he murmured.

Despite his protest, she crossed the room to him slowly. “I know that.”

“For whatever good it does. What is the point of making promises if I cannot keep them?” he snapped.

He started pacing again. “I thought I could do this, just take off the leash and move on with my life, but these thoughts won’t _leave me.._.”

She folded her arms over her chest. “I know,” she repeated, softer this time.

“You know what happened to me in Ferelden’s Circle! M-my friends were all slaughtered, I was _tortured_ , and I... how can you be the same person after that? Then in Kirkwall, I trusted my Knight-Commander, and for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness!”

He looked to her pleadingly. “Can’t you see why I want nothing to do with that life?”

“Of course I can,” she murmured.

“I swore myself to this cause,” he said roughly, pacing the small area beside his desk. “I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry! I should be taking it!”

Cullen slammed his fist into one of the bookshelves lining the wall. A poorly placed book and some loose paper scattered to the ground and the fight drained out of him.

“I should be taking it,” he whispered.

Elissa stepped up to him, putting her hand on his arm. “I don’t care about the damned Inquisition right now, Cullen. What do _you_ want? Do you honestly want to go back to the lyrium?”

He let out a shaky breath and dropped his fist to his side, clenching and unclenching it anxiously.

“I do not know if I can endure this,” he admitted quietly.

“You can. You’re not alone, Cullen.”

He stumbled again. She caught him as best she could, just enough to keep him standing, and he held onto the bookshelf.

“Here, let’s get you all fixed up,” she said gently. “Think you can get up the ladder?”

He shook his head and flinched. She raised one hand to his shoulder. “Alright. Just your chair then. And let’s get that coat off, it’s far too hot in here.”

He stood silently as Elissa pulled off his coat and nudged him back to his chair. When she removed his gloves, she saw bruises already blossoming on his knuckles from the shelf. Once seated, he rested his elbows on his legs and bent over with his face in hands. Elissa moved between him and the desk, leaning back against it and watching him.

“Do you know what set all this off?” she asked gently.

“Warden Surana’s arrival,” he confessed. “I knew they were coming, but I... I didn’t think... I didn’t have this reaction with _you_.”

“You knew them long before we first...” She paused, searching for the right word. “ _met_. And I remember what you said to them when we found you - what happened to you is tied to Alet, even if they were not at fault.”

He didn’t say anything to that. Elissa gripped the edge of the desk to keep from fidgeting.

“Would it help not to see them?” she asked softly.

“I don’t know. N... no. I need to. I can’t keep living like this.”

He tensed and she could see his breathing becoming erratic. She pressed her hands down on his shoulders and shushed him.

“Hey, we’ll get through this. I’m not leaving until you’re okay. Just breathe with me,” she ordered.

She took in a deep breath, making it loud, and let it back out. “Just like that. One... two...”

After a few rounds of the exercise he was able to breathe normally. Her father had taught her that when she was young and just growing into her anxiety. Just like that, pup. You’re alright.

“How often do you get panic attacks like this?” Elissa asked as he recovered.

“More than I used to. It’s... it’s been...”

“A rough day?” she supplied. He chuckled.

“Yes.”

“I get them too. A lot, especially since the Conclave.”

He lifted his head and looked up at her. “You do?”

She hesitated to continue. The thought of telling someone about Highever made her dizzy; she had avoided it for years. The sinking feeling settled in her stomach and she shoved it back. He had been brave enough to open himself up to her, and she would be as well.

“I joined the Grey Wardens at the beginning of the Blight,” she said quietly. “The commander at the time, Duncan, was visiting my family’s castle before traveling to Ostagar. They were supposed to ride with Rendon Howe’s soldiers from Amaranthine, but they were late, so my brother left a day early with the bulk of our forces.”

He stayed silent as she continued. “The Amaranthine soldiers weren’t late, they were waiting for our castle to be vulnerable. In the middle of the night, Howe ordered the deaths of every person in the castle. Duncan helped me escape on the condition that my father permit my recruitment into the Wardens.”

“That’s why you... after Redcliffe...” he trailed off. She nodded with a thin smile.

“I have dealt with panic attacks for years, but that... It was too close.”

“I am sorry for what I said. It was cruel, and... The mages did not deserve that. And neither did you.”

“And I am sorry that I acted the way that I did. It was not fair to you - you apologized for your comments after Haven, but I never apologized for my actions,” she added.

“I can understand, now,” he said. “For so long, I was so... angry, and that anger blinded me. I’m not proud of the man that made me.”

She did not regret what she had done in the chantry after Redcliffe, and she had meant every word she said. It wasn’t about Elissa’s feelings; his comments had been directed at her, but they were about the mages, and about Connor. It wasn’t for Elissa to decide if he had redeemed himself after his past offenses.

On the other hand, since then, he had made efforts to make up for what he had said, and tolerated her anger _much_ more than she gave him credit for. If he was truly willing to learn, to heal, she would not stand in his way. And that meant accepting his apology for hurting her. It wasn’t an apology to Connor, or an act to support the Inquisition’s mages, but it was a start.

He could be a good man if he wanted to be.

“You can always come talk to me. Alright? You don’t have to do this alone,” she said firmly.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “You as well. I know this has all been difficult, and I... want to help.”

She nodded again. “I will.”

He took a deep breath and straightened up, sitting against the back of the chair. She let her hands drop to her sides again, bracing herself on the table. It wouldn’t be fixed in a day, or a month, she knew. How many nights did she still wake dreaming of a castle on fire? She could tell he was recovering though, and she truly wanted to help.

They weren’t friends, and might never be, but he was still one of her people. Elissa took care of her people.

“Now,” she said more cheerfully, “I believe when we were playing chess you mentioned you have siblings? Tell me about them.”

 

* * *

 

Their first night back, the Wardens gathered in the war room once it was vacated, and the connected halls emptied. Blackwall kept distance from the others, clearly uncomfortable with people he considered _real_ Wardens. Alet was talking to Felix (or talking _at,_ as Alet wasn’t giving him any chance to respond). Nathaniel was being... _himself_ , silently staring down at the map. Elissa asked Fiona to join them as well; she had formally left the order some years ago, but the order was difficult to truly leave, even without the taint.

Elissa pushed the door shut with some effort and flipped the lock into place.

Alet turned on her immediately, cutting off whatever they had been saying to Felix. “I don’t see you for four months, and you go join a religious cult and pick up a bunch of new Wardens?”

Elissa shrugged, folding her arms over her chest defensively. “Teagan said something similar, if it helps.”

“How did this even _happen?_ ”

“It’s not like I did it on purpose! I was at the Conclave, I went to go talk to Justinia before the first session started, and I woke up in a prison cell below Haven.”

“If Corypheus is a Darkspawn, would you not have sensed it when he arrived?” Fiona asked.

“I could feel Darkspawn in the area, but I just assumed it was a hole to the Deep Roads opening up,” she admitted. “It felt different, but I didn’t know what it was. I planned on asking Leliana about it when I saw her.”

“I started hearing the Calling, the fake one, not long after the Breach opened. The same day we got word about what was happening in Redcliffe,” Alet said slowly.

Elissa glanced between Felix and Fiona. “That... might be connected.”

“ _How?_ ”

Felix looked down at the floor as he spoke. “My father joined the Venatori. I don’t know everything they asked of him, but I know he was told to stop La... Elissa. He used time magic to go back a couple days after the explosion at the Conclave and _recruit_ the rebel mages.”

“We still aren’t sure how far the effect of the magic spread,” Elissa said, giving him a sympathetic smile. “The Rifts that twisted time seem restrained to the area around the village and the castle, which were all closed, but it seems odd timing that you heard the Calling at the same time.”

“Do we know how long the Venatori have been after the Wardens?” Blackwall asked.

Alet winced. Nathaniel looked up at Blackwall. “Hawke says that Corypheus can control Wardens using the taint. She wasn’t sure how, as only one of the Wardens with her when she first encountered Corypheus experienced it, but she says there is no other explanation.”

“How can she be so certain?”

“The... Warden,” Alet started quietly, “said he could hear Corypheus. He was able to block it out, but only for so long. The other one with them was Arianna’s brother, and we think he did not hear it because it was their family’s blood trapping Corypheus.”

Elissa turned to Alet, who wouldn’t meet her eyes. Nathaniel did, but only for a moment before shifting away again with a guilty frown.

“Who was the other Warden with them?” Fiona asked stiffly, clearly coming to the same conclusion Elissa had.

“Just a guide they found,” Alet snapped. “What does it matter?”

“It was Anders,” Elissa murmured.

Alet glared at her, tensing their shoulders. “Yes. So what?”

“Was Justice protecting him from Corypheus?”

Alet opened their mouth for an aggressive diversion, but Nathaniel spoke up before they could.

“Yes,” he said with a warning look to Alet. “Hawke says that after some time the voice was so strong that Justice took over and lashed out blindly.”

“But he’s safe now?” Elissa asked carefully.

“He is. He and Hawke’s brother are far enough away that they can’t hear it.”

"I won't drag him into this mess, especially not with the  _good commander_ here," Alet huffed. "He's still my friend."

Elissa sighed. "I know. I just... want to know what we're dealing with. If all of that is true, Corypheus’ influence is stronger than we thought. And... He might have something to do with those rogue Wardens.”

“They weren't under Corypheus’ control yet,” Alet mumbled bitterly. “Just stupid, when I left.”

Elissa frowned. “We will head out to the Western Approach within the next few days, find this ritual tower.”

If Corypheus had that kind of power, to induce a fake Calling and control Wardens, it would be unsafe to send any Wardens out. Elissa could barely hear it, but only due to the Mark. Blackwall heard only quiet whispers. That left Felix, and... Elissa wasn't sure how it would affect him. Or how much it had before.

“I think we're done for now,” she murmured. “We will fix this. In War, Victory.”

 

* * *

 

“Your Worship, if I might have a moment of your time?”

Elissa smiled at Mother Giselle. They did not agree on matters of the Chantry, clearly, but Elissa still respected the woman for everything she had done, for the refugees in Redcliffe and the Inquisition.

“Of course. How can I help you?”

“You are... _friends_ , with Lord Dorian, yes?”

An odd question. “Yes, I am.”

“I received word from his family, requesting assistance in arranging a meeting with him.”

Elissa pursed her lips. “Why do they want to meet him? And why go through you?”

“I do not know,” Mother Giselle confessed. “Only that they do not want him to know of the meeting. They believe he will not go if he is told.”

That was even more odd, and more than unsettling.

“I’m not going to lie to Dorian,” she protested. Mother Giselle sighed heavily as though dealing with a silly child, and handed Elissa a slip of paper.

“I simply pass this along to you, so that you might make a decision on the matter, Your Worship,” she said calmly.

“Thank you, Mother Giselle.”

She dipped into a bow and walked towards the gardens. Elissa blew out a heavy breath and walked up to the library. She couldn’t hide it from Dorian. It was too important.

When she reached the top of the stairs, he was rifling through one of the shelves, tossing some tomes to the ground carelessly.

“Dorian, we need to talk. There’s a letter you need to see,” she called as she walked up to him. He turned with a smile.

“A letter? Is it a naughty letter?” he teased. “A humorous proposal from some Antivan dowager?”

She held out the letter. “It’s from your father.”

His eyes went wide and he snatched the letter from her hand. She smiled faintly when he paused, looking back up at her as though to apologize, but instead going back to the letter. She hardly minded.

“I know my son?” he blurted out. “What my father knows of me would barely fill a thimble! This is so typical. I’ll bet this retainer is just another henchman hired to knock me on the head and drag me back to Tevinter!”

“Would he actually do that?” she asked worriedly. He sighed.

“Probably not. But... still. My point stands.”

She put her hand on his arm and he covered it with his own with a sad smile.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to go meet this retainer. If it’s a trap, I’ll just escape and kill everyone. If not, I tell my father he can stick his concern up his wit’s end.”

“He wants to meet in Redcliffe?”

“Yes. Can’t come to Skyhold, he might be seen.”

“But why _Redcliffe?_ ” she pressed. “It’s a far distance for a meeting.

She pursed her lips. “If it goes wrong, you can always go to the castle. And the villagers would happily defend against another magister.”

“Right,” he said quietly. He met her eyes again and looked away back to the letter.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” she asked.

He laughed nervously. “No getting past you, is there? May I... ask Connor if he would come with me? I know he doesn’t need your permission, but I... respect you. I would do nothing without your input.”

He wasn’t just asking if he could bring Connor with him. He meant for all of it, if she would allow him to pursue a member of her family.

She smiled. “Of course you can, Dorian. Anything.”

He sighed heavily. “Thank you. Truly. I should... go find him. I want this over with as soon as possible.”

“Good luck.”

 

* * *

 

It could have gone worse, from what Elissa heard. There were no attacks, no ambush, and Dorian was allowed to leave in one piece. She spoke with both of them when they returned to Skyhold, asking what happened and how things were between them. Connor was significantly more flustered at any questions pertaining to flirting, whereas Dorian had just smiled and said nothing.

So, Elissa was more than surprised to find Dorian arguing with Mother Giselle on her way to meet with Leliana.

“Your glib tongue does you no credit!”

“You’d be surprised at the _credit_ my tongue _gets me_ , Your Reverence.”

“What’s going on here?” Elissa called out, folding her arms over her chest.

“It seems the Revered Mother is concerned at my undue influence over you,” Dorian said.

Mother Giselle looked at her over Dorian’s shoulder. “I was simply asking after this man’s intentions.”

Dorian snorted. “You may need to spell it out, my dear.”

She glared at him and continued like he had not said anything. “This man is of Tevinter. His presence at your... ah, at your side, the rumors alone...”

“What is wrong with him being from Tevinter, exactly?” Elissa asked impatiently.

“I am aware that not everyone from the Imperium is the same.”

“How kind of you to notice,” Dorian interrupted.

“I only meant to ensure his intentions towards your family were of good character following these... rumors, Your Worship.”

Dorian laughed loudly. “That’s what this is about? Oh, I can tell you all of my intentions towards Lord Connor, Your Reverence.”

Elissa shot him a look and he stopped, clearing his throat. They would be talking about _that_ once they were alone. Elissa huffed and turned back to Mother Giselle.

“The Inquisition does not answer to the Chantry, Mother Giselle,” she said flatly, emphasizing her title. “The Chantry also declared that Ferelden’s proper place was being crushed under Orlesian boots. All things considered, I hope you do not also hold that against me.”

“You know I do not, Inquisitor, but the fact remains that the Chantry’s opinion and support does matter.”

“Then I suppose they, and whoever else spread these rumors, should be told the truth.”

Mother Giselle frowned, and dipped into a deep bow. “If you believe he is without ulterior motive, I humbly beg forgiveness from you both.”

She all but ran down the steps. Dorian leaned back against the railing with a scoff.

“Well, that was something,” he grumbled. “She thinks I’m trying to corrupt you and Connor with my evil magister ways.”

“Does this happen often?”

“More than you know. No one knows their own reputation. Do the rumors bother you?”

Elissa shook her head. “No. They're just rude. They don’t know you.”

“They know you even less than they know me.” He folded his arms over his chest. “Perhaps it’s odd to say, but I think of you as a friend. I have precious few friends; I didn’t think to find one here.”

She smiled and settled against the railing beside him. “Of course we’re friends. After everything we’ve been through together, it would be ridiculous not to consider you one.”

“Good. I detest confessions, so I’m glad we got that over with.”

“Speaking of confessions... Your _intentions_?”

He actually blushed. Elissa grinned and he looked away, sputtering.

She laughed, muffling the sound into her hand. “Not so forward now, are you?” she teased.

“I have absolutely no idea what you mean,” he huffed.

“Of course you don’t. Does Connor know about these intentions?” Dorian went quiet and she elbowed him. “Dorian!”

“When we were on the way back to Skyhold, there were some words shared,” he said vaguely.

“And it’s all going well?” she prompted.

“I... Yes. I think so. Hope so.”

She bumped her shoulder into his with a smile.

“I’m happy for you. Both of you,” she said softly.

He smiled back. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Anytime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had literally no idea what to do for a chapter title or summary. I tried. So! Now a solid 1/3 of my reason for writing this AU is up with Connor and Dorian dating! 
> 
> Next chapter will be up on 4/28! I have this next week off from work because it's a school vacation, so I'm hoping to get a lot of writing done, and hopefully I might be able to get back to 2 updates a week at some point.
> 
> And! I'm hoping to have sort of a "Chapter 16.5" up in the middle of next week, showing what happened with Connor and Dorian. It should be up on Wednesday if all goes according to plan.


	17. Unclear Voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa and co. go to the Western Approach, which is Elissa's new *favorite* place.

The gathering at the ritual tower was, as expected, a near dead end. They learned the Wardens were in a nearby fortress, and some of Corypheus’ plan, but there was very little Elissa didn’t already know. Which made the  _ three weeks _ spent scouting, preparing, and traveling to find them all the more frustrating.

The Western Approach was hot, dry, and all Elissa could see for miles around was desert. It was the exact opposite of Ferelden in nearly every way. Blackwall looked like he was enjoying it as much as she was - not at all - and Cole didn’t seem to care at all. Alet hated the sand and had complained about it nearly  _ every hour _ they were there, and if they kept it up, either Elissa would kill them, or Hawke would.

Dorian, on the other hand, was thrilled to be anywhere warmer than Skyhold, and, as he referred to it, “away from the stench of wet dog”.

“You know, for someone who complains about Ferelden constantly and hates dogs, you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with Connor,” she groused.

Dorian snorted. “I hardly see what that has to do with anything.”

“I’m going to find a mabari to bond with him and you’re going to have to live with a dog.”

“Why would _I_ live with the dog?” he sputtered.

She rolled her eyes at him. As though Elissa didn’t know that he spent far more time in Connor’s room than his own. He did realize she talked to Connor, didn’t he? Dorian thought he was being subtle about it, but Connor certainly was not.

“Of  _ course. _ Don’t know  _ what _ I was thinking.”

“And you’re not getting a dog.”

“ _ Fine _ , then I’m just leaving you here,” she announced petulantly.

“You would miss me too much.”

“Would I, now.”

“Not to interrupt,” Blackwall said over them, “but I would rather not get torn to pieces by Darkspawn because you two are bickering like children.”

“I am your superior,” Elissa argued back.

“I believe you told me you weren’t my superior. Very specifically, actually.”

Alet groaned dramatically. “I’m  _ both _ of your commanding officer, so  _ both of you _ shut up!”

“I’m leaving you two here as well. Cole and Arianna are the only ones allowed back in Skyhold.”

Despite her complaints, Elissa did try to turn her attention back to the temple ruins they had stumbled across. Darkspawn were leaking out somewhere from inside it. She just couldn’t tell where they were coming from with all of the rubble in the way, and the Anchor dulled her ability to sense the Taint. She just had to hope Blackwall and Alet noticed the Darkspawn before the Darkspawn noticed  _ them _ .

“I think I may have found our entrance,” Dorian said, gesturing ahead with his staff.

At the end of the hall, there was a massive hole in one of the walls. A set of metal bars lie on the floor, dented and mangled, right next to a rather large boulder. Considering the dead giants they had discovered further back in the ruins, and the helpful notes the Venatori left with their plans to use said giants as workers, Elissa had a fair idea of what had happened.

“Idiots,” she groaned. “They smashed it open and dug all the way down to the bloody Deep Roads. That’s how the Darkspawn got so close to the Inquisition camps without anyone seeing them - no one would even know this was here!”

“They closed the hole in the keep to keep the monsters out,” Cole mumbled. “There was nowhere else for them to go.”

Elissa frowned. Cole had been uncharacteristically quiet since their run-in with Erimond and the Wardens. Usually, it was difficult for him to stop reading people and blurting out what he found. He didn’t seem like himself at all. She knew he had been to the Western Approach before, but he had never given any details as to why, or what happened while he was there.

Elissa could ask when they found a place to camp once the Darkspawn and Venatori were cleared out. They would have to set up for the night soon anyway; any light fixtures the ruins may have had were destroyed or unusable.

“I can take care of this part at least,” Dorian offered.

Elissa nodded. He stepped forward as a blue light flashed around his hands. He raised them up and the boulder rose with them as he gestured it into place over the hole. Then, as soon as he dropped it, he lifted the metal bars. With a flair, the bars fell into place and sealed the opening shut. He shook his hands out with a grin.

“Easy,” he said cheerfully.

“Show-off,” Hawke mumbled as Alet rolled their eyes.

Thankfully, there was a safe place to camp outside the ruins. There were no similar camps anywhere in the distance. Wherever the Venatori were holed up, it was far enough out that at the very least they would have warning before they were attacked.

Elissa sat beside Cole in front of the fire with what probably passed for rations. She held out some for him and he looked at her for a brief moment before turning back to the fire.

“I don’t need to eat,” he repeated, as he always did when she offered.

“I know. I just like to offer.”

“ _ You need to eat something before you collapse on me _ ,” he quoted in a whisper.

“Who said that?” she asked. It was difficult to tell when he was relaying his own thoughts, or reading one of hers.

He fidgeted with his sleeves. “He didn’t talk for two days and wouldn’t leave the tent. Everyone else fought over where to go first, except you. You said that to him.”

The memory flashed back into her mind. It was from the Blight, not long after Ostagar. Alistair had been completely devastated by the loss of the Wardens, and was not just coping poorly, he was not coping  _ at all _ . Alet and Morrigan yelling at him had certainly not helped. During their first night in camp after they left Lothering, she had sat with him most of the night letting him talk, and trying to convince him to take care of himself. It had been the first time they had really connected. It was a good memory, despite the tragedy around it.

“He was scared and you made it better,” Cole added.

“I hope I did,” she replied softly. “He was - and is - very important to me. Like you are.”

“I am?”

Elissa nodded. “You’re my friend. If something is wrong, I’d like to help you, too.”

He tugged at the ends of his sleeves, tucking his knees up to his chest. Elissa waited silently; he would talk when he was ready. He heard so much at once, sometimes it was difficult to find which bits to say out loud. Elissa could understand that.

“The Wardens are in Adamant,” he mumbled.

Elissa shifted uncomfortably. “Yes. You said you’d been there before, with Rhys.”

“It is old, full of sadness and pain. It should be torn down,” he said roughly. “The Veil is... thin. We found a demon there, it had touched a man and made him real again.”

“Real?”

“Yes. It scared Rhys and Evangeline. The man wasn’t supposed to be real.”

Elissa winced. “He was Tranquil.”

“Yes.”

“And the demon...” 

“... Yes.”

The demon had broken his Tranquility. The discovery that had sparked the fire under the mage rebellion. Fiona had only spoken of it once, but never gave any specifics. Just that Wynne had found  _ something _ that the Chantry did not want anyone to know, and the Seekers covered it up with violence.

Elissa felt sick thinking about it.

Cole fidgeted again, looking up at her out of the corner of his eye. “The demon found us. It put me back in the cupboard on the bad day. Rhys and Evangeline saved me.”

“You were in the Fade.”

“Yes.”

“And you don’t want to go back to Adamant because of what happened.”

“It’s a bad place.”

She touched his shoulder lightly. “Everything will be alright. I promise.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t. Not for sure. But I am going to do everything in my power to keep everyone safe,” she said firmly. “No matter what it takes.”

He looked back to the ground, his hat dipping down to obscure his face. Elissa pulled her hand back, letting out a heavy breath as she turned to the fire. She honestly had no idea how they were going to stop the Venatori. She didn’t want to kill any Wardens. They had been her home when she had lost everything. 

She also couldn’t let them hurt anyone.

“Wynne thought about you, before she died,” he mumbled. “ _ If one retains one’s humanity, they are not an abomination. _ ”

Elissa smiled faintly. She missed Wynne. It had been barely a year since an unsigned message from Leliana arrived in Redcliffe about what had happened to Wynne. She had sobbed for hours after reading it. Regardless of anything else, it had always seemed as though Wynne would be there forever, sending regular letters and even visiting when she was able. She had been a mother figure when Elissa had none.

Before the chaos at the White Spire, Wynne had mentioned in a message that she would be meeting her son again, for a mission she dared not write down. A few months later, an unsigned letter arrived with the rebel mages, detailing the exact events surrounding her death. She had given her life for another, passing along the spirit who protected her for so many years.  _ Her sacrifice will not be in vain _ , the letter had said. Anonymous as it was, Elissa knew it was from Wynne’s son. 

“Thank you for being with her,” she murmured. 

He pulled his sleeves down over his hands. “I hope I helped.”

“You did.”

 

* * *

 

Elissa looked down at the dead Venatori spread across the top of the keep. They had boarded up the fort to keep out intruders, but it only took four people to take it back. Griffon’s Wing keep, a sign on the wall said. It had been abandoned for who knew how long until the Venatori found it. At least it verified that Erimond had the Wardens holed up in Adamant; Griffon’s Wing was not far from the larger fortress, and was in a good position to see anyone coming from the direction of Skyhold.

Meaning it would also make a good asset for the Inquisition. It was still Warden property anyway, and she was still a Warden. Better it fall into her hands than the Venatori’s. The Inquisition could fortify it into something  _ actually _ useful and strategic. If anyone complained, Alet could deal with it.

“I can feel Darkspawn under the fort, probably from that stupid hole they dug up,” Alet complained. “I’m gonna go scout them out before they can eat any Inquisition people.”

Elissa nodded, running her hand through her hair. “We’ll finish clearing this lot out and follow you down.”

What few Venatori were left tried to put up a fight, but none lasted long once they saw their leader’s dead body sprawled out on the roof. They surrendered rather quickly after that, though none of them had any information. Elissa stepped around Macrinus’ body, making sure to keep some distance from him.

“Think  _ he _ kept anything useful on him?” she wondered aloud. “Or is he just the unlucky bastard who drew the worst lot?”

Blackwall scoffed as he hooked his shield onto his back. “Have  _ any _ of them been useful?”

“No. It would be nice if they started to.”

_ I love you, Kitty! _

Elissa startled and stepped back from the body. That... That had been a child’s voice. One she  _ knew. _ Where did she  _ know _ that  _ voice? _

She looked back down at Macrinus. He had a strap of leather around his neck that looked like an animal collar, embossed with distinctly Fereldan design. Southern Fereldan, if she was seeing right - she remembered seeing them in southern part of the arling, near...

_ That’s not possible. _

She knelt down next to Macrinus and unfastened the buckle, ignoring the sounds of disgust Dorian was making.

“What in Andraste’s name are you  _ doing? _ ”

“Hold on a second.”

The buckle finally came loose and she could slip it out from around his neck. Where the buckle met the leather, she could see a tangled mess of faded orange fur. How he had never noticed it, she could not imagine, but if it really was what she thought...

“It loved her so much it kept itself alive,” Cole mumbled behind her.

Elissa froze. “Loved who?”

“There was a girl, running from monsters. She loved it so hard it nearly changed.”

“The girl, was her name Amalia?” she asked quietly.

He fussed with his sleeves, hunching his shoulders. “I don’t like it. It wants to hurt, even though it loves, and it’s all stuck together.”

“Unbelievable,” she snapped, standing back up straight. “ _ Absolutely un-fucking-believable.  _ How did the Venatori even get this?!”

Blackwall walked over. “What are you  _ talking _ about?”

“During the Blight I had to save a young girl during a Darkspawn attack from a fucking desire demon, it was taking up residence in a cat and trying to convince the girl to give it her body instead-”

“How do these things happen to you so much?” Dorian interrupted. Elissa shot a glare at him and continued like he hadn’t said that, because otherwise she was going to  _ actually _ leave him in the Western Approach.

“This is the damn cat’s bloody collar, the demon still has some of its essence left in it.” She turned to Cole. “Right?”

Cole nodded. “I don’t like it,” he repeated.

“I can’t believe it lasted this long and is still around to get in my way. The Maker is laughing at me somewhere.”

She had to bring it back to Skyhold. Even if they just destroyed the damned thing because the  _ last _ thing they needed was a  _ desire demon  _ in the fucking keep - she had to tell Leliana. And Leliana would never believe her if she didn’t bring it with her. Maker - she had to show  _ Alet. _

“Elissa, put down the collar,” Blackwall sighed.

“What’s it going to do? I already killed it once.”

“I can not believe you.”

“I know what I’m doing,” she grumbled.

Dorian grinned. “So you know, when Connor finds out, I am throwing you  _ directly _ under the carriage, and you are on your own.”

“Who said I was going to tell him? I was planning on explicitly  _ not _ doing that.”

“Well, it was lovely knowing you then. I am  _ definitely _ throwing you under the carriage now.”

“You are a terrible friend.”

“I can give you a heads up so you have a running start?”

“You’re not coming back to Skyhold, remember? I’m  _ leaving you here. _ ”

“You’re not going to leave me here.”

Elissa pocketed the collar. She could feel it growing angry as it realized who she was. Good. Stupid demon. She was going to show it to Leliana and Alet so she’d have witnesses when she told Alistair, and then she was bringing it to Cullen to have it completely destroyed. See if it can bind itself to another object  _ then. _

Unbelievable.

 

* * *

 

The Inquisition scouts arrived a day later with a letter from Skyhold regarding the mayor of Crestwood. He was found by a combination of Inquisition and Fereldan soldiers, just outside of Amaranthine. When pressed, he had confessed everything - he had opened the dam and flooded the old Crestwood, leaving everyone in it to drown with the Blight.

Elissa should have realized it sooner. She  _ knew _ Darkspawn - they were not smart enough to execute such a plan. They wouldn’t have known how to open the dam. The only ones that could have were the Architect’s followers, and they had been nearly halfway across the kingdom in hiding during the Blight. They would not have targeted a village anyway; the Architect’s purpose had not been to kill, but to spread. Drowning Blighted villagers would have taken away new followers. 

And there would have been signs of Taint in the fort even a decade later. Blight lingered, especially where the Veil was thin. It was why Blackmarsh was so easy to corrupt, with the Veil so easy to tear.

Elissa had believed Dedrick, so she had not looked hard enough at his story. Why would he endanger his own people by refusing to ask the Inquisition for help with the Rift? Why would he allow bandits to take up residence so close to the village without alerting the bann? None of it made sense, but Elissa had been too caught up in helping to notice any of it.

Dedrick fled the village the moment the Rift was closed, leaving behind only a short confession for Elissa to find. He said that he was sorry, that he felt unbearable guilt, and yet he ran, unwilling to face consequences for what he did. He cited the Blight - shouldn’t Elissa of all people understand that the Taint sickness could not be cured? That all of those people would have died anyway?

They would have. She knew that. But to drown them and then lie about it? To not only avoid asking for help but to attempt to turn it away when offered so he could hide his crime, even as his remaining neighbors died around him? The Blight was no excuse ten years before, and it wasn’t an excuse now.

Elissa had felt sick walking through the old Crestwood with the water drained. There were so many people dead in their homes. Not all of them could have had the Taint. There was no sign of struggle. It had been an easy solution to a difficult problem, and the families were caught in the middle.

If the Rift had not appeared over the lake, split open from the weakened Veil, no one would have known. Dedrick would have gone on for the rest of his life and no one in the village would know that he had killed their neighbors, their friends and family.

Josephine sent everything - the confession, the reports on Old Crestwood, statements from the villagers - to Alistair and Anora. It wasn’t the Inquisition’s duty to bring in the mayor. They shouldn’t have even taken the fort - Elissa insisted they offer to return it. She didn’t want such an awful place anyway.

“I can’t believe the mayor won’t take responsibility for what happened,” Arianna said, her voice rough.

Elissa ran her hand through her hair, pulling some of it out of its ties in the process. “The Blight was... difficult. I was not perfect, and my choices were not all good. But all of those people...”

“I wasn’t even in Ferelden for most of the Blight and I saw what it did to people,” Arianna sighed. “But still... I wonder how many innocents were caught in the waters.”

“Even those that would have died from Blight did not deserve that end.”

Arianna looked to her. “What do you think the king and queen will do?”

Elissa shrugged. She didn’t even know what  _ she _ would have done. 

“Alistair and I saw so many awful things during the Blight,” she said slowly. “I cannot imagine him excusing the mayor’s actions.”

“I hope you’re right,” Arianna murmured.

“I do too.”

When Elissa returned to Skyhold, they tried placing the decision back into her hands. Elissa was the one who saw the carnage first hand, after all. She was the one who spoke to the villagers, fought off the undead, closed the Rift. Alistair and Anora trusted her judgement.

She told them to throw the mayor in a prison. As she delivered the sentence, all she could see was red.

_ Prison?! Oh, Maker, I should have drowned with them... _

Even then, after everything, he thought prison was worse than being drowned in his home.

Elissa was glad to see him off to Denerim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I genuinely forgot to upload this earlier in the day, but here it is! I love every section of this chapter. Especially the bit with kitty. Elissa is Tired.
> 
> Next chapter - May 5th! The Inquisition marches on Adamant.


	18. Well of All Souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition marches on Adamant.

Elissa had been in hundreds of battles in her life, large or small, against every creature imaginable. She had fought an archdemon, at _least_ two broodmothers, werewolves, and everything in between.

None of it compared to fighting her own brothers and sisters at Adamant.

The fight was a blur of demons and blood and Elissa was so, so tired. The temptation to lie on the ground and just let something kill her slipped in and out of her mind as she pushed through the waves of demons and Wardens.

Alet ran ahead with Blackwall and Nathaniel to try and find some Amaranthine Wardens, if any remained, to pull them back from the fight. Hawke was with some Inquisition troops, supporting them with barriers and cover fire. Felix was back with the Inquisition mages; he had limited experience in combat, and a siege was not the time to test him.

Elissa moved forward with Varric, the Iron Bull, and Vivienne, sweeping the fortress. Elissa tried to spare those she could, but it was not enough.

It would never be enough.

After they all regrouped, along with some younger Amaranthine Wardens, they found the main mass of Wardens in a large courtyard. The Wardens were gathered around an enormous Rift; there was a circle of mages, surrounded by a ring of warriors. A line of archers stood in position across the yard with arrows ready. Erimond was up on a platform with two older Wardens, a man and a woman. The woman paced back and forth as she spoke to the small army below.

“Wardens, we are betrayed by the very world we have sworn to protect!” she shouted.

Erimond grabbed her and whispered something and she yanked her arm back, snapping. “That’s Clarel,” Alet said quietly.

Clarel walked up to another Warden on the platform and paused for a long moment. Suddenly, she dragged a dagger across the man’s throat and he crumpled to the ground. Elissa rushed forward, only stopping at the wall of Wardens blocking her path.

“Wardens, Erimond is tricking you!” Elissa yelled out.

Erimond sneered down at her. “Stop them! They must not interrupt the ritual!”

“We make the sacrifices that no one else will,” Clarel called down passionately. “Our warriors die proudly for a world that will never thank them!”

“You think I do not understand?” Elissa cried out. “Alet and I watched the last Blight tear Ferelden apart! We fought the archdemon and only survived with the might of _two kingdoms!_ All Erimond wants is to bind you to Corypheus!”

“Corypheus? But he’s dead,” Clarel gasped.

“He is alive! I saw him myself as he demolished Haven!”

Erimond whispered to Clarel again. She stared down at Elissa as she issued the order, “Bring it through!”

“Stop! You’re being used, and some of you know it,” Hawke shouted to the crowd.

Hawke stepped forward and the Wardens shuffled back nervously. A murmur rose above the distant sounds of violence as they looked between her, Elissa, and Alet. They were just scared, Elissa knew, and if she could just get through to them, she could stop them without any more death.

Alet slammed their staff on the ground. “You all know who I am, _why_ in the Maker’s name would I lie to you? I hear the Calling the same as you!”

“Wardens, you must not let fear sway your mind!” Clarel demanded.

“ _You’re_ afraid!” Arianna snapped. “You’re afraid that you’ve ordered all these Warden’s deaths for _nothing_!”

Elissa kept her eyes trained on Erimond as he argued with Clarel. Clarel looked down at the man whose throat she had slit and the fire left her like a candle blown out. She was stubborn, nearly unreasonable - the letters she had sent Teagan were overbearing and aggressive, despite being given no cause to be so. Even so, these were her soldiers, her siblings in arms. Surely she was not so stubborn she would throw all of the Wardens to the pyre simply to avoid admitting she was wrong.

“Perhaps we may test the truth of these charges,” Clarel said nervously. Erimond scoffed.

“Perhaps _I_ should call on more capable allies,” he ground out.

He pulled his staff from his back and pounded it on the ground three times, and the roar of Corypheus’ dragon echoed through the night sky.

“My master knew you would meddle, Inquisitor, so he gave me a gift! You will not take this from him!”

The dragon landed on a tower surrounding the main chamber and screeched. Debris poured down and Elissa lunged forward to yank a stray Warden out of the way just before a chunk of stone could crush him. Clarel shot a burst of lightning at the dragon as Erimond slipped away. As if that was not enough, a massive Pride demon walked out of the Rift, and everyone scrambled away from it.

Clarel turned down to Elissa. “Inquisitor! I will go after him, take care of the Rift!”

“Wait!”

She was gone before Elissa could stop her. She wanted to chase after Clarel, to stop her from causing more damage if nothing else, but there was no use. The Pride demon stomped on the ground and let up a flare of electricity. When Elissa looked around at the Wardens, she saw all of their eyes on her, hopelessly awaiting orders. She took a deep breath to center herself.

“Wardens, I implore you as your sister in arms to assist the Inquisition against the demons! We will correct this tragic mistake and redeem ourselves!” she shouted across the courtyard.

Following a chorus of cheers and battle cries, Elissa turned on the demon, letting a barrier spell wash over her as she lunged after it.

With so many of them fighting, the demons were quick work, even though the Rift stood open. Nothing Elissa did affected it, as though something on the other side was holding it open. The moment the last demon was dead on the ground, she turned the group of Wardens and Inquisition soldiers alike. Nathaniel pushed through the crowd to her, Felix trailing behind him.

“We will take charge here, Blackwall will get word to Commander Cullen,” he yelled over all of the noise. “Go find Erimond!”

She nodded. “Watch the Rift, keep the demons at bay as long as you can. Once we get the dragon out of the way I’ll try closing it again!”

She looked back out at the sea of Wardens. “In war, victory!”

The Wardens cheered and turned back to battle as a fresh wave of demons poured down from the Rift. Elissa exhaled and took off in the direction Clarel had gone. She could hear everyone else fall into step behind her as she tore through the hordes of demons.

When they finally tracked Clarel down through the fortress, dodging that bloody dragon the entire time, it was too late. Just as they rounded the corner, the dragon dropped down and snatched up Clarel in its mouth before launching away again. The walls shook as the dragon bounded along the pillars and towers.

Elissa caught sight of Erimond on the ground and surged forward. Someone grabbed her arm and yanked her back, and she swung around with a shout, “Let go!”

“Wait!” Hawke shouted over the noise.

Elissa turned back to the dragon as it threw Clarel to the ground. She wasn’t moving.

_Go, pup. Warn your brother. And know that we love you both. You do us proud._

Elissa froze in place. The Iron Bull was pulling her back, away from the dragon as it advanced, and Alet was calling her name, but she could barely feel her feet on the ground.

Then a barrage of lightning struck the dragon’s underbelly, and she saw Clarel’s arm drop just as the fortress collapsed beneath them.

Someone grabbed her and dragged her to safety, and she ran back just in time to catch Alet, and then it all fell out again and she was falling-

She stuck her hand out in front of her, and the world flashed and waved and she couldn’t even tell if she was screaming.

 

* * *

 

Elissa had only been conscious in the Fade twice, and she had hoped that it would never happen again. Yet somehow, she had opened up the Veil long enough for them to fall through, physically through, and land safely. Adamant was not complicated enough, apparently. Andraste’s ass.

“Where are we? Are we dead?” Hawke gasped.

Elissa looked up to see Arianna standing on a surface completely upside-down. A glance around revealed Alet standing perpendicular to her. The Iron Bull, Vivienne, and Varric had landed beside her.

“I hate the Fade,” Alet groused.

“This isn’t how I remember the Fade,” Hawke said nervously.

“You know,” Alet continued. “I’ve seen Pride demons pretending to be rats, an entire town thrown across the Veil, learned how to shapeshift. But this is... _new_.”

“We do seem to be here physically, rather than dreaming,” Vivienne pointed out.

The Iron Bull groaned. “Oh, this is shitty.”

“It could be worse,” Elissa grumbled. “Nothing here will be friendly, so we can just kill everything.”

“You always know how to make me feel better, boss,” he said flatly.

“I try my best. Come on, let’s move towards the Rift that was already open in Adamant. Maybe we can use it to get out of here.”

“Better than anything I thought of,” Alet sighed.

She set off down the path, and heard the others fall in line behind her, once they were all at the same angle and everything.

“Hey, Chief, let’s join the Inquisition! Good fights for a good cause! I don’t know, Krem, I hear there are demons. Aw, don’t worry about the demons, Chief! I’m sure we won’t see many! I can’t believe I listened to that asshole.”

“Remember the last time we ended up in the Fade, Hawke?” Varric said, calm as if the whole ordeal was an odd afternoon trip rather than a horrifying disaster.

Arianna huffed. “How could I forget? Half of my closest friends attacked me for the chance to be possessed by demons.”

“You’re never letting that go, are you?”

“You tried to murder me, so _maybe_.”

The Fade was easier to navigate once she had a destination and didn’t have to travel between separate prisons. In Amaranthine, Justice told her that spirits altered the Fade to match what they saw in dreams, shaped it around what people on the other side of the Veil thought and felt. She just needed to focus on where she wanted to go, and she would end up there. It might be different being there physically, but it seemed to be working well enough. The path was narrow without any wrong turns or portals.

After the battle at Adamant overwhelming all of her senses and giving her a headache, the silence of the Fade was surprisingly welcome. There were, as she expected, no friendly spirits, but it was easy to take care of any trouble they could not sneak past. A particularly obnoxious demon screeched a short ways down the path.

The sooner Elissa could get out of the Fade, the better. With the Wardens out from under the Venatori’s control the fighting could finally end. She knew there would be an expectation of punishment, but she refused.

She could take revenge and attempt to avenge those lost, but it would just add to the pile of corpses and grief-torn families. She had learned that lesson.

Elissa would not add to the body count. They could take away the title of Inquisitor if they wanted.

**_Ah, some foolish little girl comes to steal the fear I kindly lifted from her shoulders. Do you honestly believe you can save anyone? Redcliffe will burn, just as Highever did, and it will be all your fault._ **

“What the _fuck_ was that?” the Iron Bull groaned.

“The Nightmare demon,” Vivienne guessed. “It feeds on fear, and creates more fear when it runs low.”

Alet huffed. “It’s _annoying_.”

Elissa clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. The demon’s voice sounded familiar, but she couldn’t figure out  _ why.  _ It was not saying anything different from what she had told herself over and over. She just had to talk herself down from it, shove it down until she was somewhere she could safely have the panic attack creeping up her throat. That usually worked. 

Down the trail, she could hear shouting, the banging of metal against metal. Alet tapped her arm and she shook her head.

“It’s not just me who hears that, right?” she asked nervously. They hummed.

“Might be smaller demons, trying to latch onto the big one,” they said. “What do you hear?”

“Soldiers,” she mumbled. 

“They must be mimicking our thoughts, appearing as what we fear,” Vivienne added. “They are not as powerful as the nightmare, but we should be cautious.”

Elissa focused on gripping the hilts of her blades. She had faced fear demons before, pouring out of Rifts or wandering Redcliffe Castle, but they were not something one got used to fighting. They rounded the corner, and it felt like the ground had disappeared from beneath her feet. A group of armed soldiers blocked their passageway, archers with arrows drawn back and warriors with their shields set in front of them. Each one of them carried the heraldry of Amaranthine. Of Rendon Howe.

When Weisshaupt made her the commander in Ferelden and Amaranthine was gifted to the Wardens, the first thing Elissa had done upon arriving at Vigil’s Keep was ensure that there was no sign of Rendon Howe. No heraldry, no portraits, no personal belongings. They were shoved into a closet in a far side of the castle, far away from her. She couldn’t stand the thought of seeing him, anything that was his, knowing that she could never go home because he had defiled it. The only person who ever saw it was Nathaniel, once, and even he had never gone back to it.

Elissa took a deep breath before jumping into the fight. The less she focused on it, the easier it would be to keep moving. It helped as the demons died and turned into their true form, something akin to a spidery mass. Not soldiers, not Rendon Howe.

She only realized the battle was over when Alet grabbed her wrist, tugging until she turned to them. They gave her a hard look and she slipped her daggers back into their sheaths. Some of their curly hair had escaped from its binding at some point in the fight, falling over their stark blue eyes. Elissa reached out with her free hand to push the hair back behind their ear gently.

“I’m okay,” she murmured.

“If you’re sure,” they said firmly. She nodded.

“I’m sure. Let’s keep moving.”

 

* * *

 

The Nightmare’s taunts grew louder the closer they came to the center of its lair, and it was wearing on all of them. Alet was leaning heavily on their staff as they walked, while Hawke’s grip on her own staff was so tight Elissa was certain it would snap in half. Varric cracked jokes any time the conversation slowed, just to fill the void with something besides their own worst fears. Vivienne was just quiet.

**_I wonder who could reach Skyhold first: you, or one of my minions? Connor is all alone - you can’t save him this time._ **

The Nightmare was grating on her, as it meant to, and that irritated her even more. She was so used to being afraid and anxious that it was just an annoyance rather than panic-inducing, but she hated it all the same. It knew just where to pick at each of them to do the most damage. Ten years ago, the Nightmare would have won their battle of wills. 

With an uncomfortable pang of guilt, she realized the reason the demon sounded so familiar was because it sounded like Duncan. After so many years, she was still so afraid of Highever and Ostagar.

“You must get through the Rift, Inquisitor. Get through and then slam it closed with all your strength!” The spirit - Justinia, or whatever it truly was - called out behind it to them.

Elissa clenched her jaw. She couldn’t think about the spirit, either. She couldn’t think about her returned memories, or the knowledge that she’d left the real Divine to die, that she’d watched her fellow Wardens be enslaved by a Darkspawn. She pushed it to the back of her mind. It could be sorted out later, processed later, when they _weren’t_ about the fight the most powerful demon Elissa had come across.

The water was up to her ankles, making it difficult to wade through. She could see the exit of the cave, but it felt like it kept moving farther and farther away. Maker, she just wanted to leave.

Hawke choked out a tired laugh. “The Rift! We’re almost there!”

Elissa blinked and the cave exit was in front of her, the light of the Rift leading to Adamant bleeding through the blurry fog.

Varric groaned. “Great, Hawke. Why not just dare the Old Gods to stop you?”

Elissa rounded the corner and her stomach dropped. The Nightmare demon was an enormous mass of bone and eyes like a spider, nearly the size of Skyhold’s entire main hall. A smaller demon floated in front of it, shaped like a distorted man that towered over her by several feet, with claws longer than her arm.

Both stood in between them and the Rift.

Stumbling back, Elissa fumbled for her blades and nearly bumped into The Iron Bull. Beside her, Alet swore and grabbed Elissa’s arm again.

The Divine floated past her and up to the demon. “If you would, please, tell Leliana, I’m sorry. I failed you too.”

There was a blinding flash of light. Elissa pulled her arm up to block her eyes, and when she lowered it again, the spider was twitching on the ground in a daze. The smaller demon had collapsed but slunk up to its full height again with a scream.

A barrier spell washed over her. Elissa took a deep breath. If they took out the smaller one fast enough, the larger one might still be down, and they could run past it.

She launched herself forward, swinging at the demon’s bony midsection. Bursts of magic shot at it from either side: ice, lightning, earth. The demon swiped at her and she ducked out of its way just it time. Keeping herself balanced, she swung out again, catch it in the side as it screeched.

Suddenly the demon disappeared. Her heart pounded in her ears. Where did it go? A group of smaller demons, all spiders, climbed over the rocks surrounding them. Elissa kicked one away and took a quick glance around the field.

It was going much better than expected. The tiny demons were easy to dispatch, and with all of them, keeping the larger fear demon distracted was simple.

The fear demon swung its long claws at The Iron Bull. Without thinking, Elissa flung her hand out, and the Mark sparked to life. Energy like electricity shot out and formed a strange cloud above the demon, and the demon began to... dissolve.

“What the fuck?” she heard The Iron Bull blurt out.

That was new.

Finally the demon let out one last screech, and the smaller minions all dropped to the ground at once. It was their only chance - they had to go. Now.

“Go, now!”

She waved them all forward. She had to be the last one out so she could close the Rift the second she got through. The large spider shifted as if to stand and she clenched her jaw as she watched everyone run forward.

And then Alet fell.

Elissa rushed forward and crouched down beside them, pulling them up onto their knees. Alet cringed and grabbed onto her shoulder tightly.

“Go, you have to get out of here,” they snapped. She growled and dragged them up, but they wouldn’t move.

“I’m not going without you,” she argued. “Alet, now!”

They shook their head. “I can’t, you don’t have time. Lissa-”

“I’m not going back to Alistair without you!”

They flinched and said nothing. Elissa pulled them up the rest of the way and they let her, leaning heavily on her. The spider pushed itself up and Elissa swore quietly.

Just a little more. They were _right there_...

As they got close to the Rift, Elissa pushed Alet forward through it. She just had to hope the chaos had died down on the other side, and she hadn’t just shoved them into an even worse nightmare. She jumped through just as the spider screamed to life-

The Mark sparked and shot pain up her arm as she passed through the Rift. She held it up and her hand shook as she clenched it into a fist. The Rift finally shut with an expulsion of air and she stumbled forward as the pain stopped abruptly.

She watched as a mass of demons in the courtyard fell and slipped into the floor as they died. The Inquisition soldiers and Wardens all looked to her in awe. The look she hated, that everyone gave her because she was the _Herald of Andraste_.

She couldn’t breathe.

“You did it!”

Hawke stepped forward, holding Alet up. Elissa gave them both a tired smile. “We did.”

An Inquisition soldier ran to the front of the gathering crowd. “Inquisitor! The archdemon flew off as soon as you disappeared!”

“Good. What of Erimond?”

“Unconscious, but alive. The commander thought you might wish to deal with him yourself.” He was certainly right in that. “As for the Wardens, those who weren’t corrupted helped us fight the demons.”

One of the Wardens, the one who stood against to Clarel before, spoke up again. “We stand ready to help make up for our mistakes.”

Elissa stepped down from the podium to face the Warden up close. He flinched back, averting his eyes, and she put a hand on his shoulder. She looked around at the other Wardens scattered about; they all looked so lost. The man in front of her finally met her eyes.

“Inquisitor, you and Commander Surana are the most senior surviving Wardens now,” he stammered nervously. “What do we do?”

She turned to Alet, who just stared at her.

“You stay, and do whatever you can to help, against Darkspawn and demons alike,” she announced. “It is our duty as Wardens to fight the Blight at any cost, and Corypheus is the very embodiment of it. I would not ask you to sacrifice more than you already have, but the Wardens are still needed.”

She released the man in front of her and he saluted her.

“Thank you, sister. We will not fail you,” he swore.

The crowd began to disperse and Alet limped to her, putting their weight on their staff. “Someone needs to go to Weisshaupt and tell them what happened.”

“I know,” she murmured.

“I will rest at the Inquisition’s new keep nearby, and send letters from there. I cannot afford to travel all the way back to Denerim, as much as I may wish to.”

“I understand.” She reached out to hold their free hand. “Just come back.”

They shrugged with a thin smile. “I always do.”

Elissa stepped down from the platform, pushing her hair back from where it stuck to her face after coming loose from her ties. Someone grabbed her arm and she spun around to see Nathaniel.

“Are you alright?” he asked quietly.

“Not really,” she mumbled back. “But I’ll manage.”

He looked at her, searching her face, and sighed. “Alright.”

She didn’t want to talk about it. She certainly couldn’t tell him about the smaller fear demons - his father had not been a point of contention between them for a long time, but it wasn’t a _pleasant_ subject. She had, until recently, done a relatively good job of pretending to everyone, except Teagan and Fergus, that it didn’t bother her anymore.

She couldn’t tell Nathaniel right then, at any rate. She _had_ done a good job with hiding her breakdowns from the Inquisition, and planned on keeping it that way.

“We can talk later,” she offered.

“Alright,” he conceded. “I will not be at Skyhold long after we return. Vigil’s Keep needs to know what happened.”

She nodded. “Right.”

He hesitated for a moment, eyes sweeping the crowd around them. After a long moment he moved to stand in front of her, one hand still on her arm and the other on her opposite shoulder. He was, as he always had been, much taller than her, and had to lean down to touch his forehead to hers.

“Please be careful,” he whispered.

She smiled. “I will.”

Alet released her hand, and Elissa stepped forward to hug him properly. She heard footsteps scrambling towards them and swore under her breath, getting a soft laugh from Nathaniel. Elissa stepped back again to look at the Inquisition soldier who had approached them.

“What is it?” she asked firmly.

“Commander Cullen needs to talk to you, ser, he said it was important.”

She nodded and took a step back again. “Right. Bring me to him.” She looked back at Nathaniel and Alet. “I’ll find you later. Whenever later _is._ ”

Alet grinned. “Have fun, _Inquisitor._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After re-writing this chapter 9 times, it's done and I can't touch it anymore! 
> 
> Next chapter - May 12th! There is a possibility that the next chapter could be late, because my next couple of weeks are a bit hectic at work, but I'm going to try to get it up on Saturday!! Next chapter, some of the after effects of Adamant, and Elissa making some big decisions regarding the Inquisition's prisoners.


	19. Spirits and Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at Skyhold, Elissa has to make some decisions following Adamant.

The journey back to Skyhold was somehow even longer than the trip out. Everyone was tired and battleworn. There had not been many Inquisition casualties, and not nearly as many Warden casualties as expected, but a battle was still a battle.

As planned, Alet left them as they passed Griffon Wing Keep. A small group of Wardens, mostly from Amaranthine, stayed with them.

It was nearly impossible to fall asleep with so much noise everywhere, even late at night, leading to Elissa wandering the camp until she was so tired she passed out. 

Arianna couldn’t sleep either, apparently.

“Inquisitor?” she greeted formally. 

Elissa glanced up at her from her spot on the ground in front of a dying fire and gestured to the space beside her. “I told you, just Elissa. Please.”

Hawke eyed her suspiciously for a moment, but sat. “I wasn’t sure if that still applied in front of your soldiers.”

“The fewer people calling me it, the better.”

“I can understand that,” Hawke mumbled. “It’s like after I killed the Arishok everyone outside of my little family collectively forgot my name.”

“ _ Inquisitor _ is much better than  _ Herald _ , honestly.”

Arianna snorted. “Fair enough. The one good thing about being declared a blasphemous heretic apostate - no one really lining up to make me a religious figure.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” Arianna looked at her and she shrugged. “The mages. Some of them are big fans of you and Anders.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess. Doesn’t feel like we really did anything.”

“It never does.”

Arianna shifted in her seat, glancing between the fire and everything else but Elissa. 

“Speaking of,” she finally said quietly. “I... can’t stay in Skyhold. Not for good, at least. I was going to follow Alet to Weisshaupt, but they only wanted Wardens with them.”

“What’s your plan?”

“I’d like to help the Inquisition still. You’re doing more than most. I just, don’t want to travel alone, so...”

Ah. Elissa smiled. 

“We can send word to Anders and Carver the moment we’re back in Skyhold,” she promised quietly. “They would have to be discrete, which I know is neither of their strong points, but they could meet you there and then we can discuss where you’d like to go next.”

All of the tension left Arianna’s shoulders and she sighed. 

“Thank you, I- I didn’t know how to ask. And I didn’t know how much your offer of protection extended, especially after... everything. I don’t regret what he did or anything, I just know a lot of other people don’t, so I didn’t know what to do,” she babbled anxiously. Elissa touched her shoulder softly.

“He was not with the Wardens long, but Anders is my friend,” Elissa said. “I cannot promise complete protection - Cullen in particular will be difficult to deal with - but I will try my hardest.”

Arianna let out a small smile. “Thank you.

* * *

 

Elissa had never felt more alone than she did after Adamant.

She was constantly surrounded by people - even when she did not want to be - but it was not the same. She woke from nightmares to an empty bed. She put on a brave face with everyone else, because she was the Inquisitor, the Hero of Ferelden, and she could not show them just how scared she was.

And she was tired. It felt like no matter what she did, none of it helped. There were always more Red Templars, or Venatori, or demons. Nothing stopped them.

It was difficult to leave her bed sometimes. She had to force herself up before Lydia realized something was wrong.

She drifted down the steps into the courtyard of Skyhold. The Wardens needed a leader, and unfortunately for them, she was the best they had. With luck, they wouldn’t completely implode.

“But you like demons!”

“I enjoy the company of spirits, yes, which is part of why I do not abuse them with bindings.”

“It isn’t abuse if I ask.”

“Not always true. Also, I do not practice blood magic, which renders this entire conversation academic!”

Elissa folded her arms over her chest as Cole spotted her and rushed over. She had presumed he would be shaken by Adamant, but bindings?

“He won’t bind me,” Cole said quickly. “He’s a mage and he likes demons but he won’t help!”

Elissa looked over his shoulder at Solas, who threw up his hands in exasperation as he followed Cole across the courtyard. “Why would you want Solas to bind you?”

“So I’m  _ safe _ .”

He started pacing frantically, fidgeting with his sleeves and ducking his head down. “If Solas won’t do the ritual to bind me, someone else could, like the Warden mages, and then...”

Cole finally stopped moving, completely still as he stared at the ground. As much as she knew it would be unwelcome, Elissa wanted nothing more than to step forward and hug him.

“I’m not me anymore,” he mumbled. “Walls around what I want, blocking, bleeding, making me a monster...”

Elissa took a tentative step towards him. “There has to be something between binding you with blood magic and doing nothing,” she countered gently.

“Indeed,” Solas interjected. “I recall stories of amulets used by Rivaini seers, to protect spirits they summoned from rival mages. It made the spirits immune to blood magic and binding. It should do the same for Cole as well.”

“See? No blood magic, and no binding from anyone,” Elissa said.

“Good. They will not take me.”

He stormed off again and promptly disappeared. Elissa sighed. It must have been incredibly frightening for him, and she didn’t know what to do. Magic was not something she was well-versed on, despite her attempts to learn what she could.

Elissa turned to Solas. “I will look into the amulet. Leliana should know where to look.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor,” he said softly. “I understand Cole’s fears, as much as he thinks I do not.”

“I won’t let anyone hurt him. I promise.”

“I hope that is possible.”

It took less than a week to find an amulet, and another to receive it in Skyhold. Elissa was grateful that she hadn’t needed to run out of Skyhold to run around Thedas for once. With the close approach of the ball at the Winter Palace, she was able to remain in the fortress as much as she wanted. Meaning she could be there for Cole when he was given the amulet.

“It is simple enough,” Solas said confidently. “You put it on, I charge it with magic, and you should be protected.”

Elissa turned to Cole, holding out the amulet. “Are you ready?”

Cole nodded and she handed the amulet to him. He held it tightly and tugged at his sleeve with the other hand. Solas held one hand out in front of him and a blue aura began to glow around him as he closed his eyes. The magic snapped with a flash of light and Cole stumbled back with a cry. Elissa instinctively reached for him, making sure he didn’t fall.

“What was that?” Varric called out as he walked into the room. “Oh, for- What are you doing to the kid?”

Cole spun around to face him. “Stopping blood mages from binding me like the demons at Adamant. But... it didn’t work.”

“Something is interfering with the enchantment,” Solas explained.

“Something like Cole not being a demon?” Varric scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

Elissa frowned. “His...  _ situation  _ is unique. Is that even possible?”

“Regardless of Cole’s special circumstances, he remains a spirit,” Solas said stiffly.

“A spirit who is strangely like a person.”

“I don’t matter,” Cole stammered. “Just lock away the parts of me that someone else could knot together to make me follow!”

“Do you feel anything from the amulet?” Solas asked curiously.

“There’s... there’s something.” He paused for a moment, ducking his head down. He lifted it again and pointed towards one of the doors. East. “There. That way.”

“Alright kid, go get Cullen and work with him on the map to see where you’re sensing something wrong,” Varric suggested. 

Cole fidgeted nervously. “Will you come with me? All of you?”

“Sure, kid.”

Cole disappeared, as he tended to do, and Elissa let out a heavy breath.

“I hope he’s alright,” she murmured. 

“We’ll figure this out, Snowdrop. He’ll be fine.”

“I hope so.”

* * *

It hadn’t been easy, nothing ever was, but Cole seemed no worse off from their run-in with the Templar in Crestwood. To Elissa’s surprise, he was no different. The only difference, on the surface, was that it was more difficult for him to disappear, or make people forget about him.

She was glad of it, relieved he did not have to change himself for his own safety.

It was easier for him to talk to others. No, not easier, but he was less afraid of them. He still wanted to help, but he only had one chance rather than many.

Elissa left Skyhold for a couple of days to work with her new Wardens. Many of them had never worked together before the debacle in Orlais, and the Wardens were a very diverse group. No group every functioned quite the same, and rank was nearly useless once they were out in the field. Elissa did not hold a higher rank than any of them, but all of the Wardens who had been in the Order longer than her were either missing, off on missions, or dead.

Blackwall was more than willing to step in and help. He had been a soldier before being recruited, and had experience leading. Elissa’s experience was mostly with small groups at a time; during her brief time as Warden Commander, there had only been six Wardens in Ferelden, and a spirit inhabiting a dead Warden’s body. It wasn’t quite the same.

She was glad to see Felix doing so well in the Order. He could do little magic, but he was a decent healer, and he was lethal with his staff if an opponent got too close.

Elissa was so happy he had survived.

When she finally returned to the fortress, confident that her new charges would survive without her, she went right up to the castle proper. As usual, Varric was set up at the fireplace by the front door. Cole was perched on a chair beside him, looking out over a set of cards laid across the table. There was someone else who she couldn’t see from the steps...

She nearly stopped dead in the doorway. The other person, sitting right next to Cole and not looking anxious at all, was Connor.

Varric saw her first. “Snowdrop, there you are! Have fun with your new kids?”

“You can’t imagine,” she mumbled, shutting the door behind her. She ran her hand through her hair, partially to hide her face until she could school the shock off of it.

Varric gave her a look, as though he knew what she was thinking. Which he probably did, because he always did. He was far too good at reading people. She minutely shook her head; not now. He shrugged.

“So,” she continued like nothing had been said between them, “what’s all this?”

“I’m trying to teach these two Wicked Grace. Well, mostly the kid. Grumpy here isn’t half bad.”

She snorted. “Grumpy?”

“Apparently I don’t smile enough,” Connor grumbled.

Elissa tried very, very hard not to laugh. He gave her a halfhearted glare and turned back to the table. She rounded the table to stand behind him and touched his shoulder.

“Not half bad, huh?” she teased.

“Don’t act so surprised!” He pouted up at her and she couldn’t help but snicker. “ _ Elissa _ .”

She messed his hair up and he swatted her hand away. “I’ll leave you to it. I have to go find Josephine.”

She waited until that night, after Lydia was asleep and they were actually alone. They were both on the couch in front of the fireplace, quietly. After how hectic Skyhold was during the day, it was nice to just sit and be with someone who didn’t expect anything from her.

“Can I ask you about something?” she said, breaking the silence.

Connor glanced at her. “That isn’t intimidating at all.”

“It’s nothing bad.”

“Sure.”

“You were with Cole earlier. I know how you felt about him before, so...” she drifted off.

“Oh.” He tugged his sleeves down over his hands. “That. I was trying to find Dorian, and Varric kind of dragged me into playing.”

“Before this, you wouldn’t even be in the same room as Cole.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

She gave him a skeptical look and he sighed before continuing. “Alright, alright. We talked before that, too. Well, Cole did most of the talking at first, after Varric all but locked us in a room together.”

“Oh?”

“Mostly about Adamant. He... said he made you promise to kill him if he hurt anyone again,” he said quietly. Elissa let out a heavy breath.

“I told him I wouldn’t do that. That just wasn’t the answer he wanted.”

“I thought it sounded odd.”

“So you’re okay now?” she asked gently.

“I think so. I mean, I’m still... I don’t know.” He shrugged. “But I know he doesn’t mean to do what he does. And he said he’d try not to blurt anything out around me.”

She smiled and looked back at the fire. “I’m glad.”

Silence fell over them again. She knew how difficult it must have been for him to trust Cole. It had been a point of tension between the two of them since Haven.

He looked at her and fidgeted again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t give him a chance, and... I didn’t give you one, either.”

“Come here.”

He moved closer to her on the couch and she put her arm around his shoulders in a half-hug.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she murmured. “Ever. I’m happy you worked things out. And I’m proud of you.”

He gave her a thin smile. “Thank you.”

He looked out the window at how dark it was and sighed.

“I should go. I’m supposed to meet Dorian.”

“Oh?” she teased. He rolled his eyes.

“Yes.”

“And are things going well?”

“You’re prying.”

“I don’t need  _ details _ . Just a yes or a no.”

He huffed. “It’s fine. More than fine. I... like him. A lot.”

“Good.” She leaned in to kiss his cheek quickly, then pulled back with a dramatic sigh. “Go on, then.”

“You’re just going to ask Dorian tomorrow anyway.”

“I don’t deserve these accusations.”

“It’s  _ true _ .”

She grinned. “Perhaps. Go. And tell Dorian I said hello.”

* * *

 

 

The idea of judging prisoners in itself did not bother Elissa. It was an obligation of a ruling noble; if the matter was too large, or the bann could not settle the issue, it went to the arl. Elissa had not been arlessa long in Amaranthine, but even still she had to oversee justice within the keep. It was less common in Redcliffe, but still necessary at times.

It was not enjoyable, by any means, but it was something she could deal with.

The problem lie with the prisoners held in Skyhold’s cells.

She had been over every detail a dozen times in her head for each case. She knew what she  _ wanted _ to say. The throne just felt very, very large, and the crowds were very,  _ very _ overwhelming.

Alexius was first. It was difficult to look at him and not charge him with what he  _ might _ have done in some now-impossible future. She did not feel she should be judging him alone in the first place - his intentions were to attack  _ her _ , but he had invaded  _ Redcliffe _ . She was acting as Inquisitor, not arlessa, and it was not the Inquisition’s responsibility to maintain justice for Ferelden.

The suggestion felt a lot like avoidance more than anything, though, so she kept it to herself.

Alexius came into the hall without struggle, in shackles, head bowed. The Inquisition soldiers guarding him shoved him forward to make him stumble.

“ The formal charges are apostasy, attempted enslavement, and attempted assassination—on your own life, no less,” Josephine listed off. 

_ Apostasy _ stood out. All of the mages in southern Thedas were, by definition, apostates. Elissa had not been part of the discussion of what charges to press, else she would have removed that  _ immediately. _

“Do you have any defense?” Elissa asked, struggling to keep her voice steady.

He finally lifted his head to meet her eyes. “You saved my son, Inquisitor, when I could not. I know full well what I did - I will not pretend otherwise. What defense could I possibly have?”

Elissa quickly shifted her eyes away. Eye contact was never comfortable, let alone with someone who had attempted to kill her entire family.

But he was not Rendon Howe.

“I am dismissing the charge of apostasy,” she announced, looking around the hall. “Considering the Inquisition’s allies, punishing a mage for living outside of the Circles is not a precedent I would like to set.”

“None of this will matter,” he spat. “Corypheus still comes. It may not be the future you claim you saw, but he is not a foe so easily defeated.”

She squared her shoulders. “I am aware. That does not diminish your role in his rise, however. I will not excuse your actions because others have done or will do worse.”

“You swore to the mages that you would help them, and you  _ will _ uphold that promise,” she said firmly. “Fiona will take charge of you. Any knowledge, favor, or coin you own will go towards the mages’ future.”

He scoffed. “A headsman would have been kinder.”

“You are being given a second chance, not because I believe you deserve one, but because others  _ do. _ I would not see their faith in you broken. You are dismissed,” she finished.

The soldiers on either side of him grabbed an arm to lead him away. It was not a perfect solution, but it was as good a punishment as any. Make him atone, live up to the man Felix and Dorian saw in him.

Elissa took a deep breath. One down, two to go.

Josephine turned to her with a brief, sympathetic smile. “Shall we move on, Inquisitor?”

Elissa nodded. Another set of soldiers had to drag Erimond up the aisle, followed by a Templar. Just in case, Cullen had said. They released him roughly.

“Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium, who remains loyal to Corypheus,” Josephine called. “He was found alive, offering extreme resistance, likely because the Order will ask for his head. In more  _ colorful _ terms.”

That was a kind way of putting it, if Elissa’s time training with her new charges had shown anything. For all of the faults in the Order, and the frustrating secrecy, the Wardens were loyal. Especially to each other. To have been led astray so far as to attack one another did not sit well with those who remained.

It was easier to judge Erimond. With Alexius, he had not actually  _ done _ most of what he might have been charged with - it all happened in the dark future that she and Dorian prevented. Erimond’s crimes were not theoretical, and there was tangible proof of it.

This time, Elissa made sure to meet Erimond’s gaze directly. “No judgement could truly make up for what was done.”

Erimond took a step closer to her, only to be yanked back by the Templar. The soldiers grabbed his arms again and he sneered up at Elissa.

“I recognize none of this proceeding,” he declared pompously. “You have no authority to judge me!”

“On the contrary, many officials have communicated that they will defer to the Inquisitor on this matter,” Josephine retorted. 

Erimond raised his voice, glaring between them. “Because they fear! Not just Corypheus, but Tevinter, rightful ruler of every piece of ground you’ve trod in your  _ pathetic lives! _ ”

Elissa kept her eyes locked with his. “I have nothing to fear from radical remnants of a fallen empire, begging a monster to hand them scraps of what remains. It matters not - your crimes were committed against the Grey Wardens, and as the senior-most member of the Order outside the Anderfels, I have every right to render justice for my brothers and sisters.”

“I served a living god,” he ranted. “Bring down your blades, and free me from the physical! Glory awaits me!”

“Oh, you will not be executed, despite how much you may deserve it,” Elissa corrected him. “If death validates you so, you will have to wait a very,  _ very _ long time.”

He tensed, but held himself high, feigning superiority. How easily his faith in his master’s inevitable victory wavered.

“The Grey Wardens have elected, with my approval, to leave you in the deepest, darkest hole we can find, for the rest of your days.”

“We shall see which one of us outlives our legacy,  _ Warden _ ,” he threatened.

She gave him a grim smile. “I suppose we shall. Though I doubt you have left much of one to outlive. Take him away.”

He struggled against his chains and guard with one last nasty look at Elissa. With a nod from her, they spun him around and pushed him back out, down to the dungeons. 

Many of the Wardens had originally called for his head. It wasn’t until the soldiers guarding his cell reported his request for death and martyrdom that they decided to lock him away instead. He would not be a danger to anyone again, and they did not give him what he wanted. And now he could sit with that for many, many years. If - when - the Inquisition disbanded, he could be transferred to a Warden prison, or perhaps Fort Drakon under the supervision of a Warden king.

One more.

Elissa had no idea how to handle the last one.

Josephine glanced at her, eyes full of concern. This was the only one Elissa had asked her council for advice on. With Alexius, she deferred to Felix, Dorian, and Fiona; with Erimond, the Wardens made their decision together. On this case, however, the Wardens had been as indecisive as Elissa. Asking Cullen for advice on the matter was certainly not ideal, as he knew next to  _ nothing _ about the Grey Wardens, but Leliana could help. And if Leliana trusted Josephine’s advice, Elissa did as well.

“The final prisoner I submit, Inquisitor, is Ser Ruth, a Senior Warden,” Josephine announced, keeping her eyes on Elissa. “She was one of the many who slit the throat of another to bind a demon, and she... does not contest this. She requests no mercy, and the public justice of the headsman’s axe.”

Ruth entered, head bowed, flanked by Wardens. This was not an issue of the Inquisition, but of the Order, and Ruth was her equal in rank. Despite her crimes, she deserved that respect.

“Is more death truly the answer, sister?” Elissa asked softly.

“There is no excuse for my actions. I murdered another of the Order.” Ruth took a step forward, but kept her gaze on the stone floor. “I can’t use the greater good as justification for my crimes, as if it would create a future I could be a part of.”

Elissa resisted the urge to fidget nervously. It should have been an easy decision. Ser Ruth had committed a crime, regardless of Erimond’s manipulations. On the other hand, few things fell neatly into categories such as  _ good _ and  _ evil. _ The Grey Wardens themselves were proof. A Warden does what they must.

“The Wardens are not blameless in this, but it is not so simple as that, don’t you agree?”

Ruth finally looked up at her as she said, “It is  _ wrong _ that this broke me. I can do nothing except be an example of the cost.”

Elissa stood from the throne. All of the Inquisition soldiers lining the dais snapped to attention as she stepped down, right up to Ruth. Ruth took a step back, shoulders hunched.

“Look at me,” Elissa ordered gently.

Ruth lifted her head reluctantly. 

“The world forgets, when the Blight is not upon them, the duties of the Grey Wardens,” Elissa said, keeping her voice low. “What you did was wrong, but I cannot fault your intentions.”

Ruth gaped at her. “W-what are you saying?”

“Every Warden must make the decision between the one and the many. During the Fifth Blight, I had to make several - I cannot put myself above you to render judgement.”

“I...”

Elissa gave her a thin smile. “The Order may decide a way for you to atone for what was lost, but you will return to us. I trust you will serve well.”

Ruth nodded as tears streaked down her cheeks. “Thank you, sister. I will not let you down.”

“I know you won’t,” Elissa murmured so only Ruth could hear. Louder, she finished, “Report to Warden Howe. He already has your orders ready.”

Josephine took attention back by clearing her throat. “That marks the end of today’s official business, Inquisitor.”

Elissa nodded and looked back to her. “Thank you. Everyone is dismissed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter (should) be up on May 19th! 
> 
> This past week has been a bit hectic, so I'm pretty proud of myself for getting this finished! Next week will be the preparations for the Winter Palace!


	20. In the Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa gets ready to go to the Winter Palace.

Skyhold’s library was one of the last places Elissa expected to run into Sera; a fair number of the people Sera vocally didn’t like that much were in or around the library. People who thought she was stupid, which she wasn’t, and Elissa knew how annoying it was to have so many underestimate her just because she wasn’t good at the same things they were.

Elissa reached the landing of the library heading down from the space Leliana had claimed in the tower and almost ran right into Sera, who was very obviously waiting for her.

“Hey, you! I’ve got something I want to do for you!”

Considering the last time she had followed Sera when she said something like that, Josephine didn’t talk to her for two days after the bucket of water over the door prank, Elissa was skeptical. Sera rolled her eyes and grabbed Elissa’s hand.

“Just come on,” she pressed, “it’s not like last time. You won’t need your gear and stuff.”

“Alright, alright,” Elissa conceded.

“Good! Let’s go!”

She let Sera drag her halfway across the fort to the tavern. Whatever it was must have been important; even if others didn’t always understand it, Sera always had a reason for things she did. Sera pulled her into her “room”, shut the door, and grabbed a small package as she climbed out the window onto the roof below. Elissa hesitated and Sera looked back in at her.

“Come on, then!”

“Alright, I’m coming.”

Elissa climbed out after her, sitting beside Sera carefully. It wasn’t nearly as high up as it looked, thankfully, and not too steep that she couldn’t sit still without sliding. Sera opened up the package she had grabbed and held out... cookies?

“This isn’t what I expected,” Elissa admitted, taking one from the package. They were hard, nearly entirely burnt, but very clearly not the first attempt.

Sera smiled. “They’re horrible, right? And raisins! I friggin’ still hate cookies!”

“I’ve absolutely had worse,” Elissa said carefully. “But why on the roof?”

“Because it feels weird to do this, and I didn’t want anyone around, you know, laughing, or if you laughed,” she rambled quickly.

“I wouldn’t laugh at you.”

Sera shrugged. “Maybe.”

“You said it was important, so it’s important.”

“Yeah.” She glanced at Elissa for a moment before looking away again, down at the courtyard below. “I got caught stealing when I was little, yeah? You get alienage or worse for that, but the Lady Emmald took me in. She was sick and couldn’t have children, and I had no parents. It worked out.”

Elissa shifted, keeping her feet planted on the roof to keep from sliding. Sera didn’t talk about herself very much, if at all. All Elissa really knew was that she was from Denerim, and had been in the city when the archdemon attacked. Elissa had never pressed; she was one of the few that Sera seemed to like within the Inquisition, and Elissa didn’t want to push.

Sera glanced at her again before continuing. “But she gets a year sicker, so I ask her about cookies, because mums make cookies, and I can pass that down or something. Turns out, she couldn’t cook. She missed that talk with her mum, and the ones she made she just bought and pretended.”

“Oh.”

“She hid buying them by keeping me away from the baker. She lied and said he didn’t like me, didn’t like elves. She let me hate so she could keep her pride. I hated him so much, and I hated...”

She trailed off, pulling her knees up with the package balanced in her lap. “Well, she died, and I hate pride. Pride cookies.”

Elissa snapped off a piece of the cookie. “So you made cookies for me?”

“Well, this is great, you’re great, so I thought maybe, you and I could make some... Us cookies,” Sera mumbled. “Because then I could like them again? Ugh, it’s stupid!”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Elissa said with a smile. Sera whipped around to look at her.

“Wait, really?”

“Really! You’re my friend, Sera, if it’s important to you, it’s important to me,” she said firmly. “Maybe next time, we can make them together? Just not on a roof, please.”

Sera grinned. “Yes! Smells like bird and dank up here! This part, not a good idea.”

Elissa stood up carefully, holding her free hand out. Sera took it, and Elissa pulled her up. It was just as nice inside the room on the shelf lining the window. Sera had filled the room with pillows, curtains, candles, and a wide assortment of random items. Elissa suspected some of it was there before Sera picked the room, but much of it was her own touch. She much preferred it to her own room, which was far too large for just one person.

Sera lied across a pile of pillows by the window, picking at the charred cookie. “You really think it’s a good idea?”

“Of course I do.”

“It’s not stupid, or-”

“Sera.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.”

Elissa smiled. “So, you like being with the Inquisition?”

“It’s working out, I guess,” she said with a shrug. “Most of the people aren’t so bad. That arc-whatever you brought in is just brilliant.”

“Is that good, or bad?” Elissa laughed.

“Good! I mean, could do with less of the magic-y talk, but she’s good.”

“Just good?” Elissa teased.

Sera snorted a laugh. “Pretty, too. Kind of like you, only if you liked blowing things up."

“And how do you know I don’t like blowing things up?”

“I just do! You’re just so... _You_.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You start settin’ fires and I’ll change my mind.”

“Fair.”

Sera grinned. “It’s okay. I still like you anyway.”

 

* * *

 

A letter arrived less than two weeks after the Inquisition had settled back into Skyhold: their work to raise their reputation and political importance had finally paid off. Josephine said so, anyway. Elissa was not so sure.

Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons was inviting the Inquisition to the ball at the Winter Palace, wherein the empress planned on holding the negotiations to end the civil war. He was so desperate to have just one more piece in his favor that he was asking Elissa for help.

Elissa wanted to say no, to leave him to fend for himself, but the Inquisition needed to get into the palace. She couldn’t afford to play games and doom Thedas out of sheer spite. There were no other offers or invitations besides Gaspard’s; everyone, especially the empress, was unwilling to risk upsetting the precarious balance of power.

The Inquisition’s declarations of neutrality mattered little. With Elissa at the head, anyone would be suspicious; they all just expected the barbaric dog-lord would tear down the whole empire.

Not that she didn’t think about it, just once or twice. She wouldn’t do it, of course, but the thought had occurred to her. The two candidates for the throne were a man who had all but declared war on Ferelden, and the woman who only stopped him because it would reflect poorly on her. Elissa would never know what offers Celene had made Cailan - the letters found with his belongings at Ostagar were vague at best - but she also wasn’t so stupid as to believe it was simply coin and grain. Paired with the letter detailing Eamon’s insistence that Anora be set aside, it was obvious what Celene’s intentions had been.

Elissa couldn’t trust either one of them. Neither of them seemed to have Orlais’ best interests in mind outside of their insular circle of wolves ready to pounce on each other at the tiniest slight, and they certainly did not care for Ferelden’s. It came down to who would be easier to force into submission.

It was hardly a question, in that light. Celene had not been able to talk Cailan out of a loving marriage, and she certainly would not be able to do so with Alistair. If there was one thing in Thedas that could be counted on, it was the Theirin brothers’ devotion to their queen.

“We have received no other responses to our requests,” Josephine said thoughtfully. “We may be forced to take his offer.”

Elissa folded her arms over her chest. “The duke’s sister is organizing the whole thing, right? Grand Duchess Florianne? Could we get an answer out of her?”

“It would be unlikely, I’m afraid. Though she is claiming to be a neutral party in service to both the empress and her brother, she is seldom seen apart from Celene.”

“I suppose I don’t have to ask if they invited any representatives from Ferelden.”

“No.”

“He truly is desperate to ask me.”

Leliana scoffed. “He does not have many allies to call on, and even fewer who would risk their heads in the Winter Palace for him. His only chance is to gamble on the Inquisition’s neutrality.”

“He tried to kill my husband and start a war with my kingdom, and I’m still his best bet?” Elissa laughed incredulously. “He must be going mad. Or I am.”

“He is, for the moment, our only option.”

Elissa very, very much did not want to ally with Gaspard. But they needed to get into the ball. The dark future and Envy’s prison flashed through her mind and she closed her eyes. That would be worse. She would endure a lifetime of torment from the duke to keep it from happening.

“Fine. How much time do we have to prepare?”

“The ball is in a month’s time. It would take close to a week to get our forces to the Winter Palace, and in place. We also need uniforms fit for the imperial court, intel on the party, and the like,” Josephine listed off.

“Right.”

Elissa opened her eyes and saw Leliana giving her a look. She shifted her eyes back to the map, knowing exactly what Leliana was thinking.

Leliana finally spoke up. “Will Teagan be able to join us?”

Elissa took a deep breath to steady her voice before she replied. “No. Everything in the arling is still... uneasy. He’s overseeing repairs to the settlements further out in the Hinterlands.”

She had felt guilty even asking, for how badly she wanted him to be there. She knew the answer from the moment she started her letter but she sent in anyway with the selfish wish for him to drop everything to be with her. It wasn’t fair to either of them to ask that of him, but she had done it anyway.

She had cried when she read the letter he sent back.

_I would give anything to join you, but I cannot leave them. I know what it costs you to ask._

_I will come to Skyhold the moment I am able. I would not be apart from you more than absolutely necessary. I love you._

Elissa hadn’t replied yet, even after a week. She wasn’t angry at him. It just hurt being parted from him. It was different than when she left for Warden missions or he had to travel to Orlais; they could always find each other, return home. Elissa couldn’t go home.

“I doubt he could even pretend to tolerate Gaspard for more than a few minutes anyway,” she said with forced cheer.

The joke fell flat, and she could feel Leliana and Cullen’s eyes on her. At least Cullen would wait for her to bring up how she felt. Leliana had known her too long to bother waiting for Elissa to start the conversation.

“I’m fine,” Elissa said quietly. “It isn’t the first time we’ve been apart. I’m fine.”

From the glances her advisors gave her, and then each other, she had convinced none of them.

“Is there anything else? I need to speak to Solas about what we found on the plains.”

“No, Inquisitor,” Josephine murmured.

“Thank you.”

Elissa turned and left without another word, not giving them a chance to approach her. Their hearts were in the right place, and she did appreciate that they cared, but she couldn’t stand the sympathetic looks.

She just had to deal with it by herself.

It was not long before they were prepared for the ball. Josephine, always thinking eight steps ahead, had already begun planning long before Gaspard actually stooped to invite them. They would bring the entire inner circle, and Cullen would select a small party of soldiers to sneak in alongside them. It could not be a large party, but the diplomatic appearance of their allies would be enough to deflect any attention from them.

Leliana’s people had been gathering intel for weeks on every single person attending the party, down to the lowest ranking noble grasping for influence. Who was on which side, how entrenched were they in that decision, what did they have at stake in the war, would it be possible to turn them to the Inquisition regardless of the civil war’s outcome?

Elissa was of the opinion that it didn’t matter who might be willing to work with the Inquisition. As long as Elissa was at the helm, they would be mocked and derided incessantly for her presence alone. It hardly bothered her - what were the toothless words of cowardly Orlesians to the daughter of the Seawolf? - and the Inquisition did not need such allies. The only useful information gathered was who was actively working against the Inquisition.

The Inquisition ordered a collection of similar uniforms specially for the ball. The few soldiers they could bring would be in dress armor to match the uniforms as well. Elissa had been fitted months before, though no matter how many times she asked, no one would tell her what they would look like.

The uniforms themselves were rather simple; black with silver embroidery, with an Inquisition-green sash across the chest. Every member of her inner circle had small variants to their suits; Vivienne’s were the same style as the magi robes she typically wore, with a longer coat flaring out and a tall collar. Dorian’s were as close to Tevinter styles as Josephine would allow to keep someone from trying to assassinate him on the spot. Varric’s was... largely the same as what he typically wore, just in black. Cullen insisted on wearing a slightly more decorated version of the dress armor his soldiers were in, and Elissa could not fault him for wanting to be all but armed to the teeth when thrown to the wolves.

Elissa’s uniform, to her lack of surprise but great frustration, was a secret. Elissa had no say in its formation, and Leliana refused to tell her anything about it.

Leliana made sure they were alone with just Josephine when Elissa first saw her uniform. At first Elissa thought it was just for privacy, as it was certainly not a secret that she hated being crowded. Until Leliana unveiled the dress.

It was the same green as the others’ sashes, in a soft and light fabric designed to be easy to move in. It was tight around the torso up to her neck, and then flared out at the waist and arms. Fennec fur lined the neckline and wrists, and covered up the seams at the shoulders. A pair of black gloves in a thick fabric and matching boots accompanied them. The gloves looked delicate but held firm, and would give her at least some protection in a fight, and the gown neatly draped over the boots so no one would know she wasn’t shoved into slippers that cost enough to feed all of Redcliffe for an entire season.

Embroidered across the back in silver and blue thread was the crossed branches of the Cousland heraldry.

Elissa could do nothing but stare at it for what felt like an hour, arms dangling uselessly at her sides. It was beautiful, built to suit her hatred of restricting clothes, and...

She turned to look at Leliana. “You didn’t.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Leliana said cheerfully.

“Leliana!”

“Elissa.”

Josephine glanced between the two of them awkwardly. “What is it?”

Elissa’s eyes were burning and she blinked the tears back. “It’s... just like one of the dresses I had back home. Before the Blight. The... The one I wore when my brother left for Ostagar.”

Leliana smiled at her. “It was a favorite of yours, no? You always mentioned it when we talked about fashion.”

“That was ten years ago,” Elissa said softly. “And I still... _How_.”

“I am good with details. And Fergus was more than willing to assist.”

Elissa pressed her lips together to push back the sob building in her throat. Leliana stepped forward, holding both hands up in front of her. When Elissa nodded, Leliana moved in to hug her tightly. Elissa’s resolve broke and the first sob broke with a high whine as she hugged back, grasping at Leliana’s shirt desperately.

“Why?”

Leliana sighed. “Because you are my friend, and I know how difficult this all is for you. I cannot help with most of it, but this, I could do.”

Elissa took a deep breath to steady her voice again. “Thank you. Thank you.”

Leliana pulled back again. Elissa pressed her palms to her eyes to stop the tears and calmed herself slowly.

“Almost wish I could bring the family blade with me,” she joked in a small voice. “They’re already going to call me a dog-lord and a turnip, might as well act like one.”

“With the Commander at your side, I doubt they will be so eager to insult you openly,” Josephine said lightly.

Elissa turned to her. “What do you mean?”

“The man’s glare is intimidating to those who do not know better under the best of circumstances, and he is quite protective of you.”

“He is not.”

Leliana snorted. “You can’t be serious.”

“He isn’t.”

“If I did not know better, I would think he was in love with you.”

“Please say you didn’t interrogate him about it.”

“I did not interrogate him.”

Elissa groaned. “But you asked. Maker’s breath, I’m a grown woman, with a husband and two children, I can take care of myself!”

“I’m not worried about you,” she defended herself. “I doubt Andraste herself could separate you from Teagan. I was wary of him, and him dragging you into a matter of his feelings.”

“You are impossible. Both of you are.”

“Would you recognize me if I was not?”

 

* * *

 

The pile of paperwork on Elissa’s desk never seemed to go down. The moment she made any progress, someone came by with more.

Someone knocked on the door to her rooms quite urgently. Elissa threw down the stack she had been looking through with a groan. The only reason people knocked on her door like _that_ was when something was wrong that she had to fix. Like she didn’t have _enough_ to do preparing for the ball. She braced herself.

“Come in!”

The door opened and shut quickly, but instead of an Inquisition messenger or soldier, Connor came up the stairs with a folded stack of paper in his hands. He dropped it on her desk and started fidgeting with his sleeves.

“I have _literally_ no idea what to do with this,” he blurted out.

She picked up the stack, glancing up at him. “What is it?”

“It’s from my parents. Or, um, from my mother. I doubt father even looked at it. But I don’t know what to do with it and I can’t ask Dorian because he has an even _worse_ relationship with his parents, I can’t... talk to Cole because he’s _Cole_ , and you are the only person here who knows them, so-”

“Slow down,” she interrupted gently. “Do you want me to read it?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, twisting the fabric of his sleeve. “Yes.”

She gave him a sympathetic smile. “Alright.”

It was nearly three pages long, and almost two-thirds of it was entirely unnecessary flowery language. He was right in that his father most likely had not so much as glanced at the letter - Eamon was a very blunt, straightforward writer. He would have cut out at least _half_ of this nonsense. Their point wasn’t clear until the last paragraph.

_If only you had written - we would not have known anything had your uncle not told us! We will be visiting immediately. Have your aunt prepare something. You may return to Denerim with us when we depart, away from all of this fighting._

Elissa set the letter back down on her desk, running a hand through her hair. “Your mother can be... quite dramatic, when she wants to be.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Connor said again.

“What do you _want_ to do?” she asked. He shrugged.

“I _want_ to stay here. In Skyhold. I don’t... I don’t know how I feel about seeing them. I haven’t heard from them in almost ten years. They _knew_ when I was in Redcliffe, but they never sent me _anything,_ and now all of a sudden they want to be in my life again?”

Elissa frowned. “You think they have some other motive to come visit?”

“I-I don’t know,” he admitted. “But... Doesn’t it seem odd?”

“It does.”

He stared down at the floor, pulling his sleeves down again and shifting in place. It was an anxious habit he had picked up in the Circle. It kept magic from building in his hands, and in those moments his magic always came out as ice. Lydia and Alet did the same, Lydia with her dresses and Alet with their staff. Elissa stood from her chair and rounded the desk to stand in front of him.

“I can make any arrangements they need, to stay as long or as little as you want,” she offered softly. “Or, we can write back asking to visit Denerim instead, or you can decide not to see them at all.”

“But I should, shouldn’t I? They’re my parents...”

She extended her hands out to him and hesitantly, he placed his own hands in hers. His skin was freezing, and the Mark reacted to his magic with a faint glow.

“It’s your choice,” she murmured.

He averted his eyes back to the floor. “I know.”

“We don’t leave for the Winter Palace for another two days. Take that time to decide, and we can send a letter back before we leave.”

He nodded slowly. “I... I want to see them. I think.”

“You think?” she prompted.

“Well, the last time _they_ saw _me_ , I was a child who could barely light a candle by myself.” He looked up at her again. “Now, I’m an apostate who studies Fade theory and has conversations about _time travel magic_ with my Tevinter altus lover.”

 _Oh._ “You’re worried they won’t like Dorian?”

He made a face. “You have _met_ my mother, haven’t you?”

She snorted and he let out a small smile. Releasing his hands, she took another step forward and reached up to hug him.

“I have,” she conceded lightly. “But maybe she’ll surprise you.”

He hugged back, leaning over a little for her. “Maybe.”

“And, your father and I may disagree on some things-”

“-Some?” he teased quietly. She rolled her eyes.

“A lot of things. But, I know he does care about you, even if his... _methods_ are less than helpful. So if you want to meet with them, _with_ Dorian, I think you should.”

“Okay,” he mumbled. “I do.”

She pulled back with a smile. “Then I will talk to Josephine about setting everything up for after we returned from the Winter Palace.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I know I said Halamshiral was going to start in this chapter but I was looking at it and decided to put it until the next chapter. I didn't want to put off the character scenes, and the dress scene just kept getting longer as I wrote it. (also, Cullen doesn't have a crush on Elissa, they're just super awkward sort-of-friends who have no idea how to interact at all) (they are both trying their best so much)
> 
> Also, look, I finally remembered that Connor has parents! :') 
> 
> Next chapter will be up on May 26th!


	21. Lost to Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition arrives at the Grand Ball to try and save the empress.

The Winter Palace was beautiful, if nothing else. The palace sparkled even in the night, with light and life pouring from every window and door. In its shadow lie what felt like miles of vibrant gardens laced with gravel paths and marked with masterfully sculpted fountains and statues in marble and gold. It was truly incredible to behold.

Looking at all of it, how sparkling clean and delicate it was, Elissa missed Ferelden. Everything in Halamshiral was staged and hidden behind closed doors. She couldn’t just walk in and tell the empress about the assassination plot - it would be  _ rude. _ Celene would ignore the warning to save her public image and appear strong and powerful, and then she would die, and it all would be for nothing. Instead, Elissa had to sneak around the palace to find the plot and foil it before anyone even learned it existed.

How in Andraste’s name had Teagan tolerated this?

Leliana slid into place beside her as they walked through the massive gates leading into the palace gardens.

“Is everything in place?” Elissa asked quietly. Leliana nodded.

“As best we could,” Leliana murmured back.

“Does the Duke know anything?”

“If he does, he has said nothing about it. I doubt he is without suspicion, considering who you are, but so far he has kept silent.”

“Good.” Elissa straightened and stopped herself from tugging at the sleeves of her coat. “Let’s get this over with. Can you go check in with the others?”

Without a word, Leliana was gone with only a light touch to Elissa’s arm.

It had been difficult to convince Josephine to permit some of their companions to attend. It had taken even longer to convince her that yes, The Iron Bull would wear a shirt, and no, Sera absolutely would not dump any buckets of water on the party’s guests. Connor was from a noble family, but he had never been to court in Ferelden  _ or _ Orlais, and was currently standing with Sera. Every so often he’d gesture to one of the Orlesians and Sera would start snickering, and Elissa felt a growing suspicion that all of the marked nobles would be visited by Red Jennies the moment they returned to Skyhold. Dorian was accustomed to court nonsense, but Elissa had not seen him for over an hour.

Maker help them all.

To make matters even  _ less _ pleasant, the gathered court all noticed the Inquisition’s arrival, and were already gossiping in Orlesian.

_ “Is that the Inquisitor?” _

_ “A dog lord? The Maker has an odd sense of humor!” _

_ “What is Gaspard up to? It would not surprise me if he brought the Inquisitor here as a joke.” _

Elissa kept her face carefully neutral as she passed through the gathered nobility, who watched and whispered behind their hands as though she could not hear or understand anything they said. Unfortunately for them, her parents had been quite thorough with her education. Aside from that, there were few Fereldans who didn’t know the Orlesian words for  _ dog lord barbarian _ .

She wanted to say something, but couldn’t. The Inquisition had to make a good impression. Even if she did come up with something clever to say, the Orlesians would just laugh.

Elissa scanned the gardens, waving off her guards. She was not permitted to carry weapons, but that did not mean she hadn’t brought her daggers anyway. Gaspard was standing with drink in hand, deceptively calm as his gaze darted around behind his mask. Their eyes met and Elissa could see his smirk even from several feet away. Gaspard dropped his glass on a passing servant’s tray, and strolled casually across the garden to meet her as though they were friends. He knew exactly how much she hated him, and apparently their alliance was not worth avoiding antagonizing her. Elissa kept the careful smile on her lips.

“It is an honor to meet you at last,  _ Inquisitor _ ,” Gaspard greeted loudly, to make his point to the entire court. “How thrilling to see you take time away from fighting demons to grace our court!”

It was just like being at court in Denerim, only everyone was poorly dressed and the assassination plot was orchestrated by an ancient magister Darkspawn, rather than an old general and an apostate teenager. 

Elissa had managed to go an entire decade without killing Eamon; she could handle one night with Gaspard.

“It is an honor to be here, of course,” she ground out as politely as she could possibly manage.

He smiled behind his mask. “You know, after all these years your husband has visited the imperial court, I do not believe we have ever met.”

What did he mean by _ that? _ Elissa had never been quick with politics and witty retorts. She just said what she thought and was done with it, without all of the word play and hidden messages. In Ferelden, it had never been a problem; blunt speech was simply the style of the Landsmeet. In Orlais, however, there was a balance to be struck between being too forward or not forward enough. She did not have the clout to take to the former, nor the wit for the latter.

He was leading her somewhere, she had absolutely no idea where, and she desperately wished Josephine or Leliana would intervene.

“I did not travel with him often on his ambassadorial duties,” she said, trying to hide the caution in her voice. “I would stay and govern Redcliffe in his absence.”

“But he is not with the Inquisition, I see?”

“No, my lord. Our roles are reversed this time around, it seems, and he was caught up with caring for the arling.”

He laughed loudly, clapping a hand on her shoulder. “Lady Elissa, I believe we are both aware of why he truly did not come. There is no need to hide it amongst friends.”

She fought the urge to smack his hand away, keeping the smile up. Gaspard was implying that Teagan had not joined her out of fear. Teagan had not been either - justifiably angry,  _ yes _ , but not  _ embarrassed _ . Elissa wanted to deny the accusation, as she realized what it was, but it would just encourage Gaspard.

“Is that what we are?” she asked tightly.

“I would hope so! It would be poor form for the Inquisition to accept my invitation in the case that we are not!”

Ass.

He turned the subject before she could respond. “As  _ friends, _ perhaps there is a matter you could undertake this evening.”

She was starting to lose what little patience she entered with. “What sort of matter?”

“There is an elven woman, Briala - I suspect she intends to disrupt the negotiations,” he said, suddenly very serious. “These talks are not just for Orlais’ benefit; they will have further impact on Thedas no matter the outcome. We cannot have outsiders involving themselves where they are not welcome. You and I may not agree on much, Inquisitor, but I believe we are of one mind in this.”

Not as much as he thought. The talks were important, but from what little Leliana had been able to dig up, Briala was not on Gaspard’s side. Perhaps she was not on Celene’s either, but she was not in league with Corypheus, and that was the important part. 

“I will keep it in mind,” she replied stiffly. The smirk came back to his lips.

“Well, we are keeping the court waiting,” he said, projecting his voice again. “My lady, are you prepared to shock the court by walking into the Grand Ball with the hateful usurper?”

Maker’s  _ breath _ , how in the  _ Void _ was Elissa supposed to respond to that?

To Elissa’s great relief, Josephine rescued her just in time. “I apologize, my lord, but may I steal away the Inquisitor? She is needed for an important matter before we enter,” she said smoothly.

Gaspard huffed in irritation. “If you must. I shall see you inside, Inquisitor.”

He stalked off again, and Elissa wondered how on edge he was that he would make such mistakes. He vocally despised the Game, but he was still an expert player. But this - openly mocking Elissa? The Inquisition was entering as  _ his _ guests. It was beyond strange that he would antagonize them before the evening had begun.

Josephine seemed to think so too, as she fidgeted anxiously with her gloves. 

“I had hoped our alliance with the duke would last at least into the ballroom,” she admitted under her breath.

Elissa shrugged and pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “He has something planned. I doubt he’s with Corypheus, but he’s clearly not here to make peace.”

“It cannot hurt to be cautious,” Josephine sighed. “Though I suppose I do not need to warn  _ you  _ of that.”

“I will be careful. It... probably can’t hurt to remind the others, though.”

“I will have a few  _ discreet  _ words before we enter.”

Elissa tried to smile. “Everything will be fine.”

“I know, I know.”

As Elissa turned back towards the gates, she heard Josephine mumble something behind her.

_ Andraste watch over us all. _

 

* * *

 

Gaspard was waiting for the Inquisition at the entrance to the ballroom. He held out his hand to lead Elissa in, but she ignored him, keeping her hands clasped in front of her. Gaspard shrugged as the doors opened before them, and they followed close behind him as he entered. The court herald approached them and Gaspard side-stepped the man completely, moving to talk to another man standing by the balcony. The man glanced back over at Elissa as Gaspard spoke, nodded to him, and walked off. 

The herald pointed them to where they should stand, and then moved to direct the rest of the Inquisition’s party behind them. Gaspard caught up as they reached the top of the steps with a mock bow to Elissa.

The herald’s voice rang through the ballroom, “And now presenting: Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons.”

Gaspard sauntered down the steps, as though it was a small garden party at his own manor. He gave a small, customary bow in Celene’s direction, not even breaking his stride.

“And accompanying him... Inquisitor Elissa Cousland, Arlessa of Redcliffe. Senior Grey Warden and Veteran of the Fifth Blight. Vanquisher of the rebel mages of Ferelden, crusher of the vile apostates of the Mage Underground. Champion of the blessed Andraste herself.”

“That’s not how it went,” Sera hissed out from the balcony.

Of course not. And it was absolutely  _ not  _ a part of the introduction she and Josephine had worked out together. Considering two of those  _ vile apostates _ were in the Inquisition’s party, and one of them was Elissa’s  _ family _ , it was especially offensive. Which was likely the point.

She walked down the steps with her head held high, only taking a moment for her own bow to the Empress at the other end. She waited through Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana’s introductions before crossing the dance floor behind Gaspard.

Gaspard was greeting Celene, rudely, when Elissa arrived beside him. With barely a glance in her direction, he stomped off. Celene seemed entirely unsurprised and turned her attention to Elissa instead.

“Lady Elissa, we welcome you to the Winter Palace,” she said, all smiles. “Allow us to present our cousin, the Grand Duchess of Lydes, without whom this gathering would never have been possible.”

Elissa dipped into a low bow for Celene, followed by a shorter one for the duchess. Florianna, if she remembered correctly. “It is an honor to meet you, your grace.”

“What an unexpected pleasure,” Florianne replied, dripping with sarcasm. “I was not aware the  _ Inquisition _ would be a part of our festivities. We will certainly speak later, Inquisitor.”

That was odd. There was no reason to object to the Inquisition’s presence. There was little chance she honestly believed the Inquisition aligned with Gaspard, and she must have pledged to Celene to be so close to her side.

The Empress insisted on exchanging pleasantries, and Elissa pushed back her irritation at the condescension dripping off of Celene’s speech. She just had to remind herself that this was her best chance for peace between their two kingdoms. Gaspard would turn his armies on Denerim the moment Corypheus went cold.

Leliana caught up to her as she exited the floor and touched her arm. “Inquisitor, a word when you have a moment?” 

They walked out of the ballroom together, pretending to talk about some innocuous gossip that Elissa was almost sure was not even real. As soon as the doors to the vestibule shut behind them, Leliana dropped the act and turned serious again.

“What did the Duke say earlier?”

Elissa crossed her arms over her chest. “He tried convincing me Ambassador Briala is the assassin. It is ridiculous.”

“Ah. She may be up to  _ something _ , but I agree that she is not our target.” She walked over to sit at one of the cushioned seats and Elissa followed. “It will be someone closer to her side.”

“Do you have anyone in mind?”

Leliana sighed. “Not yet, though I may have found someone who might know. Morrigan is here.”

“ _ Morrigan? _ I haven’t heard from her in years, and she despises this nonsense,” Elissa murmured quickly, glancing around the room. “How did she end up  _ here? _ ”

“The Empress is fascinated by mysticism and the like,” Leliana said with a shrug. “Who else but Morrigan as her Occult Advisor?”

“Where is she?”

“I have not seen her yet. I believe her study is near the library, if you would be able to look for her.”

“ _ Me _ ?”

“With tensions so high, anyone could be a spy for any faction, dressed as Inquisition agents,” Leliana pointed out. “She would have no reason to trust any of them. She knows  _ you. _ ”

Elissa stood with a sigh. “True. I will try.”

“The interior doors will likely be locked. There is another set of doors by the garden that Dorian is keeping watch over, but it is on the next floor up, so you will have to find a way around.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good. I will try to get information around the ballroom.”

Elissa signed a quick  _ thank you _ and turned down the hall leading to the guest wing. The palace was like a maze; it would be easy to find a way around to the library, even with locked doors. It would, however, be difficult to avoid detection; all of the guards would at least recognize the Inquisition emblem at her waist, if not know her description.

The Iron Bull gave her a look as she approached. She shook her head.

“Have you seen anything yet?” she asked quietly.

“The nobles keep messing with me, and they don’t think I know they’re doing it,” he grumbled. “This keeps up, I’m going to wear someone’s skull as  _ my _ fancy little mask.”

She snorted. “Poor Josephine would faint from shock if you got blood on that suit.”

“Can’t have that,” he said flatly.

“I’m off to check the gardens,” she said. “Leliana might have found a lead. Hopefully.”

“I’m ready whenever you need me, boss.”

“Thank you. I should be back around soon.”

He nodded. “I’ll stay here and eat.”

 

* * *

 

Dorian was alone in the garden when she found him. She was surprised; she had assumed Connor would be with him when she did not find him in the ballroom. Elissa stepped around Celene’s ladies as soon as their message was delivered, turning to stand beside him.

“This is all so familiar,” he said lightly. “I half expect my mother to materialize from the crowd to criticize my manners.”

“Parties in Tevinter are like this?”

“Well, this party lacks the sacrificial slaves and blood magic, but the night  _ is _ young.”

“I am still grateful you agreed to come,” she said more quietly.

“And expose myself to all this exquisite finery and exotic wines? Such  _ hardship. _ ”

She bumped him with her elbow. “You know what I mean. I of all people know what this lot can be like.”

He smiled. “For the last time, it’s of no concern. No one would dare to do anything knowing of my  _ undue influence _ over the Inquisitor and her family.”

“Speaking of,” she drawled, “I expected to find you with Connor”

His smile turned sharp. “I am surprised he didn’t tell you.”

“ _ Dorian _ .”

“We had a disagreement, I am an idiot, and he has not spoken to me since we left Skyhold,” he explained, keeping his voice low to mask any emotion.

“A disagreement?”

He winced. “Habits are difficult to break. He wanted to enter together, and I... In Tevinter, that would have ended with one or both of us dead. I said no.”

“Which he thought was you being ashamed of being with him,” she sighed.

“So, as much as I would love his company, he is hiding from me,” he finished.

She elbowed him again. He glared at her and she met his eyes.

“Then go find him,” she ordered. He scoffed.

“If he doesn’t want me to find him, I couldn’t if I tried.”

“Dorian,  _ go find him. _ ”

“Shouldn’t I be watching out for evil Tevinters and assassins?”

She folded her arms over her chest. After a long moment he gave in and sighed. “Fine. I know you’re right.”

“I usually am.”

“I’m starting to see why everyone just surrenders when you show up.”

She smiled and touched his arm. “I’m off to search the library. Now  _ go. _ ”

“I love and appreciate you as well, Elissa.”

“Good.”

 

* * *

 

The library was empty, of course. She finally found Morrigan’s study, and Morrigan was not there, nor were any clues as to where she  _ actually _ was. When the bells rang in the distance, signaling that she needed to return to the ballroom, she groaned. At the rate she was going, she would be too busy dealing with the party to save its host.

She rushed out, closing the door to the library silently behind her and hoping no one would hear. As she made her way down the steps, she scanned the hall. It was difficult to read them with the masks, but she could feel their eyes on her. Most of them filed past her into the ballroom and she let out the breath she had been holding.

“Well, well. What have we here?”

Elissa would know that voice anywhere. It had been years since Morrigan walked through the eluvian in Amaranthine, in what Elissa had thought was their final goodbye. But she knew Morrigan’s voice. She turned to see Morrigan at the top of the steps, from the opposite direction she had come from herself. She wore a deep burgundy gown with more jewels and fine metal accessories than Elissa could count. When she started down the steps, Elissa could see boots under the dress, sturdy ones meant for travel or fighting, not a dance, and she smiled. Neither of them had changed very much, it seemed.

“Herald of Andraste, head of the Inquisition, leader of the faithful,” Morrigan mocked with a smile. “Did you not have enough titles to your name?”

Elissa grinned back. “I never thought I’d see you in a dress like that. And Leliana didn’t even have to force you into it!”

“We all have to make our sacrifices,” she said dryly.

Elissa wanted to hug her, but there were too many eyes on them still. She settled for a sarcastic bow and the disgusted noise Morrigan made at her when she did it.

“I was hoping to find you,” Elissa said cheerfully. Perhaps too cheerful, considering the skeptical look Morrigan gave her.

“You were?”

“Leliana knew you were here. We could... use a friendly face or two,” she admitted. “I was hoping you would be one of them.”

Morrigan scoffed. “You are looking for Venatori.”

“Yes.”

“Well, you are in luck. I found - and killed - an agent of Tevinter earlier this evening. You know what they are planning, then?”

Elissa took a quick glance around. Most had moved to the ballroom for whatever entertainment was being presented, leaving them largely alone. Still, she kept her voice low.

“The Venatori plan on assassinating the Empress. We believe they intend to do it tonight, when almost all the nobility in Orlais will see it. They intend to create chaos to weaken Orlais against invasion.”

“Check the passage through the servant’s quarters,” Morrigan suggested. “There will be few people in the guest wing, and anyone there most likely shouldn’t be. I assume you have back-up?”

“Don’t I always?”

“I suppose you do have  _ some  _ attractive qualities.”

Elissa snorted. “I’ll go check the guest wing then. Where will you be?”

“As close to the Empress’ side as I can stay without causing concern,” she said, waving her off. “Go on, then. We can speak more later.”

“I am glad to see you, Morrigan.”

That disarmed her for a moment, and she seemed at a loss for words. “I... You as well, my friend,” she finally said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elissa just really loves being in Orlais, guys.
> 
> I've probably written this section 900 times and I'm never touching it Again. Also, I'm rejecting the canon that every single person in Thedas speaks the same language except for like, swearing, and sometimes tiny factions of people who live away from everyone else.
> 
> Next chapter will be up on June 2nd! More fun times at the Winter Palace!


	22. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa continues to investigate the grand ball to find the assassin.

Whoever was behind the assassination plot was doing a very poor job of disguising it. A dagger with the Chalon seal found in a dead emissary. Venatori troops hiding out in bedrooms, vaults, storage closets, and right out in the open.

Elissa swung a dagger into the gut of a Venatori archer and twisted as she released him. She let him slump to the floor, catching her breath. Sera looked over her shoulder and pulled out another arrow.

“Elissa-”

There was a heavy _thunk_ behind Elissa, and a crash as a dead body fell alongside Elissa’s most recent opponent. Sera hadn’t released her arrow. Dorian had not cast a spell, and it was too quiet for the Iron Bull. Elissa spun around as an elf in decorated servant’s clothing stepped around the corner of the hall.

“Fancy meeting you here,” the woman snarked. She stepped over to the Venatori she had killed and ripped a smaller blade from the back of his neck, wiping it on his armor. “We were not properly introduced. I’m Ambassador Briala.”

Elissa let out a heavy breath, slipping her blades back into their sheaths. “I’m glad to finally meet you, Ambassador.”

Briala smiled behind her mask. “Your reputation for getting results is well-deserved. I came to save or avenge my missing people, but you have beaten me to it.”

“We got a tip that there are Venatori agents in this wing,” Elissa explained. “Which I’m beginning to think was an understatement.”

“So, the Council of Herald’s emissary in the courtyard wasn’t your work.”

“No. They were dead when we arrived, it was a trap.”

Briala paused for a long moment, staring at Elissa as if to search for the truth.

“You arrived with the Grand Duke, but I cannot imagine you doing his dirty work,” she conceded. “Yet he invited you anyway... He must plan to strike tonight.” Elissa nodded.

“I believe so. The Venatori plan to assassinate the empress during the negotiations - I don’t think Gaspard is involved, but he was also very quick to throw _you_ to the wolves for it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course he did. And do you believe him?”

“No,” Elissa said firmly. “What you might gain from her death, you would lose to Corypheus. He is not known for valuing freedom.”

The Inquisition did not have as extensive a profile for Briala as they did the other attendants of the ball, but none of what they had pointed to someone desperate enough to turn to a Tevinter supremacist cult. Briala and her agents had good reason to dislike Celene, but assassinating her would not help them.

“In any case, Ambassador, I am Fereldan, and a Cousland,” she continued, lightening her tone. “I can hardly fault someone for hating the elite of the empire.”

Sera snorted behind her.

Briala hesitated again before smiling. “I misjudged you, Inquisitor. You might just be an ally worth having.”

“And what would you ask for such an alliance?”

“I know which way the wind is blowing,” Briala said. “I’d bet coin you’ll be part of the peace talks before the night was over. If you happen to lean a little bit our way, it could prove advantageous to us both.”

“I can do that,” Elissa promised.

“In exchange, I offer my network. They’re spread across the palace, hearing and seeing everything - such as threats from a certain nobleman towards the Council of Heralds. Just a thought.”

Elissa nodded. With how sloppy Gaspard had been that evening, he might have let something slip in his threats. A source he could not deny.

The first bell rang in the distance. They had to return to the party, and Elissa needed to find her way back into her gown.

Briala glanced out the nearby window and turned back to Elissa. “Good luck, Inquisitor. Keep my offer in mind.”

She hopped down the balcony, slipping into the dark of the night. Sera finally put her arrow away with a huff. The Iron Bull laughed, hefting his axe over his shoulder.

“This is great, even the elves are trying to bribe you!”

Dorian sighed. “All this conniving and backstabbing makes me homesick.”

“It wouldn’t be Orlais without it,” Elissa mumbled. “Come on. We need to get back into position.”

 

* * *

 

 

The Grand Duchess was up to something, but Elissa could not figure out what. It was not surprising that every single person attending the party had an agenda and would be trying to manipulate her into doing what they wanted, but figuring out what that _was_ became more and more difficult as the night dragged on. Was Florianne working with her brother, or her cousin? Neither? Collusion with the Venatori was a harsh accusation and she didn’t have proof.

Fortunately, Florianne was more than willing to give up all of her secrets the moment Elissa played the fool. Elissa took one step into the ballroom and Florianne was already there waiting for her suggesting they dance.

“Come, spies will not hear us on the dance floor,” the duchess said slowly. Elissa held a careful, bland smile on her face as she nodded.

“Of course, your grace.”

Elissa followed her to the dance floor just as the musicians were switching songs, taking Florianne’s offered hand as they fell into line. The music picked up again and the first steps began: forward, one slow step at a time with one hand clasped.

“How much do you know about our little war?” Florianne asked pleasantly. Anyone listening to her tone alone might believe they were discussing the gardens, or the weather.

“I am Fereldan, your grace,” Elissa replied in a similarly sweet tone. “The affairs of the empire are of close importance to me. My husband kept me well-informed when he was ambassador.”

Florianne’s tone turned sharp, though her body language betrayed nothing as the steps required they face each other. “Of course.”

“It took great effort to arrange tonight’s negotiations,” Florianne continued. “Yet one party would use this occasion for blackest treason.”

“Is that not the point of the war? Unless I am mistaken.”

The comment had the intended effect as it visibly pushed the duchess off-balance. Florianne hesitated for just a moment too long before speaking again.

“The security of the empire is at stake, Inquisitor. Neither one of us wishes to see it _fall._ ”

Elissa smiled again. “Of course not, your grace.”

“I know you arrived as a guest of my brother, Gaspard,” Florianne pointed out, “and I doubt it is out of friendship, considering your patriotism.”

“I do not let my own politics interfere with the good of the Inquisition, your grace,” Elissa said carefully.

The music sped up as it reached its end, and Elissa realizing as she glanced over Florianne’s shoulder that much of the floor had cleared away, leaving them vulnerable. Everyone would be able to see them talking, and everyone would know why. They needed a distraction.

As the last few notes struck, Elissa hastily turned the duchess so that their eyes met, and then dipped her low to the ground. The instruments faded away and they both stood upright again, holding their hands together high as they exited the dance floor.

“You have little time,” Florianne whispered quickly. “In the Royal Wing garden, you will find the captain of my brother’s mercenaries. You must stop Gaspard before he strikes.”

They reached the top of the stairs and Florianne dropped her hand abruptly, swept her skirts behind her, and floated back towards Celene. The moment she was gone, Josephine approached looking a mix between frantic and relieved.

“You’ll be the talk of the court for months,” she said. “Everyone had their eyes on the two of you. We should take you dancing more often.”

Elissa snorted. “Please don’t. Once they all realize I’m not stupid it won’t work anymore.”

Josephine let out a surprised laugh, covering her mouth politely. “I suppose you are right.”

Leliana and Cullen followed, Leliana watching the room for eavesdroppers.

“What was the duchess saying?” she asked in a low voice.

“She’s accusing Gaspard, told me where to find his mercenary captain,” Elissa said flatly. “I doubt Gaspard is here in good faith, but he isn’t working for Corypheus. Why would he need _mercenaries_ if he had Venatori? And why would Florianne, who at Celene’s side, know about them?”

Cullen shuffled uncomfortably, unconsciously tugging at his suit. “You think the duchess is the traitor.”

“Yes, but I don’t have any proof,” she admitted.

“You should go look for this mercenary captain,” Leliana suggested. “If the duchess knows of them, they must have noticed her people sneaking around, and may be able to tell us something we can use.”

“Right. Cover for me, we shouldn’t be long but if there is another trap we may need more time.”

“Of course.”  


* * *

 

  
It took a long few minutes for their group to meet in the Royal Wing. If they all went at once, someone would notice and become suspicious. It also took time for Elissa to remove her skirts and slip on the hide armor delivered by an Inquisition soldier. The Royal Wing was a complicated maze of mysterious locked doors and hidden hallways tucked away in random bedrooms. It was also surprisingly full of people, considering it was closed. As they approached another hall full of scaffolding and building materials, the Mark lit up and stung Elissa.

_“You painted Orlesian assholes!”_

Dorian sighed, pulling his staff from his back. “I believe we have found the mercenaries.”

Elissa threw open the door, free hand already wrapped around the hilt of a dagger. There was a Rift in the center of the clearing, surrounded by Venatori soldiers. One man was tied to a railing beside them - the mercenary captain.

“Inquisitor, what a pleasure!”

There was the trap.

Elissa looked past the Rift to the upper floor balcony. Florianne was standing tall, arms folded over her chest, and Elissa could practically feel her smiling.

“It was kind of you to walk into my trap so willingly,” Florianne mocked. “You are as easy to bait as your fool husband. What a pair you make!”

Elissa gripped the hilts of her blades so hard it hurt. “Just get to the point, Florianne. Tell me why you’re here!”

The duchess scoffed. “Such manners! I suppose I should not have expected more from a Fereldan!”

“If I truly believed I would find only the captain here, why would I bring weapons?” Elissa snapped. “You are not as subtle as you would believe, _your grace._ ”

“And yet you came anyway.”

The duchess dropped her arms to her sides, holding back the skirts of her gown with her head held high. “Celene’s death is a stepping stone on the path to a better world. Even _you_ are not so small minded to be blinded to that truth.”

“And Gaspard? Your _brother_ , who you have been attempting to frame the entire night?”

“I did not have to _frame_ him, Inquisitor, he incriminated himself,” she spat. “I admit, I will relish the look on Gaspard’s face when he realizes I have outplayed him. He always was a sore loser.”

A bow string stretched behind Elissa, and she hoped desperately it was Sera. They had to keep the duchess occupied long enough for the Inquisition’s soldiers to get in place; it was obvious the assassination would happen during Celene’s speech to the entire court. They just needed time.

“It’s not too late to turn back,” Elissa called out firmly.

Florianne faltered, but only for a brief second. “In their darkest dreams, no one imagines I would assassinate Celene myself. All I need to do is keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike!”

Florianne snapped her fingers and both the Venatori and Rift came to life as she swept back into the palace. The fight was quick work, even in close quarters. It was stupid of the duchess to leave her plan in the hands of barely trained warriors. She was just so confident that such a small force would be enough to slow down _Elissa_ , of all people. For someone so renowned for her skill in the Game, Florianne was a terrible strategist.

Once the Rift was closed, Elissa untied the mercenary captain and helped him stand.

“Andraste’s ass, were those demons?!” the man exclaimed.

“Yes, but they’re gone now,” Elissa said calmly.

“Bloody hell. I knew Gaspard was a bastard, but I didn’t think he’d feed me to fucking horrors over a damn bill!”

Elissa frowned. “Gaspard sent you out here?”

“Well, it was his sister, but all that bullshit she was saying doesn’t mean anything. Gaspard has to be involved!”

“Why did he even need mercenaries? I thought he had soldiers stationed all throughout the palace, we’ve stumbled across a dozen of them.”

“He didn’t have enough _fancy chevaliers,_ ” he groused. “Stupid poncy cheesemongers. Had to pay us three times our normal fee to get us out here!”

There it was. Soldiers were one thing, but mercenaries were different. Chevaliers and soldiers could be protection; someone in Gaspard’s position would be a fool not to bring any. However, one did not _also_ hire mercenaries unless they intended to use them. Gaspard may not have been working with the Venatori, but he had a plot of his own. If the captain testified to it, that would be a major blow.

“You’re Fereldan, aren’t you?” she asked.

He nodded. “Born and raised in Denerim. Seems like I should have stayed there.”

“The Inquisition would be willing to hire your company. We could always use more blades taking out bandits and the like in Ferelden, especially around the Hinterlands.”

“Alright, I’m game. Anything’s better than this bullshit.”

“Good. If you send your offer and price to Skyhold, I will vouch for you. And I thank you for your assistance tonight,” she said genuinely.

He gave short bow. “Thank _you_ , Inquisitor. You need me to talk to the court, the Empress, sing a song in a bloody Chantry, I’ll do it.”

The bell rang in the distance. Celene would be starting her speech soon.

“Shit,” she mumbled. “I have to go - thank you again!”

Even in their rush back to the ballroom, they were nearly too late. Elissa had no time to change back into her gown, and entered the party in filthy armor with her daggers at her hips. Cullen met her at the door, flanked by a small crew of Inquisition men.

“Our soldiers are in position, what is the plan?” he whispered quickly.

Elissa ripped her now-stained gauntlets off and dropped them onto the floor. “Hold them back. I need to speak with the Grand Duchess.”

“The Empress’ speech will begin any moment-”

“ _Hold them back,_ Cullen.”

He clenched his jaw and nodded, holding a hand up to stop the soldiers behind him. Elissa stepped out onto the dance floor, pushing past nobles as a shocked murmur spread through the crowd. She knew she looked a mess - hair undone and lying loose around her shoulders, her pants coated in dirt from falling during the last fight, blood on her boots. It certainly called attention to her. Even Celene looked out at her. Florianne flew down the steps to intercept Elissa as she approached the empress’ balcony.

“Your Grace,” Elissa shouted out to Florianne as she approached. “I believe we have unfinished business.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am running out of things to name these chapters.
> 
> This was originally half of a different chapter but then while editing it just got longer and longer and I had to split it up. Anyway. Next chapter on June 9th, wrapping up at the Winter Palace!


	23. Wicked Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa confronts Florianne and tries to end the civil war before the Orlesian nobility destroy themselves.

Florianne tensed, and Elissa could see the blade she held behind her back. She was very obviously signaling to someone in the room, but no one stepped forward.  _ Coward. _

“What is this interruption for, Inquisitor?” she asked rudely.

“You have one last chance to stand down,” Elissa ordered. “Your assassination plot has failed, and your Venatori are allies detained. It’s over.”

“You can’t think anyone believes these fanciful tales of yours!”

She stood tall, her eyes sliding to Celene’s. “I believe your words before were,  _ I just need to keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike. _ A blade with  _ your family’s _ crest was found on a dead servant in the gardens. There are several witnesses to your display with the Rift. All of your enemies in the same place at the same time, lined up for you to take out as you please,  _ especially _ the empress.”

Florianne sputtered, looking to Gaspard for help. “Wait, no, Gaspard, you know I would never-”

His eyes went hard behind his mask and he walked away from her, leaving the dance floor entirely. The one useful thing he had done the entire night. She burst into sobs, backing away from the guards advancing to arrest her.

“You can’t do this!” Florianne shrieked. “I am innocent!”

“That will be for a judge to decide, cousin,” Celene said calmly.

Sobbing, Florianne let the guards restrain her and drag her away. Elissa took a deep breath and turned back up to Celene.

“Your Imperial Majesty, I believe we have much to discuss,” she said carefully.

“I agree.”

She, Gaspard, and Ambassador Briala exited to a balcony outside the ballroom, and Elissa followed swiftly. The war would end on that balcony or it never would, and Elissa intended on finishing it.

They were already bickering as Elissa caught up with them, shutting the doors behind her. 

“You knew everything and did  _ nothing _ !” Gaspard shouted.

Briala scoffed. “I don’t know what is better, that you think I know everything, or that you still deny your own involvement.”

“I  _ do _ deny it!”

“Enough!” Celene snapped. Both of them quieted instantly. “I will not have infighting destroy us as Tevinter plots on our doorstep!”

“I believe I can assist with that, Your Majesty,” Elissa interjected, keeping her voice as steady as she could. 

Gaspard shot a nasty look at her. He knew  _ exactly  _ what her assistance was. Celene gestured to her, not taking her gaze from the two in front of her.

“Continue.”

“With Ambassador Briala’s help, I was able to find most of the Venatori hidden in the palace and stop them from infiltrating the ball,” Elissa said smoothly. “From what I can tell, Florianne was their leader here. Without her, whatever stragglers remain will flee, and can be dispatched easily.”

Elissa took a deep breath before continuing. “Gaspard may not have been involved with the Venatori, but he had plans of his own that I stumbled across while trying to stop them.”

He folded his arms over his chest, looking smug. “And what proof could you possibly have of this?”

“He has been making threats to the Council of Heralds-”

“That is your evidence of treason, that I am a  _ bully?” _

Elissa continued evenly as though he had not spoken. “He has had soldiers stationed throughout the palace waiting for orders to fight.”

“They were not intended to attack, I-”

“Just so happened to hire mercenaries to fill your ranks?” she interrupted. “I spoke with the captain, and he has quite a few choice words to say about you.”

His mouth snapped shut. He had lost, and he knew it. Celene gave a minute nod to Elissa.

“Then I hereby sentence you for treason, punishable by execution,” Celene said firmly. “Guards?”

A pair of palace guards walked in from right inside the door. Gaspard didn’t even put up a fight, just fired another hateful glare at Elissa as he was led away. Her throat closed up and she took another breath. It was _over._ Gaspard would die, and Celene owed her throne to the Inquisition, to Elissa. She would not try to invade. At the very least, it would give them time before someone else tried staking a claim to the empire.

“I thank you for your assistance, Lady Elissa,” Celene said, turning back to her. 

Elissa put on a smile and dipped into a low bow. “I am glad to see you safe, Your Majesty. Though I was not the only one involved - Ambassador Briala’s help was invaluable to me this evening.”

Celene turned to Briala, her voice softening. “You did this for me?”

“Of course,” Briala answered quietly. 

“I cannot excuse your actions, but I will not execute you. You are exiled from Orlais and any land it owns.”

She gave a brief look at Elissa and nodded. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

As another guard “escorted” Briala away, Celene and Elissa returned to the ballroom alone. The empress still had a speech to give, after all. Elissa stood behind her in deference, arms folded behind her back. Their work was done. For once, it hadn’t blown up in her face.

Elissa hoped it would last.

* * *

 

The rest of the night passed in a blur. After working out troop logistics with Cullen and shaking the hands of anyone Josephine directed her to, Elissa was exhausted. There were so many people, who were all very  _ loud _ . She retreated to a balcony the first moment she was able to, slipping through the crowds just to find a moment to breathe. She leaned forward on the railing, looking over at the gardens.

Morrigan found her first, standing next to her with a low laugh. “You save the day yet again, and here you are sulking alone.”

“I’m not really in the mood for a party,” Elissa murmured. “It’s good to see you, at least.”

She hummed. “I pray you do not change your mind then, as you shall be seeing much more of me. Celene has named me  _ liason _ to the Inquisition, until such a time as I am no longer needed.”

“Good. I could use another friend in Skyhold.”

“I find it difficult to believe you don’t have the entire organization wrapped around your finger.”

Elissa laughed. “Not in the way I’d like. Everyone still thinks I’m the Herald of Andraste - it’s difficult to talk to someone who secretly worships you.”

“Fair point.”

Elissa hesitated to ask her next question. It was personal, something she had been unwilling to speak of in Amaranthine, but... Elissa had to know.

“Will your child be joining us as well?” she asked, attempting to feign calm.

“Yes. My son,” Morrigan answered softly. “Skyhold is the safest place for him, if you are in charge.”

Elissa smiled and looked up at Morrigan. “I will let nothing happen to him as long as he is under our protection, I promise.”

“I... hear you have children of your own,” Morrigan said awkwardly. 

The last time they had spoken had been before Lydia’s birth. She and Teagan had been married for barely a year. Elissa hadn’t known at the time, but she had been with child that last night in Amaranthine. Even if she had known, there had been no time to share stories then. Morrigan was leaving, and that Elissa had found her at all was a miracle.

“Two,” Elissa murmured. “A daughter and a son.”

Morrigan was quiet for a long moment. They both had so much to say, but the Winter Palace was not the place for it. Perhaps in Skyhold they could find even the smallest moment to speak alone, and attempt to work through everything about the last ten years. How much of each other they had missed.

“We will meet you at Skyhold,” Morrigan finally said.

“Of course.”

Morrigan swept her skirts around and walked back into the ballroom, her heavy boots clicking on the marble. Elissa looked back out across the gardens.

Maker, she wanted to go home. She didn’t know where home was anymore, but she needed it so desperately it ached in her chest. The ball just reminded her how much she hated being at court. She hated that Teagan had to suffer it alone the last few trips before the incident with Gaspard, but she couldn’t do it anymore. There was not an honest person in the room; the challenge came from determining which lies were dangerous and which ones were just hot air. She had enough trouble determining someone’s meaning when they were not actively trying to conceal it.

Elissa braced herself on the balcony railing. She had won, and everything was perfect, and yet she felt nothing.   


“Elissa?”   


She stood up straight as Connor approached, giving him a thin smile. He smiled back and walked over to her, closing the door to the balcony behind him.   


“Is everything alright?” She asked when he stopped beside her.   


“I was about to ask you that. Dorian said you escaped out here, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”   


“I’m fine,” she said carefully. “Everything went according to plan.”   


“You know I can tell when you’re lying. You’ve always been terrible at it.”   


“I’m not sure what you mean.”   


“It’s this place, isn’t it?” He looked back at the ballroom, frowning. “I can’t wait to leave.”   


“You don’t like it here?” She asked softly. He shrugged.

“It’s too perfect. It’s fake,” he mumbled. “This… could have been my life, if my parents had their way. And I would have done it, because I didn’t know anything else. I’d be just like all of these people, with all the lying and backstabbing and manipulation.”

 

“I very much doubt there is any world where you could be like them.”   


He fidgeted with his sleeves. “Mother always said I was just like father.”

“No offense to your father, but you are nothing like him,” she murmured. “You have always been so kind and so brave, and cared so much for others. Even if you had not gone to the Circle, that would still be true, as it was when we met.”   


He went quiet at that, turning back and staring down at the gardens.   


“I barely remember meeting you the first time,” he finally mumbled.   


She nudged his shoulder with her own. “Then I suppose you’ll have to take my word for it.”   


“I just want to leave,” he repeated, his voice strained.   


“I know. We are leaving as soon as everything is settled again.”   


He shuffled nervously. “Alright.”   


“Did Dorian find you?” she asked carefully.   


“Yeah.”

“Are you two alright now?”

“I don’t know. I think so. I was being an ass.”   


She snorted. “From what he told me, so was he.”   


He shrugged. “I was overreacting.”   


“No you weren’t.”   


“But-”   


She nudged him again. “You weren’t. You were just _ reacting _ . It happens.”   


“Maybe.”   


“Your relationship is still new,” she said gently. “Your uncle and I used to fight over ridiculous things. Still do, sometimes.”   


He looked at her, looking skeptical. “Like what?”   


“Mostly about my position in the Wardens. I often had to leave to help Alet establish a presence in Ferelden and fight off the leftovers of the Blight, and it took me away from home more than either of us was happy with.”   


“But you went back.”   


She smiled. “I did. It took a long while to find a compromise, not until Aedan. And he isn’t happy that I’m with the Inquisition now, as much as he says otherwise.”   


“Does it get easier?”   


“It can,” she murmured. “It takes time, and work, and willingly putting yourself at risk. You two have already worked through two of the largest obstacles I think can come  between you. You’ll be fine.”   


He winced. It had  _ not _ gone over well when Dorian mentioned off-hand that he knew and practiced necromancy. It wasn’t the same, no blood magic involved, but it had taken  over a week for Connor to talk to him again.   


Compared to that, the rest would be easy with time, Elissa was sure. They deserved to be happy.

“We should go back in before someone sends a search party,” she sighed.

He fidgeted with his sleeves. “Are you sure?”

“ _ Yes _ , I’m sure. I can’t hide out here all night, and neither can you.”

“A... alright.”

She looped her arm around his and pulled him back towards the door. As they re-entered the ballroom, she was immediately swarmed by people literally shoving each other out of the way to get to her. Everyone wanted to be seen talking to the Herald of Andraste, the woman who saved their empress and ended their petty war. A small group of Inquisition soldiers moved between them and the crowd so they could reach the rail overlooking the dance floor.

The floor was packed with people, including Inquisition members finally freed from their duties, all dancing as the music started up again. Leliana and Josephine were paired together, both looking lighter than Elissa had seen them in some time. Iron Bull and Sera were standing at the rail across from them. Every so often one of them would point to someone, very openly and obviously. Elissa wasn't sure whether or not she was just imagining Sera’s very distinctive laugh.

“I should have known you two would be together.”

Connor tensed as Dorian pushed through the Inquisition soldiers to them. Elissa nudged him forward with a smile.

“I tried escaping but got caught,” she sighed again dramatically. 

“Why am I not surprised?”

Dorian was deflecting, and Connor was pretending the conversation wasn’t even  _ happening _ . Neither of them were going to make the first move, especially not with Elissa standing there. She looked around for an out.

_ There! _

Cullen had noticed her reappear and was heading towards them. That was a good enough excuse.

“Oh, there’s the commander, I should speak with him before it gets too late,” she said, pulling her arm back from Connor and giving him a pointed look. “I’ll leave you two to talk.”

The utter betrayal on his face when he snapped his eyes up to hers was incredible. “Lissa-”

“- I will find you later,” she added, walking away before he could say anything else.

When Cullen reached her, he started giving his report when she held a hand up to stop him. 

“What-”

“Those two were never going to talk with me there but I want to make sure they’re alright,” she whispered. “Then we’ll talk.”

Cullen rolled his eyes. She turned her head so she could just barely hear them over the crowd.

_ “She’s just prying again. You don’t... You don’t have to do anything.” _

_ “I wanted to ask you anyway. While there is still time, will you dance with me?” _

_ “I-I- Of course! I mean, yes. There’s no one outside on the-” _

_ “I meant in here, you ridiculous man.” _

_ “... Are you sure?” _

_ “This is important to you. So yes.” _

_ “You don’t have to.” _

_ “I will not hide you again, amatus.” _

Elissa couldn’t help the big smile on her face as she turned back to Cullen. “Alright, I’m ready.”

He actually smiled back at her. “You truly enjoy meddling, don’t you?” 

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Of course not,” he laughed. “Although I cannot say I don’t appreciate it at times.”

She shrugged. “It’s my charm.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“So, the report? Is everything in place?”

“Yes, we are all set to return to Skyhold in the morning. However, if you would prefer to leave tonight, there are soldiers who can travel with you.”

“Good. It might be best to stay the night,” she conceded, “but with how the rest of the night has gone, I’m not holding out for luck.”

He sighed. “I know the feeling. If it were up to me, we would have left the moment Florianne was arrested.”

“Did something happen?” she asked, as quiet as she could to still be heard over the music.

“Orlesians,” he murmured. “They haven’t left me alone all night. I’m only free of them now because they were distracted by your little show.”

“What were they doing?”

He shrugged awkwardly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “It’s nothing, Inquisitor.”

“Commander.”

“Just,  _ flirting _ ,” he said stiffly. “And a fair bit of touching. It brought up... unpleasant memories.”

The Blight, then. He had never outright told her what happened to him in Ferelden’s circle, but it was easy enough to guess, especially if that type of harassment triggered this reaction.

“You know, if we sneak away, I doubt anyone will notice for some time,” she offered.

“Inquisitor-”

She grabbed his arm to turn him around and then looped her own arm around his. “Come on - I am sure there is much more we should discuss before the night ends, and if we are together no one will bother us.”

“If you’re sure...” he trailed off. 

“Of course I am. If we’re fast enough, we might even escape Josephine asking us to meet any more nobles we don’t actually care about,” she said lightly. 

He laughed quietly. “Of course. Lead on, then.”

She pulled on his arm and they made their way through the crowds of people and out to the front gardens. With everyone inside pushing to gain favor with the now-stable empress, the gardens were empty. No one to see Elissa stumbling over her words or fidgeting with her hair, or to see Cullen’s hands shaking. In the morning, they would all have to return to the politics and diplomacy, but for the night, she was at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elissa definitely wasn't satisfied watching Gaspard lose. Not at all.
> 
> The part with Cullen is canon - if you talk to Cole, one of the things he says is "Cullen is afraid. They're hunting him, following fear. He shouldn't be here." Since when you find Cullen, he's being swarmed by nobles, some of whom are grabbing at him, the implication is that they're triggering his PTSD. Which is something Elissa definitely understands, lol
> 
> Next chapter on 6/16! It probably won't be up until around the evening EST because I'm helping run a Pride event in my area, but it will be up that day!! Morrigan and Elissa re-connect, and some very unfortunate secrets come to light about someone in the Inquisition.


	24. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa and Morrigan re-connect. Meanwhile, a dangerous secret about a member of the Inquisition comes to light.

Morrigan arrived in Skyhold a day after the rest of the Inquisition’s party returned, along with the incredibly awkward conversation Elissa was very much not looking forward to. At the Winter Palace, there had only been a few moments to talk. Now, when neither had other urgent duties to attend to, they had all the time in the world to discuss the past ten years. Out of their group from the Blight, the only one she never heard from was Morrigan. Not since Amaranthine.

Morrigan was still her friend. It was just... Difficult. Elissa had trouble talking to people as it was, let along that massive barrier.

After a Chantry mother attempted to drag Elissa right back into politics - as if she had not had quite enough of that in Orlais - she finally escaped into the keep to find Morrigan. Her room was just off the gardens inside the keep. It wouldn’t take long to find her; the sooner they got this conversation over with, the sooner they could go back to being friends.

Morrigan wasn’t in the garden, at least as far as Elissa could see. Right as she was about to turn around however, a small voice called out to her from the far corner of the courtyard.

“Mama!”

Lydia scrambled out of her small hidden space near the wall followed by Baby and a young boy close to her age, and stood up on her toes. Baby huffed and shuffled over to Elissa. Lydia watched Baby for a moment before following his path. When she spotted Elissa she ran over, pulling the boy behind her. Lydia slid to a stop in front of her and the boy stumbled into her.

“This is my new friend,” she said simply.

Elissa smiled and turned to the boy. “And does your new friend have a name?”

The boy stared up at her. “You’re the Inquisitor.”

“Yes, I am.”

“I thought you’d be scarier,” he told her with a thoughtful frown. “Mother said you were scary.”

Lydia turned to him, outraged, and dropped his hand. “I told you she’s not!”

Elissa bent down to their height. “And what do you think, hm?”

“I don’t know. You seem nice for someone who kills a lot,” he admitted.

She tried very, very hard to suppress a laugh. It was very clear why Lydia liked him. She was glad; it had been difficult for Lydia to find any friends in Skyhold, especially once they found out who her mother was.

A light, familiar voice rose above the crowds. “Kieran, are you bothering the Inquisitor?”

The boy - Kieran - spun around quickly as Morrigan walked up to them. “Mother!”

Elissa stood up straight, nodding to Morrigan. With the two next to each other, it was very obvious Kieran was her son. His complexion and eyes were both deeper, but otherwise he looked exactly like his mother.

“He isn’t bothering me at all,” she said lightly.

Kieran shuffled in place. “Of course not! Did you _see_ what’s on her hand, mother?”

Morrigan smiled warmly. “Yes, I did. You are making friends quickly, I see.”

“This is Lydia, she’s a mage,” he said in the same flat, matter-of-fact tone Lydia had before. Lydia just nodded shyly.

“Can we go down to the stables?” she asked both Elissa and Morrigan. “Ser Blackwall said he’d be done with the griffon he was making by the time everyone else came back from the Winter Palace, and also I told Kieran about the unicorn and he doesn’t believe me!”

“Unicorns aren’t _real._ ”

“That’s what _everyone_ calls it!”

Not _everyone,_ and it was most certainly _not_ a unicorn. It was a dead horse with a sword through its head that had somehow been brought back to life - Elissa did not dare ask how - and gifted to the Inquisition. At the time, the organization had been too small to deny offers of friendship and alliance, and now they were stuck with a nightmare in their stables. They were very, _very_ fortunate to have Dennet as their horsemaster, as anyone else would have taken one look at the animal and quit on the spot.

Well, there was no harm in them just looking at it. If Blackwall and Dennet were there, they would keep the children out of trouble and _away_ from the damned horse.

“ _Please!”_

“Only if you promise not to wander off,” she specified. Lydia had developed a habit of it, and Elissa was going to have enough anxiety over the horse _without_ worrying about her eight year old mage daughter going missing.

Kieran looked up at his mother until Morrigan sighed and waved them off. “Yes, yes, you may go.”

“Thank you mother!”

Lydia grinned and grabbed Kieran’s hand again, pulling him into the castle and out the front entrance to the castle. Elissa turned back to Morrigan with a smile.

“He’s just like you,” she teased.

Morrigan scoffed. “I should hope not.”

“Believe me, I understand,” she said. “Lydia is _exactly_ like her father.”

“She is your eldest?” Morrigan asked hesitantly.

“Yes. She is eight years now, and her brother is six.”

“I must admit, I was surprised when you said you have children.”

Elissa shrugged, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “We were surprised as well. It was... difficult, to balance being a Warden with being a mother, and I’m not sure I’m good at either.”

Morrigan laughed softly. “If I do anything well by Kieran, it will be to inflict as little damage as possible.”

“It has been a long time since I saw you before Halamshiral, my friend, but I do not think you are the cruel Witch of the Wilds anymore,” Elissa said. Morrigan rolled her eyes.

“Yes, yes. I have tried my best, at any rate.”

Elissa stepped past her into the gardens, gesturing for her to follow. The gazebo at the edge was empty, so they could speak more freely without Inquisition soldiers and servants darting past them with open ears. And, it made it impossible for anyone to sneak up on them and putting a dagger in their backs.

Not that Elissa was paranoid after Florianne’s plot.

“How much does he know?” she asked quietly as they sat on the bench under the ceiling of the gazebo.

“You mean of Alistair.”

“Yes.”

The sharp tone Elissa remembered returned, though Morrigan’s expression did not change. “Does he know Kieran and I are here?”

Elissa sighed. “No. He doesn’t know anything. I ask for my own sake, for my part in what happened.”

“There are no other motives to the question?”

“He has an heir who has been raised as a princess from birth. He’s not going to take your son and do to Kieran what was done to him,” Elissa argued defensively. Alistair wondered about the son he did not know, of course, but not because a son would be _useful._ He had kept the entire thing quiet specifically to prevent any of the nobles from pushing Maeve aside.

He just wanted to know that his son was safe and happy.

“I see,” Morrigan murmured. “I have told Kieran little. He knows his father is a good man. I thought Alistair deserved that much.”

Elissa smiled. “Thank you. I know he would appreciate it.”

“Yes, yes.”

“Though I never thought I would hear you compliment him,” Elissa teased. Morrigan laughed.

“Enjoy it now, it will not happen again.”

“Having your son has changed you.”

“Don’t be _absurd._ ”

Elissa was surprised at how easily they fell into conversation. During the Blight they had been friends, good friends, but disagreed often. Morrigan was always much closer to Alet. But now, even with a decade between them, they could be friends.

She missed having people around who knew her, especially from before the Conclave. Outside of family there was Leliana, and _technically_ Cullen, but no others. For family, Lydia was a child, only fortunate enough to even _remember_ her mother because she had not been in the Circle long enough to forget. Connor knew her better than many, but she was married to his uncle. It wasn’t the same.

They sat on that bench for who knew how long, exchanging details of their years apart, sympathizing over troubles with their children, Morrigan’s studies into the eluvians and other lost magic. Elissa was far more prepared for the conversation than even she expected, but after so much time spent with scholarly mages, she had picked up quite a bit.

“ _Momma!_ ”

She snapped her attention to the entrance to the gardens. Lydia ran in, looking around frantically as Kieran caught up with her. She saw Elissa and rushed through the crowd of people, breathing hard.

 _Oh, Maker._ Lydia could be energetic and over the top at times, but not like this. Something was wrong. _Very_ wrong.

“Momma, he’s gone, we went down and he wasn’t there and we found something and-”

Elissa reached out and put her hands on Lydia’s shoulders to keep her in place, shushing her. “Slow down. What happened?”

“Warden Blackwall’s gone!”

Anxiety rose in her chest. “Gone?”

“We got to the stables and he wasn’t there, but we found something attached to the griffon he was making, and it was a note, so we brought it back here,” she rambled.

Lydia reached into the pocket of her dress and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. Elissa took it, trying to uncrease the sheet. It was written quickly with ink spots over some of the words, making it difficult to read.

_Elissa,_

_You've been a true friend when I did not deserve one. You've given me the wisdom to know right from wrong and, more importantly, the courage to uphold the former._

_When we met, you said it did not matter who I was, only my actions. I will try to live up to the faith you have in me._

Maker. She had never thought it important to find his true identity. It didn’t matter - a Warden was a Warden, and if the real Blackwall thought he was worthy of the Joining, Elissa trusted that.

What had he done?

* * *

 

Val Royeaux looked so much duller in the rain.

In the central square, right where the Chantry had denounced the Inquisition all those months ago, sat an ostentatious stage covered in ribbon and paint, with a noose attached to one side. They already had the rope around the criminal’s neck, and he stood silently as they read off his charges.

“Cyril Mornay: For the murders of General Vincent Callier, Lorette Callier, their four children, and their retainers. Have you any defense?” an Orlesian guard called out.

“No,” the man said softly.

Callier. Elissa knew that name. He was a nobleman, caught on the wrong side of the Game without the clout to save himself. Soldiers had murdered him and his entire family as they rode through the country. Fingers had pointed at Gaspard, but he disavowed any knowledge of the attack.

Elissa _also_ remembered the panic attack she’d had after Teagan told her. It was too close to everything Howe did during the Blight.

“Who is this man to Blackwall?” Dorian asked out loud, stirring Elissa from her thoughts. “A friend? Brother?”

Elissa shook her head. “Leliana only knows the report about this execution was missing from her files, the same day Blackwall left.”

Sera snorted. “Poor bastard. So, where’s food? Orlesians always stock these things.”

Maker’s _breath._ Elissa very much wanted to leave. There was no sign Blackwall was even there. After rallying the Inquisition’s people in the city, Cullen said not a single one had seen Blackwall, and there were not even _rumors_ of a Grey Warden in the area. Perhaps the two events _were_ unrelated. The Iron Bull touched Elissa’s shoulder and she looked up at him.

“You good, boss?” he asked quietly. She nodded.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

The executioner stepped back towards the lever to open the floor under the noose. Mornay closed his eyes, head bowed, waiting for the end.

“ _Stop!_ ”

_No._

Blackwall stepped out from the crowd - how had no one noticed him? - and stepped onto the stage.

“And who are _you?”_ the guard shouted at him.

“This man is innocent of the crimes laid before him,” Blackwall said firmly. “Orders were given, and he followed them like any good soldier. He should not die for that mistake!”

The guard sneered. “Then find me the man who gave the order!”

Blackwall looked out over the crowd, the stubborn look on his face only faltering the moment he locked eyes with Elissa. _No. He didn’t. He can’t..._

“I gave the order. The crime is mine. I am Thom Rainier.”

She never asked. She told him she needed to know but she had trusted him to tell her if it was truly important. He _knew_ what had happened to her family.

The Iron Bull’s grip on her shoulder tightened as the guards rushed the stage to apprehend Blackwall. Rainier. Oh, Maker, why didn’t she _ask..._

The Iron Bull leaned down to whisper to her. “Breathe.”

Like she had a choice. She tried anyway, pulling in air past the burning in her lungs and let out a shaky exhale. She couldn’t fall apart in the middle of Val Royeaux.

“We should go find them,” she murmured. “I need to talk to... Rainier.”

The temporary jail was not far from the square. Cullen was already waiting for them at the door, flanked by Inquisition soldiers.

“Inquisitor,” he greeted softly.

She gave a stiff nod. “Is he in there?”

“Yes. They are waiting for us before taking any further actions.”

“Good.”

The prison was a dark, cold block under the city guard barracks. Only one guard stood at attention, but he looked the other way as they entered. Elissa stood at the top of the steps leading to the cells, arms folded over her chest. Dorian cautiously put a hand on her shoulder, turning her towards him.

“Do you want one of us with you?” he asked softly.

“I want to talk to him alone first,” she murmured.

He pulled his hand back and she tried to smile at him. It would be easier if it was one on one. There would be no other voices, no distractions, and maybe... Maybe he would tell her the truth. Elissa walked down the steps, fists clenched to hold back how much she was shaking. He had ordered his men to kill an entire family, to kill _children._ He had let the people under his command take the fall for his crime. He let her put herself on the line, put the Wardens on the line, on his good word.

Her boots echoed in the eerie silence of the hall. Rainier was in the last cell at the end. Distantly, she had a moment of relief that he hadn’t been in Warden armor when he stepped forward. She felt ridiculous, worrying about something like _that_ in the face of everything else.

She stopped in front of his cell, where he sat on a bench, staring down at the floor.

“I was telling the truth about Blackwall,” he said quietly, startling her. “He was killed by Darkspawn after recruiting me. I took his name to stop the world from losing a good man. But... a good man, the man he was, wouldn’t have let another die in his place.”

She tried to take a deep breath to keep her voice from trembling. “You didn’t tell me who you are.”

“Would you have let me stay if I had?”

She wanted to say yes. She wanted to say that even if she had not let him stay with the Inquisition, she would have made him a Warden. Worse men had been offered the Joining.

She dug her nails into her palm. She just couldn’t make the words come out.

“You didn’t trust me,” she said instead. “You just _left_ , and my _daughter_ was the one to find your note.”

“You weren’t supposed to find me. You were just supposed to think I was gone.”

“You’re a _Grey Warden,_ in my command! And you _lied to me!_ ”

He tensed, but would not look at her.

“Why are you here?” he whispered.

She wasn’t sure she had a true answer for that.

“I need to know why."

“Don’t you understand?!” He shot up and grabbed the bars, and the cell door shook loudly. Elissa flinched back, her hands shooting up to cover her ears. “I gave the order to kill Lord Callier, his entourage, and I lied to my men about what they were doing!”

He ducked his head down and Elissa had to bite her lip to push back a sob as he continued. “When it came to light, _I ran._ Those men, _my men_ , paid for my treason, while I was off pretending to be a better man!”

“And you think dying will make it better?!”

“Isn’t it a start?” He pounded his fist on the bars and she startled again. “You didn’t extend such mercy to Rendon Howe.”

Elissa let her hands fall to her sides again as tears pricked at her eyes. “I did!”

“And I let a noble buy my blade to kill an innocent man, his wife, and his children, and took the easy way out. I don’t deserve your pity, and I don’t want it,” he snapped.

“You want me to scream at you, validate all of your self-hatred,” she choked out. “I won’t do it.”

“And why not? I deserve it!”

She stepped back from the cell. “That is not who I am. At least I still know what I believe.”

There was no response to that. No shouting, no insults, no confessions. Elissa turned and walked back out of the prison, though she barely felt herself moving. The hallway blurred and tilted and she stumbled at the bottom of the steps.

She had to leave. She had to get out of the prison, out of Val Royeaux. Back to Skyhold, or Redcliffe, or just _anywhere else_.

“Inquisitor? ... _Elissa._ ”

She slowed to a stop. When had she gotten to the top of the stairs? Cullen moved in front of her, blocking the exit. The only exit. She had to _leave_ , why wouldn’t he just _let her go?_ He looked over her head and nodded to someone behind her, and heard the armor of the sole guard echo down the hall away from them.

“Elissa, what is happening?”

She folded her arms over her chest again. “I can’t decide, not now.” Her breath hitched. “I don’t...”

The sob finally bubbled up and she couldn’t clamp down on it quickly enough. It hurt, deep in her chest, so badly she couldn’t breathe. Cullen very cautiously touched her arm.

“What do you want to do?” he asked softly.

“I just want to leave,” she mumbled.

Elissa swiped the tears from her eyes and took a shaky, deep breath in and out. He sighed and nodded, stepping out of her way and dropping his hand back to his side.

“Of course.”

“Send word ahead to Leliana and Josephine,” she ordered, trying to keep her voice from wavering. “Regardless of what becomes of him, Thom Rainier is a Grey Warden, and under my command. He is not Orlais’ responsibility anymore - he is mine.”

“Of course,” he repeated, quieter this time.

Sera stepped forward and took her hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing until Elissa squeezed back. “Come on, then. You can all figure this shite out later, let’s go home.”

Elissa gave her a weak smile and nodded. Sera pulled Elissa behind her as she marched out of the prison, right into the pouring rain. Dorian grumbled something about _barbarians_ behind them, but still walked beside them with a small barrier up to keep out the bulk of the rain.

_What do I do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually got it up today! I've been super busy all day helping run a Pride event in my area, and then hanging out with some friends, but it's UP. 
> 
> The next update on June 23rd will be up a bit earlier! Elissa and the Wardens try to figure out what to do with Rainier, and there's another pair of surprise visitors!


	25. Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa and co. return to Skyhold to figure out what to do about Blackwall.

When they returned to Skyhold they were met at the gates by Baby, who was pacing around and barking towards her urgently. The moment he could slip under the gate, he darted towards her and bumped against her legs, tail flicking wildly back and forth. Elissa knelt down and scratched behind his ears. He finally settled and sat on his backend so Elissa could hug him, rubbing her cheek against his face. 

“I missed you too,” she cooed.

“How does he always  _ know _ ?” Dorian sighed.

“Mabari,” Elissa and Cullen said at the same time.

“ _ Fereldans. _ ”

Elissa smiled and turned to planted a big kiss on Baby’s nose. “It’s alright handsome, he’ll probably have a mabari someday.”

“Why in the  _ world _ would I have a dog?”

“How long do you think it’ll take for Connor to get one now that he can?”

He sighed dramatically and walked past her into the fortress. “What am I going to do with the pair of you?”

Elissa stood up, keeping her hand on Baby’s head. Baby nipped at her fingers and whined. When she followed Dorian, Baby fell into step beside her, huffing at anyone who got too close. There were truly few bodyguards better than a mabari, and Baby had spent his entire life becoming attuned to Elissa. He was old, but still sharp; there would be no running into battle, especially after Haven, but he always tried to follow her around Skyhold.

Leliana met them at the entrance to the castle with a thin smile.

“He could sense you returning nearly an hour ago, and came up to find me so I would let him outside to meet you,” she greeted. 

“Sorry,” Elissa said sheepishly.

“None of that. Better I let him out than he break down the door.” She reached out and touched Elissa’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“I am better now,” Elissa said quietly.

“You are sure?”

“Yes. I’m  _ fine. _ I just... want to get this all sorted out and dealt with.” She continued into the keep and Leliana kept pace beside her. “Were you and Josephine able to do anything?”

“We have some options open. When the Commander joins us, we can go over all of them. Are you sure you do not wish to rest first?”

Elissa shook her head. “The sooner this is dealt with, the sooner I can move on. I’ll need to talk to the other Wardens about this as well.”

Baby followed them into the war room, and Elissa was grateful that none of them mentioned it, or the fact that he had promptly sat down on her feet. She didn’t admit that she needed him there to ground her, and they didn’t ask. Cullen gave her a concerned look from across the table. She just shook her head; if he was going to insist on confronting her over it, he would do so after the situation was dealt with.

It would not be difficult to call on a few favors owed to have Rainier released to the Inquisition’s custody. Elissa was wary of using Warden influence and putting the Order further into the line of fire. The best course of action was to keep the Wardens as far away from the nasty business of politics as possible, and hope no one looked too hard.

Josephine said it could be done within a week, and Elissa trusted her. Their newfound influence with Celene could be useful for more than supplemental troops, and they were still fresh enough from the victory at Halamshiral that the scandal might be overlooked. 

“Is there anything else that came up while we were gone that requires immediate attention?” she asked, staring down at the map. 

At the edge of her vision, she saw them all shuffle uncomfortably. Leliana recovered first, passing over a report on their unfortunate entanglement with the Crows over a Venatori  sympathizer in Antiva. 

_ My dear Leliana, _

_ Your Inquisition is working with the Crows? I ask only because I may have removed one of the assassins from your employ. If I'd known the man was yours, I would have at least let him finish the contract. _

_ No matter - Allow me to make it up to you. You know I would do a much better job than the Crows - and I am far more pleasant to work with, no? As a favor to a friend, I'll charge only a fraction of the price. _

_ Pass my love along to our lovely Warden. _

_ Zevran Arainai _

Elissa couldn’t help the laugh that burst out as she read. She had not heard from him since before the Conclave, and then to cross paths with him like  _ this _ ? 

Leliana smiled. “I will send our response on your order, if I am correct in our course of action?”

“Of course. I trust him far more than the Crows.”

After everything - Zevran, her dealings with Ignacio (short as they were), and the attack in Amaranthine - Elissa was certain the Crows would not be stupid enough to send anyone  _ else _ after her. Zevran could finish the job much more effectively,  _ without _ the threat of death over her head once it was over.

“Is that all then?” At their silence, Elissa stood up straight, and Baby jumped to his feet beside her. “Then I would like to be alone for a time, please. Unless something comes up.”   
  


* * *

 

She managed to take nearly two hours for herself before something  _ came up. _ A very big thing, that she had entirely forgotten about. A thing she had  _ not _ told  _ Cullen _ about, leading to him pounding down her door himself to yell at her.

“Commander, your soldiers will stand down.”

“You can’t be serious!”

She groaned and covered her face with her hands. “Please, Cullen, Anders and Carver are  _ just _ here to meet up with Arianna.”

“Who is in the field and will not be back for at least a week!”

“What do you think they’re going to  _ do? _ ”

“Anders-”

“-isn’t going to suddenly murder everyone in Skyhold,” she cut him off. “He is my friend, and Carver is one of my Wardens. They are staying.”

He scowled. “Your sentimentality will be the death of all of us,” he warned.

She folded her arms over her chest and took a step closer, glaring up at him. “Take care with your words _ , commander. _ Unless you have forgotten what happened the last time we had this discussion. I will not allow  _ anyone _ to threaten those I care about.”

Real, genuine hurt flashed through his eyes and he clenched his jaw. Why? It didn’t look like anger, not like how angry he already had been, something else she couldn’t figure out. 

“Fine,” he whispered harshly. “Just keep them out of sight.”

She frowned. “What? What is it?”

“I should return to my duties.”

He turned to walk away and she grabbed his arm to stop him. 

“Cullen, what is it?” she repeated slowly.

He hesitated before speaking. “I just thought... It doesn’t matter.”

_ He is quite protective of you, _ Josephine’s words rang in her head. But what did that  _ mean? _

“Please explain it to me,” she said softly. “I can’t always understand the feelings of others, and I can be cruel, as a result. If I have hurt you, I want to know.”

He deflated and turned back to her. “After all this time, you still see me only as an enemy. I thought that was changing, but if I was mistaken...”

_ Oh. _

“You weren’t,” she said quietly.

“Then...”

She took another step closer, slower this time. “I am sorry. If this is your way of saying you want to be friends now, I think we could be.”

He finally let out a small smile. “I would like that.”

“Good.” She smiled back and folded her arms over her chest. “So, are we alright? I mean, us, but also about our guests.”

“Yes. I... I will make sure they are left alone,” he conceded.

“Thank you. I mean it.”

It was only for a week. Once Hawke returned, Anders and Carver would join her, and she would go back into the field. They just had to make it through the week.

Once Cullen was gone, Elissa made her way to the private, hidden rooms the Inquisition had given their new guests. Elissa had no idea why Skyhold  _ had _ rooms like that - how many people did its previous owners need to hide? - but it was convenient. 

She took a deep breath as she stopped in front of the door, pushing down the anxiety building in her chest. She had not actually  _ spoken _ to either of them since their arrival. By the time someone told her what was happening, they already already been moved out of sight, and Elissa had spent most of her time since then trying to convince her own commander to follow orders.

It had been a decade since she last saw Anders and Justice. She considered both of them good friends; she just did not know if they would still think of her like that. Before they left, before  _ everything _ , Elissa had been careless. She was busy making plans to leave for Redcliffe, passing her rank and the arling to Alet while they were away in Denerim, occupied with a dozen other ridiculous things, and she had recruited the wrong man.

An ex-Templar, he had claimed, avenging the chantry he had served in when he was destroyed in the Blight. Elissa didn’t notice how often he watched Anders, or just how much he hated Justice. She never thought about how the Chantry stopped pestering her about recruiting a second apostate, or wondered why Rolan always offered to join field missions Anders was assigned to.

Then, when Elissa left to meet Alet in Denerim, Rolan made his move. By the time the news reached them and they returned to Amaranthine, Anders and Justice were long gone.

_ What are you even doing here? They don’t want to see you.  _

She knocked on the door before she could keep talking herself out of it. If they decided to shut her out, she would understand, but she had to try.

“Who’s there?” a muffled voice demanded. Elissa took a deep breath.

“Elissa. I’m alone.”

A pause. “Why are you here?”

“I just want to talk. Please.”

There was another longer pause. This was a mistake. Of course they didn’t want to talk to her after what she did. She swallowed hard before speaking again.

“I wanted to apologize. To both of you,” she said softly. “I was not there when you needed me. I just... I don’t know. I know there’s nothing I can say to make up for it. But... I wanted to say that. I made sure Cullen and the other Templars in Skyhold will leave you alone. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

She waited a long moment. Nothing. Then, as she turned to walk away, the door opened just a crack, sending her heart into her throat.

“You’re alone?” Anders asked quietly.

“Yes. No one even knows I’m here.”

He opened the door the rest of the way and tears sprang to her eyes. He towered over her as he always had, but he seemed so  _ small. _ Shoulders hunched, curling into himself as if to make himself as unobtrusive as possible. 

He cleared his throat, avoiding her eyes. “When Arianna wrote to us from Skyhold, she said you told her that Pounce was waiting for me, but I didn’t know exactly what that meant.”

“You’ll always have a place in Vigil’s Keep,” she said firmly. Then, softer, “And... he really is still there. Sigrun says he still sleeps in your old room sometimes.”

He made a noise halfway between a laugh and a sob. The tears blurring her own vision finally fell and she took a step forward.

“Can I come in?” she asked in a whisper. He nodded.

“Yes.”   
  


* * *

 

After the initial whirlwind of emotions, including a several minute long hug with Elissa standing on her toes to reach him, they settled next to each other on the small bed. Anders fidgeted with the sleeves of his coat, occasionally glancing at Elissa out of the corner of his eye.

“You meant all that before?” he asked cautiously. She nodded. 

“Of course I did. I have always regretted not being there for you two when you needed me.”

“I - we - never blamed you. The Wardens as a whole, maybe... But never you.”

She shifted awkwardly. “Is Justice still here?”

“It’s... complicated,” he sighed. “Yes and no. It’s hard to tell sometimes. Who’s speaking, who’s in control. Sometimes there’s just a random feeling I can’t figure out.”

“And it’s been alright?” He shrugged. 

“I thought he had become Vengeance for a long time, a demon. But justice isn’t always peaceful. Being angry does not mean you are wrong,” he said firmly.

“I know,” she murmured. 

He turned to face her, bracing himself on the bed. “I was surprised when news spread that you and your husband sheltered the mages. And then you made the Inquisition ally with the mages  _ and  _ Templars.”

“The Templars were  _ not _ my idea,” she clarified. “But the mages? Of course I did. Having so many friends and family who are mages, we couldn’t abandon them.”

“Family?”

She nodded with a sad smile. “My nephew, and my daughter. Connor was sent to the Fereldan Circle after the Blight, and Lydia went three years ago.”

“You have a daughter? A mage?” he asked softly.

“Yes. She was five years when she started showing signs. She was allowed to stay in Ferelden on the condition we not contact her or our nephew.”

“Is she...”

“She’s in Skyhold,” she answered with a more genuine smile. “She wanted to stay with her cousin and the other mages. You should meet her, while you’re here."

“I’d like that,” he murmured.

The bell rang in the distance once, twice, then ten times.

“Shit,” she swore quietly. “I have to check in with my Wardens.”

“Oh.”

She looked up at him. “You are welcome to join me. Cullen and his soldiers,  _ especially _ the Templars, are under orders to leave you alone, but I’d also understand if you didn’t believe that.”

“Would the Wardens even  _ want _ me there?” he asked, clearly skeptical. She snorted.

“I know few Wardens who have never committed a crime,” she said dryly. “Theirs were just not as public until recently. I am certain they will not object.”

“I deserted.”

“Under extenuating circumstances.”

“Elissa-”

“-I won’t push you to come, but you are welcome all the same,” she interrupted.

He stared at her for a moment and then turned his gaze to the bed. “Not... not this time. I can’t.”

“Alright,” she said softly. “The offer is always there if you change your mind.”

He let out a small smile. “I know. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be completely honest, I haven't had much brain power to edit this chapter, so. I tried. Skyhold is about to get very crowded lol
> 
> The next chapter will either be up next Friday or Sunday. I have a wedding and film festival on Saturday, so it wouldn't be worth trying to get it all edited and set in time.


	26. Rainier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa deals with her imprisoned Warden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so late. I was struggling to fill this, so I was going to combine it with the next section, which was giving me quite a bit of trouble. To make things worse, I had a pretty bad episode of depression, which made it difficult to get anything done. But I'm getting back on track now, and updates will resume on every Saturday!

The Wardens were gathered in a space not far from Skyhold, far enough from the bridge and the road to avoid travelers but close enough to get back to the fortress if needed. It was easier than training in Skyhold, where there were constantly people running around, and they could avoid bumping into Cullen’s forces. 

The Wardens were already running drills, but they all stood at attention when they saw Elissa. She waved them off and rested her hands on the hilts of her daggers on her hips. One of the senior Wardens from Orlais, Briar, marched over to them with a quick salute.

“Inquisitor.”

Elissa returned the gesture. “Senior Warden. Is there anything I should know?”

“There have been a few reports of Darkspawn in the valley from near the refugee camps,” they said. “I sent a couple of mine to scout the area to see if they can find them before we send a full team in.”

“Good.”

“A few of the missing Wardens who had been away from Adamant during the battle have arrived as well. A warrior, two rogues, and a mage. The mage never performed the binding ritual, and there is no evidence of Venatori influence.”

“Were they a team together?”

“No, Inquisitor. Just Colette and Gwen - Colette’s the mage. They all found each other when they arrived at Adamant fortress to find the Wardens gone, and the Inquisition’s forces directed them here.”

She nodded. “See if they know anyone else here. The mage can join the others for now.”

“Yes, Inquisitor.”

“Anything else?”

Briar fidgeted and averted their eyes for a moment. “Only the matter of Warden... Blackwall, or whatever his name is.” 

“Thom Rainier. Continue.”

“Some of the others were asking what will become of him.”

“I am not sure yet,” Elissa admitted. “What is the consensus here?”

“Some want him to stay with the Wardens. Others... Well. I could not repeat such things to my commanding officer,” Briar said slowly.

She pursed her lips. “I expected as much. What do you think?”

Briar shrugged, fidgeting with a pouch on their belt. “He was recruited to the Wardens  _ after _ his crimes. It would not be a stretch to claim immunity to past charges, and despite how long he spent lying about being in the Order, he has served well.”

“But?”

“We don’t have proof of his conscription by the real Warden Blackwall,” they said. “It would be our word against Orlais’ and if we can’t trust that Rainier is telling us the truth about his past, we have nothing.”

She sighed and nodded. Briar wasn’t wrong; the real Blackwall had died long before Rainier could go through the Joining. Elissa had nothing, no written records or letters or anything but Rainier’s word, and he had proven himself a liar. Briar spoke up again quietly, leaning in so only Elissa could hear.

“Truthfully, sister, the Wardens are meant to be a second chance,” they murmured. “If Blackwall was willing to give him one... why can’t we?”

Elissa had no response.  _ I know few Wardens who have never committed a crime,  _ she had said to Anders.

She knew what she had to do. She didn’t have to like it.

“Show me these new Wardens,” she said instead. Briar frowned but saluted again.

“Yes, Inquisitor.”   
  


* * *

 

Elissa had known it would not be easy to hold Rainier’s trial. She had known it since the moment he stepped up to the gallows in Val Royeaux. 

But she wasn’t prepared to see him in chains. 

The crowd was larger than usual, the entire event a spectacle for amused onlookers. Elissa had asked Connor to keep Lydia away until it was over. It would be difficult enough  _ without  _ them watching; she had adored Rainier, and Connor regarded the Wardens highly. The fewer distractions she had, the fewer opportunities for her to change her mind, the better.

“What did you have to do to bring me here?” Rainier asked, snapping Elissa back to the room. He stared right at her, forcing her to keep eye contact.

“That is no longer your concern,” she answered flatly. 

“The world will know how you abuse your influence. The Inquisition will be known as tyrants, its Inquisitor most of all.”

She sat tall, head held high. He could insult her, accuse her, shout at her, anything; she would not let it sway her decision. It hurt, of course, but not as much as it had before, in the prison. Now she knew exactly what he wanted from her - and what she would not give him. He wanted her to punish him the way Orlais would have and execute him. It was not an option. 

Rainier could say whatever he wanted; she would not break. Elissa heard worse from her own brother in law.

“You were not given leave to speak, Rainier,” she said coldly. “You are not here out of pity or sympathy, or because of any friendship we once had. You are here because you came into both the Wardens and the Inquisition in bad faith to escape your crimes, and betrayed those who extended a hand to you.”

“You  _ know _ what I did - and we both know I don’t deserve to run away from that!”

Elissa kept her body rigid in place, gripping the arms of the chair to hide their shaking. “You were offered mercy, and you refused from your own self hatred and spite. You will not be offered it as such again.”

His wide eyes snapped up to her in shock. Despite how he antagonized her, had he expected forgiveness and begging? Attempts at rekindling what friendship they had? By the stunned silence across the room, everyone else had the same expectations. Whispers rose from the crowd.

Would she let him go? Turn him over to be Orlais’ problem again? Would she push it onto anyone else to avoid passing judgement on a friend?

They were all wrong. Elissa was not just the innocent and naive daughter of a teyrn who stumbled into authority anymore. They all thought she was weak and frail, too afraid of her own shadow to pose a threat.

Maybe she was. Maybe she was only making her decision because it was easy, and she could wash her hands clean of him. In the end, it didn’t matter. Rainier had made his choice, and so had she. 

“When you took the Joining and truly became a Grey Warden, the Order took responsibility for your crimes,” she said firmly. Her voice echoed throughout the hall as she raised her voice. “The Wardens may recruit all sorts, from petty thieves to princes, and it is allowed to us for the greater good.”

The crowd went still with a mix of emotions that pressed on Elissa’s anxiety. There was no way to satisfy all of them as much as she wanted to. She hesitated and took a deep breath to push the darkness back before ending her speech. 

“You are absolved from your charges, and are released to the Wardens; further, as the senior-most member of the Order at present, I request that you remain with the Inquisition until Corypheus is defeated.”

“Elissa...”

“The Wardens will accept you as their brother, for their cause is more important than any individual. Remove his shackles, please.”

Two Inquisition soldiers stepped forward to follow her orders. Rainier took a step forward, and the soldiers moved in front of him, keeping him from her.

“Elissa, I am grateful,” he said genuinely.

“I said the Wardens would accept you as their brother, not I,” she replied softly. “You have lost that privilege. Return to your post, Warden.”

His face fell, but he nodded. The volume rose again in the crowd, talking of favoritism or cruelty, of how Celene would step in and stop her. She was welcome to try. It was none of Orlais’ concern anymore. It was just Elissa’s.

Elissa stood from the throne, and stepped down from the platform. No one tried to stop her as she walked past Rainier, and the crowd split as she passed. 

“Inquisitor!”

The guards at the massive door to the main hall scrambled to open it as she approached. She just - she couldn’t be there anymore. The Wardens were waiting at their training spot, and Elissa needed to tell them personally what she had done. That was a good enough excuse. 

She had cried when she learned Rainier was missing. She had cried after his confession in Val Royeaux. She had cried in that prison, and on the return to Skyhold, and half a dozen times after that.

Now, she felt nothing. No anger, no relief, no grief. She just felt  _ nothing. _

When she arrived in their clearing, she froze; on the outskirts of the group, talking to the other Warden mages, was Anders. The Hawke siblings were not far. Carver saw Elissa first and cracked a small smile. Elissa crossed the field to them, avoiding the eyes of the other Wardens.

“Lady Cousland.”

She huffed. How long had she tried convincing the Wardens at Vigil’s Keep not to call her that? “Lord Hawke.”

Arianna snorted on the other side of him. “Careful, Inquisitor, you might inflate his ego.”

He turned and elbowed his sister, who made a show of stumbling to the side. With a grin and a wave, Arianna spun around and moved towards Anders. Elissa folded her arms over her chest with a short laugh.

“ _ Anyway, _ ” Carver grumbled. “How did it go with Rainier?”

Elissa flinched. “It... could have been worse.”

“What happened?”

“He didn’t want me to be the one judging him.”

He scoffed. “Well, too bad. You’re the closest we’ve got to a commander. What did you decide?”

“He’s staying a Warden, just as before,” she said quietly. “Maker knows we need as many as we can get.”

“Are you alright with that?”

The question was surprisingly gentle. She smiled, looking out across the group of Wardens. Carver wasn’t one of hers - he came to Vigil’s Keep a few years after Elissa stepped down as commander - but despite his attempts to be grumpy and stoic, he was a good friend. A good man.

“I will be,” she answered honestly. “Thank you.”

He smiled back again. “Good. Want to spar? I might even let you win this time.”

She laughed. “Is that your cover? I promise I won’t tell anyone I beat you.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, yes. Let me just get  _ some _ armor on - throwing or not, that monster you call a  _ sword _ is  _ heavy. _ ”

“Of course,  _ Lady Cousland, _ ” he mocked with a grin. She rolled her eyes.

“You’re  _ on. _ ”   
  


* * *

 

Most of the Wardens accepted Rainier back without question. Those that complained were quieted with one glare from Elissa. Whenever there was a lull in training or drills he would try approaching her, but she always found an excuse to avoid him. The farther she was from him, the better. If he had his heart set on them discussing the matter, he would wait until they could have privacy.

“You could just talk to him and get it over with,” Felix suggested as they watched another pair sparring. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said stiffly.

“Yes you do. He’s been looking over here ever couple of minutes, and I’m pretty sure he isn’t looking at  _ me.  _ Talk to him.”

“I think everything that needs to be said was said during the trial.”

“You never know - maybe he’ll surprise you.”

“Maybe,” she sighed. “And how do you feel about all of this?”

“What he did was awful, but he’s trying to be better. Not a lot of people would,” he answered slowly.

“But?”

“He lied to you - to all of us. I understand why you made the decision you did, but...” He glanced around at their comrades. “I also understand why some are unhappy with it.”

“ _ A lot  _ of people are not happy,” she murmured. “If looks could kill, Solas would have struck me down with lightning on the spot.”

“He hates the Wardens though, it’s not because of  _ you. _ ” She turned to him and he smiled sheepishly. “Dorian complains about him sometimes.”

She snorted. “Only sometimes?"

“He cycles through people,” he said, laughing.

“ _ Inquisitor! _ ”

A messenger slid down the hill to the Wardens’ clearing, and barely stopped before they ran into Elissa.  _ Oh, good.  _ She had asked to be left alone while she was with her Wardens unless it was an absolute emergency. What could have  _ possibly _ happened during the  _ hour _ she had been away from Skyhold?

“ _ Yes? _ ”

The messenger snapped into a quick salute. “I have a me-message from Lady Montilyet, Inquisitor!”

Josephine wouldn’t disrupt her if it wasn’t urgent. “Alright, what is it?”

“Sh-she asks you to return to Skyhold - word just came that some guests of the Inquisition will be arriving later this afternoon?”

_ Andraste preserve me.  _ Yes, that  _ was _ an emergency.

One she did not want to deal with.

Oh well. Nothing to be done about it. “Tell her I will return as soon as possible.”

“Yes, Inquisitor!”

At Felix’s curious look, she sighed. “My husband’s family.”

“Connor’s parents?” he clarified.

“Yes,” she murmured.  _ Unfortunately,  _ she didn’t add. 

“Oh. He and Dorian told me a little.”

“Anything positive?”

“Not much, honestly,” he said with a shrug. “Would it be possible for me to be there for the introductions? To say Connor is nervous is a  _ massive _ understatement, and I know Dorian is worried too...”

Elissa smiled. “Of course. I have to head back up. Can you take charge here for now?”

“Of course. They’re almost done for the day anyway.”

She turned to him with a smile. “Thank you. Once they’re done, come up in dress armor. I need to make sure everything is ready for them.”

“Good luck,” he said dryly.

She snorted. “I’m going to need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elissa knows _way_ too many people. In this universe, Carver joins the Amaranthine Wardens after the Qunari attack in Kirkwall (hence why he's with Nathaniel in act 3). So, he gets there after Elissa steps down, but she still visits Amaranthine fairly often to check on her kids. For reference, [here's a link](https://78.media.tumblr.com/1858adf12710d0af78e717df0b11665c/tumblr_inline_pbvc8keCeh1r2oqem_540.png) for what Carver looks like in this universe, since I know not everyone knows what his other presets look like besides the default.
> 
> Next chapter on July 21st - Eamon and Isolde arrive in Skyhold! The next few chapters will be a bit slower and less big-plot, but we're getting back to that soon!


	27. Closets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's parents arrive at Skyhold. It goes about as well as one would expect it to.

It was way, _way_ too late for Connor to be having second thoughts about this. He should have said something even a week before, or just never shown Elissa the letter at all and sent one back to his parents saying they couldn’t come. Or just pretended he never got the letter at all! Then he could go back to his life in the Inquisition like nothing had ever happened.

But he didn’t, and now he was trapped, because his parents were standing in the main hall of Skyhold. There was no turning back. Elissa stood in front of the throne with Lydia. Connor was behind her with Dorian and Felix on either side of him. Lydia kept trying to sneak anxious glances back at Connor, so he tried to smile, but even he knew it wasn’t very convincing. He was even more nervous than she was. Though, he didn't know how much she actually saw of Connor's parents before she went to the Circle. He should have asked. Maybe he would feel more prepared than he did.

He had built an image of them in his head for the past ten years, held frozen in time, but now they were _real_ and _here_ and he was _terrified._ He had no idea how they would react. Would they be happy to see him? What if they were angry that he had gone to Redcliffe, or the Inquisition? Father had argued against the rebel mages being allowed in Redcliffe, and Connor understood _why_ , but it still _hurt_.

... What if they were ashamed of him? Maker, what if mother started _crying?_ He couldn’t even tell if they had _recognized_ him yet.

Dorian quietly reached out to hold Connor’s hand. He took a deep breath. _Alright._ He could do this.

Elissa dipped into a small bow. “Welcome to Skyhold, lord chancellor, Lady Isolde.”

Father didn’t return the bow, but mother did with a thin smile.

“Thank you for this,” she said softly.

Elissa folded her hands behind her back. “I am glad it was possible. There is some Inquisition related business we will need to discuss later, but I am sure you would like to talk with your son before that.”

Mother started to say something, but father interrupted her. “I’d rather get this _business_ over with first, if it’s so _important_.”

Maker’s _breath._ Heat rose in his face and he tried to keep his eyes past them. They had not even been in Skyhold a day and father was arguing with Elissa. Connor wasn’t _surprised_ , but he was a bit disappointed, and incredibly embarrassed. Dorian couldn’t possibly have a positive view of Connor’s parents - he did talk to Elissa, who was not particularly fond of either of them - but father wasn’t exactly making a better impression. At least this wasn’t as bad as meeting Halward Pavus had been.

“As you wish,” Elissa said stiffly. Connor could almost feel her rolling her eyes. “We can talk in the war room; Commander Rutherford and Sister Leliana will meet us there.”

Then she turned just to his mother. “Isolde, if you’d rather not join us in what I’m sure will be a _long_ meeting, we can find somewhere private for you and Connor to talk instead.”

 _Long meeting_ was a polite way of saying _complete disaster._

Wait. _What._

“Yes, please,” mother said quietly.

Elissa nodded. Lady Montilyet jumped in to lead Connor’s father to the war room in an attempt to diffuse the tension. Elissa turned to Lydia with a small smile.

“Go with Felix, darling. I’ll find you as soon as we’re done,” she promised.

Lydia nodded, fidgeting with the skirts of the dress Connor had practically forced her into. As she turned around to walk over to them, she stopped to hug Connor. Connor let go of Dorian’s hand to hug back with a thin smile. After a long moment she stepped back and took Felix’s hand when he offered. Dorian touched Connor’s arm and leaned in close.

“Do you want me to go with you?” he whispered.

Connor shook his head. “I’ll be fine. I’ll... I’ll come find you after.”

Dorian looked at him for a long moment as if trying to catch him out in a lie, but finally relented, taking a step past him to Felix and Lydia.

Elissa turned around and gave Connor a reassuring smile. She raised a fist to her chest, moving it in a circle to apologize silently. “There is a room off the garden you can use, just beside the chantry altar.”

Alright. He could do this. He was just talking to his mother. Maybe it was better to talk to them one at a time, if father’s comments were any indication.

Mother didn’t say anything the entire way to the gardens.  It wasn’t until the door to the private room was closed that she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a hug.

“My darling boy, you are so _tall_ now,” she babbled in Orlesian. “My baby is a _man_ now!”

His nerves slowly untangled and he leaned down to hug back. His parents had always been so far away, just that image in his mind, but now...

“I missed you,” he admitted quietly.

She pulled back to look at him with a sad smile, keeping her hands on his shoulders. “I have missed you as well, only the Maker knows how much I have!”

 _Then why didn’t you look for me sooner,_ his doubts voiced in the back of his mind. He tried to ignore them. She was here now, and that was enough.

“I wasn’t able to send things from the village or Haven, but Elissa said she did,” he mumbled.

“She did, but... Ah. Come, sit, and we can talk.”

There was a small table with chairs in the room, and the only light came from the recently lit fireplace. Elissa had expected his father to make a scene, then. _Of course she had_. Mother settled in one seat, hands folded awkwardly in her lap, and he took the chair beside her.

“Both Elissa and your uncle sent letters to tell us you were safe in the village, and then with the Inquisition, but politics were difficult in Denerim,” she explained slowly. “Your father... He has tried his best to settle it, but I was not able to send anything for certain until the one you received.”

The pressure rose in his chest again and he picked at his sleeves to keep his hands busy. If they were busy, ice wouldn’t build up and them and scare mother.

“He didn’t want to talk to me,” he said flatly. She sighed.

“It is not that. Your father loves you in his way, you know that.”

He didn’t say anything. He... He didn’t know that anymore. After so long, after everything father had said to the Landsmeet, he didn’t know. Mother reached over and held his hands, not even flinching at how cold they were. Right, she knew about the ice magic, it... it was the first sign of magic he had shown, barely a year before the Blight. 

He closed his eyes for a moment to center himself. He couldn’t have a panic attack. Not now. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes again.

“I know,” he whispered.

She sighed again. His doubt must have shown in his face, so he tried to smile. Thankfully, she understood and changed the subject abruptly.

“Have you been alright here?” she asked instead. “You are safe?”

“As safe as anywhere else,” he answered with a shrug. “I like Skyhold, and the Inquisition. Lydia does too.”

“That was Lydia before with your aunt, yes?”

He nodded. “I have been looking after her, especially when Elissa is away.”

“Is she...”

She didn’t need to finish for him to know what she was asking. _Is the girl dangerous, like you were?_

“She is taking lessons to learn how to control and use her magic,” he said quietly. “The First Enchanter from Montsimmard is Elissa’s friend, so she offered to help.”

“I see.”

Mother released his hands, leaning away from him. She didn’t move much, but he noticed. There was something else she wanted to ask, clearly, but wouldn’t. After a long silence, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I don’t usually fight with the other mages, I didn't really train for it at the Circle very much, but I'm pretty good at it now. I’ve mostly been helping the Inquisition with research,” he blurted out. “I’m trying to, anyway...”

Finally, she met his eyes as she spoke, like he had not said anything. “And who was that man beside you before? He was... and you...”

Anxiety closed up his throat and he couldn’t breathe for a long, long moment. She saw Dorian holding his hand. He had no idea of how she would react. He hadn’t realized that he was attracted to men as well as others until he was a teenager, and it wasn’t something he could write home about. The Templars read all of their letters, and it would have been stupid to let them know of his preferences considering what they did to many mages anyway. With his parents... It was much more accepted in the south of Thedas than in Tevinter, and bloodlines and heirs were not as important in Ferelden, but they were important in Orlais.

He _could_ still provide an heir, of course, but not with Dorian. And he didn’t _want_ to be with anyone besides Dorian.

“His name is Dorian Pavus. He is the one who helped Elissa and Uncle Teagan drive out the magister in Redcliffe.”

“What is he to you?” she asked, her tone growing more and more accusatory. He took a deep breath and looked at her directly before he could lose what little courage he had.

“He is my partner,” he said. “We have been together since... Since not long after we found Skyhold.”

A bolt of shock appeared on her face before she could cover it with a mask. “Your partner.”

He nodded. “Yes. I... I love him.”

“Does anyone else know?”

He swallowed hard past the guilt. Was she upset that he hadn’t told her? He hadn’t told _anyone_ for a long time, because Dorian was uncomfortable with too many people knowing. Then, Dorian had been the one to tell Elissa, and it wasn’t like Connor could hide it from Uncle Teagan after their visit. Their other friends knew, but until the Winter Palace, no one _else_ did. But... that was still a lot of people who knew before Connor’s own parents. Dorian had good reason not to tell his father - Connor just didn’t want to. Why didn’t he want them to know?

“I’m sorry I didn’t write, it’s been... so chaotic, and I didn’t even think about it,” he babbled nervously.

He turned to her again, and her eyes were hard, her mouth pressed into a thin line. The guilt turned to dread as it sank to the bottom of his stomach. He knew that face, had seen that look before, when...

He was eight years old, sitting in a cold bedroom covered in a thin layer of frost. Mother suggested moving him to a new room down the hall because of a _draft in the hallway._ Connor had yelled that it wouldn’t help. She hadn't listened. Neither of them had listened to him. Mother had just given him that _look._ It was the first time he ever realized that something was wrong with him. 

Mother wasn’t upset at being left out. She was ashamed of him.

“If you had not gone to the Circle, you might be married by now,” she said, no longer trying to hide the bitter undertone.

“It doesn’t matter now,” he mumbled. “I can’t inherit anything, so there wouldn’t be any point _._ ”

She grabbed his hands again. “No! Your father will petition the Chantry to make an exception, you will return to Denerim with us!”

“No, mother, I don’t-”

“You _must,_ it is your birthright-”

“I do-don’t want to leave, I’m happy here! For the first... first time, I’m _happy somewhere._ ”

He may as well have slapped her, from the look on her face. He... He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Even worse, it was _true_ , and he couldn’t even deny it now.

“I’ve been isolated and sheltered my entire life,” he explained softly. “You were afraid of me, father ignored me, then everyone in the Circle hated me except Lydia. But here, no one watches me, they all like me, and I’m actually _doing something._ I’m useful, here.”

“Connor...”

She sat up straighter, releasing his hands. “You _will_ come to Denerim. If you need more time to finish your business here-” _Leave Dorian_ , she meant “-you may leave a week after we do. It will give us time to send the petition in.”

“I’m not going to Denerim,” he repeated.

“I am your _mother-_ ”

“Then why didn’t you act like my mother? Why didn’t you ever write to me?!”

The words bubbled up before he could stop them. Again, she was stunned into silence, which he took advantage of to speak before she could interrupt him.

“Elissa visited me every few months, whenever she could, and always had letters from Lydia, and Aedan, and Uncle Teagan. But she never had any from you. Until your letter asking to come here, I thought you both hated me, and I know I would deserve it if you did, but...”

_I wish you didn’t._

After a long pause, she spoke, not even looking at him. “We want you to come home.”

He averted his eyes and shot up from his seat.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

Before she could say anything else he rushed back out of the room, closing the door behind him. Once he realized his mother wasn’t going to chase after him, he rushed back into the castle. He didn’t even know where to _go._ His room was near the gardens, and he couldn’t go back. Elissa was in the war room. He didn’t... He didn’t know where anyone else was, and Lydia _could not_ be there while he was freaking out, and...

“You okay, Grumpy?”

Connor startled and stopped dead in the middle of the hall. Varric approached slowly, like he was waiting for an explosion. Because of course he was, Connor was dangerous.

“I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I’m sorry.”

Varric held his hands up, palms out, stopping a few feet away. “You’re fine, kid. What’s going on?”

He just shook his head. He needed to leave, before he hurt anyone. He needed to calm down, but he couldn’t, and Varric took another step closer, but he needed to _leave._ Stupid, letting himself get so worked up. He was just going to hurt someone. What if he’d hurt his mother?

“Nothing’s going to happen,” Varric said calmly. Oh. Had Connor said those things out loud? “What’s up?”

“I wa-was with my mother, and...” He took in a shaky breath. “She... I don’t know what to do.”

A sigh. “Come on. There’s a place on the lower floor that’s empty.”

“What?”

“Just follow me, kid? I’ll get Sparkler, and Cole will probably show up like he does, and you’ll just sit down there until you feel better. Sound good?”

He hesitated before nodding. “Alright.”

 

* * *

 

The meeting was... not going well, exactly. Elissa hadn’t expected it to - she didn’t like Eamon, and he didn’t like her, and after nearly a decade of Elissa being married to Teagan nothing had changed - but she had hoped for more, for Connor’s sake. Inviting his parents to Skyhold had not been easy for him, but he wanted their acceptance.

An extremely low bar, in Elissa’s opinion, but considering how Eamon had been acting so far, she could only hope Connor was faring better with Isolde.

“We’re not giving the mages to the Chantry,” Elissa said, slowly, for possibly the eleventh time. “Especially not while it is without leadership.”

“Would they not be more protected under the Chantry?”

Maker’s _breath,_ she was going to _kill him._

“If that was the case, they wouldn’t have needed to rebel in the first place.”

“The Chantry can hardly be held responsible for the actions of a few.”

“Just _drop it,_ Eamon,” she groaned. “I’m sure pestering people until they do what you want works with others, but we both know it doesn’t work on me.”

He scoffed. “You hardly have other options.”

"In case you haven't noticed," Elissa said slowly, letting her own bitterness seep in, "We aren't in Denerim. This isn't the Landsmeet, no one here owes you anything, and I'm certainly not looking for your favor."

"You are within Ferelden's borders, and must follow Fereldan laws," he replied stiffly.

She smiled. "Then we are in agreement. The mages will remain with the Inquisition, as our king commanded."

“You are being unreasonable.”

“And I know _exactly_ what you’re trying to do. Even if I thought Connor was at all interested in being reinstated as heir, I don’t have the power to do that, and handing all of them to a bunch of useless clerks who have no idea what they’re doing will change that.”

“How _dare_ you!”

She rolled her eyes. “What are you going to do, complain to Alistair about how rude I am? That’s always worked so well for you before.”

The rest of the room was silent, and had been for some time. Josephine’s diplomacy was appreciated, but made little difference. Leliana had been smiling the whole time, occasionally throwing a comment into the argument to irritate Eamon. Cullen had not moved an inch since entering the war room, and kept his report short. He hated politics even more than Elissa did. Absolutely no one wanted to be in that room.

She sighed. This was going absolutely nowhere and devolving quickly. Arguing with Eamon was, as always, exhausting and frustrating. He hadn’t changed in the near decade she had known him and he certainly wasn’t going to now.

“You can’t hide behind him forever,” he ground out.

“It’s not hiding if I’m right. Now, I believe we have repeated ourselves enough. _Next topic_.”

“This is-”

The door burst open, startling Elissa, followed by a quite clearly upset Isolde and a very flustered Inquisition agent. The agent’s eyes darted around the room and they fidgeted with a folded page.

“Inquisitor, I-I apologize-”

Isolde interrupted them, glaring at Elissa. “Where is my son?”

Elissa frowned. “He left? What happened?”

“He was saying all of these _awful_ things and then he just walked out!”

That... didn’t sound right. Connor was nervous about meeting his parents, but not because he hated them. In fact, he had been rambling nonstop about his fears of being rejected by them. Guilt and anger twisted together in her chest.

“He told you about Dorian, didn’t he?” she asked quietly. Isolde tensed. “Didn’t he!”

“Yes! He said so many awful things and refuses to come home and claim his _birthright_ because of this _magister!”_

“Dorian isn’t-” Elissa paused and took a deep breath. They didn’t care if Dorian wasn’t actually a magister. He was a mage, and from Tevinter, and nothing else mattered. “What did he _actually_ say, exactly?”

Before she could start again, Leliana tapped Elissa’s arm and held out the folded paper from the agent, who stood behind them very awkwardly. Elissa opened it up slowly, reluctant to turn away from their guests.

_Snowdrop,_

_Grumpy’s with me and Sparkler. Talking to his mother did not go well. He said he still hasn’t talked to his father, but at this point I’m pretty sure that’ll just make things worse._

_I brought him to that spot we found when Princess ran off last week. He just needs some space. You should come down whenever you’re done playing nice with the in-laws._

_V._

The paper crinkled in her hands. “We... We will discuss this later, if Connor wants you to stay.”

“If-”

“-Yes, if,” she said firmly. “If he doesn’t want to talk to you or see you, that is his decision, _not yours._ ”

She looked to Josephine, who nodded. _Keep them busy._ Before anyone could say anything else, Elissa rounded the table and rushed out of the war room. If she was quick enough, they wouldn’t be able to follow her - the spot Varric mentioned was in the cellars of the castle, an old storage room the Inquisition used for things they had no other place for. It was quiet, and not many people knew about it or went down there.

She saw Varric first, standing in the doorway with his back to the hall. He looked over his shoulder as she approached with a strained smile and folded his arms over his chest.

“So you got the note,” he said casually. She nodded.

“Around the same time his mother came to try and harass me into finding him for her,” she murmured.

He scoffed. “Seriously? _She_ is the one who told _him_ off.”

“She’s... like that.” Elissa looked past him. “Is he alright?”

“Better now that Sparkler’s here. But, I’m also pretty sure he hasn’t spoken a full sentence since I found him, so take from that what you will.”

_Could be better, could be worse._

“Thank you,” she said softly. He shrugged but his smile widened.

“Any time.”

He stepped to the side to let her pass. Inside the storage room, Connor and Dorian sat on the floor, attached at every possible point of contact. Elissa knelt down in front of them.

“Hey,” she called softly.

Connor looked up at her with a shaky smile. “Hey.”

“Are you alright?” He shrugged. “Better than before?”

“A little,” he admitted.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“My mother didn’t tell you?” he asked bitterly.

“She told me _her_ interpretation, but I’ve known her long enough to know how reliable _that_ is.”

He hesitated. Dorian squeezed his hand.

“She wasn’t... wasn’t happy about me being with Dorian. She wants me to go to Denerim with them when they leave so they can petition the Chantry to make me their heir again, and then...”

“Make you marry someone you can have children with?” she finished gently.

He nodded. “Did... Did your family ever try to make you do that?”

She couldn’t keep the surprise off of her face. It was an odd question, something she hadn’t thought about for years. Something she hadn’t really _wanted_ to think about, because it meant thinking about her parents and it still hurt more than she liked.

“At first, yes,” she murmured. “I wasn’t interested, but I didn’t have a choice. My brother married at eighteen, and I was sixteen so I knew I was next. I got lucky and he had a child within the first year, so my parents backed off.”

“You weren’t interested?”

“In... certain aspects of marriage, no. I like men and women and others, but not like that.”

“Oh.” A thoughtful frown crossed his face. “I didn’t know that was an... option.”

Dorian snorted. “You responded to me mentioning it by working yourself into a panic until I reminded you that you could say no."

Connor ducked his head back down to hide behind his knees. “Dorian!”

He went quiet again, not lifting his face again until Dorian leaned in to kiss the side of his head. Coming down from a panic attack was never easy, but he was growing better at it. Having Dorian with him helped, she was sure.

“Are they still looking for me?” he finally asked in a small voice.

“Your mother came to me trying to find you, but I told them both to back off until you were ready.”

“Oh.”

She reached out to put her hand on his knee. “If you don’t want to see either of them, you don’t have to. I have a few things to wrap up with your father, but you don’t have to be anywhere near him.”

He was quiet for a long moment before he nodded. “I... I want to say goodbye before they leave, but I don’t think I should talk to them until then. Is that bad?”

“Of course not,” she said firmly.

“Okay.”

It was only another day or so. It wouldn’t be difficult to keep them apart, and there was certainly enough around Skyhold to keep Connor occupied so he wouldn’t panic again. Lydia would be looking for him soon, and now that he and Cole had spoken, Cole would know how to help. Dorian would always be with him.

“I have to head back up. Will you be alright then?” A small nod. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Elissa.”

She smiled as she pushed herself up from the ground. “Any time, love.”

Now Elissa just had to manage two days without throwing her in-laws out or killing them. She could do that. Probably.

Though, Zevran _was_ on his way to Skyhold. He wouldn’t do it if she asked, and she wouldn’t ask, but Eamon didn’t need to know that. Maybe he would even stop arguing with her for a few minutes. Unlikely, but it was possible.

 _Right._ Back to politics. Varric shot her another smile and a nod as she passed.

“I’ll keep them out of trouble,” he offered quietly.

“Thank you,” she murmured.

Just two more days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative titles for this chapter: The Shitshow(TM)! This was difficult to write as I got a bit personal with how close to home some of this is, considering I have family who are a lot like Isolde. But, I pulled it together! 
> 
> There's going to be a slight time skip after this chapter (only a few days) so Eamon and Isolde won't show up again. Elissa really has no patience for Eamon and wants him to leave as soon as possible. 
> 
> Next chapter, on July 28th - Cullen thinks he's found Samson's hideout, and goes with Elissa to see if they can capture Corypheus' general!


	28. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen finds the location of Samson's base, and requests to join Elissa and her team as they break in to find information on Corypheus' general.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor warning for this chapter: As it does follow the game, suicide comes up in this chapter. I've added a general content warning tag to this story as well.

Corypheus was evil. The Venatori and Red Templars at his command were evil. Elissa knew that. It was still difficult to fathom the papers before her, notes from the lyrium smugglers in the Emerald Graves and reports from Venatori mines near Sahrnia.

“They're mining the red lyrium, contaminating the workers, and using them to grow more,” she murmured. “We... Dorian and I saw something similar when Alexius sent us into the future.”

Across from her, Cullen nodded stiffly. “They also have operations in Suledin Keep,but we have not been able to scout the area.”

Shit.

“Our soldiers were able to shut down the mines. They found these papers we believe may lead back to Samson’s hideout - letters and trade records.”

She shifted the pages around, skimming through each of them. “They mention armor?”

“Made of red lyrium. It...” He stopped and cleared his throat, averting his eyes. “It must give him extraordinary power. I worry we won’t be able to stop him.”

“Of course we will. We just have to find a way to destroy the armor,” she said firmly. He gave her a thin smile.

“I couldn’t say how. Templars are trained _not_ to destroy magical equipment.”

She folded her arms over her chest. “Dagna has been studying red lyrium samples. If we could get our hands on some notes for Samson’s armor, she might be able to find a way to break it.”

“Alright,” he said uneasily.

Elissa watched him for a long moment as he fidgeted with the pages, not meeting her eyes. In Haven, Cullen mentioned that Samson had been a Templar in Kirkwall, but he had never explained further. Arianna recognized the name, said she’d run into Samson a couple of times, but nothing about Cullen’s involvement. Elissa knew it was difficult for him to discuss his past, something she understood just as well, but... He was getting better, slowly.

“There is something else, isn’t there? You know you can talk to me,” she pushed gently. He let out another smile, more genuine this time, and she tried to return it.

“I know,” he murmured. “The orders mention a man named Maddox. A name I did not expect to hear.”

“You know him?”

His smile faded back into an uncomfortable frown as he leaned forward on his desk. “In a way. He was a mage in Kirkwall’s Circle. Samson was cast out of the order when he was caught smuggling letters between Maddox and his lover. Maddox... was made Tranquil, for... corrupting the moral integrity of a Templar.”

“For _love letters?_ ”

“Meredith wielded the brand for far lesser offenses, believe me.”

She reached out to put her hand over one of his. He glanced up at her with wide eyes before turning away again, reaching his free hand up to rub the back of his neck as he continued.

“Samson must have rescued him,” he finished quietly.

She squeezed his hand. “If he’s the one maintaining Samson’s armor, we can use those trade records of the supplies he required to trace him back to their base.”

“Yes.”

“I'll put together a team and go as soon as we pin him down. With the number of troops they have in the field, I doubt there's many at this fort,” she offered.

“I'm coming with you.”

“Cullen...”

“This is something I need to do myself, Elissa,” he said firmly. “Bring whoever else, but I need to be there.”

“And if there’s red lyrium there? You know how it spreads.”

He bristled, jaw clenched. “I will deal with it if it becomes a problem.”

“Cullen.”

“Please just drop it.” At her concerned look, he deflated again. “I will be careful. If I am compromised, I trust you to do what is necessary.”

His tone left little room for argument. They had discussed the matter before, after his breakdown she witnessed. If he took care of himself properly, his symptoms were a hindrance, but not too disabling as to keep him from duty. If that changed, just as he made Cassandra promise, he made Elissa promise to remove him from duty. Whatever that would mean.

“If something goes wrong, and you truly cannot continue to serve, you will step down as commander, and remain with the Inquisition as an advisor,” she said. In part, it was a challenge - he could refuse her conditions, but would he?

“I... Fine. Again, I will be careful so that will not be necessary.”

She stood upright, tugging at her sleeves. “Alright. If that is all, just... let me know when you hear anything. I’ll gather our team.”

“Good. All we can do for now is wait.” He paused, hands going to the hilt of his sword on his waist out of instinct. “Now... Are you alright? I may not be adept at politics, but even _I_ could see how badly those negotiations were going.”

She snorted. “Eamon and I have never been friends. I expected that to fail - he’s just angry that Alistair and Anora support the Inquisition despite his protests.”

“And the other conflict?”

“Dealt with. I’m fine, _I’m_ not the one she was targeting.”

“Then is Connor alright?”

She smiled again. “He is now. He appreciated you and Josephine keeping his parents occupied so he could recover.”

“They couldn’t be worse than the Winter Palace, and I survived that,” he said flatly. She laughed.

“Or perhaps you are becoming a master politician,” she teased. He rolled his eyes. “Still. Thank you.”

“Anything you need.”

“Same to you.”

They fell into a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes. Elissa suddenly broke it, rounding the desk to stand beside him and bump him out of her way.

“Starting with these papers. How do you find anything in here?”

“Not all of us are so obsessively organized.”

“Well, perhaps you should be. I suppose I should fix these. _Again._ ”

He chuckled softly. “As you wish.”

* * *

 

It took less than a full day for Leliana’s people to piece together the trail. Samson was stationed at a shrine for Dumat, along with the bulk of his forces. More importantly, Maddox was there, along with his tools. Elissa gathered Solas, the Iron Bull, and Cole, and Cullen joined them at the gates to Skyhold.

By the time they arrived at the shrine, the place was going down in flames. Tables were thrown over, tents torn, troops rushing around only to stumble across the Inquisition, piles of debris set on fire.

“Samson must have ordered his men to sack his headquarters so we couldn’t,” Cullen said bitterly.

“Someone informed them that we were coming,” Solas observed coolly.

Elissa shook out her left hand, shifting the dagger so the hilt didn’t press against the Mark. Spies were to be expected within an organization as large as the Inquisition, but Leliana screened her agents so aggressively it seemed odd for one to slip through. One of the soldiers who raided the mines near Sahrnia must have turned.

“It hasn’t been a total waste,” she pointed out. “The more of his own resources he throws away, the less he has to fight back with.”

“I suppose so.”

She rested her hand on his arm in sympathy, and he tried to force a smile. His grip on his blade tightened and his shield arm tensed. She quickly scanned his face; he was pale and his hands shook if they were not kept occupied, but no worse than usual. As Elissa expected, red lyrium spikes poured from every crack in the stone fortress to make crystal structures scattered across the landscape. Perhaps due to his resistance to lyrium, it took longer for the red stuff’s effects to harm him.

Solas walked up beside them, meeting Elissa’s eyes. “We should keep going before more troops are alerted to our presence.”

Elissa nodded. “There shouldn’t be many left, if they were abandoning the place, but you’re right. We came here for a reason.”

The inside of the sanctuary-turned-military headquarters was even worse. Red lyrium was everywhere, lighting the rooms in an eerie glow. The halls were empty and every scrap of evidence had been thrown into the fire. Only the combined presence of Cole and the Iron Bull on either side of her kept the heat from suffocating her. It felt as if the lyrium radiated anger and sickness.

The final room at the back of the building house what was once a shrine, encased in lyrium. Templar flags hung from every wall. There was no mistaking who owned this base. Unfortunately, the rest of the room seemed empty. Had they truly taken everything? How much notice did the Venatori have?

Something made a rustling noise and a pained sigh. Elissa rounded a wall of lyrium quickly and froze at what - who - she had found. A man sat on the floor, back against the base of a massive Tevinter statue, wearing a set of heavy robes. Now that she was closer, she could see the Chantry sunburst burned into his face.

She whipped around to find the rest of the team. “Cullen, here!”

His boots pounding on the stone as Elissa knelt next to the man. Had the Templars attacked him? He did not look well, but he was unharmed. Only the bottom fringe of his robes was frayed and burnt from the fires around him. Her heart sank as Cullen slowed to a stop behind her.

“Hello, Inquisitor,” the man said placidly, turning his gaze up to her face.

“You know who I am?” she asked, trying to keep the shaking from her voice.

“We knew you were coming.”

Cullen shuffled, putting his sword back in its sheath at his side. “It’s Maddox, Samson’s Tranquil. Something’s wrong - we should send for a healer.”

 _It's Samson’s Tranquil._ As though Samson owned him.

Maddox turned to Cullen. “That would be a waste, Knight Captain Cullen.” Cullen flinched at the title. “I drank my entire supply of Blightcap essence. It won’t be long now.”

Elissa felt cold. Of course he was unharmed. Samson would have directed the Templars not to attack him. He did this to himself. She reached out and carefully placed her hand on Maddox’s shoulder.

“We would not have hurt you,” she said softly.

“No, but you would have asked questions. That is what I could not allow.”

Without any visible expression, it was difficult to tell his condition. How long did he have? Was he in pain? Even if he could not feel any emotions about the situation, was he distressed?

“I destroyed the camp with fire,” he continued. “We all agreed it was best. Our deaths assured that Samson could escape.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Elissa saw Cullen’s own expression darken. “You threw your lives away? For _Samson?_ Why?!”

Maddox leveled a flat stare at him. If he could, Elissa knew he would be angry.

“Samson saved me even before he needed me. He gave me _purpose_ again. I... wanted to help...”

His eyes slid closed and all of the tension left his body at once. Elissa rushed to hold him up as the panic set in. There was no time to find a healer now. He was going to die, and there was nothing they could do to stop it. The least she could do was make it easier. He was helping Samson, but not maliciously. He was protecting a friend. That deserved _some_ respect.

“We will tell him what you did,” she promised.

He nodded, ever so slightly, and went limp. Elissa pulled her hand back and stood up on liquid legs. Cullen held her arms to steady her, looking between her and Maddox on the floor.

“We should... We should check the camp. He may have missed something,” he suggested quietly.

_Samson’s Tranquil. Samson’s Tranquil._

Elissa yanked herself out of his grip and nodded stiffly. The hurt look on his face stung, but she ignored him.

“Maddox deserves a funeral.”

He sighed. “I’ll... have someone take care of it.”

“Him,” she snapped.

Cullen said nothing to that. Elissa stormed off to where Cole stood fidgeting. Cole tilted his head towards her as she approached but didn’t look at her. He just pointed to a pile of empty bottles and vials littering the floor, covered in drops of red lyrium.

“Desperate, digging, it doesn't sing as loudly, so he needs more.”

“Is that Samson?”

He nodded. She turned to leave and he quickly grabbed her hand to stop her.

“If one person remembers him, he is not gone,” he mumbled. “It hurts to be forgotten, but he won’t be.”

Elissa let out a thin smile and squeezed his hand. “Thank you, Cole.”

He nodded again and released her. They found Maddox’s tools hidden in plain sight in the next room, barely damaged by the fire. Any notes he had written were gone, but he was unable to destroy the tools with them. Maybe he didn’t want to destroy them at all. Elissa took a deep breath as Solas carefully collected everything he deemed important enough to recover. The Iron Bull stood beside her silently, just a calm presence keeping her grounded.

The calm didn’t last long.

Cullen entered the room, stopping abruptly to keep a distance between them. He glanced at her warily, as though she was a wild animal he needed to study and keep tame.

“It’s a pity Maddox thought his sacrifice was the only answer,” he said flatly.

Elissa clenched her hands tight around the hilts of her daggers, back in their sheaths. “He was protecting his friend.”

“Still, I... can’t see any reason for what he did.”

 _I quite like being alive, and would like to remain so._  
_  
_ **_Do you?_ **

“You don’t have to understand him to respect him,” she murmured.

He hesitated before nodding. Elissa glanced at the ground in front of him, unwilling to meet his eyes.

“You said he was from Kirkwall’s Circle. Where was he before he was taken?”

“I do not know.”

“His family?”

He shuffled uncomfortably. “Elissa, I don’t know what you want me to say. I was not expected to know every detail about each of our charges. The Gallows were overflowing at times.”

“He was Tranquil. Surely there were not so many of them that you would not even know which country one was from? Or did you just not care because he was a mage, because he was Tranquil?”

His silence was damning.

Elissa wondered how much of his time as Knight Captain he hid or lied about. Arianna had avoided him at any cost during her short time in Skyhold. Carver had only glared at him the few times they were in the same room. Varric was friendly enough, but Elissa did not miss the edge his jokes took when directed at the former Templar. It was the same edge he took with Cassandra.

“If I had not suggested it, would you have bothered sending people in to provide him a proper funeral?” she asked quietly.

More silence. Was he saying he would not have? Or was just she just not worth arguing with?

She turned and stormed out of the sanctuary. The sun was blinding as she passed through the doors. Without the Red Templars, the place felt dead. Elissa felt wrong standing in the ruins of what was once a home of worship. The heavy quiet suited the god of silence well.

“Elissa.”

Cullen.

“Commander.”

“I did not have as much power in Kirkwall as you believe,” he argued. “Meredith wielded the brand more than she breathed. I did not know the extent of her madness until it was too late.”

She spun around, hair falling loose from her ties. “And everything after that? In Haven, even now in Skyhold? Is that Meredith too?”

“Inquisitor-”

She took a step forward, grabbing the front of Cullen’s coat to pull him in.

“Is she the one who threatened the refugee mages, refusing to give them even basic respect?” she snarled. “Who excused Templars harassing Connor because _they were just fulfilling their duty?_ Whose soldiers still harass the mages even now to the point that they don’t feel safe with the Inquisition?”

“You are not thinking clearly,” he ground out.

She released him roughly and he stumbled back. Before he could steady himself, she pulled back her hand and slapped him. The sound echoed through the ruins, mixing with the crackling fire and ringing lyrium.

“You lied to me, about all of this, everything you knew I would object to. I am sick of being lied to!”

“I was not lying,” he shouted back at her. “I wouldn’t! We are friends!”

“Are we?”

He stared at her, breathing heavily. The lyrium was affecting him, making him shake and draining his skin of all color. Elissa smothered a flash of shame and concern.

“Or were you just pretending so I might look the other way and ignore what you’ve done, what you are still doing?”

Again, he did not answer. Before Elissa could move another muscle, a large hand grabbed her shoulder and shoved her back away from him. The Iron Bull forced her to turn around and pushed her forward, away from him, away from everyone.

Once they were far enough away, the anger faded into a cold numb feeling. “You can let go. I’m not going to attack him.”

The Iron Bull let go of her. “Just a precaution, boss.”

“I know.”

She ripped off the glove covering the mark, scratching at it anxiously. The magic crawled down her wrist, coloring her veins a sickly green. She just wanted to go home. If she didn’t have the mark, they wouldn’t need her anymore. Someone else would be propped up as Inquisitor. Lydia could go home, for good. The only thing stopping her was the Anchor.

“It won’t help,” Cole said quietly behind her.

She didn’t respond. She understood what he meant, and he knew that she did. There was no point keeping secrets from a spirit who could read her mind.

“We should go, send some people to finish with cleanup and get Maddox,” Iron Bull suggested. Elissa nodded. He sighed. “You know he didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know,” she mumbled.

“And you didn’t mean what you said either.”

“I’m not a child, I can take care of myself.”

“Right. Whatever you need, boss.”

She should be angry and yell at him. They were friends, but she was still, as he said, his boss. Elissa didn’t need him using his Ben-Hassrath training to manipulate her out of trouble. He wasn’t using it on purpose, and he was right, but that just made it hurt more.

When they returned to Skyhold, Cassandra tracked Elissa down. The trails of the missing Seekers all ended at the same location, one by one. A castle, hidden away and far from even the closest village. 

"Where is it? Who actually owns the castle?"

"Bann Loren. He has not been seen for several months, but the Seekers were all last seen asking for directions to Caer Oswin," Cassandra explained. 

Elissa felt sick as she nodded. "Caer Oswin, then. We will leave in two days. I need time to catch up before I leave Skyhold again."

"Of course, Inquisitor."

Cassandra gave a curt nod and left the war room. The door slammed shut behind her, causing Elissa to flinch. Loren was, regardless of anything else, a decent man. Her father would not have called him a friend if he wasn't. Elissa remembered his wife, Landra, and their son, Dairren. Landra's lady in waiting, Iona, whose eyes sparkled as she described her young daughter.

Elissa remembered finding Landra's body in her bedroom, just outside the family hall. Dairren and Iona had died in the library as Howe's soldiers broke down every door. Months later after the Blight, Elissa found Iona's darling Amethyne hiding in the Denerim alienage and brought her to the palace, and later to Redcliffe. Loren had sided with Loghain in the war as he believe Howe's lies about the Couslands. Elissa didn't blame him. She tried reaching out over the years, but he never responded. Now, he might be dead as well.

Elissa swallowed hard and pushed the reports away. The glow of the mark seeped through her gloves and she closed her hand in a tight fist to smother it. Standing alone, staring at the map markers and piles of books and papers, all she could feel was cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> I've hit 100k words! This is the longest project I've written in years, or ever. And, we've still got a ways to go. Next chapter, on August 4th, Elissa and Cassandra go investigate Caer Oswin to look for the missing Seekers, and Elissa continues to spiral.


	29. Oak and Iron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa and Cassandra investigate Caer Oswin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of suicidal thinking.

The sick feeling lasted even as they stood in the shade of Caer Oswin. The whole party was tense; Elissa insisted on bringing Iron Bull, and asked Varric to go with them. When her panic attack finally broke - and it would, she knew without a doubt - they would know what to do. Cassandra and Varric were still on shaky terms, but Varric came anyway.

“I can't just leave you to the mercy of the Seeker,” he joked, trying to pull a smile out of her. It worked and she laughed quietly. “Besides, Bianca's getting bored sitting around Skyhold all the time.”

He tried keeping things light as they walked. There were no guards on the perimeter or watching from the castle walls. Not even animals skittered across their path. It was like the whole area was dead.

A pile of discarded goods and items held quite a bit of insight into why. Crumpled in the mess was a letter, addressed to Loren from Bann Alfstanna. Leliana’s intel said Alfstanna had tried for months to get to Loren, to no avail, just like Elissa.

_Loren,_

_Please let me in so I can see you. I'm worried about you. Those new guards of yours won’t let me or anyone else near you._

_I saw Elissa Cousland in Denerim not too long ago, and she said she hasn't heard from you either. I understand that you are still in pain, but at least send something back telling her to stop so we know you're alive._

_-A_

Elissa bit her lip. When Iron Bull tapped her shoulder, she handed the note back, scratching at her marked palm.

“What is it?” Cassandra asked sternly.

Elissa sighed. “No one has been allowed in or out for some time. Bann Loren was last seen in the castle, but he has strange guards keeping everyone else away. Considering how this was disposed of, I’m guessing they aren’t allowing any letters in either, which explains why he never responded to mine.”

Cassandra frowned, staring her down. “You know him?”

_Better to have the panic attack before we go in rather than after, I suppose._

“Yes,” she answered shortly.

“Seeker, I’m pretty sure she _has_ to know all the nobles in her own kingdom,” Varric covered for her. Cassandra scowled at him.

“I know that’s not what she meant,” she ground out.

Elissa clenched her jaw, trying to keep her tone even. “Drop it, Cassandra.”

“Inquisitor.”

“His son, wife, and her lady in waiting were killed alongside my family in the massacre at the start of the Blight,” Elissa snapped.

Breathing was growing more and more difficult. Iron Bull grabbed her shoulder and moved her forward past Cassandra. Elissa stopped forcefully and turned to look at him.

“I’m fine,” she murmured. “I just need to stay away from her.”

He shrugged. “You’re the boss.”

She took a deep breath and nodded. She couldn’t fall apart during a fight. Once it was out of her system, she would be fine. She could do this.

“Let’s keep moving,” she called out, loud enough for the others to hear.

The castle was guarded by Red Templars and soldiers with emblems Elissa didn’t recognize. They weren’t Loren’s men, of that she was certain. It was easy to cut through the castle, starting in the dungeons and working their way up.

“The Order of Fiery Promise,” Cassandra growled. “I should have known they would be involved in this.”

Elissa frowned. “Who are they?”

“They are a cult with... strange beliefs about the Seekers. They’ve hounded us for centuries - they are less _formidable_ than they are _deranged._ They take in whatever forbidden magic they can find, hoping it will make them _true_ Seekers.”

“Perhaps they are the strange guards keeping people away,” Elissa suggested. “Most would not know about them. But why Caer Oswin? Why Loren?”

“He may have been an easy target. He is a pious, unassuming man with no family to look for him, and few friends,” Cassandra said slowly.

“So they pretended to be legitimate, and then trapped him before he could notice.”

“Perhaps.”

There were no servants in the castle. In fact, there was no one inside the castle _at all_ besides cultists and Templars. There was no sign of Loren, and the only Seeker they found was Cassandra’s apprentice. The boy was too pale, with wide, deep red cracks splitting his skin open. He had heavy dark circles around his eyes like bruises, as though he had been struck.

An uneasy feeling settled at the bottom of Elissa’s stomach. Something was very, very wrong.

“They put a demon inside me,” Daniel whispered. “It’s-It’s tearing me up!”

Cassandra shook her head, eyes wide where she knelt beside him. “You can’t be possessed. That’s impossible!”

“I’m not possessed. They... fed me things. I can feel it growing...” he trailed off.

It all clicked together at once in Elissa’s mind, and she recoiled back. “Daniel, did... _they_ give you red lyrium?”

He shifted his gaze to her for a moment before closing his eyes. It felt like her heart would break out of her chest. Elissa looked down at Cassandra and met her eyes. Recovering from the effects of normal lyrium was difficult and dangerous. Recovering from red lyrium was, to the best of their abilities, impossible. She thought of that dark future in Redcliffe, with the red lyrium bleeding out of the walls consuming every living thing it touched.

“That note we found said Seekers are resistant to red lyrium,” she said quietly. “The cultists were experimenting on them.”

Daniel coughed, pushing himself further up the wall he was leaning against. “You have to find the Lord Seeker.”

Cassandra leaned in, holding his arm. “Of course we will. If he still lives, we’ll-”

“Lucius betrayed us, Cassandra. Sent us here one by one, for an _important mission._ No one comes back out - he’s working with them.”

“For how long? We know about the Envy demon at Therinfal,” Elissa asked quickly.

“No, the... the demon came later.”

He had led the Seekers to their deaths on his own will. He was already working with the Venatori and Corypheus when the demon took his shape. The Templar officers had not questioned the demon’s behavior and ordered the rest to obey it because they knew Lucius was still at the helm. Elissa took a step back.

“Cassandra...”

Cassandra didn’t look at her as she spoke with a steady voice. “Now is not the time for sympathy.”

Elissa nodded stiffly and backed away, taking long strides down the hall to the stairs were Varric and Iron Bull waited. Iron Bull stared her down until she waved him off. She was _fine._ Behind her, she heard metal grinding against metal, and a pained sigh. Cassandra joined them again, a hard look on her face.

Elissa turned back to her. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry.”

She clenched her jaw. “Thank you. Let’s go - I must find the Lord Seeker.”

The castle wound up a hill, with open pathways between towers. They stumbled across a few more Red Templars, but no one else. There was only one more door. Had the Lord Seeker escaped? How could anyone get past them in the narrow corridors? It was not a large estate, they had to be _somewhere_ in it.

She was right. She almost wished she wasn’t.

Cassandra threw open the last door that led into a large, overgrown courtyard. Lord Seeker Lucius stood waiting for them, flanked by Templars. Elissa gripped the hilts of her blades tight enough to make her gloves creak.

“Cassandra,” the man greeted casually. “With a woman I can only assume is the Inquisitor.”

“Where is Bann Loren?” Elissa snapped. Lucius just gave her a sickly placid smile.

“He is alive, if that is what you’re asking.”

“Where _is he?_ ”

He scoffed. “In the castle, I presume. It is unimportant.”

“What is your purpose here? Why did you lure the Seekers here?”

His eyes lit up and he twitched. “I presume you know the Seekers of Truth were the original Inquisition. Oh, yes - we fought to restore order in a time of madness long ago, as you do now. But what did we create? The Chantry. The Circles of Magi. A war that will see no end!”

Cassandra growled. “You did all this because you _hate our order?”_

“We Seekers are abominations, Cassandra,” he sang. “We _had_ to be stopped! If you don’t believe me, see it for yourself!”

He beckoned a Templar forward, who held a book out to Cassandra. It had the emblem of the Seekers, but looked centuries old. Cassandra took it gently and cradled it as though it would crumble in her hands.

“The secrets of our order, passed to me after the former Lord Seeker was slain. Lambert had already started the war with the mages, but it was not too late for me to do the right thing,” Lucius said firmly.

Cassandra looked back at him. “Lord Seeker, what you’ve done...”

“I know.”

Cassandra set the book down gently, taking care to keep it out of harm’s way as she ripped her sword out of its sheath. Lucius just kept smiling with his arms swinging at his sides.

“I have created a new order to replace the old,” he called out. “The world will end so we can begin anew - a pure beginning!”

“You are _mad!_ ”

Elissa adjusted her grip. “Cassandra.”

The other woman said nothing as she unhooked her shield from her back. Elissa heard Bianca click into position, and Iron Bull’s greatsword scrape against its holster.

Elissa shifted her gaze back to Lucius. “You know we can’t let you get away with this, Lucius.”

“I know,” he repeated, sliding his own weapon out. “Nor can I allow you to stop me!”

_A war that will see no end._

The group was easy to dispatch. Red Templars were fast and had heightened endurance but they were also caught in a confused haze. It only took a few quick moves to throw them off so Varric could finish them with a precise arrow in their chest. Elissa left Lucius to Cassandra - if anyone would know how to counter him, it would be a fellow Seeker. Cassandra deserved to face him on her own terms, and decide his fate.

He finally fell with a wet cry, eyes still wide open with that condescending grin. Cassandra spun quickly away from him and picked up the book carefully. Elissa didn’t know what to say. If she was closer to Cassandra, she might, but there was little chance of that. She could try comforting the Seeker, or even commenting on Lucius’ words and actions.

“We should go back into the castle to find the bann,” she suggested instead.

A heavy silence fell over the group. Cassandra nodded stiffly.

“Yes, Inquisitor.”

Loren was still in the castle, locked in his chambers with a single servant from his original staff. He was thin and pale, but alive. He startled and scrambled up from his chair and the servant pulled out a sharpened scrap of wood.

“Wh-who are you?” the bann demanded.

Elissa held up empty hands, looking directly at him. It had been over a decade since he last saw her, at a party held by his wife, of course he didn’t recognize her.

“Elissa Cousland,” she answered calmly.

Recognition finally hit and he staggered forward. The servant put their weapon down to ensure he did not fall.

“Of course,” he murmured. “I should have seen. You’re the spitting image of your mother wearing that armor.”

An inappropriate flash of pride ran through her. “Are you alright? We defeated the Templars holding you captive.”

“We’re fine. Greer took good care of me,” he said with an affectionate look at the other. Greer smiled.

“How did this all happen? Alfstanna and I have been trying to contact you for months,” Elissa asked.

Loren sighed heavily. “Come, I will tell you everything as soon as I get out of this blasted room. I’m sure you have much to share in return.”

“Of course.”

Elissa took a step to the side to allow him to pass, assisted by Greer. He was safe, and becoming caught up in her mess had not killed him. The relief struck her all at once as she caught up with the group and walked alongside Varric. He shot a knowing look up at her and nudged her.

“What’s with the face, Snowdrop? Don’t think I’ve ever seen you make that face at anyone besides Grumpy and Princess,” he teased.

She shrugged and spoke quietly, too tired to deflect. “He said I look like my mother. Not many remember my parents well enough to say that, and fewer that I trust.”

“On our way back, tell me about her. If she’s anything like _you_ , she must have had stories.”

“She did.” Elissa smiled, rubbing her thumb along the Anchor. “I... I would like that. Thank you.”

* * *

 

When they returned to Skyhold, Elissa left Cassandra alone. They did not get along well in the best of times, and what they learned at Caer Oswin was horrific. Elissa was worried she would say the wrong thing or accidentally spark another conflict. It was awkward enough standing at meetings with Cullen after their fight. She didn’t need to cause any more problems within the Inquisition. Their leaders needed to present a united front.

Cassandra sought her out after three days and asked to meet her in the armory building she spent so much of her time in. Elissa steeled herself as she entered the empty building. Looking around, she saw Cassandra on the second floor at one of the tables, and started up the stairs.

“Elissa,” Cassandra greeted flatly.

Elissa sat at the other side of the table, arms folded over her chest. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, I...” Cassandra trailed off and sighed. “This tome has passed from Lord Seeker to Lord Seeker since the time of the old Inquisition. Now, it falls to me.”

“Dry reading, I take it?” Elissa asked with an awkward smile.

Cassandra huffed out a laugh. “On the contrary, it’s a delight. I’m _riveted._ ”

“I’m sure.”

Cassandra was quiet for a long moment as she stared back down at the book. It was in pristine condition considering its age. Either it was a copy, or it was well taken care of. It certainly looked better than many of the books in Skyhold’s library despite Dorian’s best efforts. Finally Cassandra looked back up at her.

“You know what the Rite of Tranquility is,” she said quietly. “It should only be used on those who cannot control their abilities, but... that has not always been the case.”

Elissa frowned. “From what various mages have told me, it was _rarely_ used for that purpose.”

“As a Seeker, I looked into... abuses. Mages made Tranquil as punishment. It was not as common as they say.”

“Is that because it truly did not happen, or because the Templars hid their abuses?”

Cassandra touched the cover of the book. “I suppose I will never know for certain. Along with what happened in Kirkwall, the discovery that it could be undone is what sparked the rebellion. But... The Seekers have known how to reverse the Rite all along. We _created_ it.”

“That’s not surprising at all,” Elissa mumbled. Cassandra nodded.

“To become a Seeker, I spent months in a vigil, emptying myself of all emotion,” she explained. “I was made Tranquil, and did not even know. Then, they summoned a spirit of Faith to touch my mind, breaking the Tranquility and granting me my abilities. They did not share that secret with anyone, even their own members, or...”

She cut herself off, but Elissa knew who she meant. Not even the Divine knew what the orders under her command were doing. Cassandra stood, turning to the window behind her.

“I thought to rebuild the Seekers once victory was ours, but now? I’m not sure it _deserves_ to be rebuilt,” she murmured.

Elissa pressed down on the Anchor as she watched Cassandra. “If you were to rebuild them, what would you do? How would you change things?”

“I...” She hesitated, glancing back at Elissa. “I can’t be the only one remaining. I would find everyone who is left, and we would all read this book. No more secrets. Then... we could establish a new charter - the Maker’s work, in truth.”

“And what is the Maker’s work?”

More confidently, Cassandra answered, “There is no way to know for certain. That is why we must seek it out. Perhaps we lost our way because we stopped looking.”

“That could be dangerous,” Elissa pointed out. “Loose standards and vague or unwritten rules could easily lead to abuses.”

“Then we will create a base to prevent it that cannot be altered or ignored. To be fair, and merciful.”

Elissa stood and rounded the table to stand next to her.

“We may not always see eye to eye, but if this is truly what you want to do, I trust you,” Elissa said. “And I will help any way I can.”

Cassandra smiled, leaning against the wall. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

She hesitated for a long moment before averting her eyes away from Elissa. “Tell me, what guides you? You make decisions that shake the world, yet always seem so assured. I wish I had your confidence.”

Elissa snorted. “I wouldn’t call it confidence. I try to do what I believe is right, and learn from when I am wrong.”

“And how will you know the difference?”

“People have never been particularly shy about telling me,” she said drily. “You included.”

Cassandra laughed softly. “I suppose not. Back in Haven, if someone had told me I would be pleased to have you lead me, I would have throttled them.”

“And now?”

“Now, I believe the Maker chose well.”

“I don’t believe I was chosen by the Maker, remember?” Elissa teased with a grin. Cassandra rolled her eyes.

“I am _well_ aware.”

“I do appreciate it. I hope someday we might be friends,” she said honestly.

Cassandra smiled again in a way that made her heart skip. “I hope so, too.”

* * *

 

Elissa frowned at the massive map in the war room. Reports had trickled in over the course of a few weeks detailing strange troop movements from both the Red Templars and Venatori, all leading to southern Orlais. Had it only been a few, it would not raise any alarm, but it was a large number that grew with every scout that spotted them.

“Where are they going?” she asked out loud.

Cullen stepped forward, not looking at her. “We have them on the defensive. Corypheus uprooted his major strongholds after the duchess failed at the Winter Palace.”

“But the only thing past the Graves and the Emprise is the Arbor Wilds. What could drive him _there?_ ”

“One of my elven agents says there are ancient ruins scattered throughout the area,” Leliana said. “Considering the Venatori’s obsession with elven artifacts, and what Solas has said about Corypheus’ orb, she believes he is after a larger prize.”

“Does she know the area?” Elissa asked.

Leliana nodded. “Her current clan lives in the Free Marches, but she says she spent much of her childhood with a clan in southern Orlais. If we can narrow down which artifact Corypheus is after, she and her brother can lead us there.”

Morrigan folded her arms over her chest. “He is looking for an eluvian. They do not lead to the Fade, but the realm connecting them is close. He could easily break through and enter the Fade physically.”

“Like the one in Amaranthine?” Elissa asked, glancing over at her. Morrigan nodded.

“Exactly. You saw for yourself that it still worked even then, and I have one with me.”

Cullen’s head snapped up to stare at her. “You brought one to _Skyhold?!_ ”

“Yes. I promise nothing will enter your fortress through it,” she replied, sarcasm dripping from her tone. “If you so desire, I can explain how it works. I will even use words with fewer than four syllables.”

“Enough, Morrigan,” Elissa interrupted with a sigh. _Maker’s breath._

Morrigan huffed, looking away. Cullen gave her a brief grateful smile before averting his eyes again.

Josephine winced. “Pardon me, but... Does this mean that if we do not reach this eluvian first, everything is lost?”

The room fell silent for what felt like an eternity. If Corypheus reached the eluvian, he could break open the Veil and reach into the Fade. He could easily take Elissa, and more importantly the Anchor, and split reality apart. There would be no second chances, no time travel amulet to give them an edge. Elissa felt sick again.

Cullen spoke first. “Corypheus has a head start, no matter how quickly our army moves.”

“We should gather our allies before we march.”

“We may not have the time to wait for them. We should send spies ahead to track their movements.”

“Without the support of our soldiers? You’d lose half of them!”

“Then what _should_ we do?!”

Elissa grit her teeth and slammed her marked fist on the table. Everyone startled and turned to stare at her.

“We will start by not snapping at each other’s throats while Corypheus marches onward,” she said firmly. “We can, and should, do _all_ of those things. Josephine, write to our allies and ask them to send scouts to meet us in the Wilds. Celene offered her best when we spoke, and Alistair and Anora will gladly assist. Leliana, your best agents will meet them, and hold Corypheus’ forces back until the rest of our army and the remainder of our allies’ forces arrive.”

“They will not get far without guidance. The Wilds are not so kind to visitors,” Morrigan sniped.

“I understand. I would appreciate your help, if you can offer it.”

“Of course. I would not have suggested it otherwise.”

Elissa nodded. “Leliana, could those elven agents you mentioned before figure out where this eluvian is along with our other reports?”

“Yes. I will speak to them at once,” Leliana answered quickly. “Liana and Samahlen can travel with the first wave of scouts to ensure they are not lost.”

“Good. How much time do we have?”

Cullen leaned forward on the table, staring down at the map. “From what we know of their forces, I would say just over a month, perhaps a month and a half. The Red Templars are still scrambling after our attack, and the Venatori are smaller in number than they would have us believe.”

A month and a half. That was long enough to gather their forces, and Leliana’s people were always efficient. They might actually pull this off. They could defeat Corypheus, and Elissa would finally be able to focus on closing all of the Rifts. And then...

The mark sent a pulsed of pain up to her elbow and she stifled a wince as she pressed down on it. Then, she would go home, and none of this would matter.

“Thank you, all of you, for everything,” she said, softer. “I trust you all know what to do. Dismissed.”

Morrigan gave her a sharp look as she turned to the door. “We will speak later, Elissa.”

Elissa nodded, too tired to say more. Morrigan left in a rush, and Leliana and Josephine followed. Cullen stopped beside her as the door slammed shut.

“We need to talk,” he said firmly. Elissa squeezed the marked hand so hard she felt it through her gloves, to keep them from shaking.

“About what?”

He glared at her. “You _know_ what.”

“If it’s about what I said at the shrine, I am sorry,” she murmured. He shook his head.

“Not that part,” he snapped. “You said I did not need to understand Maddox’s decision to respect him. You were right that I did not understand.”

“Cullen, I said I’m-”

“-But you do, don’t you?”

She froze. “What did Iron Bull tell you?”

“He didn’t say anything. He didn’t _need_ to. You have been different since we found Maddox, and I know it’s not because of our fight. You and I have said _far_ worse to each other.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Just _talk to me,_ ” he begged. “I am _worried_ about you, and so are the others.”

“I’m fine.”

He growled, leaning in closer. “You know Teagan sent Leliana a letter? He said you used to write to him at least once per week, but he has barely heard from you since even before the Winter Palace.”

She flinched and gripped her hand even tighter. “It was not on purpose. I have not had much time between everything that has happened.”

“Elissa!”

“I am fine,” she repeated firmly. “Leave it, Cullen. We have too much work to do to waste time interrogating me, don’t you think?”

He deflated and stepped back again. She could tell he was not convinced, but she would not allow him any ground. She just needed to be left alone. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone?

“Fine,” he whispered. “Just... please let us help you. We are - I am - here whenever you need us.”

She nodded stiffly. He sighed and touched her shoulder for a quick moment before leaving. The door slammed shut behind him, leaving her alone with herself. She just needed to hold out a little bit longer, and _none of this would matter_.

She truly had not meant to ignore Teagan’s letters. There was just so much all the time, and she was always marching back and forth across southern Thedas. That was no excuse, though, as much as she pretended otherwise. She knew she was sinking, and he could not know. The feelings faded in and out over the years, but they were always there waiting.

The last time she felt so low was a year after Aedan was born. She accidentally voiced the thoughts out loud during a painful panic attack, and Alistair insisted she tell Teagan about them as well. Things had improved slowly afterwards, even if they always slid back every time she had a nightmare or a flashback. She remembered how tired they both looked, how exhausted he was taking care of her. She couldn’t do it to him again. It was bad enough she had separated them by accepting the role of Inquisitor.

But Elissa could not ignore him. That wasn’t fair, and as Cullen said, showed more of her problems than she wanted him to see. She picked up a blank sheet of parchment and moved the pen and ink closer to her.

_I am sorry my letters have become so scarce. Things have been so massively hectic, and I neglected many things I should not have._

_We found Loren while investigating a Red Templar presence at his estate. He is on his way to Denerim now to report what happened to Alistair and Anora. Now we are planning a massive operation. We know where Corypheus’ forces are, though I cannot say through this letter. Josephine is sending her own letters out as I write this. We may finally have him, and then all of this will be over. Lydia can finally go home, and I will finally be done._

_I’m sorry this has been so difficult. That I have been so difficult. I love you so much. We will be together again soon, I promise._

_-E_

She frowned down at the letter. It was far shorter than she usually wrote, but she couldn’t find the words to say. It would have to be enough.

If her chest hurt as she folded and sealed it, she would never say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor girl really needs some therapy. Or kisses from her husband. Or both.
> 
> I was worried I wouldn't be able to get this done in time, but it's 10 PM my time as I'm posting this! It's also about 1500 words longer than I anticipated. I'm officially working from home for the next 3 weeks and then I have a vacation week, so I will start writing enough to get ahead of myself again so this doesn't keep happening.
> 
> Next chapter on August 11th, the Inquisition gets an offer for another alliance. As they plan their campaign in the Arbor Wilds, they aren't sure they can refuse, despite the invisible strings attached.


	30. The Tide Rises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An offer for an alliance comes in from the Ben Hassrath, forcing Elissa to decide what is more important, her people or her cause.

_Come meet me at the training dummies behind the tavern. I have something you'll want to see._

Iron Bull was usually not so cryptic. At least, he wasn't with Elissa. It must be important if he was asking her to step back from planning their march on the Arbor Wilds to talk. When she found him, he was training with Krem, shoving him back with a wooden shield.

“Agh- Come _on_ , Krem! I'm working my ass off to get you to see that move!”

“You've still got plenty of ass left, chief,” Krem groaned with a grin. He turned his head and froze when he saw her approaching. “Oh, uh, Inquisitor!”

She smiled lightly. “Having fun?”

“Yeah, absolutely. Great fun. Never better,” he panted, shifting his own shield.

“You're fine,” Iron Bull said flatly.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Elissa prompted.

“Right. I got a letter from my contacts in the Ben Hassrath,” he explained quickly. “They're not happy about Corypheus or the Venatori. And they _really_ don't like red lyrium.”

Understandable. He shifted back into position with his shield up, and Krem mirrored him.

“They're ready to work with us- with _you_ , boss. An alliance between the Qunari and the Inquisition.”

That was an interesting slip. Despite his long term absence from his people, he never expressed feeling distanced from them. Elissa was curious, but would never ask. Neither of them asked each other things. He pressed for information the moment she looked even remotely distressed, but never for specific details.

She only asked once, if he would ever consider leaving the Chargers and returning home. He hadn’t answered. He didn’t need to.

Aside from that... It was strange enough for the Qunari to offer such an alliance, and stranger that she heard nothing from Sten (or, rather,the Arishok) on the decision. Her identity was hardly unknown, and she found it unlikely he didn’t know she was leading the Inquisition. It may be the Ben Hassrath making the offer through Iron Bull, but the other parts of the Triumvirate must know about it. Elissa didn’t know everything about the Qun, but she knew enough to find it suspicious.

“And you're sure it's legitimate?” She asked carefully. He nodded.

“The Ben Hassrath who sent it identified themselves. They're good.”

She wanted to write to the Arishok anyway. The letter would take a long time to arrive let alone spark a return, but it couldn’t hurt.

“They found a massive red lyrium shipping operation on the Storm Coast,” he continued.

Krem held his shield higher. “They want us to hit it together. They might even bring one of their dreadnoughts. I always wanted to see one of those in action.”

Suddenly Iron Bull jumped forward, knocking Krem back with his shield. He rolled his eye.

“Did you see that?” He scolded. “Go get some water.”

Krem sighed and nodded, firing off a quick salute to Elissa as he walked off. Elissa waited a few moments before looking back to Iron Bull.

He dropped his shield to the ground and grunted. “They’re worried about tipping the smugglers off, so no army. My Chargers, then you and maybe some backup.”

“You’re worried.”

“No, it’s not that, just...” He rolled his shoulders, averting her eyes. “I’m just used to them being _over there._ It’s been a while.”

“So you’re good with this?” she prompted.

“Yeah. I figured it would happen eventually.”

Elissa rubbed at the area around the mark on her hand. “I was thinking of writing to the Arishok. I know he won’t get it until after the raid, but it might help if he has proof that I’m actually in charge here. It would be nice to hear from him again.”

“Can’t hurt.”

He still seemed uncomfortable, but Elissa didn’t push. It was an odd situation, and they were both very paranoid people. When she pressed down on the mark again, he shot her a disapproving look. Thankfully he let it go, rolling his shoulders again.

“I’ll pass on word to Cullen and Red. If we leave tomorrow, we should get to the Storm Coast in time,” he said passively.

“Sounds good to me.”  


* * *

 

Selecting her team was easier than she expected. She was only bringing two; all of them were deadly in their own right, herself included. She just needed two people who would not antagonize the Qunari agents they were meeting.

She wanted to bring a mage, so she asked Vivienne. Dorian and Solas were completely out of the question, and while Connor had offered to help, she refused. The Qun was not known for their tolerance and good treatment of mages. He had enough insecurities about his magic without running into _that_.

Then, a warrior, because while Elissa fought short range, she wore significantly less armor than Cassandra or Blackwall so she could move easily and quickly. Having two long range fighters with her as the only other focus was not a solid plan. Cassandra was a definite no, but... That would leave Rainier.

Well. She had to confront him at some point anyway. She could handle it. She had fought beside people she trusted far less - one of her closest friends was her own _assassin_ for Andraste’s sake - so she could handle this. She didn’t have to talk to him outside of strategy if she didn’t want to.

Standing on the shores of the Storm Coast, jumpy and jittery with anxiety, Elissa wondered if she made the right choice.

Iron Bull stood next to her, glancing over to his Chargers. “Our Qunari contact should be here to meet us.”

“He is.”

An elven man stepped out from around a nearby boulder, hands up to show he was unarmed. An empty gesture, as Elissa could also spot at least four knives strapped to his armor, but appreciated nonetheless. The man grinned up at Iron Bull.

“Good to see you again, Hissrad.”

“Gatt! Last I heard, you were still in Seheron!”

Gatt shrugged. “They finally decided I’d calmed down enough to go back out into the world.”

Iron Bull looked down at Elissa. “Boss, this is Gatt. We worked together in Seheron.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Inquisitor,” Gatt said smoothly. “Hissrad’s reports say you’re doing good work.”

“I am glad we could form an alliance,” she answered.

“Hopefully, this will help both our peoples. Tevinter is dangerous enough _without_ this cult running around.”

Gatt looked out at the shoreline not far from their position as he continued. “Our dreadnought is out of view, and out of range of any Venatori mages. We’ll need to eliminate the Venatori, then signal the dreadnaught in to take care of the smuggler’s ship.”

It was simple enough, almost too simple. Her back straightened and shoulders set as she tensed. There had to be something else. They wouldn’t need all of the Chargers just to take out some Venatori; the Inquisition did that every time they went into the field. She turned up to Iron Bull.

“What do you think?” she asked, unable to keep the suspicion out of her tone.

He followed Gatt’s gaze to the shore. “Don’t know. I’ve never liked covering dreadnaught runs, too many ways for crap to go wrong. It’s risky.”

“Riskier than letting red lyrium into Minrathous?” Gatt challenged. Iron Bull frowned.

“Alright,” Elissa cut in, “do we have a plan?”

“My agents suggested two locations the Venatori may be camped out on the shore. There, and there,” Gatt listed off, pointing at two hills on either side of an open area on the shore. “We’ll need to split up and hit both at once.”

Iron Bull took half a step back. “I’ll come with you, boss. Krem can lead the Chargers. Just let me fill him in.”

Elissa nodded and waved him off, settling her gaze back on Gatt. The moment Iron Bull was out of earshot, the man tensed and folded his arms over his chest.

“So, Iron Bull didn’t have a lot of details about what this alliance would actually entail,” she said. He shrugged.

“The answer to that’s above my rank, but the Qunari don’t really bargain. They don’t know how,” he admitted. “I doubt you want Qunari stomping around your stronghold, and you’re too far away for supplies. You’d get more use out of our ships I’d imagine, and our agents throughout Thedas. There’s a lot more than what makes it into those reports Bull forwards to your spymaster.”

“I thought so.”

He finally cracked a smile. “You know, you’ve got quite the reputation with the Qunari.”

“Is that good or bad?” she asked drily.

“Mostly good. A lot of people don’t really get the _woman fighting_ thing.”

She rolled her eyes. _That_ had been a frustrating argument. “Yes, I remember.”

“Boss!”

She turned around. Iron Bull waved her over. She settled her hands on the hilts of her blades, glancing over and Vivienne and Rainier.

“Time to get moving, then,” she mumbled.

Krem shot her a quick smile and salute as the Chargers passed, heading towards the hill to the right of the clearing. Iron Bull watched them until Elissa was right beside him.

“You gave your Chargers the easier target,” Gatt pointed out.

Iron Bull’s face was carefully passive. “You think?”

“Lower and farther from the smuggler’s ship? It’s less likely to be heavily defended.”

“Suppose we’ll just have to do the heavy lifting then. Just like old times.”

Gatt chuckled and heading up the opposite hill. Elissa tapped Iron Bull’s arm to get his attention and leveled him to a sharp look. He shook his head.

“Drop it,” he said quietly.

Elissa nodded. If he didn’t want to talk about it, that was fine. More than understandable with other Qunari agents watching. That didn’t mean she had to like it.

As they walked, Gatt started up a _friendly_ conversation with Vivienne.

“It must please you to wield your power so freely, mage.”

Elissa suddenly felt incredibly relieved she had not brought Connor instead. Vivienne, as always, was infinitely graceful and took the slight in stride far better than Elissa ever could.

“Quite the reverse,” she said smoothly. “Mages are dangerous, and their power makes them feared.”

“You sound _almost_ reasonable.”

“ _So_ happy I could assist.”

Rainier sped up to fall in line beside Elissa, looking straight ahead. “Talk to me,” he murmured.

“Now is not the time.”

“You’re so agitated it’s almost making _me_ anxious. Expecting trouble?”

She chewed on her lip, glancing at Gatt who was thankfully far enough ahead he wouldn’t overhear. “It’s too simple, too clean. How did none of our people notice a massive smuggling operation?”

“I wondered that as well,” he muttered. “Backup plan?”

“Go with it for now. We can’t rush into this blind.”

He didn’t respond as he slid his shield off his back. Elissa gripped her daggers as a Venatori camp came into view over the hill. They were easy to dispatch, further increasing her suspicion. If the Chargers were on the _easy_ path, had they encountered any Venatori at all? If this was such an important operation, why had the Venatori left it so poorly guarded?

It was an unsettling thought.

At the top of the hill, they could see clear across to the other side. The Chargers stood ready, at a distance seemingly unharmed. A single ship floating not far from the shore. That would be the smugglers, then.

“All clear, Gatt,” Iron Bull called out.

Gatt knelt down in front of a bundle of wood, setting something inside that sparked and shot up above them. “Signaling the dreadnaught.”

“Chargers already sent theirs up. See ‘em down there?”

“I knew you gave them the easier job,” Gatt joked.

Iron Bull smiled fondly as he looked down at his crew. Elissa stopped beside him and tucked some loose hair behind her ear. It didn’t take long for the dreadnaught shoot down the much smaller ship, turning it to ash in the waves.

“Crap,” Iron Bull suddenly mumbled.

Elissa followed his eyes to the shore. Another wave of Venatori was marching towards the Chargers’ position. They were on lower ground - it wouldn’t take long for the enemy to reach them. They were a skilled group, but there were far more Venatori than there were Chargers.

Her hand snapped up to grab Iron Bull’s arm. “Quick, they can still retreat if you call them back now!”

Gatt shot up and spun around. His gaze drifted to her hand on Iron Bull’s arm, and he glared at her before turning back up to him.

“Your men need to hold that position, Bull!”

“They do that, they’re dead,” Iron Bull said flatly.

“And if they don’t, the Venatori retake it and the dreadnaught is dead! You’d be throwing away an alliance between the Qunari and the Inquisition! You’d be declaring yourself Tal-Vashoth!”

Iron Bull froze, still staring out across the clearing. Gatt growled.

“With all you’ve given the Inquisition, half the Ben Hassrath think you’ve betrayed us already,” he accused. “I stood up for you, Hissrad! I told them you would _never_ become Tal-Vashoth!”

Iron Bull finally looked down at him. “They’re _my men._ ”

“I know. But you need to do what’s right, for the alliance and for the Qun.”

This was the trap. They were forcing Bull to choose the Qun by demanding he destroy the life he had built outside of it. Elissa snapped and squeezed his arm to get his attention back.

“Call the retreat,” she ordered softly.

“Don’t!”

Without hesitating, he pulled out a horn and blew into it. Immediately the Chargers backed off of the hill, away from the advancing cultists. His hands were shaking. Elissa didn’t let go.

“They’re falling back,” he murmured.

Gatt paced back and forth, eyes wide. “All these years Hissrad, and you throw away all that you are, for what? For this? For _them?!_ ” he shouted, angrily pointing at Elissa.

Elissa glared back at him. “His _name_ is Iron Bull!”

“I suppose it is.”

Gatt stalked off without another glance at either of them. The Venatori on the shore saw their targets disappear and turned their attention back to the dreadnaught. A line of mages threw flames at it, accurate even so far away.

“No way they’ll get out of range,” Bull said quietly. “Won’t be long now.”

As if on cue, the magical flames lit the explosives on the dreadnaught. With a booming _crack_ , the dreadnaught exploded.

“Come on. Let’s get back to my boys.”  


* * *

 

Gatt met them back at the entrance to Skyhold, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Inquisitor, it is my duty to inform you that there will be no alliance between our peoples,” he announced. “Nor will you be receiving any more Ben Hassrath reports from your Tal-Vashoth ally.”

Bull stepped in front of Elissa, folding his arms over his chest. “You under orders to kill me, Gatt?”

Gatt scoffed. “No. The Ben Hassrath have already lost one good man. They’d rather not lose two.”

He pushed past them back across the bridge. The finality of it was heavy on her chest.

As they entered the fortress, Elissa turned to Vivienne and Rainier.

“Thank you for helping,” she said quietly. “I’ll come find you both after I check in with Cullen.”

Dismissed, the two departed, Vivienne with a reassuring hand on her shoulder and Rainier with a quick nervous smile. The Chargers were already inside, hovering around the medical tents as the last of their injuries were examined. Elissa took a deep breath and returned her attention to Bull.

“So much for that,” he muttered.

Elissa fidgeted with the glove on her left hand. “I’ll write another letter to the Arishok, see if there’s anything we can salvage.”

“They’ll pull their people soon enough, but we can still identify who replaces them,” he added. “It’s not much, but it can’t hurt.”

She smiled up at him. “I’m proud of you. You’re a good man - if the Ben Hassrath don’t see that, it’s their loss.”

He returned her smile slowly. “Thanks boss. It’s... just going to take some getting used to.”

“I know.”

“I should check on my boys. You said you’re going to talk to Cullen?”

She shrugged. “After I settle in, yeah. I’ll talk to Leliana as well, tell her what happened.”

“Come find me later.”

“Will do.”

Before she did anything, she was going straight to her room to change out of her armor. It grated painfully against her skin, and the dirt from the road was _unpleasant_. No one bothered her as she passed. She wouldn’t have stopped if they had, of course, but it was still a nice change.

Clean and back in a light shirt and trousers, she stood over her desk and tucked her loose hair behind her ears. A stack of reports, and a small pile of letters. She recognized the handwriting on both immediately without even flipping them over to look at the seals. One from Alistair, and one from Teagan.

“You’re back already?”

She startled, nearly dropping the letters back onto the desk. Connor stepped out of Lydia’s bedroom with a smile and closing the door tightly behind him. She huffed.

“The negotiations did not go exactly as planned,” she said drily.

“What does that mean?”

“Well, there is officially no alliance, and no more Ben Hassrath support.”

“Oh.”

She glanced to the door. It was the middle of the afternoon - was Lydia in there? He crossed the room to stand beside her, folding his arms over his chest.

“We were practicing some small spells in her room but she wanted to go to the garden to find Kieran,” he explained quickly, following her eyes. “I was just... picking up a mess she made by accident, figured she was safe enough with so many people watching her.”

Elissa nodded again, looking back the letters as they stared up at her. She wanted to read them, but... She was almost afraid to. If Teagan was worried enough to ask Leliana about her, he wouldn’t believe that ridiculous letter she sent him, and there was little chance he wouldn’t share his concerns with Alistair as well. Josephine probably already handled the diplomatic letters about the upcoming campaign in her absence; this one had to be personal.

Connor looked over her shoulder at them and sighed. “Those came in the day you left for the Storm Coast. Alistair said in the _official_ letter that they’ll help in the Arbor Wilds. Cullen’s already working out the details, I saw some of the plans.”

“Why did you see them?”

He shuffled in place, averting his eyes. “There’s going to be a group of just mages at one of the checkpoints leading to the target. He can tell you more than I could.”

“Connor.”

“That’s really it,” he mumbled. “I was just helping because I know Alistair, and Fiona was busy at the time.”

She frowned. “You know you can talk to me.”

“Yes. I do.”

She had to drop it. He could be just as stubborn as her when he wanted to be. “Alright.”

He looked over at the door again. “I’ll go find Lyddie before she runs off again. You should come down when you’re done up here, she’s missed you.”

“Of course I will,” she said, wrapping her arm around his shoulder with a thin smile. He smiled back.

“Good. Just... read the letters, too,” he insisted. “I know that look - you always get it when you’re anxious about something. Please?”

“I will. I promise.”

He slipped away and down the stairs. When the door shut behind him Elissa let out a long breath and dropped the letters to her desk. _Shit_ , she didn’t want to do this. She braided her hair back and tied it off. She never promised _when_ she would read them.

Looking down at her hands, she felt a pang of anxiety and reached back for her lighter gloves. She didn’t want to see the Anchor anymore if she could help it.

“Your nephew is a terrible liar.”

Startled again, her eyes snapped back up to the smaller door. And then she almost started crying.

Zevran grinned from the doorway as he stepped into the main room. Elissa crossed the room quickly and threw her arms around his neck in a hug.

“You didn’t say you were so close!” she scolded.

He laughed and hugged back just as tight. “And _you_ were not here when I arrived.”

“Ass.”

“I suppose I did arrive earlier than expected,” he sighed dramatically. “And I did not enter through the front gate.”

She stepped back to look at him properly. “What does _that_ mean?”

“You should talk to your commander about security. I _am_ very skilled, of course, but it would still be wise nonetheless.”

She huffed and settled into the hug again, laying her head on his shoulder. After a pause, he tilted his head to rest against hers, fists clenched around her shirt.

“I missed you,” she murmured.

“I have missed you too,” he said softly. He pulled away first, still gripping her arms. “I was surprised to find you working with the Crows.”

“Not by choice,” she clarified. “We were after the same mark by accident. It was easier to just let them help and get it done _without_ them taking out our agents as well. Luckily, I have a friend who is a decent assassin to take over for those far less competent than him.”   
  
“Only decent?”   
  
She snorted. “You haven’t killed me yet.”   
  
“That, my dear, would require me to _want_ to kill you.”  
  
She had really, truly missed Zevran. He was gone so often, it had been over two years since she had last seen him in person, and one since his last letter. It was always terrifying waiting for a response, wondering every time if it was the last one was the last she would ever receive.   
  
“How long are you staying?” she asked hesitantly.   
  
“I would rather not leave, if that would be acceptable to you,” he answered with a teasing lilt. Elissa smiled.   
  
“I believe I can handle that,” she murmured.   
  
“For now, where should I go before your wonderful soldiers finally track down their intruder?”   
  
“They actually saw you?”   
  
“I hope not, considering their _dreadful_ reaction time in saving your life. The only threat I faced would have been Connor, had he not recognized me first.”   
  
“You are an ass.”  
  
“I cannot believe these accusations!”

She laughed genuinely for the first time in weeks. When she looked up at him again, his smile was warm with a flash of emotion he usually kept behind a mask.  
  
“Come on then,” she sighed. “Have you seen Leliana or Morrigan yet?”

“No, I have not been here terribly long, and I intended to surprise you,” he admitted. She huffed. “Morrigan is with Lydia, yes?”

“Most likely. Lydia has become friends with her son.”

He grinned. “This will be fun.”

“If she turns you into a frog, I’m not helping,” she said flatly.

“I would never suggest such a thing. Show me the way then, _Inquisitor._ ”

“If you call me that again, I’ll _ask_ her to do it.”

“I do not doubt it.”

She led him down the stairs, waving off the concerned guards waiting at the outer door. The letters lay unopened in a pile on her desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor is not nearly as subtle as he thinks he is and that's okay
> 
> I intended on putting the full letters in this chapter, but I ran out of steam. So it'll be a bonus chapter. I planned on having it up within the next week, but due to some health issues it might not be possible.
> 
> Next full chapter on 8/18! The Inquisition's allies arrive to begin the campaign in the Arbor Wilds, and the Lavellan twins discover Corypheus' target.


	31. Letters from Home (Bonus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The letters that Elissa received at the end of the last chapter from Teagan, Alistair, and then one from Sten/Arishok.

Elissa,

Your letter was not nearly as reassuring as you clearly intended it to be. I know exactly what you’re trying to do. We both know it isn’t going to work. I understand if you don’t want to write about it, but we  are going to talk about this.

In the case that you read this before talking to your advisors, Alistair and I are on our way to Skyhold ahead of the Fereldan forces assisting in the Wilds. I am sending this the day we leave, so we shouldn’t be too far behind it.

Please be careful. I trust you, and I know you can take care of yourself, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you.

Aedan misses you and says he loves you. He wants to come with me, but I know it isn’t possible. He wrote letters for you, Lydia and Connor that I will bring with me.

I will see you soon. I love you, more than anything.

-T

* * *

 

Lissa,

You are the absolute worst liar in Thedas. You know three separate people have asked me about you and if you’re alright in the past two months? And that’s not even counting Teagan. Not to mention the several months it's been since I last heard from you, and you were having a constant panic attack at the time. 

It’s been a long time since Haven. I wanted to give you space, because that’s what you usually want, but I’m not waiting anymore. You need to tell me when it gets this bad. That’s the agreement we made.

When we get to Skyhold, you and I need to talk. I’m not going to make you tell me what’s wrong, because if you don’t want to you won’t, and that’s fine. I don’t need to know the details. I just want to help, and I can’t do that if you hide everything. You are a stubborn, stubborn woman, but I can wait you out.

Unrelated - I don’t know what you did, but Eamon returned to Denerim from Skyhold and didn’t complain about you  once . Either after a decade you finally agree on something, which I seriously doubt, or you did something. I do expect you to tell me about  this . I thought about asking Connor, but considering how much time I spend around his parents, I can guess at what happened there. That doesn’t translate to how  you are involved, though.

We’ll see you soon. 

Alistair   
  


* * *

 

Kadan

Had I known the full scope of this test I might have warned you. Nothing can be changed now. I know you will not understand why. You will have to take my word that this was not the intended outcome.

There will be no alliance but I will ensure we will not be enemies either. Despite what happened with your mercenary captain there is little sense in allowing Tevinter a foothold in the south out of spite. I say this in confidence solely to you and your Inquisition.

Try not to become involved in any more wars.

May our paths never cross on the battlefield. Asit tal-eb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are relatively short, but I wanted to include them anyway for context. Teagan and Alistair will be at Skyhold in the next chapter on 8/18 to have those talks with Elissa!
> 
> I've never written Sten before so that one was a lot of fun. He loves his tiny angry kadan.


End file.
